What do you guys think is missing within the dating/pickup industry?

[SageModeAustin]

What do you guys think is missing within the dating/pickup industry?

[kag101]

Authenticity. 

[Identity]

16 minutes ago, kag101 said:

Authenticity. 

☝?☝?☝?

Also, genuine interest in girls, acknowledging their beauty.

Pretty much, stage green and upwards teachers are pretty rare.

[Emerald]

The main focus in the dating/pick-up industry is just about getting success from the male point of view. So, it's very numbers and quantity oriented. But it's not actually helping men give women a genuinely good time. 

Like, if we make an analogy to a business... pick-up is helping guys get "buyers" but not "satisfied customers". And the problem is that it's teaching men to determine their success with women on the number of "buyers" as opposed to the degree of satisfaction women get from being with them.

So, I would say that it could improve as an industry by actually having a knowledge of what women genuinely want and enjoy... instead of just what a sizable minority of women will settle for. 

And as the guys above me in the posting mentioned, a lot of that will have to do with authenticity and depth. No woman really wants a cartoon of masculine stereotypes cobbled together to look like a personality. Women are attracted to real people.

But of course, the pick up industry might not do as well financially if men knew that. The industry thrives on inexperienced and/or insecure men to have the placebo effect with their techniques, and ascribe their new-found success with women to those techniques. As opposed to realizing that some women will be attracted to them, just as they are. And it was only the added confidence of doing the techniques that inspired them to approach, and not the techniques themselves, that got them success. I would say that 80% of the benefits of pick up come from this placebo effect.

 

 

[Toby]

Interest in healthy monogamous long term relationships. They are considered as "beta" and mainstream. Too much focus on short term sexual based relationships.

[RendHeaven]

4 hours ago, Emerald said:

The main focus in the dating/pick-up industry is just about getting success from the male point of view. So, it's very numbers and quantity oriented. But it's not actually helping men give women a genuinely good time.

Yes, I absolutely agree.

So, I would say that it could improve as an industry by actually having a knowledge of what women genuinely want and enjoy... instead of just what a sizable minority of women will settle for.

You would be surprised. I think your perspective on the modern pickup industry is outdated.

It is true that in the past much of what was taught was "technique" and "gimmick" oriented.

Currently, however, most of their focus is on legitimate personality transformation.

So your comment on "a sizable minority of women settling" is simply not an accurate interpretation.

Think of a man you find sexy. I doubt he mumbles, or avoids eye contact, or says weird, out-of-context things to overcompensate for his insecurity.

These traits are universal signs of someone who is not comfortable with themselves... and sadly, that is the state that most young men find themselves in.

So modern pickup really is about addressing inner blockage such that what manifests (eventually) is a crystal clear voice, laser eye contact, and free-flowing humor/vulnerability among other things.

Now that ain't what a sizable minority of women "settle" for... rather, this is what a MAJORITY of women would KILL for!

No woman really wants a cartoon of masculine stereotypes cobbled together to look like a personality. [...] But of course, the pick up industry might not do as well financially if men knew that. The industry thrives on inexperienced and/or insecure men to have the placebo effect with their techniques

Again, this is not what modern pickup teaches. "Cartoon masculine stereotypes" have long died and so have "techniques."

So actually, I agree and disagree with you at the same time.

I disagree with you in the sense that I believe some of your critiques are outdated - pickup as it is now ACTUALLY transforms you into an attractive man by prioritizing inner work, addressing trauma, getting over fear, and learning to "love yourself."

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Now, all of that aside, one ENORMOUS fault of the industry is the fact that it exists at all...

Despite all the glowing praise I seemingly gave it, one thing the industry will never admit is that it is leading these men on a serious inner journey FOR THE SAKE OF ATTRACTING WOMEN.

This is terribly, terribly backwards.

If you listen to their seminars they will harp on the importance of self discovery but it will always, always be done in the name of getting more "results."

They will take shy, introverted men who hate themselves and turn these guys into social dominators who actually have self esteem, but now these guys hit a ceiling in their inner growth and get caught in the cycle of chasing women because that has always been their goal.

It doesn't occur to these guys that at some point they must let go of women entirely to progress further. From a male perspective, that is the real tragedy of modern pickup.

Doesn't matter how much you reinvent yourself, you're still on the hamster wheel.

A fully conscious and evolved pickup company would run themselves such that they undermine their whole cause - they would say, "we teach you to get women but we also teach you to eventually not need us!"

See why this will never happen?

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Back to your very first point though, it is also very true that just because men have learned to be attractive, it doesn't mean that they will genuinely connect with the women they get with.

There's no guarantee that they can have a long-lasting, sustainable relationship. This seems to be seen as a separate skill from what they might call the "initial attraction phase."

In some ways they are right that attraction and relationship building are different skills, but they are also very wrong in prioritizing the former.

There must be an equal importance on forming healthy, lasting relationships which is woefully neglected.

Edited June 30, 2019 by RendHeaven

[peqkno]

Agree:

11 hours ago, Emerald said:

But it's not actually helping men give women a genuinely good time.

Used google:
"have good time with a woman"
"give women a genuinely good time"
"good time with women"

and most search results are 50% about sex, and 50% unrelated... wow, just wow. Totally missing. 

"how to have a great time with women" ---results: 100% sex

and if you have a typo

"hot to have a great time with women" --- then it's 99% porn

[Shin]

25 minutes ago, peqkno said:

Agree:

Used google:
"have good time with a woman"
"give women a genuinely good time"
"good time with women"

and most search results are 50% about sex, and 50% unrelated... wow, just wow. Totally missing. 

"how to have a great time with women" ---results: 100% sex

and if you have a typo

"hot to have a great time with women" --- then it's 99% porn

That's not suprising, we live in a society that is more interested in having fictitious number on a bank account and about being famous for sleeping with some important figures.

How do you expect anything but mediocrity concerning intimacy ?

[DivineSoda]

I think it's in need of a paradigm shift. To somehow get from where we are now ("The Game"), to once again seeing women as no separate from us as men. There is no need to trump up all the differences and how we need to be in tune with them and play to what women want so we can better "obtain" them or win them over. 

Women and men are both "I"... in all our heads we are just "I". It's tough because women too are locked in the same separate way of thinking, and it's like everyone is aware that this "game" is being played. But this takes us away from being truly authentic and just natural, not the forced authenticity that is layered on top of deeper desires/fears/insecurities. 

[kag101]

23 hours ago, Identity said:

genuine interest in girls

I agree. I find that the best way to pick up hot girls is to treat them as a friend. That is, I avoid any type of flirting. I only focus on the conversation itself. That being said, I am a very funny and laid back guy. If you are tensed-up, focusing on the conversation itself will make it go way too serious and boring.

For example, you meet a girl and she is into spirituality and yoga.  

Then, you start talking about nondual experiences. "I suddenly became God. I realized that I am everything that ever was. And that, on an ultimate level, I am you." So far so good, but if you extend yourself too much, such as, "The implications of non-duality are visible anywhere you see. But unfortunately, people are too stuck in the Matrix to realize that they are God's highest manifestation. We are different leaves of the same tree. Each of us is a drop water, so ultimately we are all water. Everything is connected. Everything is an unity."

If you keep trying to be profound and wise, you'll start to sound arrogant and pedant. For example, if I am in a playful mood, I would say, "So technically, my penis and your vagina are one." Haha, that could or could not work. But the thing is, there is no magic answer. Spontaneity is key. The goal is not to become an alpha guy, but to become your natural/authentic/playful self. 

Girls, especially hot ones, are very good at identifying when a guy is giving sings of interest. And they are tired of being flirted. I am not saying you should repress your instincts. I am just saying that if you can manage to treat her as a friend, that is, with no second intentions, they will notice that. And that can be very attractive.  

But anyway, at first, I recommend "training" with unattractive girls. Baby steps is the key. Rome was not made in one day. And the funny thing is, those girls are generally speaking very good in bed.

An analogy: Trying to pick up a HB9, for instance,  is like playing a game in level hard. You first need to get good at the lower levels.  

Edited June 30, 2019 by kag101

[universe]

Get rid of all the "techniques" and "just do this thing" type of stuff.

Watch Leos video on Fake growth vs. real growth. Everything that promises fast progress with something you change externally is likely to be bullshit.

Instead, go inwards. Do the dirty work you have been running away from! Work on your self-image, needs and all the neurotic thinking you have been doing your whole life (Watch Leos video on neurotic behaviour, its very onpoint).

People that say "Ahh but Inner-game alone doesnt work blablabla". Thats not true! You have just been doing it wrong. You have been doing inner-game for 10-20-30 years but you are still desperately needing validation, love, control and you crave protection. That is all that you care about. And when you have it, then you are afraid to loose it.

Those fears make you needy, blocked and a perfectionist.

When you have those fears on a good level, then you will finally interact with people without effort! You will learn the do's and dont's pretty fast and make progress in no time really.