Quitting an addiction makes me a zombie

[Hansu]

Whenever I try to quit an addiction, be that overeating, alcohol or sugar, I become a zombie. 

For years I have been trying to lose weight, cut alcohol and cut sugar. For years I have failed.

For years I tried everything at the same time. Unsurprisingly, it never worked so 2 months ago I decided to postpone losing weight for later to have more energy for fighting alcohol and sugar (And now Im fatter than I have ever been in my lifetime)

First I tried to lose sugar and alcohol at the same time. It was easy for 2 weeks, then one weekend I went on binge drinking and eating so I was back on square 1. After that I decided to quit one at time.

First I tried to lose alcohol, so for 2 weeks I dropped the alcohol, went on an alcohol binge and that fucked up. Then I tried to lose sugar, and same story.

What I've learned over the past few months is that when I try to drop an addiction, I lose all interest in visualization work, reading self help and basically I become unconscious. I waste time watching TV, porn, drop practicing my instrument etc. However, after a relapse I gain immense energy on doing chores, visualization, I drop TV, I eat healthier, I read books, I practice my instrument and to put it simply, I become the best version of myself.

So, what should I do? I cant willpower my through the zombifying effect that the process of quitting an addiction gives me. Its too strong, and I always end up relapsing and not only losing weeks of effort put into the attempt, but I also lose a lot of time that I would have used on working on myself, hadn't I been in a zombie. 

Am I unconsciously avoiding emotional work? You know, that work that Leo is always talking about? How can I find strength to push through the zombie-phase and not relapse?

 

 

[RendHeaven]

You're never gonna quit sugar if the alternative is gross, bitter health food

Can you give the specifics of what you eat when you try to drop sugar?

One of the best ways to change your diet is to find healthy alternatives that actually taste good!

This way, you're looking forward to eating your sugar alternative and there's nothing for you to fight.

[Salvijus]

Have to tried lossing weight in an ayurvedic way? 

I highly reccomend to watch this video. She's an ayurveda and western doctor and she helped me a lot on my health issueses. 

In ayurveda they really have amazing perspectice on weight loss and other health things. 

 

Edited June 9, 2019 by Salvijus

[Emerald]

8 minutes ago, Hansu said:

Whenever I try to quit an addiction, be that overeating, alcohol or sugar, I become a zombie. 

For years I have been trying to lose weight, cut alcohol and cut sugar. For years I have failed.

For years I tried everything at the same time. Unsurprisingly, it never worked so 2 months ago I decided to postpone losing weight for later to have more energy for fighting alcohol and sugar (And now Im fatter than I have ever been in my lifetime)

First I tried to lose sugar and alcohol at the same time. It was easy for 2 weeks, then one weekend I went on binge drinking and eating so I was back on square 1. After that I decided to quit one at time.

First I tried to lose alcohol, so for 2 weeks I dropped the alcohol, went on an alcohol binge and that fucked up. Then I tried to lose sugar, and same story.

What I've learned over the past few months is that when I try to drop an addiction, I lose all interest in visualization work, reading self help and basically I become unconscious. I waste time watching TV, porn, drop practicing my instrument etc. However, after a relapse I gain immense energy on doing chores, visualization, I drop TV, I eat healthier, I read books, I practice my instrument and to put it simply, I become the best version of myself.

So, what should I do? I cant willpower my through the zombifying effect that the process of quitting an addiction gives me. Its too strong, and I always end up relapsing and not only losing weeks of effort put into the attempt, but I also lose a lot of time that I would have used on working on myself, hadn't I been in a zombie. 

Am I unconsciously avoiding emotional work? You know, that work that Leo is always talking about? How can I find strength to push through the zombie-phase and not relapse?

The things you're addicted to are coping mechanisms that, in some ways, are genuinely helping you cope with your emotions and life. So, you are using these addictions to supplement your will to live and to do.

But they are also debilitating at the same time. So, they are self-medication and give you some genuine benefits because they keep you up out of the low spot temporarily. But they give those benefits to you at a high cost to your health and well-being.

So, when you try to quit them, it's not as simple as just quitting. If you quit the addictions, all you're doing is throwing away your crutches... but your leg is still broken. You're throwing away your coping mechanism, but there is still something to be coped with.

So, instead of focusing on getting rid of your crutches, focus toward healing your broken leg. And then your crutches will become obsolete, and you won't need to brute force yourself to quit using the crutches.

Go to the root cause of what made you need the addictions in the first place and resolve that. Then, when you quit, the only inertia you'll be dealing with is the inertia of habit and physiological addiction... both of which can be beaten with some willpower and discipline. But if your leg is still broken, don't expect yourself to be able to walk without crutches.

Now, you could look for healthier coping mechanisms in the meantime. But you'd really just be swapping out one addiction for another, until you address the root cause.

 

 

 

[Hansu]

27 minutes ago, RendHeaven said:

You're never gonna quit sugar if the alternative is gross, bitter health food

Can you give the specifics of what you eat when you try to drop sugar?

One of the best ways to change your diet is to find healthy alternatives that actually taste good!

This way, you're looking forward to eating your sugar alternative and there's nothing for you to fight.

Good point 

During my last attempt I bought a lots of fruits to replace some of the sugar. My main source of food atm come from chicken, cow, rice, wok-vegetables and food-cream (I dont know what it is in english, food-cream is a direct translation)

@salvijus

Thanks, I'll check that out

 

16 minutes ago, Emerald said:

So, when you try to quit them, it's not as simple as just quitting. If you quit the addictions, all you're doing is throwing away your crutches... but your leg is still broken. You're throwing away your coping mechanism, but there is still something to be coped with.

So, instead of focusing on getting rid of your crutches, focus toward healing your broken leg. And then your crutches will become obsolete, and you won't need to brute force yourself to quit using the crutches.

This makes a lot of sense to me, but where should I start looking?

I have a good job, multiple friends, Im highly effective when im not in the zombie-mode and I have my future all planned out

Only thing I can pinpoint that I crave, but miss at the moment is the perfect boyfriend/girlfriend with whom to spend time snuggling and all the other related stuff that comes with relationship. But it doesn't feel that bad and it doesn't feel like I absolutely have to have a relationship

EDIT: I guess its time for me to finally start doing some shadow work

Edited June 9, 2019 by Hansu

[Emerald]

1 hour ago, Hansu said:

This makes a lot of sense to me, but where should I start looking?

I have a good job, multiple friends, Im highly effective when im not in the zombie-mode and I have my future all planned out

Only thing I can pinpoint that I crave, but miss at the moment is the perfect boyfriend/girlfriend with whom to spend time snuggling and all the other related stuff that comes with relationship. But it doesn't feel that bad and it doesn't feel like I absolutely have to have a relationship

EDIT: I guess its time for me to finally start doing some shadow work

Yes. I was actually going to recommend Shadow Work.

But I think the best thing is to be with yourself in stillness while you're in zombie mode. Think of zombie mode as the doorway to the shadow aspect. And then, then addictions you engage in are stimulations you use to avoid seeing whatever is in your shadow.

So, remain in zombie mode and the stillness of that mode, and allow whatever needs to come up to come up. That's why zombie mode is so uncomfortable in the first place, because things are still and open enough for whatever needs to come up to come very close to the surface. And whatever it is is making you uncomfortable.

So, when zombie mode comes up next time, get in the mindset that it's exactly what needs to happen. And wait there in zombie mode to see what comes up from it.

 

 

[Elisabeth]

 

 

 

 

3

13 hours ago, Emerald said:

Yes. I was actually going to recommend Shadow Work.

But I think the best thing is to be with yourself in stillness while you're in zombie mode. Think of zombie mode as the doorway to the shadow aspect. And then, then addictions you engage in are stimulations you use to avoid seeing whatever is in your shadow.

So, remain in zombie mode and the stillness of that mode, and allow whatever needs to come up to come up. That's why zombie mode is so uncomfortable in the first place, because things are still and open enough for whatever needs to come up to come very close to the surface. And whatever it is is making you uncomfortable.

So, when zombie mode comes up next time, get in the mindset that it's exactly what needs to happen. And wait there in zombie mode to see what comes up from it.

See a psychotherapist too. That's why they are here, to help you get to the difficult stuff.  

[Hansu]

7 hours ago, Elisabeth said:

See a psychotherapist too. That's why they are here, to help you get to the difficult stuff.  

I live in a country where health care is free, so Im considered healthy if I can work and I wont get an appointment unless Im threatening to kill myself. Private psychotherapist would cost a fortune, I think Im going to try work it out myself, I've become good at just that 

21 hours ago, Emerald said:

So, when zombie mode comes up next time, get in the mindset that it's exactly what needs to happen. And wait there in zombie mode to see what comes up from it.

I picked up Shadow Dance by David Richo today. Im planning to not quit my addictions, but to read the book and do the exercises for a month or two to really pick up the habit for this work before continuing to quit the addictions so I wont not dabble it (Im afraid zombie mode would overtake me over and ruin whatever progress I do with shadow work) 

Do you have any advice on starting up this work? Is there any specific meditation technique that could aid with shadow work? 

[Emerald]

1 hour ago, Hansu said:

I live in a country where health care is free, so Im considered healthy if I can work and I wont get an appointment unless Im threatening to kill myself. Private psychotherapist would cost a fortune, I think Im going to try work it out myself, I've become good at just that 

I picked up Shadow Dance by David Richo today. Im planning to not quit my addictions, but to read the book and do the exercises for a month or two to really pick up the habit for this work before continuing to quit the addictions so I wont not dabble it (Im afraid zombie mode would overtake me over and ruin whatever progress I do with shadow work) 

Do you have any advice on starting up this work? Is there any specific meditation technique that could aid with shadow work? 

I recommend this one...

 

[Hansu]

22 hours ago, Emerald said:

I recommend this one...

 

This is perfect! Thanks!

[Emerald]

1 hour ago, Hansu said:

This is perfect! Thanks!

You're welcome.

 

[Arcangelo]

Hi @Hansu , my name is Arcangelo and i am an alcoholic. I have been sober for 7years+

Quitting alcohol is my life's biggest accomplishment.

Chronological list of things i quit after alcohol:

-TV

-Soda and chocolates

-3 toxic friendships (cut almost all of my friends out of my life)

-Porn (this is a big accomplishment too)

-Ice Cream.

-Coffee.

If i could do it ANYONE can do it

Currently working on quitting cookies, and being judgemental.

 

@Hansu you are on the right path. Awareness alone is curative. Journal about your addictions, by just watching them you will overcome them.

 

Wish you the best!

Edited June 13, 2019 by Arcangelo
best wishes

[Hansu]

@Arcangelo

Hey, sorry for the late answer

Congraz on quitting alcohol! Its not easy. In my case my problem is a combination of addictions and my neurotic behavior I've discovered with the little amount of shadow work so far, and I have to admit that my ego IS big. Probably bigger than the average at my age, but luckily now I have tools to overcome it!

Hopefully I'll be able to quit the worst addictions in 12 months or so. I wont rush it, it probably takes longer than 12 months to untangle an ego that has been inflating for over 20 years. Hopefully I'll at least reverse it to deflation.

Wish you best too!

[DrewNows]

step 1: admit to addiction

step 2: understand the pupose your addiction serves, having self love, understanding your shame and curiosity as to why you have developed the addictions

step 3: awareness and shadow work, Awareness is curative on its own but without shadow work and action toward self love, addictions will return

step 4: take action to work on accountability and steps to creating a life you desire 

[MsNobody]

@Arcangelo Congrats!!! But I would drop the "I am an alcoholic" label too, it's gonna come back to hunt you if you keep reinforcing and telling it to yourself.

 @Hansu All addictions come from fear of emptiness, like Leo talks about in his video about addiction, and the best way to face the emptiness is to practice meditation, the more you practice the more you will become aware of how you are trying to fill that empty space with alcohol, sugar or whatever the addiction is. 

I've been struggling with many addictions yourself and the harsh approach never really worked, if you hit the ego right in the head is gonna turn back even stronger to get you, I try to see the ego as a wild child, how do you treat a child? with violence or with a compassionate approach?

I quit alcohol too, I realized I was just drinking to make everything more fun, my friends were not fun enough, they were not stimulating me enough, so I would drink alcohol like Hemingway said, to make other people more interesting, instead of realizing what I should actually change was my circle of friends. 

I quit meat, weed, coffee, alcohol, buying and many other things, none of them I would be able to do with the cold turkey masculine approach, I'm aware I've gone through many things in my childhood and I have compassion with my inner child, when I quit meat I never said I was on a "diet" I didn't want to create the mindset that something was lacking, when you hear the word diet the first thing your mind thinks is that it will lose something, instead I just avoided eating meat and thought about what I was gaining with the new habit, better health, helping the environment etc. 

With any thing I was taking out I would replace with something better, healthier, and not see it as a sacrifice, change your internal self talk, with no judgments, be the observer, every little thing you do has a reason behind it, if not traumas, society, but don't also get trapped in the victim mentality, things happened, but you have the power to change it, you have control, but do it through love and not hate, make the process something pleasant, that's how you know it will last.

The biggest problem with addiction is not the quitting part, is when you fall back, and get trapped in the internal judgmental self talk "oh my god, I did it again, I'm not capable of doing anything, everyone can do it but not me, I'm terrible, I knew I wasn't gonna be able to do it, now fuck it I won't try anything else, I'm such a bad person bla bla bla", when you drink again, eat again, that's the moment you can be the observer, watch yourself with total detachment and if possible with compassion, start back again. This will happen many times, so learn a technique to get back up again, don't focus your attention too much in the beginning part, in days, in weeks, it's a lifestyle you are trying to build, it takes time, also don't focus on time, if it's a lifestyle and not a diet it's something for life, so take your time. 

With all addictions you will have to go through your self talk so improve that main thing.

Sorry for the long the post.

[Hansu]

On 17.6.2019 at 8:54 PM, DrewNows said:

Awareness is curative on its own but without shadow work and action toward self love, addictions will return

Awareness alone does not seem to be curative with some of my neurotic behavior, while it has cured some of my neurotic behavior instantly. Some of my behavour Im just... Aware of. I guess I have to take action to stop myself with the behavior? Im hoping the Shadow Dance has the answer for this question

@MsNobody

Great post! Very inspiring! 

Now that I think about it, I never tried to replace my addictions with anything(Im also at fault for judging my failure to quit). And unsurprisingly my addictions are worst in weekends when I most often lay around in my home "relaxing". The only thing I can imagine as enjoyable way to replace laying around my home all weekend is camping in the woods, but Im really unsure if its a good long term solution. But I'll keep your advice in mind and try and figure out something enjoyable to do to at least replace alcohol and to not fall back

Do you mean self-talk as in probing your mind with questions to pick out the roots of your cravings?

[DrewNows]

@Hansu i didn’t make it clear, awareness and sitting in that zombie mode where you no longer act on the urges but let them surface fizzle and resurface (sometimes) 

what’s most important is figuring out what void they are filling in your life...having addictions is very common and most have some just to cope with certain thought patterns involving needs they cannot fulfill 

[daniel695]

today i ate something unhealthy in my eyes view, it was dairy with bread. the interesting thing was that i had a choice to not eat it but i was denying myself that i had a choice to begin with when in reality i always have a choice with what i want to do. you are probabaly going unconscious to deny that you have a choice and responsibility with your actions your making. so become consciously aware that you have a choice and exercise it. the first step is to become aware that you have a choice and actually contemplate it and entertain it. then you will start making choices that will support you and actions to a better life.

[Commodent]

That's why you should try to find other ways to feel alive. Addictions are usually there to fulfill some sort of need.

I would also advice you watch Leo's video about ego backlash if you haven't already.

[Hansu]

@DrewNows

Hey, sorry for another slow reply.

This may sound stupid, but what does a void look like? A few months ago I fixed my self-image problems regarding physical appearance. I did this through imagination and affirmations. However while the work removed my negative thoughts about my looks, it didn't really help me with any of my addictions. Would self-image problem still be considered as a void of some sort?

 

Thanks!