What Is The Difference Between Having High Standards And Being Shallow?

[Armand]

So my question is written as the topic. I've been called shallow for dumping, or just not allowing a woman to become my girlfriend. Thinking there may be some fraction of truth behind what they say about me. I'm attracted more towards women who are skinny or healthier looking in my eyes. Women over 200 lbs aren't as attractive or as worthy of keeping around. I wouldn't want to have a life with someone who's diet consists of only junk food. Maybe if we had the same interests or she wanted to change her diet it would work out? Idk. Weight never stops me from sleeping with some girls that are bigger. This one time a chick named Heather faked a pregnancy to try and get me to stay with her. She is about 200 lbs, and was fun to hang with until she lied about carrying our (fake baby). We had a lot of the same interests like anime and geeky shit. I just seen us as fuck buddies, but I guess it made me upset that we couldn't see each other anymore. I mean she liked me enough to fake having a kid so I'd stay with her. (not saying it's not a bad thing because it's terrible and the reason I don't see her anymore). If she was hotter I would of probably forgiven her for it and dated her. Yea I guess that does make me shallow to a degree. Although part of me thinks it was mostly my standards not allowing me to be with someone who would fake something that major. Any thoughts?

Edited May 2, 2016 by Holdup

[Ajax]

 I will  let Albert Einstein answer:

“If most of us are ashamed of shabby clothes and shoddy furniture let us be more ashamed of shabby ideas and shoddy philosophies.... It would be a sad situation if the wrapper were better than the meat wrapped inside it.”

 

Personally, I want a woman I can trust... a person I can totally be myself around so that I don't have to withhold aspects of my personality. Someone who is kind, accepting, and maintains a high integrity who is open-minded  and values wisdom and virtues.

Such a person will make the quality of your life better and make you happy.

If hotness is your major qualification... then make sure you don't fall in love or your just asking for heart-break.

 

[Anicko]

Everyone is free to choose this for themselves. I'd say having 'standards' is neither good nor bad, it's just the longer or tougher your list, the fewer opportunities you give yourself to learn about different kinds of people and grow yourself. 

So, you don't find certain things attractive. You can either explore your thoughts and beliefs around it or take it how it is. The only person that actually affects is you. 

What you do find attractive is likely to evolve as you do anyways. Don't put yourself, or anyone else, in some stupid little box. 

[charlie2dogs]

11 hours ago, Holdup said:

So my question is written as the topic. I've been called shallow for dumping, or just not allowing a woman to become my girlfriend. Thinking there may be some fraction of truth behind what they say about me. I'm attracted more towards women who are skinny or healthier looking in my eyes. Women over 200 lbs aren't as attractive or as worthy of keeping around in my eyes. I wouldn't want to have a life with someone who's diet consists of only junk food. Maybe if we had the same interests or she wanted to change her diet it would work out? Idk. Weight never stops me from sleeping with some girls that are bigger. This one time a chick named Heather faked a pregnancy to try and get me to stay with her. She is about 200 lbs, and was fun to hang with until she lied about carrying our (fake baby). We had a lot of the same interests like anime and geeky shit. I just seen us as fuck buddies, but I guess it made me upset that we couldn't see each other anymore. I mean she liked me enough to fake having a kid so I'd stay with her. (not saying it's not a bad thing because it's terrible and the reason I don't see her anymore). If she was hotter I would of probably forgiven her for it and dated her. Yea I guess that does make me shallow to a degree. Although part of me thinks it was mostly my standards not allowing me to be with someone who would fake something that major. Any thoughts?

you are functioning solely as the human identity, caught up in the world of pleasures and desires, this will bring a great deal of pain and misery to you and everyone you become involved with, until you wake up and get a grip that life isn't all about a fat or skinny gal and having sex with them.  Right now you may not see or feel the pain because of the ego, but in time it will catch up with you because all that you do is being recorded in your quantum memory, or rather taking root within your consciousness, it will revisit you and maybe many times before you are able to overcome what you have done to yourself and others.

Edited May 2, 2016 by charlie2dogs

[Elton]

@Holdup are you completely independent of the good or bad opinion of others ? why do you not allow overweight women ? is it because society will think that you don't make a good couple ? if you would somehow make an amazing connection with an overweight women and you would feel for her a lot like somehow you would get very very attracted towards her .. would you date her in public ? 

whatever judgments you make on other you make on yourself .... and other peoples judgments affects you only when you believe in it .

[Armand]

@Elton I take in some of what people say and try to apply them to what I can change about myself. Mostly idgaf about what people say, but I do feel for the women I've been with sometimes. They take things too far afterwards and go crazy when I'm trying my hardest to make it as painless as I possibly can. I don't like being a dick to anyone, but with certain people I'm forced to be in order for them to stop coming around. If an overweight girl was attractive to me mind and body it could work. Society has nothing to do with my feelings about anyone. If I met a curvy girl with the same interests and she was genuine about me then yea I wouldn't mind going in public at all. Everything would be great. It's just I usually find myself targeting skinnier women to date online. I think admitting my flaws and views about this will help me open my mind to the potential that looks aren't the first thing that should matter to me when searching for compatibility. Yea working on the self centered-ness issues. Doesn't help I'm a bit narcissistic when it comes to my own physical appearance, and so I project that into who I'm looking for in a mate. 

[reez]

@Holdup I see no reason for you to lower your standards, but maybe you have to think about what women you hang around with if you wanna meet a girl to get a relationship with that fits your standards? If you are told being shallow you should be clear with your intentions early on in your "relationship" with a girl, if you two are just gonna stay Fuckbuddies or it might go into a relationship later on, be clear to her with it. 

Honestly if you want to meet a girl with a slim body and looking good maybe the gym is a better idea than online dating?

I personally have REALLY high standards and I can count on my fingers the girls I've wanted to get into a relationship with, and I don't see that as a bad thing for me

[Natasha]

It's not shallow to keep your standards high. Build yourself up first, then you can attract same kind. Gyms, yoga classes, health-food stores, fresh farmers markets are all good places to meet someone who takes care of her body and mind. Once you meet a girl you like, you can introduce her to self-actualization, meditation practices, let her listen to Leo's vids, etc. If she responses positively, that's a very good sign. Using online dating to find this gem of a girl is a waste of time, unless it's a Conscious Singles type of site. Don't settle.

 

[Armand]

@reez I've tried the gym near where I live and those fitness crazed girls were not for me. Dull conversations. Might try out another gym. I'm the same with being able to count on one hand. I've only wanted to date 3 women in my life, and I dated 2 of the 3.

 @Natasha I think people are naturally are drawn to others of the same level of attractiveness. It's our narcissistic sides that make us this way. My mind just sees a skinnier woman and automatically my mind says "This girl must eat right and could probably live a long time". Well there was a couple of instances that I was horribly mistaken and the girl naturally had a very high metabolism. 

[Natasha]

@Holdup An interesting study on attractiveness levels in a couple

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2016/05/03/the-real-reason-some-people-end-up-with-partners-who-are-way-more-attractive/

[Will]

On 02/05/2016 at 9:40 AM, Ajax said:

 I will  let Albert Einstein answer:

“If most of us are ashamed of shabby clothes and shoddy furniture let us be more ashamed of shabby ideas and shoddy philosophies.... It would be a sad situation if the wrapper were better than the meat wrapped inside it.”

 

Personally, I want a woman I can trust... a person I can totally be myself around so that I don't have to withhold aspects of my personality. Someone who is kind, accepting, and maintains a high integrity who is open-minded  and values wisdom and virtues.

Such a person will make the quality of your life better and make you happy.

If hotness is your major qualification... then make sure you don't fall in love or your just asking for heart-break.

 

this just makes me not want to date.. i want to have great sex not obligatory sex..

I think I just make these great people my best friend and treat all hot bad chicks like fuck buddies.. pointless wishing they where better people but also pointless imagining someone you dont find attractive as sexy...

 

[Will]

On 02/05/2016 at 9:02 PM, Anicko said:

So, you don't find certain things attractive. You can either explore your thoughts and beliefs around it or take it how it is. The only person that actually affects is you. 

I dunno.. I have met a few girls now that are bloody amasing, but just not the remotest interested in them sexually... its not fair on them to let them get there hopes up if your always thinking about dream girl.. I would rather just keep working for my dreams than settle and break hearts along the way..

 

[Will]

On 02/05/2016 at 4:25 AM, reez said:

I personally have REALLY high standards and I can count on my fingers the girls I've wanted to get into a relationship with, and I don't see that as a bad thing for me

Same!! Id like more Fbuddies though. But most girls arent evolved enough for that.. Still way too many silly idea about changing men into something you want.... I would say 90% of women would settle.. ie more scared of being single than they are of being with a dude that is not quite there.. Weird.. And us men are made out to look like players or sex addicts  or some shit.. guys have needs and girls have needs.. you dont have to love someone to have your needs met sheesh!!

[Ajax]

19 hours ago, Will said:

this just makes me not want to date.. i want to have great sex not obligatory sex..

I think I just make these great people my best friend and treat all hot bad chicks like fuck buddies.. pointless wishing they where better people but also pointless imagining someone you dont find attractive as sexy...

 

I am not a dater... Carry on with your hot sex, may it make you happy.