Relationship - A Fake Sense Of Peace?

[Corte]

It seems like almost every relationship I see is two people who sort of unload everything on each other. They depend on each other to clear their emotions, to make them happy and to remove the stress of life. I feel all of this is a quick and impulsive sense of peace that people are striving to accomplish. It "removes" certain feelings of loneliness, fear, depression. Only to be taken all away when one of the two chooses to take a separate course. No wonder why breakups can be so nasty. Why is this the collective ultimate goal in most people's lives? To achieve that perfect prince charming or model girl who will ease all your troubles away? What are characteristics of a healthy and balanced relationship that enables growth in both partners without developing dependency? 

[vizual]

There are always two sides to a coin. Yes, it can get very ugly because people attach and identify themselves very strongly with their relationships. But a relationship can also be a very beautiful thing when it puts you in touch with feelings of love and connection which you have never felt before. The problem arises when people think that those feelings can only be felt when being committed in a relationship, Of course, these feelings reside in all of us and can be accessed whether you are in a relationship or not. But it takes more effort to reach these feelings when one is not in a relationship because society is set up in such a way that it is the antithesis of love and connection. 

So in a way, relationships balance out the cold and hard reality of the rules of our current society. That's why our relationships can feel so powerful because they make us feel more whole as a person. But, you can always choose to become whole regardless of circumstance. But again, this takes effort and anti-brainwashing to get to that point.

A healthy relationship is a relationship between two people who have discovered their wholeness inside themselves. 

[charlie2dogs]

10 hours ago, Corte said:

It seems like almost every relationship I see is two people who sort of unload everything on each other. They depend on each other to clear their emotions, to make them happy and to remove the stress of life. I feel all of this is a quick and impulsive sense of peace that people are striving to accomplish. It "removes" certain feelings of loneliness, fear, depression. Only to be taken all away when one of the two chooses to take a separate course. No wonder why breakups can be so nasty. Why is this the collective ultimate goal in most people's lives? To achieve that perfect prince charming or model girl who will ease all your troubles away? What are characteristics of a healthy and balanced relationship that enables growth in both partners without developing dependency? 

Often it take years of experience, failures, pain, misery to understand the questions you are asking like (What are characteristics of a healthy and balanced relationship that enables growth in both partners)  I am looking at what you have written and thinking this young person, has something that many young people dont have,  If you are asking these questions now and you can arrive at the right answers to these questions, it may mean that you could have that great relationship that few have, if, the other party is ready for that same kind of relationship, the question is will you know if that party is ready.  It would be easy enough for me to answer your questions, but given your line of thought here, you need to contemplate these things within yourself, examine yourself deeply, question whether you have the qualities  within yourself that can provide a real, meaningful relationship with another.  Do you have the ability to see the other on a level other than the physical level,  any relationship will only last as long as the two can grow together, otherwise its only for a season and a reason and then they are gone.  A real relationship takes place on the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual level of both parties beingness, with each having the ability to see the other on a deeper level.  The answers you need are within yourself, but as you seek these answers keep and eye on the ego and desires of the flesh, that might hinder you arriving at the right answers for that relationship you speak about.

[Armand]

@Corte I've only met a handful of couples that are always positive together without negativity. Those couples are able to grow together in many ways. Perfectly matched couples can reach self actualization easier cuz they are most likely staying on the exact same path in life anyway. They can teach each other how to solve problems, and work through issues faster. Also life expenses are easier to deal with when two people are bringing in money. This reduces a significant amount of stress in anyone's life. My buddy and his woman are starting a company selling teas. I think both parties must be in sync with their ideas for life. There are times that we need or seek out an outer voice to tell us what's missing in our lives. (Therapy, Friends, Family, This forum) 

I completely understand what you are saying man. I'm a single man who was in a very long and drawn out relationship that hindered me from growing in many ways. Some people are better off alone to contemplate what it is they want from life. I'm this way.. For now.

 

[Ajax]

On 4/29/2016 at 7:21 PM, Corte said:

Why is this the collective ultimate goal in most people's lives? To achieve that perfect prince charming or model girl who will ease all your troubles away?

Leo explained it quite well: people are not actualized.

 

On 4/29/2016 at 7:21 PM, Corte said:

What are characteristics of a healthy and balanced relationship that enables growth in both partners without developing dependency? 

 The answer is simple enough but there is much more to it than meets the eye... it is the Master Key:

"Allowing another to be themselves without insisting that they change to become or continue to become acceptable."

If this rule is sufficiently observed it will hold needy-perception at bay.

 

To answer in one sentence:

One should strive to achieve the highest ethical/moral standard and look for it in others while maintaining the superior value of Non-judgementalness in heart and mind at all times, ensuring that your partner at least has that value as well.

Edited April 30, 2016 by Ajax