Why sexual mastery is not an option

[billiesimon]

2 minutes ago, Shin said:

That's a myth.

Girls love guys who can open themselves, as long as it's not manipulative technique.

Sometimes nice guys use it as a manipulation, it's definitely weakness when it's used as a calculated move.
I guess that the balanced self actualized guy is the most attractive overall. No neediness, great achiever, charismatic etc.

[Shin]

6 minutes ago, billiesimon said:

Sometimes nice guys use it as a manipulation, it's definitely weakness when it's used as a calculated move.
I guess that the balanced self actualized guy is the most attractive overall. No neediness, great achiever, charismatic etc.

Yeah, and that can be you
And every other man on that planet as long as he starts doing the work

[flume]

4 hours ago, billiesimon said:

But at the same time it's my weak spot, because I've always wanted to share my vulnerability and my emotions, but I have this deep fear that once I do it the girl is going to be annoyed by it and fuck another man who's indifferent to her and shows no emotions.

If she's leaving you for that you don't want to be with her in the long run anyway. Woman have to work on themselves just as much. It doesn't all depend on you.

1 hour ago, billiesimon said:

But aren't they turned off by emotionality and vulnerability in a man? You know the classic "asshole boyfriend" archetype all girls talk about.

Maybe they go for them first because they seem secure and confident. But I'm guessing they're not staying for long. And if they do, then it's probably not very fulfilling. I'd say most relationships are actually very unhealthy. So don't use them as an indicator.

If you want a woman to provide you with an open heart, you'll need to provide her with a sense of direction and confidence first. It's all about being able to give and to receive. It's a beautiful game.

The good thing is, you can get there. I'd say stop hiding. You have one life. Try and be yourself. See what happens. If you really wanna be happy, there's no value in hiding :-) Easier said than done, I know! Good luck :-)

[Shin]

2 hours ago, billiesimon said:

Sometimes nice guys use it as a manipulation, it's definitely weakness when it's used as a calculated move.
I guess that the balanced self actualized guy is the most attractive overall. No neediness, great achiever, charismatic etc.

 

Skip the product placement from 2 min to 3:28 (and fast forward 30-1min on other videos).

This dude gives really good advices, don't be put off by the "Alpha vibe".
He's actually giving legit advices on how to be a good man.

 

 

[LordFall]

3 hours ago, billiesimon said:

Yup, they generally want the confident guy.

But aren't they turned off by emotionality and vulnerability in a man? You know the classic "asshole boyfriend" archetype all girls talk about.

Some are, that's definitely a thing. But they haven't matured properly because if you think about it, it makes no sense. Every man has insecurities, some are just better at hiding it than others. If she resonates with men who outwardly assume "alpha"/confident characteristics but are inwardly insecure, it shows that she operates on a surface level as well. 

Plenty of people do that, if not the majority. As @flume said, women also have to do inner work whether consciously or unconsciously. True intimacy is being able to share your true self with another and having them be able to do the same. Don't settle for a hollow version of that. It feels just as good as sex and should be a core part of any solid relationship. Don't be afraid of gambling with being open, if you lose you lost nothing of value anyway. 

[billiesimon]

2 hours ago, flume said:

The good thing is, you can get there. I'd say stop hiding. You have one life. Try and be yourself. See what happens. If you really wanna be happy, there's no value in hiding :-) Easier said than done, I know! Good luck :-)

Thanks, I definitely will improve  

[billiesimon]

7 minutes ago, LordFall said:

Some are, that's definitely a thing. But they haven't matured properly because if you think about it, it makes no sense. Every man has insecurities, some are just better at hiding it than others. If she resonates with men who outwardly assume "alpha"/confident characteristics but are inwardly insecure, it shows that she operates on a surface level as well. 

Plenty of people do that, if not the majority. As @flume said, women also have to do inner work whether consciously or unconsciously. True intimacy is being able to share your true self with another and having them be able to do the same. Don't settle for a hollow version of that. It feels just as good as sex and should be a core part of any solid relationship. Don't be afraid of gambling with being open, if you lose you lost nothing of value anyway. 

Yeah, a lot of dysfunctional relationships out there. Both men and women need to improve.
Better to just stick to my own self-help journey and find someone who resonates with my level of development.

[Psychonaut]

I think what one can take away from the alpha asshole is

• Not really caring about what the woman thinks, listening but not being put off center by whatever the girl throws at you.
• The ability to let desire and sexual energy take over and just fuck the girl. Not asking "Do you like this", just saying "I want to do this" and letting the girl reciprocate. A girl that wants you will most often say yes. This is a form of fearlessness, because you are exposing your desires and give the woman the choice to reject it. 

[Aeris]

26 minutes ago, Psychonaut said:

I think what one can take away from the alpha asshole is

• Not really caring about what the woman thinks, listening but not being put off center by whatever the girl throws at you.
• The ability to let desire and sexual energy take over and just fuck the girl. Not asking "Do you like this", just saying "I want to do this" and letting the girl reciprocate. A girl that wants you will most often say yes. This is a form of fearlessness, because you are exposing your desires and give the woman the choice to reject it. 

 

I find that weird to ask, like, please go down on me sort of

I like when it's "spontaneous"

[yellowschnee]

This post and many others seem to assume that the man is always the dominant force in the relationship. What about the female led relationships though?

[Shin]

2 minutes ago, yellowschnee said:

This post and many others seem to assume that the man is always the dominant force in the relationship. What about the female led relationships though?

It's not about man or woman, but about masculinity and femininity.

That's different.

[Natasha]

2 minutes ago, yellowschnee said:

This post and many others seem to assume that the man is always the dominant force in the relationship. What about the female led relationships though?

It's not so much a man vs woman, it's more about masculine - feminine dynamic. There has to be a balance of those energies. If you like a more masculine/dominant woman, then you'd have to assume to take on some of the feminine to make the relationship work. 

A more common dynamic, though, is still between a masculine man and feminine woman. Same sex relationships will also balance the energies between partners - a masculine man would couple up with a effeminine man, or a masculine woman with a feminine woman.

As long as the energies are balanced, the relationship dance will be more organic and flowing. Shifting back and forth would then become more acceptable and understood. For example, if a woman gets sick, a man would assume responsibility of a caretaker and nurturer for his sick partner (feminine). Or if a man loses his job, a woman would become a main provider (masculine).

There is no right or wrong formula for this. As long as the masculine and feminine energies are balanced and in sync, the better and healthier for the relationship  

 

 

 

[Javfly33]

I agree with much of what you said in your post. However it doesn´t answer the question "why sexual mastery is not an option". I can´t see how is not an option. Healthy sexuality important sure, but If you need to have mastery in ANYTHING in order to feel respected by your girl, then you should check again.  (i´m not talking about you, im talking in general)

There´s just something wrong about it . A human being doesn´t need to master anything to be respected. It´s about his values and his self-acceptence.  That inevitably gets communicated in form of confidence into any other human being he/she comunicates with. 

Again, this is not be confused that you shouldn´t do personal development/mastery of your psychology, traumas, etc. But there are´nt neccesary. A consicouss human being knows he/she is 100% whole whatever his life situation is. This is about you are as valuable as a human being wheter you cum in 5 seconds wheter you do Tantric Yoga for 2 hours giving your girl 5 full blown orgasms. 

Edited June 15, 2019 by Javfly33

[SunnyNewDay]

good post but I disagree with NoFap. don't do that unless you have some real mental issues. 

[Psyche_92]

2 hours ago, SunnyNewDay said:

good post but I disagree with NoFap. don't do that unless you have some real mental issues. 

Eh what? Care to elaborate?

[Emerald]

On 6/11/2019 at 3:25 AM, Shin said:

Another thing, your woman will always test you, because her greatest pleasure in the relationship (and that should be obvious by now) is to feel that you're the man, the rock, the anchor that she decides to be with.

The more she likes/loves you, the more she will test you.

Don't ever expect her to stop testing you.

The only reason to say to her to stop, is if it becomes toxic and starts to go into the contract of your relationship exclusivity.
If she doesn't, then break up, because that woman is just a mess and will only rip your heart appart in the end.
 

I think this is very common, but actually comes from lack of personal development on the part of the woman. A woman who is conscious of her emotions, won't test you. And this is why...

These tests mostly happen unconsciously, where a woman is vying for a certain need to be met without realizing consciously that she's vying for a certain need to be met. That's what the "test" is. I'ts unconscious manipulation because she doesn't yet know how to become aware of her emotional state/needs and she doesn't know how to communicate them properly and directly.  This is why there are all those stereotypes of women saying their "fine" when they're really not. And essentially using passive aggression to manipulate the situation to get what she wants/needs. So, this is a shadow thing, and the tests come from that unconscious manipulation that stems from being unable to be aware of and communicate her emotions directly.

Also, even if a woman consciously decides to test a guy, there is still an unconscious undercurrent.

So, relative to men and women's emotions and how they work, we work very much the same way. We have the same capacity for feeling a wide range of emotions.

But the primary difference with regard to emotions, generally speaking, is the vantage point that we take in relation to them.

So, the masculine orientation to emotions is distant, like a bird's eye view. As such, there aren't a lot of details, but it's very simple to recognize and label. So, from the masculine perspective, emotions are easy to become aware of and communicate. But they are very simplified into broad strokes, which makes it harder to have a deep understanding of emotions but it's also easier to make quick strategic decisions and to communicate directly. Reading emotions from the masculine perspective is a bit like reading "Clifford the Big Red Dog", it's simple and obvious and you know what's going on.

The feminine perspective relative to emotions is like a street view, where you're right up close to everything. So, if you have a bird's eye view like the masculine perspective on emotions, you can see the broad strokes of what's happening in the setting. But if you're in the feminine perspective, you're seeing all the details and nuances and people and sounds and smells and all the little things that you can't see in the masculine bird's eye view. But the complexity is difficult to become aware of and to communicate from because it's all so close and difficult to wrap the mind around. So, reading emotions from the feminine perspective is a bit like reading "War and Peace", you can learn to read it but it has a big learning curve. And society doesn't teach us how to read and communicate our emotions in this way. So, most people (and women especially) haven't learned the proper tools to make sense of them.

So, people who are jammed into the masculine perspective, have a very vague notion of their emotions and things get over-simplified without the ability to take the feminine perspective. People who are jammed into the feminine perspective get lost in all the details and nuances without the ability to back up a bit and take the masculine perspective. So, the masculine is like being 100 feet away from a tv screen and missing all the details. The feminine is like having your face pressed directly against the tv screen and being too close to see what's actually going on.

So, a developed person will cultivate the ability to switch between masculine and feminine perspectives. And then, these unconscious manipulation tactics are no longer necessary because you can become aware of your needs and feelings and communicate them directly to the other person.

So, the tests are only necessary until the woman has integrated her masculine side, and learned the ability to switch between perspectives. And then, from the masculine her feminine receptivity can grow because she can communicate her needs and boundaries better and feel safe enough to open up. 

And from there, there is no need to test your partner or be insecure, because you're no longer riding blind.

[Yasser]

come on sex is very simple

do it often with an open mind, it gets better and better