Spontaneous Enlightenment Experience?

[Onecirrus]

So about four days ago I smoked marijuana for the second time. The first time was very calming and meditative, but this time it really fucked with my awareness. My entire perception of the world was distorted, it felt like all of my senses had been rearranged in a kaleidoscope. While in this state I listened to some of Leo's omniscience video which caused extreme existential dread and anxiety, I was losing my grasp on reality. The last couple days Ive been nearly sleepless due to panic or anxiety attacks where I feel as if I'm going to leave my body. I feel my awareness expanding and It feels like I'm going to die, It feels like hell, I fight it with everything I can, I hate it, I refuse to let go of myself. After waking up and fighting off another attack I just pace around my house thinking about how much I hate myself and my life, but then I notice the beautiful moonlight shining through the living room windows. I just silently admire it for a while but it feels like the more I stay in the present moment, the less grasp I have on myself. Finally I sit on my couch. I put on some Eckhart Tolle and listen to him speak of the eternal now. I think to myself "I can let go..." I surrender and dissolve into the present, I can feel my awareness rapidly expanding "Every thing is okay..." I think to myself.

My heart rate skyrockets! I can feel this energy welling inside me along with joy, bliss, and happiness! My vision slightly blurs and distorts as I fully surrender to the experience, there is only the now. I've never felt so happy! As I slow my breathing my heart rate decreases, the beautiful feelings are still there but more calm. I sit in meditative bliss for about twenty minutes until my mother interrupts me, I tell her I love her. Afterwards I remember thinking what was I so scared of? Why did I fight this beautiful experience so much?

My only question is why? Why did this happen? I am a terrible self actualizer! I hardly meditate, my diet is shit, my mindset was shit, I am selfish, hateful, and petty! I spend most of my time feeling sorry for myself, but it happened! I just let go and it happened! What even was it? I can still feel it but will it last? How can I get it to happen again?

 

[Conrad]

Welcome to Reality ?

[Onecirrus]

@Conrad  I don't think I'm enlightened or non dual but this definitely felt related!

[Conrad]

Just now, Onecirrus said:

@Conrad  I don't think I'm enlightened or non dual but this definitely felt related!

I'm happy for you ?

[Inliytened1]

@Onecirrus you actually may have hit a non-dual state or had a glimpse even it was very brief.  What you described indicates that.  The bliss is the feeling of the ego beginning to collapse or extract itself from Being leaving only Being or the formless.  God in a state of Being is nirvana (it's all nirvana but this is a mystical shift causing extreme feelings of love and bliss.)  

You were the Infinity of infinity - the whole rather than the part.  Even if for just a few moments.

You became pure Isness or Being.

You can't will it back.   But stick to the practices.  Keep meditating.  Keep listening to Tolle.  Keep listening to Leo.

Keep contemplating and notice your consciousness expand.

Very nice to hear.  God has no judgements.

[cetus]

@Onecirrus Sounds as if everything you knew conceptually about enlightenment suddenly came into direct experience (became a reality) and you surrendered to it when it did. I'd say you had a bit of an ego death there. Nice going! Surrender is key.

How can you get it to happen again? That's a tough one. If you try to make it happen it won't. The first time there was the fear of the unknown and resistance that you surrendered to. But now the resistance is gone along with the fear.

So lets say your consciousness has expanded to some degree now. What next?  Dig even deeper.

[Peo]

How did you manage to have a non-dual experience with marijuana for just doing it for the second time? Im still struggling to hve a non-dual experience with marijuana. Maybe i need to somke marijuana some few times before it happens.

[tedens]

Your all existence is on the line. If You  feel that You can cross that serious boundary during self inquiry You'll be there.

[Inliytened1]

@Peo you can't try..just Be.

[tedens]

3 hours ago, Onecirrus said:

My heart rate skyrockets!

This is one of few symptoms occuring.

[Onecirrus]

@Peo  While in this state of altered consciousness I listened to some of Leo's Omniscience video. He began to talk about how all of reality was simply imagined and it immediately started to fuck with my sense of self and reality. I had to turn it off and play grand theft auto 5 to bring myself back down.

 

[Onecirrus]

I've had another experience! I felt the fear and anxiety coming up again and surrendered to it. For about the past hour I've laid in my bed as I floated through pools of pure bliss and joy! I unconditionally accepted the present moment and this beautiful blissful energy has been washing around my body, it feels like a miracle! I stopped thinking and started being! It felt like the universe was making love to me! Again it was very unpleasant, unsettling, and scary at first, but I again have no idea why I was so afraid of this!

Guys please share with me everything you can, I'm very ignorant on all this!

Edited June 19, 2019 by Onecirrus
forgot to add important insight

[tedens]

Soon you will tell us