Mushroom trip and suppressed emotions

[StarStruck]

Last year, before I discovered actualized org, I tried mushrooms for the first time. The first time was a good one. Short after that I tried a second one and that was one of my worst experiences ever so I stopped taking them, until recently. 

I don’t know what I was expecting. I was completely open minded. I hoped great insights about life but I ended up with my nose in all the suppressed feelings that I apparently have. It revealed neglect from my parents when I was a child, lack of love and absence(I will spare you the details).  Today I’m an adult. I don’t need these things like parental love and so on but back in the day I did. It left me big scars. 

To this day I have always avoided this topic. When I tried to journal about it in the past 10 years it didn’t lead anywhere but the mushrooms gave me such an insight that I just got the whole picture. At the height of the trip I saw my inner demon like a moving picture. It was giant with almost devil like apparent with flames and darkness around it. 

In summary, not a very fun trip, but it was definitely something more important than fun; it revealed how traumatized the inner child is and that suppressing and not talking about it is the last thing I should do. The weird thing is that I already knew the things I know now but the mushroom trip gave me new insights, made me literally see the inner demon and connect all the dots. Probably if I start addressing my trauma’s and start the healing process, good sized chunk of my other problems will dissolve. This is a major obstacle for enlightenment for me. 

Edited June 15, 2019 by StarStruck

[Nahm]

Huge breakthrough, congrats. ??