The Giving Tree

[mandyjw]

 

[mandyjw]

You guys, it's magic. From the beauty of stage blue, to country music, to the American flag, to the dirt on the floor, to overeating greasy foods. She loves you, she LOVES you so much that you get so sick of her love, and then you find this cool calm place to rest, away from the symbols and the intoxicating distracting siren song of her love, and you look up and realize that you're resting in the shade of a tree and that that cool neutral refreshing restful sensation... is also Her love for you. 

[mandyjw]

OHHH! It's the morning of 9/11! I'm channeling Love through the energy of American patriotism.

Nonduality is weird shit.

[mandyjw]

GODDAMN it that pond was enchanted. All water is. I keep having memories of it, it came up in mediation was it this morning? When I was flirting with disobedience, probably I was 7 or so, my mother let us skate with the older kids without her being there to watch us, but there was one rule. There was this log that we couldn't step over as a boundary. The others kids laughed about it and bigger kids than me were hoping over back and forth and I wanted to do it too. I put my foot over the log and immediately went through the ice. It was as if karma was watching me so closely that it wasn't going to allow me to disobey.

The truth became dogma to me. I had the idea for fantasy story in my head in which, you lost your magical powers if you ever told a lie.

[tsuki]

CAPSLOCK INTINSIFIES

[mandyjw]

She slept in the attic of the house! I sleep in the attic of our house, it was my dream bedroom, all painted in white. Her evil adoptive mother made her work, I made myself work to death. She went to the forest and found a magical necklace and her lost true family, and had to go see the wise man on the mountain. Who was pretty much a fucked up buddhist monk wizard. Her Daddy. She thought he would heal the evils of the cursed stage blue going to orange town she lived in but he wasn't her rescuer, but only the key to healing and integration and he needed her and she needed him.

There were two novels in my head.

Come on words, stop flowing, I want to make visual art now, since that's the only creative talent I have that makes me money. Giving Tree, I have a house and a family. I need money, can you give me money? "Boy, take my apples, and sell them in the city, then you'll have money, and you'll be happy." Glass apples. Ok, Lady Liberty, you have spoken. Liberty Hill Rd has three things on it, a fire-station, a Baptist church that burned down and was rebuilt, and the remains after a fire of a clairvoyant doctor's mansion.

America! America! God shed his grace on thee.. stand beside her and guide her...

Through the night with a light from above.

Edited September 11, 2019 by mandyjw

[mandyjw]

Ahh.... look at how the video ends. She's skating. COME on universe I need to get out of the rabbit hole and materialize something today. Poison apples.

[mandyjw]

I used to have these dreams that I lived in an old, secluded dismal house long ago and there were bodies buried underneath the floorboards. My Mom got this student who was terrifying and she hated her job and lost her love for kids and her belief in the good of mankind. During that time I dreamed that he came at me with a knife. But instead of running I fearlessly embraced him and he started crying and something great was healed. 

I don't know if I was asleep and awoken with a kiss or if Dopey the dwarf dropped my coffin and the poison apple fell out of my mouth. But I'm awake! I was blind but now I see! Universe, I gave birth to you in great pain and ecstasy. I love you, I am you. Come play with me. Swing from my branches, eat my apples and be happy. 

IT'S SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL!!! I LOVE YOU ALL AND EVERYTHING. 

The Tree of Us.

 

 

 

[mandyjw]

Just now I was waking up still in a half asleep mode. A voice said something like "You're constantly mad at the world for not appreciating and honoring the little seemingly insignificant things but you don't within yourself." Sleepy Mandy was like "Aw universe yeah, you're probly right..." Then the power went off just for a second and came back on. 

Lately I've been more aware of how I may be affecting electronic appliances. 

That insight/correction gets to the heart of a huge conflict I have with life right now. 

[mandyjw]

So I wanted to address the odd relationship I seem to have to stage blue, this is probably in response to Truth Addict's journal entry, but it's something I've been contemplating a lot lately.

I railed against and detested stage blue for most of my life.  I know that when I was a kid, I was stage blue, I liked George Bush as president because he was an evangelical Republican and I was raised to think this way. After 9/11 I experienced feelings of nationalism and patriotism was and I got caught up in it. I was just about to turn 13 years old. I believe that that coming of age time is when the most dramatic black and white thinking occurs, and the potential to be a "boy soldier" is scary.

For highschool I went to a semi-private school. The mostly unspoken secret was that this school was run by fundamentalist Christians. I was a Christian but not an insider, being from a small town from away, and completely unknown, having no affiliation with any respected or disrespected family name or any church attendance that would have identified me as an insider. I saw the evils of stage blue  and I saw the stage green liberal science and art teachers make do with their environments. 

I never got to experience the positive community of stage blue and so it only caused me a lot pain and hatred. I was always the outsider. My parents were hermits, had stopped attending church and distanced themselves from the community. 

Odd things would happen though, like the third year of highschool listening to country music and detesting it every day of my life, suddenly something clicked and I began to enjoy country music. My heart opened to my toothless smiling country music listening bus driver. I had somehow rewired my brain by surrendering to enjoy something that I hated. 

Buddhism and enlightenment brought love and acceptance into my past and the community in which I live. I healed my past, a huge theme of which had been hating stage blue. Suddenly I saw stage blue  through the eyes of source and the eyes of love and I saw how it embraced and protected me my entire life. It was like the rigid walls that protected me from the elements while I created and evolved. Stage blue was/is my cocoon. 

[Truth Addict]

1 hour ago, mandyjw said:

Stage blue was/is my cocoon. 

See? This one phrase says it all. I don't know how to do the same.

Edited September 13, 2019 by Truth Addict

[mandyjw]

@Truth Addict Love. Love what you can, don't get stuck on what you can't. Love is never fully restrained by any culture or system, you must look to the cracks where the love shines through straight to your heart.

[Truth Addict]

4 hours ago, mandyjw said:

@Truth Addict Love. Love what you can, don't get stuck on what you can't. Love is never fully restrained by any culture or system, you must look to the cracks where the love shines through straight to your heart.

While I don't neglect the value of love in every matter, I still think there is something more that can help me fix this issue.

There's a saying: love does not make you breakfast.

[mandyjw]

It most certainly DOES! Oh he's too busy looking for something more... Are you sick of apples? 

[Truth Addict]

51 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

Are you sick of apples? 

I want pancakes 

I doubt love can make that.

[mandyjw]

APPARENTLY you haven't listened to enough country music. 

[mandyjw]

Ohhh!!! We're not done yet Mr. IwantPancakes. 

Well I got me a fine wife I got me an ole fiddle
When the sun's comin' up I got cakes on the griddle
Life ain't nothin' but a funny funny riddle
Thank God I'm a country boy

Well I wouldn't trade my life for diamonds and jewels
I never was one of them money hungry fools
I'd rather have my fiddle and my farmin' tools
Thank God I'm a country boy

Yeah, city folk drivin' in a black limousine
A lotta sad people thinkin' that's mighty keen
Son, let me tell ya now exactly what I mean
Thank God I'm a country boy

Do you see why I'm crazy now? I had to spend 2.5 hours a day on that bus. 

[Truth Addict]

@mandyjw

Loved both songs! ❤️

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

I was about 10 when that John Denver song came out. The High School boys who hauled hay for my Dad would turn it up loud out in the hayfield and sing along and show out, as the saying goes. ?

 

[mandyjw]

@Truth Addict@Zigzag Idiot  

It's so easy to get lost in the world in worrying about the things you do, the things other people do and thinking about how you stack up or how people like you. It gives us such peace to remember the present moment, to remember the nothingness, to remember that there is no self. 

We remind ourselves "There is just this."

But that's not quite right. There is no just this.

There is THIS.

Magic is love, love is magic.

An Abraham Hicks video helped me to make this connection, that when you get that feeling, that impulse or vision that feels amazing, that's it right there. Then we think about the action and the manifestation it may or could lead to and often get lost there, but that feeling that connection that bliss, that passion, that connection with love, and the present moment, THAT was it. 

 

Edited September 14, 2019 by mandyjw