What Was This Experience? Void???

[kieranperez]

I had just hopped into bed. I was doing some basic personal development affirmations on 100% responsibility right before. I got in and I started intentionally breathing very slow (like 6 inhalation p/min or less - wasn’t counting but probably around there) with no pauses. 

As I closed my eyes I all of a sudden hit this all consuming “ascension”? It wasn’t an astral projection as that happens to me on a somewhat regular basis these last several months unintentionally where I eventually end up leaving my physical body. I don’t want to say void because it wasn’t void of thought, a little monkey mind. There was still mind. However, it felt like this void but also had this vibrating all consuming “energy” that I was totally absorbed in. Distinctions of a body totally disappeared. There was no body. Just consciousness... yet thoughts? 

The energetic feeling is kinda like how one feels after meditating hard on an affirmation or meditating on love. That energetic radiating presence but all consuming.

This wasn’t Samadhi was it? It didn’t feel like I was in total union especially since the ego mind was still on with thoughts...

[Preetom]

An experience of subtle/astral body without the gross body. Aka an experience which is dreamlike

 

[kieranperez]

@Preetom it’s crazy how turned on my astral body had been these last few months. It’s so weird in yet it’s become like an new norm at night now. 

Assuming thats what that was.

still remember the first time something like this happened and I was like “this is actually happening... to me. This really is real!” Funny how that works.

Edited June 7, 2019 by kieranperez

[Preetom]

2 minutes ago, kieranperez said:

@Preetom it’s crazy how turned on my astral body had been these last few months. It’s so weird in yet it’s become like an new norm at night now. 

Assuming thats what that was.

Yeah. These are signs of changes in psyche at a deep level. These things might continue more or less until the psyche gets used to undergoing initial restructuring

[cetus]

51 minutes ago, kieranperez said:

I don’t want to say void because it wasn’t void of thought, a little monkey mind. There was still mind. However, it felt like this void but also had this vibrating all consuming “energy” that I was totally absorbed in. Distinctions of a body totally disappeared. There was no body. Just consciousness... yet thoughts? 

@kieranperez  I've experienced the same you describe here. It felt to be an energetic field of intelligence that underlies all of reality at it's most fundamental level. It did feel like a "void" in a way. But it wasn't empty by any means.

[kieranperez]

49 minutes ago, cetus56 said:

@kieranperez  I've experienced the same you describe here. It felt to be an energetic field of intelligence that underlies all of reality at it's most fundamental level. It did feel like a "void" in a way. But it wasn't empty by any means.

I’m stunned by how accurate you described that... 

1 hour ago, Preetom said:

Yeah. These are signs of changes in psyche at a deep level. These things might continue more or less until the psyche gets used to undergoing initial restructuring

That was my first thought about that while it was happening. I felt like I was undergoing something in my psyche. I have no idea what though.. this has been happening on both of my only psychedelic trips and several mystical experience and one crazy paranormal psychic episode which I still kinda disbelieved really occurred.

Ill be relaxed at night (the few times I really am relaxed) and then all of a sudden this nonlinguisitc commandment occurs and I just know I need to meditate and chant Om and then all of a sudden I close my eyes and I turn my entire experience into a vibrational field that can collapse a mountain. It’ll feel like an earthquake with every Om and then I’m literally seeing stuff or some crazier stuff will happen... it’s like... wtf is happening to me? Not out of fear but like.. WHAT THE FUCK... I didn’t think this would ACTUALLY happen to me?!?! 

I actually started asking last night during it... “who are you? What must I do? Who am I? What am I here to do?” There silence but I felt like there was... empty intelligence that was listening... Like you’re in a pitch black dark room and you ask “whose here?” There’s no response but you feel l presence in that silence that you know is there.

I feel like I’m at a point where I’m starting to surrender inside slowly starting to truly surrender and am begging to adhere to what universal intelligence wants out of my life because I truly want it. In private and inside of started to become deeply reverential to the divine since my last acid trip. It really shook me that deep. All I want deep down is God and to become a vehicle for Gods Will. So I think I might be opening more to that slowly. 

Thats still all speculation though. Possible. Yet it’s still all memory and a story now though. 

Edited June 8, 2019 by kieranperez

[Preetom]

@kieranperez

Yeah I think the most important component for you right now would be developing an attitude of unconditional surrender and trust in the process/god/reality along with relinquishing the obsessive need to nitpick and figure out every single bit that is going on.

When we update an app, we have no idea what is being crunched in the background. Similarly you can relax in the knowledge that you don't have to worry or consciously ''figure out'' how, why, when this process is happening. You can't! 

So if I was in your case, I'd let these processes and episodes do their thing without trying to butt in by staying relaxed and focusing on the techniques that works.

All the best.

[kieranperez]

@Preetom very much appreciate your kind sentiments  

I try not to question it too much. They’ll come if they do. My last trip changed something in me. Around people I interact quite the same as before. Behind closed doors though and inside, I’m realizing just how contrived it is and that deep down... I just want God. 

I still am not fully broken down but I want to keep surrendering. The suprising part is that that’s genuine. I come home now after a 9-11 hour day of work and eat and after I eat I spend 5 min or so just praying and giving deep thanks and gratitude alone and it’s actually genuine now. Not asking for anything (for the most part - still have plenty more impurities). It’s weird... I’ve never really been like this before. Still can’t believe I pray now... I used to be the most bloodthirsty atheist lol... feels like a distant memory I’m slowly shedding more and more of. 

Enlightenment, wanting to become a sage/mystic, wanting God used to be a subtle spiritual commodity I was seeking. Now it’s starting to become a true genuine deep yearning in my heart.

Edited June 8, 2019 by kieranperez

[Preetom]

58 minutes ago, kieranperez said:

 

Enlightenment, wanting to become a sage/mystic, wanting God used to be a subtle spiritual commodity I was seeking. Now it’s starting to become a true genuine deep yearning in my heart.

Good for you, waking up to the real purpose of life. If the yearning is there, the road will eventually show itself