The Giving Tree

[Zigzag Idiot]

 

@mandyjw I wish someone would point out where Leo or any of the Moderators are being unfair or harsh. I've yet to see it for myself.

I hope you and Jon stick around. I grew up in the country in a family with a strong work ethic much like the way you describe growing up. I have a lot in common with y'all.

Don't get too self conscious on us. Speak from your being and don't worry about it. I'm a writer more than a speaker. Having the intention to express from my being instead of my personality has been something that has helped my communication. Even if I seemingly contradict myself, it doesn't matter when it's spoken from my being because it will be a contradiction I can explain. Your essential being is your treasure. As is Jon's.

Edited June 19, 2019 by Zigzag Idiot

[tsuki]

Deception is the ploy of words.
Silence does not pretend.

[mandyjw]

@Zigzag Idiot Thank you, I really appreciate  your perspective. I'm definitely not going anywhere. This time of year I'm outside a lot and not online much anyway. When I see locked threads and the comments about why they are locked it hurts, I hurt for the poster. I feel like the poster is being told that they are not important, that they are not worth people's time, not necessarily the topic. I don't like authority being exercised unless it's obviously necessary. This forum is full of smart people. We can and do take stupid topics and turn them into interesting ones. Every single topic and conversation is a unique piece of art, it explores topics in new ways. I love spin off conversations. I love jokes and free structure in communication. I hate the rigid, talk only about "intelligent" topics, be here to learn and stay on topic, "expectation" that I feel is being asked from us. 

@tsuki Silence also hides many evils. 

More Easter eggs for Mandy. https://www.ppquimby.com/index.html 

Yesterday I went to a presentation on Dr. Pomroy for some people from away that are here studying plants. I had missed this part of his history, digging up who the mesmerists were that Tom went to. 

After that I took my son to a birthday party. The kid's dad is a single dad, and he is dying from cancer and he has gotten to the scary skinny and hooked up to tubes phase. He is only 36, and he could barely sit outside for half the party. Keith had to use the bathroom and so I had to walk past him alone on his couch. When I came out I patted his dog and talked to him about her. I was happy to have a normal conversation with him again. A few years ago I met him back when our sons were toddlers at play group. I didn't like how he stared at me, but I figured he probably was trying to figure out who I was. I even ended up having to go into the men's bathroom with him when our kids ran in there. Later I found out that he is a sex offender and as scary as the charge is written up to make him look like a pedophile, he used his cell phone to contact an underage girl asking for sex in his early 20's. The court picture of him is this scared baby-faced guy. I would have had nothing to do with him after that but his parents are my neighbors and his mom worked at my school and did me a big favor when I was a kid. So I ended up having his kid over to the house, and going to all the parties we were invited to. I saw that he wasn't creepy at all, just a great dad. The party yesterday was fun and relaxed, incredibly so despite the situation that could have been focused on.

After that I went for a run on the river late, the sun was setting for the last half. Fields of buttercups, the calm water, tree frogs, birds singing, the smells of the woods and the flowers all in bloom, all part of paradise. 

[tsuki]

7 hours ago, Zigzag Idiot said:

@mandyjw I wish someone would point out where Leo or any of the Moderators are being unfair or harsh. I've yet to see it for myself.

2 warning points to my name for calling a person a fool as a preliminary to making a point (that I never got to make).
It didn't matter that neither of us took that seriously and we just had fun.
Conveniently, there are no visible signs of moderation other than locking threads.

Acting simply - Tao te ching

True leaders
are hardly known to their followers.
Next after them are the leaders
the people know and admire;
after them, those they fear;
after them, those they despise.

To give no trust
is to get no trust.

When the work’s done right,
with no fuss or boasting,
ordinary people say,
Oh, we did it.
_____________________________________

This invisible leader, who gets things done in such a way that people think they did it all themselves, isn’t one who manipulates others from behind the scenes; just the opposite. Again, it’s a matter of “doing without doing”: uncompetitive, unworried, trustful accomplishment, power that is not force. An example or analogy might be a very good teacher, or the truest voice in a group of singers.

22 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

@tsuki Silence also hides many evils. 

Does a blank piece of paper hide the text?
Only if you're a writer to begin with.

[mandyjw]

 

@tsuki Aren't we all authors spinning stories? Contemplation of a blank piece of paper for a time is makes the story great. 

[jbram2002]

14 hours ago, mandyjw said:

I see my ego in needing to share my life with others. Is that connection or ego?

The answer is yes. It's both. Connection is a part of your ego. You feel fulfilled by being connected. The question is whether that's beneficial to you in your path. There are a lot of downsides to connection, but a lot of benefits as well. 

You say you felt gutted when a teacher spoke to you. Why? I felt the same. I remember my 6th-grade teacher taking me outside the classroom to talk to me, and I had this massive pit in my stomach like I could almost not breathe. The reason I felt like that was because I wanted to be seen as the best student, to be the teacher's friend, to be seen as helpful. It was ego, and definitely not in a positive way. 

Trying to sound smarter is another part of your ego. Words are tricky; it's often hard to get a point across without either sounding too grandiose or too trivial. I think a lot of us aren't amazing at walking that line. But if you feel it's better to stay silent than to make a mistake, that's your ego holding you back. Embrace the mistake, learn from it, and continue to speak freely and proudly about what you feel is important.

Just also recognize that what you feel is important might simply be your ego too.

[mandyjw]

I am starting to have some concerns. I understand why this knowledge has been kept secret so long. I'm back in the place I was when I first came to this forum, very concerned about all the mostly young men who want enlightenment more than anything else. I joined a spirituality facebook group and someone was asking about how to open the third eye. Someone left a comment saying to make sure that you have a strong moral foundation or things can get really bad. I struggle not to feel guilty about the state of mind when I went through my awakening. There's a need to understand that can't be satiated and no mind is the only answer. The comments on my thread about love concern me. The fact that we have psychedelics instead of trusting God's timing makes me really nervous. I suppose psychedelics and also god and his timing too. 

Ironically, the only thing I can do to get through, is chose love. Love through the fear, love through the disgust, love through the guilt. 

Love wins. 

Edited June 20, 2019 by mandyjw

[mandyjw]

I caught what the kid's got and had or have a fever, last night I had some pretty strange dreams/visions. There was this light by the hawthorn tree that I recently discovered by Pomroy's that I tried so hard to merge with completely. I was SO close. I went there again at night during the last full moon. It wasn't as scary as the first time. There this streetlight flickering coming off and on by the place.  The hawthorn tree was in bloom for the full moon, white blossoms in the moonlight. 

[tsuki]

Nothing can prepare you for an awakening. Enlightenment is the ultimate hero's journey.

[mandyjw]

I'm not a hero, I'm a HOUSEWIFE. 

[tsuki]

Pffft... You're a saint!

[mandyjw]

@tsuki Why do you think I'm a saint? You're just as much of one. 

[tsuki]

If anyone tells you fire is light,
Pay no attention.
When two thieves meet they need no introduction:
They recognize each other without question.

[jbram2002]

2 hours ago, mandyjw said:

I'm not a hero, I'm a HOUSEWIFE. 

You're my hero.

[mandyjw]

I wonder how many spiritual teachers get pulled into thinking that what they say is true when they are saying it? The truth is between the words, between the teachings, in both the teaching and its contradiction. The best teachings would be two enlightened people seemingly disagreeing on something yet knowing fully that each is also the other and that the conversation was actually a reconciliation, an illustration of a paradox. Is desire the root of suffering, is it evil? Or is desire the vortex flowing through us as creation springing creation? These questions can never be answered. You must desire more than anything to walk the Path. There is no path and one must not give a shit about it to reach enlightenment. There is no such thing as enlightenment, enlightenment is a very real state or states with levels. There are false teachers, there are no false teachers. 

Right now I'm enjoying Lao Tzu and Abraham Hicks. I still enjoy Leo and Eckhart Tolle, but recently I've been listening to Rupert Spira in place of Tolle. . https://astudygroup.files.wordpress.com/2017/07/lao-tzu_-tao-te-ching_-a-book-a-ursula-k-le-guin.pdf?fbclid=IwAR2rA5uFYZ4ryW5AgKmgTI5iOwIzkCo8YWSfEosPiGi-byw_EsFPk__zF2Q

I've been reading a lot of Faceless' posts. I really resonate with his point of view yet as language it's still one facet of truth. You can only point in one direction to a directionless "centerless" center. I appreciate how important having his point of view here on this forum was. 

Edited June 23, 2019 by mandyjw

[mandyjw]

Ready Freddie? 

 

[tsuki]

I wanna disagree.

[mandyjw]

1 hour ago, tsuki said:

I wanna disagree.

[mandyjw]

I do not have anything to say. Ok, I have lots of things to say but none of them seem important or true enough to say. I feel very normal and like a  functional human being again and yet I also feel like I don't have define myself as those things or anything else anymore. 

[tsuki]

Quote

The consequence of choosing between these two — I will not say "points of view",
but rather "attitudes of soul"—lies above all in the intrinsic nature of the experience
of practical mysticism which consequently derives from this choice. He who chooses
being will aspire to true being and he who chooses love will aspire to love. For
one only finds that for which one seeks. The seeker for true being will arrive at
the experience of repose in being, and. as there cannot be two true beings ("the
illegitimate twofoldness" of Saint-Martin) or two separate co-eternal substances
but only one being and one substance, the centre of "false being" will be suppressed
("false being" = ahamkara, or the illusion of the separate existence of
a separate substance of the "self). The characteristic of this mystical way is that
one loses the capacity to cry. An advanced pupil of yoga or Vedanta will for ever
have dry eyes, whilst the masters of the Cabbala, according to the Zobar, cry much
and often. Christian mysticism speaks also of the "gift of tears"— as a precious gift
of divine grace. The Master cried in front of the tomb of Lazarus. Thus the outer
characteristic of those who choose the other mystical way, that of the God of love,
is that they have the "gift of tears". This is in keeping with the very essence of
their mystical experience. Their union with the Divine is not the absorption of
their being by Divine Being, but rather the experience of the breath of Divine
Love, the illumination by Divine Love, and the warmth of Divine Love. The soul
which receives this undergoes such a miraculous experience that it cries. In this
mystical experience fire meets with FIRE, Then nothing is extinguished in the
human personality but, on the contrary, everything is set ablaze. This is the experience
of "legitimate twofoldness" or the union of two separate substances in
one sole essence. The substances remain separate as long as they are bereft of that
which is the most precious in all existence: free alliance in love.

From Meditations on the Tarot