Starting to struggle again.

[mandyjw]

Welcome back! Tough times can often be the times that we grow the most, they can be seen as a blessing or opportunity for growth. It's ok if you don't always see the down times for what they are when they are happening, but it helps to remind ourselves when we can. I live where the winters are really harsh and I have seasonal depression. So far my biggest spiritual breakthroughs so far have both occurred at the end of the winter strangely enough. Try to welcome suffering with open arms, little by little, as you are able. When we are able to see through it and surrender to it we see that it's empty and hollow. In the meantime there are plenty of wonderful things to focus on instead. 

[Paul92]

@Nahm  I'm not blaming anyone or anything, especially not the forum. I think it's wonderful that spirituality and the 'work' has made a lot of people feel liberated, I really mean that. Whatever works. Just to me, it seems a bit zero sum and a lot of it doesn't add up. I find it truly, truly depressing to think that we aren't individuals and that we don't have control of our lives. Even me typing this now, is not 'me'. This was just meant to happen, because God, which is me, likes to play with itself and deceive itself. Which makes no sense. At all. I'm not having a go, it's just how I see it...

I tell my best friend that I love them unconditionally. But who or what am I saying that to? In my experience, it is my best friend. An autonomous individual human being, of many different talents/opinions/thoughts/skills. A person who, currently, is having a really rough time and is living a lot in fear. To the point where she doesn't want to go home or live in her house and is drinking excessively.

Now, I care for this person deeply. I tell her not to worry about a thing and I will help her no matter what. But who am I helping? Can I even help? Is there a point in helping, or is everything just as it is and it doesn't matter because they don't exist..

@Shaun Yes, the contradictions are frustrating, and I think a lot of people here can develop real spiritual egos. Hope you're doing better soon buddy. I had a good couple of months considering where I was. I've tried to get stuck into hobbies, get out with my friends, watching some comedy, eat some nice food etc. It really helped... but then the thoughts about who I am etc have just come back...

@mandyjw Thanks for that. I had my bad spell from Jan to April. So I think the winter months certainly have an effect on me. Who/whatever I am actually am. I think I exist. But maybe I don't. Who really knows anything?

[Paul92]

@Mu_  Thanks for that. I get what you're saying. Not sure why I seem to accept things on face value with it running contrary to my own experience. Thanks

@Richard Alpert Thanks for that, Richard. My thoughts entirely RE thinking. If I wasn't supposed to have a thinking mind, why do I? How else would I operate? I guess we have to be able to think somehow, right?

[Charlotte]

7 hours ago, Paul92 said:

I tell my best friend that I love them unconditionally.

Just keep rolling with that love and drop everything else. ♥️ Let that love guide you. 

[Nahm]

@Paul92 It’s up to you. And if you do the work, you find it makes absolute perfect sense.

[zeroISinfinity]

@Paul92 Being cognition is far superior compared to egoic one. Maybe it is time for you to start having faith in God. Actually. 

Good luck on your journey. ?❤️

Yes it is easy to fall into trap of developing spiritual ego, in a sense you need that tool. But destroying feels like beating final boss in video game. 

It is easy to kill heroin Addict try to kill Jesus. ?

@NahmDeepest grattitude for saving me from that trap. Guiding me like I was some kid (Very short sighted) to not fall and Hurt myself falling into holes on the Road. Some of holes are Very dangerous and you can get stuck in them for so long. 

Edited June 24, 2019 by zeroISinfinity

[Nahm]

@zeroISinfinity ??

[Richard Alpert]

18 hours ago, Paul92 said:

@Mu_  Thanks for that. I get what you're saying. Not sure why I seem to accept things on face value with it running contrary to my own experience. Thanks

@Richard Alpert Thanks for that, Richard. My thoughts entirely RE thinking. If I wasn't supposed to have a thinking mind, why do I? How else would I operate? I guess we have to be able to think somehow, right?

A lot of spirituality shames thinking mind and being a "flawed" human.

You don´t have to buy into it. If their followers were critical thinkers they would not have followers. They rather have vegetables as their followers.

Everybody has a thinking mind, some people might just use it less. 

 

[here-now]

In my opinion, any spiritual teacher who has ever said we're not supposed to have a thinking mind has grossly misunderstood spirituality.

Regarding the thinking mind, the real question is:  Do we use it, or are we used by it?

When we use our minds, they become instruments of helpful creation... useful, uplifting, and inspiring for all.

When we are used by our minds, they become instruments of needless destruction... devices of pointless aggravation and suffering for ourselves and everyone around us.