Why sexual mastery is not an option

[Shin]

Sexual mastery, in the sense of being able to be in complete control both of your body and mind is really not an option if you want to have amazing sex and/or a healthy relationship (I will explain later on what that means exactly).

It's just so blablantly obvious that the only way to not see or accept this is being either addicted/extremely deluded or ignorant (but that's ok, I mean we all are on so many subjects ).

 

So there is two points on which that it is important to have sexual mastery.

The first is that you can't have amazing sex without it, not possible.

This is the case because sex is mostly composed of teasing , you can't do proper teasing as a man if you are a slave to your sexual urges,
Whether it is physical, which means your body moves almost by itself, by compulsions without you being able to stop it,
Or mental, which means you are so aroused that you become unconscious and are totally lost, a slave to your mind and raw emotions, that is more subtler, but your woman will feels that you are lost, and she won't like it.
Those two overlaps and reinforce each other of course.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that letting yourself go is a wrong thing to do as a man in bed.
What I mean, is that your girl will feel if you either let yourself go, or if you are just a slave to your impulses.
This is a critical distinction, because in the first case she will 100% trust you, in the later she can't, you're an animal without consciousness ...

Sex is all about the girl trusting you and letting herself go completely for you,
The same for the man of course, but when he chose to, after foreplay and the intercourse teasing phase,
And even after that he can still go back to control mod if it's needed, because even if he totally let go, he can still chose to be fully conscious by intuition.

 

The second reason is that a woman can't respect you otherwise

It's about the girl trusting and respecting you more generally in the relationship.
Basically, if she can feel that you can't help yourself by always having sex, even when you shouldn't for some practical reasons, whether it's for her or you, then she will not trust you.

You need to understand that what makes a woman really wet for you, what she needs to feel of you to respect and trust you as her man,
Is you being able to handle anything that comes to you, and not budge at all, because you are the one who decides what happens or not, not anyone or anything else.

You need to be able to refuse her whatever she wants if that doesn't make sense to you, she might not appreciate the decisions you make, but she will respect them.
This is not that obvious as it seems, because it's more about your mental state than anything else, she will know if you lie or not, are overdoing it or are genuine.

So this includes way more than just being able to refuse to have sex with her, even though it's a crystal clear sign that she won't be able to control you.
And again, don't try to do that if it's not genuine, she will know if you struggle internally or not, don't play mindgame with a woman, you're gonna lose trust me

Another thing, your woman will always test you, because her greatest pleasure in the relationship (and that should be obvious by now) is to feel that you're the man, the rock, the anchor that she decides to be with.

The more she likes/loves you, the more she will test you.

Don't ever expect her to stop testing you.

The only reason to say to her to stop, is if it becomes toxic and starts to go into the contract of your relationship exclusivity.
If she doesn't, then break up, because that woman is just a mess and will only rip your heart appart in the end.
 

 

 

Bottom line
Do Nofap and consciousness/shadow work and read about masculine/feminine psychology (David Deidas books are great for that).

If you want amazing sex and a healthy relationship
You don't have a choice.

Edited June 11, 2019 by Shin

[billiesimon]

2 hours ago, Shin said:

Another thing, your woman will always test you, because her greatest pleasure in the relationship (and that should be obvious by now) is to feel that you're the man, the rock, the anchor that she decides to be with.

The more she likes/loves you, the more she will test you.

Don't ever expect her to stop testing you.

 

Great awesome post, bro! Thanks a lot.

Isn't this behaviour sadistic? A man also wants to relax and not always worry about her woman testing and stressing him. 
Women complain a lot about bad male behaviour (and they have a point), but they seem legitimated to nag him all the time, because it's a test.

Men want to have a good time and be peaceful with their woman, not to be stressed and put under pressure all the time. 
That's what I don't understand about female nature. Seems very sadistic to me.

[Shin]

1 minute ago, billiesimon said:

Great awesome post, bro! Thanks a lot.

Isn't this behaviour sadistic? A man also wants to relax and not always worry about her woman testing and stressing him. 
Women complain a lot about bad male behaviour (and they have a point), but they seem legitimated to nag him all the time, because it's a test.

Men want to have a good time and be peaceful with their woman, not to be stressed and put under pressure all the time. 
That's what I don't understand about female nature. Seems very sadistic to me.

Depends on the woman.

Some are very toxic and unconscious, which of course will reflect and how they do it, and also not being compassionate enough to let some slacks to their men.

Some are healthy and know that they are doing it, so it's more consciously done and they know when not to do it by feeling how you feel at that moment.

But again, never expect them to stop, that's not gonna happen
Or you're dating a woman that has a masculine core and just don't do that.

 

[billiesimon]

7 minutes ago, Shin said:

Depends on the woman.

Some are very toxic and unconscious, which of course will reflect and how they do it, and also not being compassionate enough to let some slacks to their men.

Some are healthy and know that they are doing it, so it's more consciously done and they know when not to do it by feeling how you feel at that moment.

But again, never expect them to stop, that's not gonna happen
Or you're dating a woman that has a masculine core and just don't do that.

 

So... in other words a healthy woman only does it on occasion, and not as a compulsive testing.

But what about the value she brings to the table? 

I get it that we have to be stable, strong, calm and on our purpose, and this virtue gives our woman the happiness and the attraction she needs to be compatible but...

What does she bring to the table for men? I hope NOT sex, since sex is mutual and both ways. What kind of value should a very healthy woman bring to her man? 
Or is she just supposed to suck all the positive vibes off her man without reciprocating?

Edited June 11, 2019 by billiesimon

[Psyche_92]

Hmm i regret reading this. This makes me even more scared of woman.

[Shin]

20 minutes ago, billiesimon said:

So... in other words a healthy woman only does it on occasion, and not as a compulsive testing.

But what about the value she brings to the table? 

I get it that we have to be stable, strong, calm and on our purpose, and this virtue gives our woman the happiness and the attraction she needs to be happy but...

What does she bring to the table for men? I hope NOT sex, since sex is mutual and both ways. What kind of value should a very healthy woman bring to her man? 
Or is she just supposed to suck all the positive vibes off her man without reciprocating?

That's what a toxic and unhealthy woman does (cold hearted), she only receives and gives nothing except her body, which she only does because she likes sex, which is ironic because with that attitude she's not going to have the best sex she could have.

A healthy one (warm hearted) will be receiving but also giving.
She will just give without even thinking about it, in so many different ways, that goes beyond just the physical and even the mental.
She will automatically stops if you're an insentitive ass to her though.


Being tested is not a problem at all though, don't see this as a problem, it's a dance.

If you're secure in yourself it won't affect you and it will be cute of her.
You can even go to the point where it's just fun and comical, because you know she's doing it, she knows she's doing it, and you both know that it won't work  

 

@Psyche_92 It only feels fearful because you're not grounded enough.

It's the same as life, you will always have to deal with its challenge, except you can't escape life, so might as well handle it perfectly.
Your woman is your daily challenge, you will learn to enjoy it at some point

Edited June 11, 2019 by Shin

[billiesimon]

21 minutes ago, Shin said:

Your woman is your daily challenge, you will learn to enjoy it at some point

Ok, I can accept that.

But what about the other way around? 
A lot of coaches talk about testing your woman to see if she's healthy, on her purpose etc during the relationship. The same that she does to you.

Is she able to handle you doing the same tests to her? It should be equal, not just me being tested alone.

[Shin]

1 minute ago, billiesimon said:

Ok, I can accept that.

But what about the other way around? 
A lot of coaches talk about testing your woman to see if she's healthy, on her purpose etc during the relationship. The same that she does to you.

Is she able to handle you doing the same tests to her? It should be equal, not just me being tested alone.

You do that too, but not nearly as the same frequency (and not for the same reason)
It happens more in the dating phase (and even prior to that), to see if she's worth your time.

If she doesn't handle/accept it, then she's just not a good woman and still a girl with layers of unhealthy ego to peel.
Usually you do that without her knowing it though, so she doesn't necessarily know, but it's good to check

[Aeris]

what are you calling mindgame precisely ? an exemple ?

 

if you need to play "mindgame" neurotic gf, like 95% of people tho

 

I'm still looking toward science on nofap, aside I do not own the addiction, I kill it, but I radically die on evertything

not something easy to share.

 but that would help greatly some friends to work on no fap specifically.

 

Edited June 11, 2019 by Aeris

[tsuki]

So much talk about trusting, so little about thrusting.

Just die already, @Shin . ❤️

[Shin]

1 hour ago, tsuki said:

So much talk about trusting, so little about thrusting.

Just die already, @Shin . ❤️

1 hour ago, tsuki said:

 

I only have time to thrust one princesses vagina at a time, that's my policy ?

If she breaks my trust and fucks everything up it might be you next though ???

Edited June 11, 2019 by Shin

[flume]

@billiesimon @Psyche_92

I get that it might seem sadistic, but I think it’s something else. The truth is, most woman have probably been in the situation where a guy left them right after having sex. (Or whatever other ego - gratification they needed) They liked them for their shell and threw them away afterwards. Going through that makes men seem very untrustworthy. I’m guessing that’s where that behaviour comes from.

It’s such deep suspicion that you’re basically always on the lookout for what the other one needs from you or wants to get out of being with you.
(I think this problem runs much deeper than that. In a sense ‘love’ is always tied to ‘getting something’ for most people. Maybe we just pick up on that immediately and get defensive. Non - neediness is probably the ultimate goal. But let’s not get into that now.)

So to get these urges under control might be really hard but  you’re probably gonna be a ‘one in a million’ kind of guy and lots of good things will come your way in return.
Woman want sense of continuity, groundedness and direction, not only in sex but also in life. It’s just much clearer to see during sex initially.

What you get in return is an ever giving heart and compassion that can heal you deeply. Of course, you need to be vulnerable enough yourself to receive those things.

It all comes down to inner stability, a sense of centeredness that never goes away. A still, deep ocean, grounded in itself.
Without that taking over your humbleness, openness and vulnerability of course. It’s a difficult line to walk, but it’s possible. It’s something you’ll become better and better at anyway if you do lots of personal development work.

So in a sense you don’t have to worry about it. There’s no way you can fake that anyway. 

[billiesimon]

19 minutes ago, flume said:

What you get in return is an ever giving heart and compassion that can heal you deeply. Of course, you need to be vulnerable enough yourself to receive those things.

Awesome response, very insightful.

The quoted part is actually what I really like about a relationship with a girlfriend. But at the same time it's my weak spot, because I've always wanted to share my vulnerability and my emotions, but I have this deep fear that once I do it the girl is going to be annoyed by it and fuck another man who's indifferent to her and shows no emotions.

This deep fear has always haunted me in my past relationships and made me unstable. Sometimes I shared, others don't. but I truly wanted to share my inner world.

[Shin]

1 minute ago, billiesimon said:

Awesome response, very insightful.

The quoted part is actually what I really like about a relationship with a girlfriend. But at the same time it's my weak spot, because I've always wanted to share my vulnerability and my emotions, but I have this deep fear that once I do it the girl is going to be annoyed by it and fuck another man who's indifferent to her and shows no emotions.

This deep fear has always haunted me in my past relationships and made me unstable. Sometimes I shared, others don't. but I truly wanted to share my inner world.

You need extraordinary courage to show and accept all your insecurities, especially to your partner.

Only a real man would do that ?

[billiesimon]

4 minutes ago, Shin said:

You need extraordinary courage to show and accept all your insecurities, especially to your partner.

Only a real man would do that ?

I agree, it takes a lot of courage and self actualization! I'm working on it.

But the problem is... is she going to respect me and feel attracted to me even though I shared my emotions and issues? I've heard stories of couples destroyed because he was in pain and she went after the "alpha asshole".

Edited June 11, 2019 by billiesimon

[Shin]

1 hour ago, flume said:

@billiesimon @Psyche_92

I get that it might seem sadistic, but I think it’s something else. The truth is, most woman have probably been in the situation where a guy left them right after having sex. (Or whatever other ego - gratification they needed) They liked them for their shell and threw them away afterwards. Going through that makes men seem very untrustworthy. I’m guessing that’s where that behaviour comes from.

It’s such deep suspicion that you’re basically always on the lookout for what the other one needs from you or wants to get out of being with you.
(I think this problem runs much deeper than that. In a sense ‘love’ is always tied to ‘getting something’ for most people. Maybe we just pick up on that immediately and get defensive. Non - neediness is probably the ultimate goal. But let’s not get into that now.)

 

 

There is a difference between the core desire to test the groundness of the masculine core and insecurities about being used.

The former will always be there in some degree, the second is toxic and neurotic and needs to be adressed, worked on and transcended.
If not, then the tests will be toxics, disfunctionals and will make the relationship goes sour pretty fast.

 

@billiesimon Better be honest and see if she stays or not.

If you hide or lie about you to stay with her, that indicates neediness.
If there is neediness, one way or another she will leave you at some point.

Only very low quality girls stays with insecure guys, it's just the biggest turn off possible for women.

Edited June 11, 2019 by Shin

[Moreira]

Im gonna make a paralelism to make you understand that sex cannot be mastered.

Shin: Oh I wanna develop a mastery of my nervous system like controlling epillepsy attacks, or parkinson.

Moreira: But these are involuntary, like a orgasm, you cannot control certain body impulses consciously.

You can control certain patterns that trigger a reaction, but not be in total control as a master.

[billiesimon]

2 hours ago, Shin said:

 

@billiesimon Better be honest and see if she stays or not.

If you hide or lie about you to stay with her, that indicates neediness.
If there is neediness, one way or another she will leave you at some point.

Only very low quality girls stays with insecure guys, it's just the biggest turn off possible for women.

Yup, they generally want the confident guy.

But aren't they turned off by emotionality and vulnerability in a man? You know the classic "asshole boyfriend" archetype all girls talk about.

[Shin]

4 minutes ago, billiesimon said:

Yup, they generally want the confident guy.

But aren't they turned off by emotionality and vulnerability in a man? You know the classic "asshole boyfriend" archetype all girls talk about.

That's a myth.

Girls love guys who can open themselves, as long as it's not manipulative technique.

[billiesimon]

To be honest I see girls chasing emotionally dry assholes all the time. This contradicts a lot with the theory of the "emotional good man" they say they want.