Shroom report - I am nothing

[nightrider1435]

Dosed 2g of pure psilocybin extract at 10pm last night. I've been taking these 2g trips every two weeks lately, and this one ended up being a pretty intense experience compared to my other trips.

This one was more intense due to the fact that I smoked some weed before the two hour peak started to settle in. For me when I take shrooms it takes about an hour for the trip to start and then I enter this two hour peak where I'm just rising and rising and rising until you reach a climax then you start coming back down.

My sense of self was beginning to fade. Awareness began to shine through my experience like filling an empty bucket full of water. Everything started to look block like, if you taken shrooms you know what I mean by this. The nothingness really started to make itself known. I'm just sitting there in my room, and my ego is literally seeing that I am nothing... absolutely fucking nothing! It felt like the illusion of my mind was just staring back at me like who's there? No one! No one is there! Can the light of a flashlight turn back and look at itself? Can one side of a coin see the other side? What if it could? This started to become really unsettling for my ego, it just felt insanely fucking eerie. A sense of fear was starting to rise so I asked myself why be scared? You are it, are you scared of yourself? I knew that I shouldn't be scared but still, the fear continued to arise, it was out of my control. Is this thing scared of its own death? Hell yeah it is. Don't underestimate facing your own death, if you tell yourself your not scared your're most likely full of shit. It actually feels like you will die, I am not kidding. The you that you thought you were will cease to exist and you will be left with nothing. I am it, you are it, we are all it, you could say that you're just playing one big game with yourself down here, trying to distract yourself from what actually is. 

You come down here, to this world experience, and it's like you get lost in your own game. Its so complex, there's so much going on here, that you actually convince yourself that this is real, that all of this is actually happening. Your life already happened and didn't happen, simultaneously. There's actually no one here, other is a illusion, you are just fooling yourself. When you're having a conversation with someone it's just life talking to itself. It really is all just you, and you will underestimate this too until you actually become conscious that this is true. It's actually pretty baffling to see the extent of much you deceive yourself, but it's almost like you have to because you couldn't be here otherwise. 

We're all running around here trying to seek something outside of ourselves in this materialistic realm because we think it will make us happy. Don't get me wrong, that brand new car that you always wanted will make you happy. A promotion at your job that you worked hard to receive will make you happy. Buying your dream house that took you years and years to save up for will make you happy. All of this stuff is fine and all, there is nothing wrong with it, however it is all short lived. That happiness your're seeking eventually maxes out and your right back to where you started. You're happiness doesn't have to be dependent on something outside of yourself, true happiness comes from within.  You could waste your whole life doing this, you'd be like a hamster running on a wheel for eternity, always ending up right where you started. Always trying to be somewhere else than where your at. Again, it's all a distraction to prevent you from seeing what is actually true, your ego does not want you to do this.The thing is you already have it all, there is no where else to go but right here right now. Anything that you'll ever truly need will arise effortlessly during the right time in perfect harmony, not by force. The ego can twist this around, like oh well it doesn't really matter then, let's just stare at a wall until I die because what's the point? No! You came here to experience life so enjoy the ride. Realize that this is all just a game and in the end none of this matters, like at all. It's all temporary and it will all pass. Just do your best, love yourself and smile. One day this will all come to an end and you will merge back with god. 

Now do I have what I said above embodied? Haha...no, there is still much work to be done for me. Psychedelics are nice in the sense because they remind me why I'm doing all this in the first place, and gives me motivation to keep going. It's like I need constant reminders because my mind will just try to cover all this up again.

[Nahm]

@nightrider1435 Awesome. ??

[Leo Gura]

Reality is a self-licking ice cream cone.

Nice work!

[zeroISinfinity]

@nightrider1435 @nightrider1435

Did you notice how we are all bunch of liars when it comes to attachments to our lives. No matter what your story is you Will forget and disregard it all when it is "time to merge with God". 

None of us really exist, only God does. 

Complete mindfuck Will come when you realize that you tripping out is still "play of Consciousness" and that in Reality there is no such thing as experience. 

?❤️

Note to myself never decide to be smart and wise, makes you fall in love with character. 

Edited June 9, 2019 by zeroISinfinity

[nightrider1435]

1 hour ago, zeroISinfinity said:

None of us really exist, only God does. 

@zeroISinfinity

We are all eternal to god, to the one true self.

Edited June 9, 2019 by nightrider1435

[zeroISinfinity]

@nightrider1435 Our ideas/fabrication of ourselves. 

What this really is, is Direct God Consciousness. 

 

[Tai]

@nightrider1435 Thank you so much for your trip report. A small quote of yours, 

13 hours ago, nightrider1435 said:

It's actually pretty baffling to see the extent of much you deceive yourself, but it's almost like you have to because you couldn't be here otherwise. 

helped me breakthrough my neurotic ways of demonizing/not accepting and embracing my ego as I've been continuously frustrated and sad with my own self-deception. After contemplating that a bit I was able to have a deeper understanding of the quote, "Everything is as it should be" (because you couldn't be here otherwise) .  Anyway I just wanted to share what I was able to achieve just by applying the knowledge you've gained through your trip in my own life so thanks again! Keep it up.

[nightrider1435]

@Tai Hey that's awesome, glad I could be of help.