23rd, June 2019 - Self Actualized Diary - Present Moment

[yangmilun]

After feeling depressed about a week, I suddenly feel neutral and peace today. 

The depression is nothing surprised: childhood hurting, not confidencial, lack of trust, hateful, dark, lost and needy. I feel ok while those negative emotions flow to me, and I observed as third person to face it. Its tough, but bored. Keep doing my painting, listen Leo's video.

The point I wanna say is, the understanding of present moment just suddenly comes in my mind without any practice. I couldnt say without any pratice. But I guess maybe its becoz I wanted get rid of my depression so badly.

I realized everything is trigger, even me. and this is not new to me, but I dunno why, why TODAY?. I wouldnt say this is enlightenment, but this is helping me to react everyone accurately. I think people is mechanical system, I respect their duality, I do my best to face it positively, stand on their perspective and think how they wish and what my ego wants. I feel growth, I feel alone, and I feel ok whatever reality is dream or not. I feel ok to focus on one thing without any stressed. 

Best sex, best phone talk, best relationship, everything everyone is normal as usual but I am a bit different today, they and my ego feel nothing amazed about it, but me smiled. 

Today is a normal day for me. But I enjoy it.

 

 

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Hey guys, I painted my favourite animation on my workplace wall. (Youtube search: blockhead - the music scene)

Sorry about rough note writing here but I hope you guys like my diary.

[yangmilun]

The world is hell therefore the reason of everyone does everything is becoz of survival. 

The world is heaven therefore the original purpose of conflict is looking for care and they are weakness.