The Giving Tree

[mandyjw]

I was looking for a title for a new journal and manifested it as I pulled a copy of "The Giving Tree" off my son's bookshelves last night. My mom gave it to us and I forgot we had it and had never read it. I read it to my daughter and it blew my mind and I still don't think I understand it fully. Of course it's about an apple tree. 

I was up in the night calling poison control because my daughter woke up and threw up in the middle of our bed and I remember that she brought me a toothpaste tube earlier. The person on the line said that she was fine and asked if it was the "Silly Strawberry". "HOW DID YOU KNOW?" I asked. "Well you called the number on the back of the toothpaste and we only have two flavors." "Oh." The other flavor must taste disgusting.

So, she has the stomach flu. I wonder why I create such things. I think maybe to remind myself that it's easy to fall into solipsism around here these days. Surprise, for good or for bad is built into this life. Life is happening for us. 

We're all fighting to maintain a center of a paradox. All truths are paradoxical, they aren't truths at all. That is what is meant by Truth. We're fighting for a center that doesn't exist. We're fighting for a wisdom that is foolish. We're fighting for peace. Drop the fight and there you are. 

 

[jbram2002]

I remember reading that book, and I was blown away by how dark and depressing it is for a children's story. I thought it was a happier story when I was younger. But to me, it's about someone who gives and gives until she has nothing left, and then continues to give. It's almost a warning about how giving a piece of yourself is as dangerous as it is fulfilling.

[mandyjw]

@jbram2002 No, you missed the point. It's about enlightenment. There's a reason that she continued to call the old man boy, even when he is too old do nothing but sit upon her stump. 

 

[hariseldon74]

That was my favorite book when I was younger.   I also remember doing a project on it in high school for some reason since I liked it so much. Wild!!

[jbram2002]

@hariseldon74 I'd be interested in hearing your deeper thoughts on the book

[hariseldon74]

WOW great topic, how in the world does this come up

 

That's a good question.  I just remember when I was young just felt so connected to the message of the book, about trying to love someone so deeply willing to sacrifice all for them.  I'm not sure why but that's a reoccuring theme in my life like loving the song "A message" by Coldplay so deeply.  Maybe because when i was very young my birth mother and I were seperated and she went out of my life at 2 years old so maybe a part of me wishes there was a deeply loving unconditional persisitant self-sacrificing mother who would have done this for me.  I did get a step mom at age 5, but clearly there is alot of pain of losing a mom at age 2 that i haven't fully reconciled.

 

When I became a teenager my biggest thought was that the giving tree was alot like Jesus Christ in His love for people so I connected with the book mostly through understanding unconditional love, sacrificial love and how God's love for us is continual and through all stages in life.

Think about how many stages in life this tree just continued to love.  Yes there is a painful side to it too, but love always is like that giving up for others and sometimes you love them and they don't love back or take advantage of you, but that didn't make the Tree's love any less amazing when you think of it over a lifetime.

In the end we all just want to be loved and around people who will spend time with us so it's a huge felt need for everyone as well.

 

I think you could think of the dark side of this as well meaning this tree gave up so much, lost so much, but I always saw the deep unconditional love just shining through.

 

 

[jbram2002]

I do definitely see the unconditional love side, but the responses from the boy make me also see a much darker, almost abusive relationship as well. Interesting how two very opposite ideas can be so clearly displayed. 

Coldplay's music is some of my all time favorite. 

Edited June 13, 2019 by jbram2002

[hariseldon74]

Hey Mandy and jbram

This book reminded me of how I must go out of my way to just continue loving my oldest daughter who I have been estranged from (long story).  She is 19 and I had the most amazing meeting with her tonight I am absolutely amazed

I have always felt like she always blamed me and treated me like this boy in the book but my persistence at loving her unconditionally has paid off Even tonight

Yes sometimes we do everything for our kids and are treated like this boy treats us but unconditional love is like that tree is for our kids always

I don't know how to explain how amazingly happy I am.  Like this thing I have prayed for for years she is wanting a relationship with me again oh my goodness

I'm serious I have been estranged from her the last year since we had a good conversation it's amazing to see her want one again

If this sounds like a Raving crazy man in the Midwest sorry just so happy.  It's so hard to be estranged from your daughter

[tsuki]

4 hours ago, hariseldon74 said:

If this sounds like a Raving crazy man in the Midwest sorry just so happy.  It's so hard to be estranged from your daughter

I have no idea what you two have been going through, but I'm so happy for you guys.

[mandyjw]

@hariseldon74

That's AMAZING!!!  

 

[mandyjw]

We are both equally the boy and the tree as we go through life. It's a mistake to think that either the boy or the tree were wrong. They both lived out their lives as they were programmed to do so. This is an illustration of how we live off of mother earth but the interesting addition is how in love the tree is with the boy and how much she desires to make him happy. The sadness is in how the boy doesn't really seem to love her back, he doesn't seem to be capable of love. She never notices this though. Happiness evades the boy, but the tree in her giving is the only one who experiences it. She is only sad in their separation. She only strives for connection with him and is unconcerned with herself.

The sadness of the story is healed when you love mother earth, accept your role as the boy and the tree, and understand the cycle of life. The Native American's regard for the earth and their tradition to thank her, take only what is needed and ask before taking life is what our obsession with thinking cuts us off from understanding. 

[DrewNows]

This reminds me of the dynamic I had with my mother. Yes I said this before that I always viewed her as being “too nice” or a self sacrificer for others, leaving no room for herself. Her inability to create healthy personal boundaries creates children who are dependent on her, fearing their own abilities to take full responsibility for who and what they might become. And to hold relationships with the mentality, what you can offer me is what you’re worth 

Loving is not about giving or receiving, it is sharing/connecting and appreciating the bond.

We assume the tree knows how to love because it gives but how could it love if it doesn’t seem to know itself, for why would it communicate with a boy if it knew itself? 

[DrewNows]

Perhaps the entire exchange is in the imagination of the boy ?

[hariseldon74]

@mandyjw great perspective fits well

[mandyjw]

1 hour ago, DrewNows said:

Perhaps the entire exchange is in the imagination of the boy ?

As soon as I think I got it, I don't. I don't got it at all. 

 

[mandyjw]

 

[mandyjw]

I took my daughter to the pediatricians and followed a truck with the license plane onexone. 1 x 1 is one. That made me laugh. 

I also saw a white picket fence section painted as the American flag. I thought that was also funny. 

 

[mandyjw]

[mandyjw]

Depression is a mystical state. All states are mystical. 

[mandyjw]

I'm having trouble putting things into words that don't diminish or trivialize what I mean. The changes with the forum and the stage I'm in make me feel like posting less and less. I don't want the zen master to smack me. I was the little girl in school who was gutted when the teacher had to speak to me. I see my ego in my stories and my comparisons and my likes and dislikes. What is there to write about? I see my ego in needing to share my life with others. Is that connection or ego? I see my ego in thinking I sound smarter if I don't say anything at all. 

I shall be silent and pretend to be a zen master. I could totally fake it, behind a screen on the internet. Ok, maybe some would see through it.