Am I Being Too Picky?

[Shaun]

Hello all,

I live in Scotland and have never encountered a woman who is interested in spirituality, mindfulness or meditation. I value these traits above all else because I feel that they are very important, especially for creating a really meaningful connection with someone as opposed to the average relationships I observe where people tend to shout and swear at each other and don't seem to connect at a deeper level. I have tried a spiritual dating site and there were no users in Scotland. I've also tried mainstream dating sites too such as Tinder and Plenty of Fish and on my profile I explained that I was interested in the things mentioned above. No matches there either apart from a small amount of women just wanting a shag, but I wasn't on the site for that. I don't consider myself a particularly ugly person, maybe 5/10 usually and 6/10 on a good day.

I am really in a state of confusion here. Should I drop these requirements completely and just go with someone who maybe just likes nature and photography and maybe I can introduce them to all of this stuff?

[Natasha]

@Shaun I would aim for at least someone Green, who loves nature, healthy eater, cares for their body, simple lifestyle/not too materialistic, and who also keeps their mind open and is curious to learn. None of us were born highly developed and awakened, we too had to start somewhere.

You can introduce them to spirituality and see where it goes. It's cool to be with someone who shares similar values. Those people are few but out there, you just have to look.

[Shaun]

It's tough to find them because they have nothing to prove and don't stand out so much. Chances are I walk past a few every day and not even know it. 

[Psychonaut]

I used to have a huge list of things I was looking for in a girl. But now I seem to care less and less about most of the things on the list and only one thing remains.

Open-mindedness.

If the girl sees you as a high value male and she is open-minded you can introduce her to all the things you are interested in. For example my current girl is overweight, so overweight that I would have not approached her in real life. We met on Tinder and I just went with it. I told her that she should try the ketogenic diet and she is doing that since monday. 

Having lots of "requirements" on your dating profile, especially on Tinder exponentially decreases your chances of getting matches.

The only thing I have on there now after general positive things about me is "Looking for an open-minded girl interested in a deeper connection".

[bejapuskas]

@Shaun  I would go with what @Natasha is suggesting, it seems to be working really well for some people that I know  Also, how old are you?

[Shaun]

12 hours ago, bejapuskas said:

@Shaun  I would go with what @Natasha is suggesting, it seems to be working really well for some people that I know  Also, how old are you?

I am 26 and will try her advice, maybe set up a bumble profile. 

 

12 hours ago, laptophaver said:

Have you tried law of attraction techniques on social media?

I have done several experiments which disprove the law of attraction. 

Edited June 29, 2019 by Shaun

[bejapuskas]

@Shaun  Rather thing about where would a woman that you want go? What are her values? Do you think you can find her on some dating app?

[Natasha]

2 hours ago, bejapuskas said:

@Shaun  Rather thing about where would a woman that you want go?

Local yoga classes and meditation groups/retreats would be good places to look.

There is also Conscious Singles dating site that's international.

[flume]

@Shaun
Think about what you’re really looking for in a partner. What’s a no - go for you? Any deal breakers?
I’d say don’t compromise and settle for less when it comes to those things.
Except you just wanna have some fun or get some experience of course but I don’t think that’s the case for you.

It saved me a lot of energy to not settle for something I’m not certain will be worth my time. You’re a feeler, you’ll know the difference;-)
That being said, it took a lot of relationships and experiences to get to that point, so maybe you still have to get to know yourself in that way.

If you play around with LOA, I’d say focus more on how you will feel being with someone you love. How will your mood be? Do you feel accepted? Like you can grow and be yourself? If those things are present in a girl, and other things (what she looks like/does/thinks) are flexible your chances are a lot greater to find someone that fits your description. (And you won’t go rigid on all the details, always looking for the perfect person.)

You don’t need a girlfriend that is into all the practices that you are into, if you still feel those things with her.
Someone that never even heard of meditation can teach you amazing things and some people are just more present/connected to life by default.
On the flip side, a lot of ‘spiritual’ people are just full of themselves narcissists that think they’re infallible and don’t have to question their behaviour in a relationship.

So, think again why you value these traits and that they come out differently in different people.
Also, careful not to think they’re a shortcut to not have any problems in understanding each other in a relationship. Because believe me, no matter who you’re together with, relationships are a lot of work and can be nerve wracking. It will teach you a lot of things about yourself that you weren’t even aware of. So you’re probably still gonna kick and scream sometimes. That’s not to say that being more conscious will not eliminate a big part of the (initial) problems.

Also, if you have high standards and you’re dreaming up the perfect person, keep on doing lots of personal development.
Become a 10/10 guy yourself and you’ll be with a 10/10 girl:-) Whether you like LOA or not, in that sense it still works.

[Shaun]

9 hours ago, flume said:

@Shaun
Think about what you’re really looking for in a partner. What’s a no - go for you? Any deal breakers?
I’d say don’t compromise and settle for less when it comes to those things.
Except you just wanna have some fun or get some experience of course but I don’t think that’s the case for you.

It saved me a lot of energy to not settle for something I’m not certain will be worth my time. You’re a feeler, you’ll know the difference;-)
That being said, it took a lot of relationships and experiences to get to that point, so maybe you still have to get to know yourself in that way.

If you play around with LOA, I’d say focus more on how you will feel being with someone you love. How will your mood be? Do you feel accepted? Like you can grow and be yourself? If those things are present in a girl, and other things (what she looks like/does/thinks) are flexible your chances are a lot greater to find someone that fits your description. (And you won’t go rigid on all the details, always looking for the perfect person.)

You don’t need a girlfriend that is into all the practices that you are into, if you still feel those things with her.
Someone that never even heard of meditation can teach you amazing things and some people are just more present/connected to life by default.
On the flip side, a lot of ‘spiritual’ people are just full of themselves narcissists that think they’re infallible and don’t have to question their behaviour in a relationship.

So, think again why you value these traits and that they come out differently in different people.
Also, careful not to think they’re a shortcut to not have any problems in understanding each other in a relationship. Because believe me, no matter who you’re together with, relationships are a lot of work and can be nerve wracking. It will teach you a lot of things about yourself that you weren’t even aware of. So you’re probably still gonna kick and scream sometimes. That’s not to say that being more conscious will not eliminate a big part of the (initial) problems.

Also, if you have high standards and you’re dreaming up the perfect person, keep on doing lots of personal development.
Become a 10/10 guy yourself and you’ll be with a 10/10 girl:-) Whether you like LOA or not, in that sense it still works.

Sound advice, thank you. I'm definitely not after a 10/10 woman as I'm not a 10/10 guy. I will be taking action soon to get my head sorted out after taking in too much nonduality teachings from Leo and then I will try and get out a bit more.

[Lynnel]

@Shaun 

Good heavens.

On 27/06/2019 at 8:44 PM, Shaun said:

 a woman who is interested in spirituality, mindfulness or meditation. I value these traits above all else because I feel that they are very important, especially for creating a really meaningful connection

(Almost ) No one does. Not women nor men - none of these are usually interested in spirituality and mindfulness/meditation. Altough it's getting more and more popular no one does serious spirituality nowadays, only the mentaly masturbator version - aka thinking and absorbing ideas about endlessly thinking they understand the thing in actuality while they don't because they don't have the reference experience.

So drop that expectation entirely. The higher your level of consciousness is the easier it will be to have a nice relationship but they require a completely different set of skills so it's overall not that relevant.

Also most likely you due to survival issues you don't value "interest in spirituality" more highly than "relative hotness". Most likely it's just a bypassing strategy aimed at getting girls by sharing commonalities. Unfortunately it won't work as commonalities aren't relevant to attraction.

Don't worry about them so much - find someone you like and actually feel good with. That's a nice start. And if you wanna up your spiritual skills well it's solo work mostly so get to it and don't project it onto others.

Edited July 4, 2019 by Lynnel

[Shaun]

5 hours ago, Lynnel said:

@Shaun 

Good heavens.

(Almost ) No one does. Not women nor men - none of these are usually interested in spirituality and mindfulness/meditation. Altough it's getting more and more popular no one does serious spirituality nowadays, only the mentaly masturbator version - aka thinking and absorbing ideas about endlessly thinking they understand the thing in actuality while they don't because they don't have the reference experience.

So drop that expectation entirely. The higher your level of consciousness is the easier it will be to have a nice relationship but they require a completely different set of skills so it's overall not that relevant.

Also most likely you due to survival issues you don't value "interest in spirituality" more highly than "relative hotness". Most likely it's just a bypassing strategy aimed at getting girls by sharing commonalities. Unfortunately it won't work as commonalities aren't relevant to attraction.

Don't worry about them so much - find someone you like and actually feel good with. That's a nice start. And if you wanna up your spiritual skills well it's solo work mostly so get to it and don't project it onto others.

I just pictured the following scenario. I get into a relationship with someone I like, she catches me meditating one day, thinks it's a load of shite, calls me crazy and walks out. Or, she just will simply not understand and we won't really connect properly. I would like to avoid that if possible.

I must admit that I'm lost and confused in life at the moment with no idea what I want anymore and I don't properly understand relationships either. My last one was in 2006.

[Psychonaut]

Quote

Me: Suck my dick
She: Say please
Me: Suck my dick
She: Say the magic word
Me: Now!
She: Yes sir ?

If she doesn't like it. She can go. Noone cares. If she is not interested in you. She can go. If she doesn't think you are the best in the world. She can go. If she doesn't want to please you in every way she can. She can go. You don't need her. Yet you spend time with her. By choice. You have better things to do. If you don't have her now. Get rid of the bullshit that is keeping you from her. It is bullshit. Trust me. Purge.

[Lynnel]

3 hours ago, Shaun said:

I must admit that I'm lost and confused in life at the moment with no idea what I want anymore and I don't properly understand relationships either. My last one was in 2006.

Ease yourself into it then. Do some dating, have some sex, get some more experience. Have some meditation but don't focus on spirituality that much. Live out your life purpose first. Read and learn about relationships a bit, and practice going out a lot. Move to a bigger city if needed.

Action will solve all of your issues.

[kag101]

On 27/06/2019 at 3:44 PM, Shaun said:

Should I drop these requirements completely

Yes.