I do not know what else to do

[apparentlynoself]

Even though I regularly meditate, I have huge problems with fapping. It's just one of those addictions that annoys me a lot for some of the following reasons:

-I feel that my pimples(acne) is caused by fapping

-I sometimes have problems with my stomach(Much more often than i would expect). I have the feeling that it is down to fapping

-I sadly have a foot fetish which means that i am attracted to women's feet (i am kinda ashamed of that even as i am writing it here)

Simply put, i have tried nofap numerous times and the longest abstinence time was 49 days. But now, it seems impossible to do even 2 days. Literally, it always goes as follows. I fap and feel ashamed. I then decide not to fap ever again and then after 2-3 days, i fap again. Whenever i think of women and their feet, i just feel weak and i feel this energy which i have to release. I do not know is there another way of doing it. Also, when i read that you could potentially get blue balls by doing this, it made me much more afraid to not fap.

Does anyone know how i can get over this addiction? I just have the feeling that it is starting to have an impact on my health. 

[Psyche_92]

14 minutes ago, apparentlynoself said:

-I sometimes have problems with my stomach(Much more often than i would expect). I have the feeling that it is down to fapping

Most likely not.

14 minutes ago, apparentlynoself said:

-I sadly have a foot fetish which means that i am attracted to women's feet (i am kinda ashamed of that even as i am writing it here)

Nothing to be ashamed about. Different people get aroused by different kinds of stuff. BUT, This could easily not be an authentic fetish and induced by porn. So, do you watch porn a lot? If so, do you feel like you are addicted to it, started watching different or specific kinds of porn to get off? Then by all means quit. Even if you are not addicted, porn is not good for anything.

14 minutes ago, apparentlynoself said:

i have tried nofap numerous times and the longest abstinence time was 49 days. But now, it seems impossible to do even 2 days. Literally, it always goes as follows. I fap and feel ashamed. I then decide not to fap ever again and then after 2-3 days, i fap again.

Rinse and repeat. I've been trying to quit for over 5 years. My longest streak was 125 days. You have to keep going at it. Over time the addiction will wear off, but it takes time.

14 minutes ago, apparentlynoself said:

Also, when i read that you could potentially get blue balls by doing this, it made me much more afraid to not fap.

In the 5 years of quitting, and even on my 125 days streak i never had blue balls or pain down there. Nature takes care of it self, so if it's time you will get a wet dream which fixes this problem.

14 minutes ago, apparentlynoself said:

Even though I regularly meditate

What about cold showers and exercise? Cold showers are detrimental, at least for me.

 

Edited June 22, 2019 by Psyche_92

[apparentlynoself]

@Psyche_92 I've been exercising and I also do cold showers, from time to time. I will try to do it again. That's the only thing that i can do. But i am nearly certain that any health related problems stem from this addiction. Whenever i do not fap, my stomach works fine. In relation to the fetish, i have had it since the age of 12. I only started fapping at the age of 15. My aim is to get my health sorted so that i am the strongest version of myself. This will help me pursue stuff like enlightenment.

[Psyche_92]

5 minutes ago, apparentlynoself said:

But i am nearly certain that any health related problems stem from this addiction.

Only one way to find out .

6 minutes ago, apparentlynoself said:

My aim is to get my health sorted so that i am the strongest version of myself. This will help me pursue stuff like enlightenment.

Yes have a strong goal which makes it worth suffering through the withdrawal from quitting this addiction.

 

[apparentlynoself]

@Chi_ Thanks for the reply! I will try to see if i can find a psychoanalysis center. I have this interesting relationship with feet. I remember how whenever someone in school mentioned the word "feet" , i just felt like it was a bad word, for some odd reason. Even now, i always try and avoid that word by using some other word, e.g. leg.

I am a slightly shy guy. The reason for my shyness could simply be the addiction. When i fap to porn, i usually find feet related porn. It's not like i'm watching sex or something weird. I just find women's feet hot and it makes it hard to stop my addiction. But i will try to put and end to it. Maybe i should also contemplate about why i am addicted to feet. Would that be a good question?

[Space]

Firstly, notice that all of these things (below) you wrote are just ideas. You have literally made them up. They are beliefs. Literally notice that. Stop being run and controlled by your own thoughts!

3 hours ago, apparentlynoself said:

-I feel that my pimples(acne) is caused by fapping

-I sometimes have problems with my stomach(Much more often than i would expect). I have the feeling that it is down to fapping

it seems impossible to do even 2 days. 

Also, when i read that you could potentially get blue balls by doing this, it made me much more afraid to not fap.

So, notice that you are being run by your own ideas. 

Secondly, notice that 'NoFap is hard' is also another belief which you're unconsciously holding onto, probably because of all the NoFap stuff you've read before. When I realised that I was holding onto this belief, my addiction dropped away instantly. Literally. I was addicted to the idea, really. 

Let go of the belief that NoFap is hard or difficult. It is not. 

[apparentlynoself]

@Space Thanks for the advice, my friend! I have decided that the best move for me is to do a meditation retreat at home for 5 days, starting tomorrow. In that retreat, I hope to gain enough consciousness to at least have a bit more self-control in my life.