Frustrations of the path - a rant

[BlessedLion]

I would like to start this by saying I find everything Leo has done to be very helpful, mind bending, and in many ways healing. I meditated for 2 years before watching any of his videos, and after i discovered them it took my meditations to a whole new level, i became a much happier person, it was like i found exactly what i needed and was so inspired and motivated to do this work. 

Currently i am spending a month alone to get into the feeling of being and cut out distractions, and it has been tough....there has surfaced just this general angst and anxiety that isn't going away. I am beginning to fear and actually get pist off at the idea of enlightenment. What if it is delusion? What if it is the ultimate illusion and the real reality is that we are individuals who are going to just die and that's it? Why does that feel so much more real? Most of the posts i see about enlightenment are so fucking lofty, mysterious, and even have a hint of darkness in them. I don't get it, i thought that was the ultimate goal , how is it that you get there, and there is still so much to do?

In one of Leos videos he talks about people chasing "happiness" like hamsters in a wheel, and the cheese is an illusion. Well how is this much different, it's just chasing spiritual highs and realizations in place of dopamine highs.

 

I am 100% sure i sound pretty unconscious or ignorant but i was doing great before enlightenment came into the picture. I don't get why i can't just be happy with self-love and awareness. Questioning my ego, and telling it (myself) I need to die all the time and i'm a devil, especially while doing this work completely alone, i feel is threatening my sanity and peace of mind, i feel some people just are not ready to do that yet, it has to be worked up to. 

 

Anyway, just felt like getting that out, i know frustration is typical on this path but sometimes i see people living unconsciously and they seem pretty happy at times. Today i walked past these dudes just drinking beer and laughing  on the beach and they seemed so carefree, i got a bit jealous, it's like ignorance is bliss. I'm here meditating hours a day, reading, watching videos, cutting out bad habits and YES i have had amazing moments of peace and joy, and i am not discarding those. But it seems to always come down and i'm back to the angst , anxiety , pain

[Gili Trawangan]

I understand where you're coming from. Leo's teachings are indeed very helpful, but they focus on the work and on raising consciousness fast, so it can get a bit neurotic if that's all one does.

Listen to some Eckhart Tolle to balance it out, when you listen to him it's all about acceptance and peace. You need to accept whatever level you're at, see the ego stories for what they are, stories.

And these two different teachings are not contradictory at all, just two different perspectives on the same ultimate truth.

[Freakyboo]

Rupert Spira is another one to listen to for very simple, accessible truths.  You don't have to try - just be aware of awareness.

 

Edited June 22, 2019 by Freakyboo

[mandyjw]

I feel your frustration.  Is it a relief or more frustrating to know that ultimately there is no path? You can drink beer and laugh on the beach and still be on your path if you so choose, so there's no need for jealousy. I second the recommendations for Tolle and Spira! One teacher can only embody a small facet of the truth for us. Meditation with the purpose of getting somewhere is not true meditation. Sometimes dropping a practice and picking it up again can be wise. Sometimes dropping out vision of the path itself is very helpful. 

[Inliytened1]

@BlessedLion totally understand.  You may need more life experience.  And life is a lot of suffering LOL.  So pursue it but don't set false expectations - it happens when it is ready to happen.   For me that was decades.  Live your life at the same time.

[Enlightenment]

There is nothing wrong with getting drunk sometimes if you like it. I doubt most people really like being drunk if they would contemplate their own well being while drunk. I don't drink alcohol at all because it tastes terrible and I don't like the effects, but I occasionally do amphetamine for fun and jerk off to porn on it. I don't believe your behavior matters much when it comes to your chances of getting enlightened.

Moderation

Ultimately do whatever you want without hurting other people + diligently practice at least 45 minutes a day

Edited June 22, 2019 by Enlightenment

[Zigzag Idiot]

"Where is God just now?" 

"God is just now in Sari Kamish."

"What is God doing there?"

"God is making double ladders and on top of them, he is fixing happiness."

"And why is God doing that?"

"So that people, as well as nations, could go up and down."

Edited June 22, 2019 by Zigzag Idiot
Replaced "he" in the quote with "God"

[Jonty]

@BlessedLion as per the user above, I can highly recommend Rupert Spira. I started off my spiritual journey on this website, but for me it wasn't a good fit. Personally, I found the way Spira teaches to be much more beneficial for me. There are many, many teachers out there with varying styles. They are all teaching the same thing, just in their own unique way. I would suggest looking around and seeing what fits for you.

I hate to use the word "enlightenment" but I have to in this conversation as it's mentioned by you. Its rare that it will hit you like it did with Ramana Maharishi, as in during one moment. For most people it's a gradual process when one day you will simply say "Of course.... that's what everyone has been talking about!" It's not an objective thing, it has no objective qualities and therefore you can't know it like you would with anything else. Keep positive my friend. Just do the self inquiry and look for a good teacher who's style you like. It will happen, but it takes a long time as your brain has been conditioned for so long.

Sending you love and good will from across the pond!

[Telepresent]

@BlessedLion

On 22/06/2019 at 7:11 AM, BlessedLion said:

 Today i walked past these dudes just drinking beer and laughing  on the beach and they seemed so carefree, i got a bit jealous, it's like ignorance is bliss. I'm here meditating hours a day, reading, watching videos, cutting out bad habits and YES i have had amazing moments of peace and joy, and i am not discarding those. But it seems to always come down and i'm back to the angst , anxiety , pain

I haven't bothered reading the other responses so maybe someone has said this. 

You're not going to be *better* than anyone else by doing this work. Not smarter, more aware, more important, or NO - NOT MORE CONSCIOUS

But that's what your post stinks of: "I'm BETTER so why aren't I happier?" 

This is the grand vulgarity that this channel and such promote: a heirarchy. 

There isn't one. Not really. But you feel it and if hurts and the only thing I can say is GET AWAY FROM THE SOURCE OF PAIN

Edited June 24, 2019 by Telepresent

[Nahm]

@BlessedLion Just thoughts. Literally. Do you hear this? Just thoughts. Nothing!

[Conrad]

This path isn't for everyone. Only for those who desire Truth/God with all their heart. The ego is an illusion but God is everything including illusions. Don't try to kill the ego, find it's identity as God. This can only happen by direct consciousness.

The fact that you are God is Absolute, undeniable. But if you are not conscious of this, you are an unconscious devil. Which is God as well, God is the sole reality.