"What is reality" epiphany terror realization

[Wes Thoughts]

@Leo Gura your last video on "what is reality" hit me like something I was unprepared to handle. Like a sudden hard DMT trip where fear and panic set in and I felt like I was going insane or about to die.

I have had these realizations before on DMT and it's like I start to comprehend on a deep level what you are saying and then the deep terror sets in where I sincerely feel that if I become conscious of the fact that I am imagining everything that, for lack of better term, "the game will be up" and I have a terror of what that will mean for me and my existence. I fight that feeling and I am purposely running from it because I am absolutely terrified of it to my core of existence. I feel like everything will cease to exist including my sense of self and I don't know what will happen then. I really feel as though I will have a psychotic break down or die, aka cease to imagine myself and the world. I guess my question is; Will I die? What will happen? Will this reality as I know it cease to exist for me or will I see things as they truly are and have a more conscious understanding of them? I feel like I may be going too deep without proper understanding? Its like every time I am faced with the absolute truth I get terrified and fight not seeing it to keep my present reality. I don't know if I really want to know how deep the rabbit hole goes because I think it will mean total physical and mental death and I enjoy this life I am in right now... Maybe i have all the understanding I want and need for now?

Thank you Leo.

[Leo Gura]

That's exactly right. I know exactly what you're talking about. That's the ego's natural reaction to going directly for enlightenment. It's terrified of the unknown infinitude. Only natural and totally expected.

The solution is to push through it, face the fear head-on, until you breakthrough to the other side. This can take many attempts.

This is why religions call it "taking the leap of faith". You place your faith in Truth as your highest aim and desire, and blindly leap for it not knowing what will happen. From your POV it feels like you will die. But your love for Truth must be so great that you desire it so much that you are willing to die to have it. And so you do. But in reality what will happen is the ego will collapse and you will land in an infinitely deep pool of the softest down feathers. That is paradise, heaven, nirvana, -- AKA, the Love of God.

But you cannot know this before you take the leap.

Fear of death & insanity is what keeps you from entering the Kingdom of Heaven.

But of course, you must realize, all fear is imaginary. You are like the groundhog terrified of its own shadow.

Psychedelics make ego-death a lot easier.

[lostmedstudent]

@Wes Thoughts thank you so much for sharing this.

i had a similar reaction when I watched Leo’s video on his blog two weeks ago : https://www.actualized.org/insights/total-omniscience-awakening

it took me 2 days to finish that video because I had to pause on the first day in the middle of it because I felt like I was going insane and I was scared and terrified. Then the second day I managed to finish the video but had similar feelings. Now I don’t even dare watch that video you mentioned because I know I am not ready for to face the truth yet. 

 

@Leo Gura I reckon that psychedelics will make the ego death easier but I feel like at this state of mind (fear), I am bound to have a panic attack with it. I have never felt this kind of existential terror before. Would you say in times like this, is it better to step away from spirituality and get back to the basics and hope to find the same curiosity and desire for Truth as we first did when we started on this path? I definitely do not relate for the part : your love for truth must be so great that you wanna die for it. I don’t feel like drive anymore ..

 

thanks 

Edited June 30, 2019 by lostmedstudent

[Leo Gura]

@lostmedstudent No

There is never a comfortable and convenient way of facing death. You will never be "ready" for it. You must face it and deal with whatever arises. It doesn't have to be so difficult.

It's like you're being told to jump into a cold pool and you keep saying, "But maybe I should go do X before I jump in. Maybe I'm not ready for the cold." It' will always be cold. You cannot avoid that.

On my 24 birthday I went skydiving. I had to jump out of a fucking moving airplane at 12,000 ft. How did I do it? I just jumped. It was not pleasant. But I also didn't spend a lot of time thinking about it otherwise it would have been a lot worse.

Jumping out of an airplane is scarier than ego death on a psychedelic.

[lostmedstudent]

@Leo Gura yeah that does make sense in a way. But for someone who really didn’t want to skydive, that would create a lot more trauma than someone who WOULD LOVE to skydive.

i am just afraid to develop some sort of PTSD or psychosis and end up functioning worse than I am right now in life. It probably sounds ridiculous from your POV, even paradoxical to myself as I write it. But I don’t know how to approach it... or deep down I know but I don’t want to..

[Leo Gura]

3 minutes ago, lostmedstudent said:

i am just afraid to develop some sort of PTSD or psychosis and end up functioning worse than I am right now in life.

Yes, you are stuck in fear. Notice that.

The solution to fear is love.

There's no rush. You can stay stuck in fear for as long as you want until you grow tired of it and decide to try love instead.

[nowimhere]

@lostmedstudent - Give some of these a read :: https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Fear

[Peo]

Just wonder how many times do i have to watch the video about "What is reality" before i understand what is being said and i have a psychotic break? I just want taste the fear again. You could say im chasing my own death, but maybe i will just run away once i get there. 

[Leo Gura]

2 minutes ago, Peo said:

Just wonder how many times do i have to watch the video about "What is reality" before i understand what is being said and i have a psychotic break? I just want taste the fear again. You could say im chasing my own death, but maybe i will just run away once i get there. 

You can watch that video 1000 times and you will be no closer to understanding it.

You must CHANGE YOUR STATE OF CONSCIOUSNESS. A video cannot do that. Do the practices.

[lostmedstudent]

8 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

The solution to fear is love.

Love for what?

how to develop love? ...

[Leo Gura]

@lostmedstudent Love for Truth, Self, Reality, and others.

Think of a time when you loved someone or something deeply. Now expand the object of that love to the whole universe. See the beauty of everything that exists.

[nowimhere]

@lostmedstudent - "Let us accept love as the motive force in the expansion of consciousness. The heart will not be aflame without love; it will not be invincible, nor will it be self-sacrificing. So let us bring gratitude to every receptacle of love, for love lies on the border of the New World, where hatred and intolerance have been abolished. The path of love unfolds with the intensity of cosmic energy." - Agni Yoga, Heart, 243, (1932)

[Peo]

22 minutes ago, lostmedstudent said:

i am just afraid to develop some sort of PTSD or psychosis and end up functioning worse than I am right now in life.

Isn't the soulution here to just to grow some balls to overcome your fear of death, even if my balls are small. 

[lostmedstudent]

@nowimhere @Leo Gura

thanks . Really appreciate it.

i will meditate and cultivate more sense of love before the next trip!

yhank you 

[nowimhere]

@lostmedstudent - No problem  Here's another one for ya:

Love costs all we are
and will ever be.
Yet it is only love
which sets us free.
A Brave and Startling Truth.

Maya Angelou, A Brave and Startling Truth (1995)

[lostmedstudent]

@Peo yes for sure, but I don’t have balls as we can clearly see ??

[Peo]

20 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

You must CHANGE YOUR STATE OF CONSCIOUSNESS.

Can i watch the video while on LSD or do i need something more powerfull like DMT or even 5 meo-DMT.

[DnoReally]

@Leo Gura Might as well just candyflip 

[Leo Gura]

12 minutes ago, Peo said:

Can i watch the video while on LSD or do i need something more powerfull like DMT or even 5 meo-DMT.

You don't need to watch videos when on LSD. That's like watching porn in the middle of having sex.

[universe]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

The solution to fear is love.

24 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

You don't need to watch videos when on LSD. That's like watching porn in the middle of having sex.

Haha nice