how to transcend sex and the desire for a pretty girl?

[Peo]

Well the question is pretty simple so i'm not gone write anything more here.

[bmcnicho]

Well for me having repeated experiences of the lack of consciousness of girls my age has gradually made me jaded about relationships.  I wouldn't say that I've completely transcended the desire for one, but I've mostly lost interest at this point.

I see two possible paths for myself, either I will find a well functioning relationship with a relatively conscious person fairly soon, or I'll naturally transcend those desires within the next few years.

Getting your heart brutally broken is a good way to detach yourself, although it's definitely not a pleasant solution, and it'll be a huge distraction for awhile.  Modern culture will tell you that you should continue seeking out new relationships regardless of how badly past ones have failed - otherwise known as Einstein's definition of insanity.  But hopefully you've evolved beyond such mass cultural delusions.

As far as sex is concerned, I find that masturbating in moderation takes care of that fairly well.  I view it as akin to eating junk food: not an ideal habit, but esentially harmless if not done too often.

Ultimately it comes down to your core values.  If you focus intently on solo personal development work, then you should naturally transcend conflicting desires over time.  However, if you're able to find a high consciousness woman to start a relationship with, then it could potentially boost rather than hinder your growth.

 

[Shin]

I disagree, what do you mean exactly when you say transcending sex and the desire for having a beautiful girlfriend ?

 

[Peo]

@Shin I mean that you dont have any desire for sex or a pretty girl. You basically are happy and fine with or without sex or a girlfriend.

[Shin]

Just now, Peo said:

@Shin I mean that you dont have any desire for sex or a pretty girl. You basically are happy and fine with or without sex or a girlfriend.

If you mean not having any pull/attraction for the opposite sex, that's not gonna happen.

If you mean being ok with or without it, yes you can.

[Michael569]

You can't transcend sexual desire and attraction for opposite sex. By doing this you will repress one of the two primal drivers of human being. The need to eat and the need to produce offspring....everything else falls apart if these two are not in place. 

You try to repress the first, you die. You try to repress the second, you will become the most repulsive, horny, hypocritical person that nobody will want to be around. Women will feel your desire and your horniness whenever you look at them. Unless you cut your testicles of and remove your adrenal glands to stop production of testosterone, there is no avoiding this. 

What you can however do is to channel that energy towards a fulfilling and productive relationship that will drive your life purpose and fulfillment in life. Find a life partner that will not just be your crush and fuck buddy but a high quality woman who will challenge you, enrich your life with her powerful feminine energy, keep you excited, entertained, responsible and on line with your purpose. If you share your sexual energy with her, it will enrich both of your lifes beyond what a nightstand with the hottest girl you can conjure can. 

If you fail to do this and shy away from every attractive girl because of your "need to transcend sexual energy" it will start ageing you and probably make you chronically ill and depressed. 

Edited June 20, 2019 by Michael569

[Peo]

1 hour ago, Michael569 said:

You can't transcend sexual desire and attraction for opposite sex.

You can transcend sexual desires. Many enlightened people and zen master has trenscended sexual desires.

[Peo]

You have to transcend sex and the desire for opposite sex if you want to be very awake. If there are still cravings and desires for anything then you are not awake. 

awake = enlightenment

Edited June 20, 2019 by Peo

[Natasha]

@Peo You can transcend desire (see it as a pull of the ego), but you're still free to enjoy what brings you pleasure and makes you feel alive.

Use desire as a tool, don't become its slave.

[Michael569]

22 minutes ago, Peo said:

You have to transcend sex and the desire for opposite sex if you want to be very awake. If there are still cravings and desires for anything then you are not awake. 

awake = enlightenment

Even the most awakened will not escape from his basic biological urges

[Shin]

6 minutes ago, Michael569 said:

Even the most awakened will not escape from his basic biological urges

Sexual urges are mostly psychological, even for men.
Everything that is psychological can be transcended.

It's not because you feel the rush of energy in you that you have to do something about it
You can just let it happen and enjoy it, there is no need to act on it.

[Michael569]

39 minutes ago, Shin said:

Sexual urges are mostly psychological, even for men.
Everything that is psychological can be transcended.

It's not because you feel the rush of energy in you that you have to do something about it
You can just let it happen and enjoy it, there is no need to act on it.

Agreed that you don't have to run and do something about it. That's how one becomes addicted to wank. You can say that you'll just go and enjoy it but if you stop doing that altogether in your own way or with a help of partner, I think it will get to you at some point. 

And I guess there are people who can kinda channel this energy through their spine and experience full body orgasm instead, like David Deida said but for majority of us, the occasional relief is kinda what keeps us sane. But I am very open to being wrong as there is a long way for me to walk before getting to that level of awareness

[Peo]

47 minutes ago, Shiva said:

Why do you want to transcend sexual desire? Sex is one of the most beautiful things you can do in life. You really don't wanna miss out

I agree, but i want freedom from all desires more then i want to have sex. In the ten ox-herding pictures. The zen mester said that awakening can free yourself from desires and that it is the sweetest pleasure you can have in your life. I really want to have a tast of totall freedom one day.

[Peo]

I need a desire to be able to awaken my self. If i end the desire for freedom from all desire i would just burn down my ship before i have crossed the sea. This desire i have is just a tool. Once i end all desire this desire to end all desire would also fade away.

[Rohit N]

@Peo I have 3 different answers to this - Because I tried so many things.

First question you need to ask, Do you want to do this to "save time", money or energy or all of them or for enlightenment purposes?

1. For Enlightenment/ spiritual purpose.

I would recommend you try Vipassna meditaitona and join a 10 day retreat. THis will equip you with the tool to transcend desires.

 You can try Chakra meditation and breathing meditation. 

You can also try Semen retention/ No Fap (I tried for 3 months - It has some benefits - but I was too horny and too distracted by women, so, I stopped this)

2. Getting over need of relationship | Taking the Red pill on women - Richard cooper + Rollo Tomassi.

This one was the hardest to take and swallow and I was depressed for few months. It talks about the realities of evolution and female nature and that women are hypergamous (They always seek higher status men , and that 'love' as we men feel is mostly fictional concept). Read the book - THe Rational MAle. I saw how was manipulated over years by women , and after this I went through a small phase of anger/depression. Eventually, I got over it and realized that I am free and I don't need a woman. WIth women comes a lot of issues and challenges and it has been made worse with social media. This made me see that there is not too much to be gained with being with a woman, unless you find a true gem who supports you in every way (which is too rare).

3. Getting over need to have a woman to have sex | Finding alternates to releasing sexual energy.

This will sound/look very weird. Most men mostly want great feeling of sex or touch of a woman. 

I was super skeptical about this. One of my friend who is a very attractive man. I asked him he must be getting many girls, how does he control himself. He first didn't answer and after pestering him enough. He said he has "someone" at home. THen he showed me this. It was sex doll! First, I was shocked and surprised, but the doll looked very real unlike what I thought about them (science and technology has come far). He said he doesn't want to distract himself  from his goals, so this doll takes care of the need to have sex and female touch. He said it was one of the best decisions he ever made. He also has a nice dog for companionship/affection and buddies to hangout/chat.

I also bought a toy to check it out. It does the job for me.

So, there you have it.

If you can tell me what you are really looking for I can be more specific. I faced this dilemma and tried it all. I still do meditation regularly though.

 

[Harikrishnan]

I think when people says they want to transcend sexual desire what they actually want is mind going constantly behind craving for sex, which i think comes from lack of having sex (from my own life). See when u approach a friend/anyone for sex and they reject it mind tends to create great sort of drama.(rejected feel + unworthiness feel) will make a story like why should i chase women and waste my time there is no value in it and if the person is spiritual then they will have thought like oh i should transcend this sexual desire and instead go behind enlightenment. (This are all the things happening in my mind). 

This craving for sex and feeling attraction to every random girl seen is really a torture and i dont know people living in blue country can transcend that easily. 

[Harikrishnan]

1 hour ago, Rohit N said:

@Peo I have 3 different answers to this - Because I tried so many things.

First question you need to ask, Do you want to do this to "save time", money or energy or all of them or for enlightenment purposes?

1. For Enlightenment/ spiritual purpose.

I would recommend you try Vipassna meditaitona and join a 10 day retreat. THis will equip you with the tool to transcend desires.

 You can try Chakra meditation and breathing meditation. 

You can also try Semen retention/ No Fap (I tried for 3 months - It has some benefits - but I was too horny and too distracted by women, so, I stopped this)

2. Getting over need of relationship | Taking the Red pill on women - Richard cooper + Rollo Tomassi.

This one was the hardest to take and swallow and I was depressed for few months. It talks about the realities of evolution and female nature and that women are hypergamous (They always seek higher status men , and that 'love' as we men feel is mostly fictional concept). Read the book - THe Rational MAle. I saw how was manipulated over years by women , and after this I went through a small phase of anger/depression. Eventually, I got over it and realized that I am free and I don't need a woman. WIth women comes a lot of issues and challenges and it has been made worse with social media. This made me see that there is not too much to be gained with being with a woman, unless you find a true gem who supports you in every way (which is too rare).

3. Getting over need to have a woman to have sex | Finding alternates to releasing sexual energy.

This will sound/look very weird. Most men mostly want great feeling of sex or touch of a woman. 

I was super skeptical about this. One of my friend who is a very attractive man. I asked him he must be getting many girls, how does he control himself. He first didn't answer and after pestering him enough. He said he has "someone" at home. THen he showed me this. It was sex doll! First, I was shocked and surprised, but the doll looked very real unlike what I thought about them (science and technology has come far). He said he doesn't want to distract himself  from his goals, so this doll takes care of the need to have sex and female touch. He said it was one of the best decisions he ever made. He also has a nice dog for companionship/affection and buddies to hangout/chat.

I also bought a toy to check it out. It does the job for me.

So, there you have it.

If you can tell me what you are really looking for I can be more specific. I faced this dilemma and tried it all. I still do meditation regularly though.

 

1: I have done 2 10-day and countless short day courses. But still couldnt keep that urge off

2: i dont think Mgtow is the way. 

3: Sex toy. Hmm i think that is intresting.

Edited June 21, 2019 by Harikrishnan

[Psychonaut]

If you don't expose yourself to situations in which you might be tempted to give in and engage in sexual activity that doesn't mean you have "transcended" sex.

You will never transcend the desire. You might try to delude yourself by thinking certain things like sex is bad and desire is egoic or whatever. But your genuine desire for the goddess will never stop to exist. 

Why would you want to transcend it? You don't have to act on it. You can acknowledge a beautiful girl and enjoy her presence without anything happening. If I am not attracted to beautiful women I feel dead. 

[Peo]

1 hour ago, Psychonaut said:

If I am not attracted to beautiful women I feel dead

So when my ego dies and all there is left is the godhead or otherwise known as the formlessness will i not be attracted to girls anymore?

[Natasha]

34 minutes ago, Peo said:

when my ego dies

You don't have to kill anything. You transcend and integrate the ego in a healthy way and use it as a tool.

Life is about experience and self-expression and sex qualifies for both of these