neediness in relationships

[studentofthegame]

when I was younger I was very needy and would be left devastated by a break up.

during my last relationship I was managing my emotions much better. I thought my neediness was a thing of the past.

I have been seeing a girl for a month or so. things are progressing steadily, though we aren't bf/gf yet. I have noticed that a neediness in me that I haven't felt for 15 years has returned. in retrospect, my ex-gf had some mild needy tendencies. maybe this satiated the somewhat insecure attachment category I fall into in some regards, where someone in the relationship was showing some neediness.

The girl I am seeing now has shown no such tendencies so far. she is very busy, she doesn't have a free weekend for weeks and weeks now, our dates are relatively limited in quantity and she'll sometimes send a 'good night' sort of text prior to seeing her friends in the evening, because she is very present and won't be distracted by her phone while she is in company. I recognise this is all healthy, but it's a new world to me and it's unsettling. Equally, she is present when we are together, and rarely goes near her phone.

I will acclimatise and grow from this experience, regardless of whether the relationship stays the course. I have plenty else in life to focus on other than a relationship - but being from a broken home, with attachment and loss issues, certainly leaves a residue that rises up from time to time. I'm working on these issues.

Neediness is a painful, lonely experience. It's important to recognise it, and not communicate it to the other person in the relationship.

 

Edited June 14, 2019 by studentofthegame

[RendHeaven]

Very impressive self awareness  

[CreamCat]

Girls are attracted to non-neediness.

[universe]

On 14.6.2019 at 10:03 PM, studentofthegame said:

Neediness is a painful, lonely experience. It's important to recognise it, and not communicate it to the other person in the relationship.

Why not?

[CreamCat]

25 minutes ago, universe said:

Why not?

It's manipulation by hiding neediness. Women are turned off by neediness.

[studentofthegame]

@universe

I'll rephrase. it's important to own it. and work on eliminating it.