Superficial Attractiveness

[Sarusuave]

Hey guys what's good ? This is my first post it won't be a well articulated one cuz it's pretty late but I promise I will get better as time passes by.

i have a question tho I'm a male 21 almost 22. 

I have a simple question if guys compliment you on your looks and keep calling you good looking handsome and call you player or playboy(in a good way not bad you get my point right). Do you think the opposite sex would think the same ? The fact that I'm good looking and stuff.

thes guys are by no means my friends I work at a hookah bar part time because I'm a student. But I get that a lot from guys and none of those guys are interested in the same sex (trust me on that one ).

Btw I'm confident and stuff so it's just a normal question no searching for validation or stuff.

thank you im advance for your opinions 

Edited February 8, 2016 by Sarusuave

[LouieC]

Yeah ,I think the opposite sex would think the same because those guys compliment the person you are. Just be yourself and everything will follow.

[clytaemnestra]

I'm not sure that I get the question, but I will try to answer. I personally, as a woman, hate my looks being complimented. I'm not a doll, piece of meat or sexual object to be complimented in that way, I see myself as a smart, independent woman that has much more to give a man than looks. I invest a lot in my education, self-developing, general knowledge, so there is a huugeee field of things we can talk about and what guy can compliment on me.

[Sarusuave]

What i meant was that do guys perceive goodlooking guys just as girls perceive good looking guys 

[kalter000]

@clytaemnestra may I ask you, why do you hate people complimenting your looks? Do you feel insecure about it so you think guys are non genuine? I mean, your looks is a part of you and important part for men. It's not necessary that people treat you like sex meat if they acknowledge your beauty.

@Sarusuave If they are gay, then it's the same, I suppose. But generally guys don't care about other guys looks unless he is Apollo stealing all attention from their girls =P

 

[clytaemnestra]

@kalter000 No, I don't feel insecure, but the thing is if I now go and approach random guys on the street and ask them if they find me attractive I believe that majority of them would say yes. But, actually what I want is someone special, as we women like to say 'the right guy', who will be different than others and who will be with me because of some higher things than just physical attractiveness. It just for me feels superficial and shallow complimenting beauty. That is the thing that Leo said about women: 'Never ask them what they want because they don't know. TRUE. But basically, what they all want is deep emotional relationship'.  TRUE

So yes, I'm aware that guys are visual beings and I'm taking care of my looks (nutrition, exercises, make up, style and so on) and I don't mind if he compliments it at some point of a relationship. Even at the beginning i say 'thank you' with a smile, but I'm not a fan of it. Guys should be aware that we want emotional connection and you don't build it by complimenting looks but complimenting something that is more connected to that area, like mindset, intelligence, femininity and so on. 

[Niki]

@clytaemnestra

I understand what you are saying. You have one perspective. I would like to point out mine because it's different.

I on the other hand absolutely love it when a guy finds me desirable and attractive and points it out. Physical touch is how I understand love, I find sexual attraction VERY important. I even love exchanging feminine/masculine energies on the go with glances for example, it lifts my energy level up! When a man finds me physically attractive I welcome that even when I am not interested, I simply enjoy his masculine energy and move along. There is nothing superficial about it. And in no way does it exclude emotional connection that needs time to be built. Nor is it somehow lower value than other things such as intelligence. Because a real quality sexual attraction can't happen if a person is in congruent with her own femininity. From that place you can't build a decent relationship and attract a high quality man. This is my perspective, I am not saying it's true.

It's ok to compliment a woman on her looks/sexiness etc. It just needs to be done in a right way. If a man (or a woman) complimented my intelligence, I wouldn't care the less because I hear it all the time. If he did it in a unique way than that would be a different story. This is btw a general thing (compliment things that are not obvious, and things that are, compliment them in a way that is unique).

I am telling you this not just from a solely woman perspective, but as someone who seduced women (as a woman) as well, so I know what I'm talking about. Women LOVE being told how desirable and pretty they are from my experience (even if they are stunningly beautiful and feminine, especially then). Of course not all are the same. Some like being called "pretty butterflies" others "hot monsters" etc, it depends on a woman, but noticing her beauty and being attracted to her because of it is natural and in a way beautiful.

[Avi]

@Niki Why do you think it's hard for some men to approach a women they think is attractive? 

[Niki]

The most honest answer would be - I don't know. I assume it's:

1. Shame (for showing that he is sexual)

2. Fear (of being rejected)

It all comes down to mindset of him taking value from her other than him bringing value.

I have these assumptions, based on things I learn t from theory so far and thoughts I heard from my male friends and some acquaintances who are into PU women. The more attractive a woman is, the more value she has in the eye of a man. Just by looking at her he has all these assumptions about her worthiness, her value. And if his self esteem is not high enough, the question pops up, am I worthy enough? If he thinks of himself as not worthy as she is, it's like walking up to a person to whom you can't offer value as much as the other person can offer value to you. So it's hard walking up therefore showing interest to someone from that perspective.

I feel the same way sometimes. A lot of times I feel shame for showing my sexual side to a man (especially to a woman even if I know she is bisexual and especially if she is super, super attractive). I catch myself asking a question is it ok for me to be sexual? Will I be shamed and put down for it? And sometimes I feel afraid of being rejected. Precisely I catch myself being scared that the other person will get mad at me. Why? Because my mind connects that (other person being mad) with me being left (therefore rejected). So I concentrate on pleasing other person so that he doesn't get mad at me. Ridiculous, I know. =) That's how my mind connected the dots, me being angry or other person being angry means trouble to me. This of course does not apply to everyone.

Fundamentally we are all afraid of showing some parts of our personality because we learn t we will get rejected for it. (Leo put this in a more beautiful way in one of his videos I believe)

[Avi]

@Niki I'm the exact same way sometimes. Great point and thank you for sharing.