Reflection - Mastery Discipline Life Purpose

[ValiantSalvatore]

I decided to go with another journal here. I somehow lost my habit which has been active for the last 3 years and stopped somewhere around mid to late 2018. With my habit of physically journaling.

I bought a different format and tried again because I use a bullet journal to keep track of daily tasks and to do's. Also, in about one month I have completed the life purpose course. I did tactical reviews of the lp when I felt it was needed and looked at single episodes.

As I reviewed the life purpose course, I was a bit surprised that I achieved half of my goals and missed half of my goals. Fully knowing why and that some of it were inevitable. Some circumstances can't be changed. Yet, I do not have the strength to make a couple of ten of thousands of dollars yet while studying, to support my family. Even if everything works out quite well. There have been some setbacks which just throw me off emotionally.

For potential readers! A warning I sometimes become abusive with the way I use language, also in real life. This is one thing that I became conscious of is toxic and I googled some causes, some are just ridiculous. Yet, this is mostly in extreme cases. Still, here I won't hold back to some degree. Because sometimes humans are so blind, and if I can't even write stuff like this into my journal, then to hell with it!  I'll become vocal if the situation/circumstance calls for it.

This will be a longer entry as a first entry. I did an entry in my digital journal via OneNote in advance as I prepared the review of my LP today. I definitely want to learn from others and from some books on how to stay organized, I've been yelled at my whole life (not that it is a big story anymore), yet when taking the BIG 5 aspect test I score very very low, even if my environment does not necessarily reflect that. In the 2nd percentile. I've seen wors tbh.

What do intend to do with this journal? 

Reminding myself that I am doing something that is fun. I like to read posts on this forum and been a lurker in the past. Some posts have valid insights, now Quora is also very very good and potentially better. Yet, the point is that I did the LP-Course and I definitely won't get any insights about LSD/DMT etc. substances etc. Also, to remind myself that I am connected to others in this process since this is one value on my list. 

The next section will partially go into my review of my lp

Current positive Habits:

Working out 5 times a week with the freeletics app inside or outside the gym

Morning Meditation 1h (See, hear, feel, broad float, choiceless awareness) 
Weekly check-in with Shinzen Youngs Life Practice Programm
Attending 14 days minimum of retreats (6 days of the list, still have 3-weekend retreats left to do)
Scheduling each day in the morning via bullet journal

Habits being implemented:
Sleeping schedule maxing out going to bed from at 22:30 (1h over now)
Deep Work currently listening to the audiobook

Shaky Habits:
Sleeping schedule maxing out going to bed from at 22:30 (1h over now) waking up at 06:00

Lost Habits:
Journaling

Shadow work
Cold Showers

Skills acquired:
Some skills in android programming

Some skills in C#

Some skills in Java programming

Speed Reading 

(Other weird stuff)

Skills being acquired:
Java and Android programming currently

LPI0 Certificat to deal with Linux and the command line

Shaky skills:
Speed Reading 

Skills lost:

C++ ..... (which still pisses me of)


Kaizen(Small things that could add up over time)

Things that I do:
Waking up early
Meditation 1h
Micro hits and background practice
Meditating while walking to class
Meditating while listening to a boring lecture...
Caring about health
Reading 10 pages when going to bed or even only 5-2 pages.

Shaky things I do:
On off visualizations before going to bed for 10 min
Doing the cbt exercise. Sometimes I know it is important. 
(I will do a 30-day challenge since this has been unsuccessful)


Things that I want to do: 
Yoga especially Hata-Yoga
Dedicating more time to Java development (Design Patterns I bought a book last year)
Learning C++ (Bought a book for 10 euro)
Finish the inner engineering course that I bought( I had my birthday ok, even though the course is... not good!)

Things that I am currently not doing (only positive):
Drinking and partying
Playing video games
Watching TV
Hanging out with toxic people ( I kicked out two old friends for various reasons)


That is about it. I still struggle with being orderly or even thinking of an orderly structure. I noticed as a "survival tactic" I piece together knowledge, facts, ideas, statements, conclusions, etc and ideally piece them together in one single coherent presentation or note. I keep practicing and throw away notes that have no use, till I can repeat everything blindfolded. 

Otherwise, I attend a class voluntarily, but I don't feel that I learn anything from it. I left it for now considering only going from time to time. It is nice and such, but not the real deal. I could learn to read papers... as if I never did that in my free time... (yes irony), otherwise I have a Prof. for my bachelors thesis and an internship, also with the same prof, so I can extend a project, which has been the voluntary project I did this year, also with the same prof. 

What else do I intend to do with this journal?

• Write once a day or once a week as a reflection about the content, I know I will ruminate and ideally ponder about these things. Yet, I want to get these on a sheet of paper or digital paper to reduce the negative rumination and reflect constructively and coherently
• Remind my self this is a process not a means to an end. 
• Having fun, I can read other's journals and be inspired. When I was in China a traveler gave me his journal entries describing how he went through Japan with his bike! Alone! More details are omitted. 
• Thinking about habits, discipline, and mastery. Since this is what I lack the most at the moment, but this is where I take the most action also! 
• In general, to get some things off my chest. 
   

Reflection

So, here I go then I'll go to bed since I am at this exact moment 1h and 15 min beyond what I schedule. I will dive into the process of how I will combine this with my bullet journal, potentially this will work to a greater extent than my physical journal. Which I'll use for the occasional shadow work.


I did not read these two articles completely and I still ask myself some time, when I'll actually take notes or if I'll ever do it and such partially highly complex subjects. After my kriya experience in January of February this year. I gained a lot more insight in what I want to do what meditation and supernatural phenomena could be like. For instance, makio which I bet have some chemical or biological mechanism. (Like DMT in the dark).  I recently had a couple of flashes of weird pictures and images as I closed my eyes. Not like on LSD I listened to someone who did a Vipassana retreat and had these visuals and called these enlightenment experiences. Which is just Makyo. IMO

Now I saw a picture of an old lady or guy in grey and white right in front of me as I closed my eyes. The other two pictures I forgot. While I attended the retreat where I had the kriya experience. I noticed that the contours of thoughts, feeling or mental talk from outside or inside can shape right in front or inside the darkness that I can see when I close my eyes and look at my eyelids. I saw an OX during the retreat, yet just the face. TBH I literally thought nature would kill me. There were so many non-normal noises occurring right next to me. A couple of days later I heard myself screaming through a river. I really thought I lost it. TBH LSD felt safer... now I know that this was a Kriya experience and that it is somewhat normal. I did not go fully into the lunatic scale. 

So, the new phenomenon is that I feel at my brain stem where the vagus nerve runs through I feel that there is stirring obviously I speculate. The two links under Makyo below even explain that this is samskaras seeing past lives etc. I had so many odd fking insights because of personality theory that I've been reading on the net for XX years. Let's just see what happens. I love it that Shinzen is so interactive and that I could write, text him about such stuff. Truly a 21st century non-dual, saint, sage, shaman etc. Enough wannabe credit. 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Makyo
https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metencephalon
https://wiki.yoga-vidya.de/Samskara#Alte_Samskaras_als_Hindernisse_f.C3.BCr_die_Meditation

I still am in love with zen and when I move out of this apartment or move to do my masters into a different city. I will definitely dive more into minimalism. Here is a video from the zen master where I did a three-day retreat this year and a 14-day retreat last year in France. 

 

Edited June 5, 2019 by ValiantSalvatore

[ValiantSalvatore]

Alright,

Day 2: As I said I will write weekly ideally daily, yet that won't happen. Since this is not something I strive for. This will be another outlet. Yet, once a week is a good number to go for.

I noticed since I used an App to block sites such as Actualized.Org, Facebook and other social media sites. I use my phone a lot. Also, I pretty much only visit Actualized.org sometimes I ask myself if I've become to centric around personal development. Especially, the theory part and being distracted by theory.

Actions I took today:

I studied approx for 4h only, which surprises me without classes. I did 3 study session each 45min for a project in Java and two study session for another project.

I had only one class today. Yet, I slept really long since I am having setbacks when going back and forth between going home on weekends occasionally waking up in the morning. The guys above me are lunatics in the dorm 10-6 people in a single appartment and the guy lives with his girlfriend apparently. Last time I called the cops and informed myself about my rights since I am not dealing with their horseshit/bullshit/shit. I also, saw this as an opportunity to exercise assertiveness. Since according to the law I have to first talk with the person about it or talk with the landlord which I did both. I am so happy that this hysterical asshole who comes by is gone because I called the cops at 3 am, I'll do it again gladly. It is not okay to deprive others of sleep, because of noises.

This already shows me that I am still materialistic I want to live in a house again, an apartment is quite annoying, there is just more silence. Sure this is relative, yet living so close with "strangers" is odd, maybe that is the reason many Germans live in houses regardless where they are at. 

The class today was okay, we learned more stuff about PHP and Web-based programming.  I dislike the topic a lot though, yet I am also interested since it would provide myself a platform where I could offer something. Yet, there are so many tools and programming ? languages ? which create templates such as typo 3 and such IIRC. 

I am also quite hyped to meet my favorite prof ideally next week and getting a key to his "research" laboratory which is just a room full with android based stuff and health and fitness related technologies. For instance, Nvidia shield and programming that stuff, I mean he is self-thought and has a degree in arts and marketing, still he speaks 5 languages, he was in the hospital last week.

Anything else that was insightful or that I wanted to post today?

I wanted to post my survival list and I am thankful that Leo framed it that way, I always thought of it as living not survival. 
I also wanted to read the post about samskaras, yet I am missing my bedtime. So here I go with the list.

 

Currently, I feel only the competent survive the rest is thrown away

Why have/do certain things persits and not others ? (Survival Video Leo)

• To maintain for instance, skills, relationships, family, systems of surving (look at self-help)
• Balance ressources
• Stopping overconsumption
• Insights
• Breaking barries, poltical, cultural ( if nothing would persist there would be nothing to break)
• Decision making, choosing the correct path
• Trusting intuition, heart self, gut feelings
• Abillty to persits through life circumstances
• Meeting emotional needs in hard times
• Able to follow through with plans and goals, visions.
• Not giving up, or making the right call and quit
• Asking for competent advice
• Dismissing trolls,negativity,hater, toxic stuff
• Strong bonds
• (Manipulation)
• (Scheming)
• (Lying)
• (Playing victim)
• (Playing innocent)
• (Acting naive)
• (Domination)
• Being Assertive
• Proactive
• Differntiating from what is important and urgent and what is not important and not urgent
• Knowing what one wants
• Accepting responsiblity
• Dealing with ones lower self
• Abillity to compete
• Abillity to produce results
• Abillity to study for long times
• Abillity manage projects/situations/people
• Taking breaks
• Maintaing and working on relationships
• Making neccessary phone calls
• Planning neccessary dates, events, family activities, down-time
• Knowing the how to's and why's and hows.
• Questioning asking
• Just do it
• Cutting off the right people
• Mentors
• Teachers
• Guides
• Books
• Abillity to deal with self-deception
• Controlling impuslive behaviours
• Understanding emotions
• Being emotionally unreactive
   

 

The opposite of survival is?
 

• Decadence
• Overly self-critical
• Not seeing survival as a game
• Not seeing survival as a necessity
• Not improving ones chance to survive
• Not investing in oneself
• Sticking with addictions
• Not breaking bad habits
• Not cultivating positive habits
• Being unaware
• Eating shitty food
• Complacency
• Projection
• Hatred ( breeds desire to kill ? )
• Having and keeping enemies
• Wasting time
• Not investing time in the things one wants
• Negative self-talk
• Heavy Drugs
• Overconsumption of entertainment
• Ideology ( in the name of and in the name against survival)
• Dogma
• Illness
• Accidents
• Feeding fears
• Creating negative self-fulfilling prophecies
• Shitty food
• Shitty habits
• Shitty water
• Shitty sleep
• Shitty thinking
• Not building skills
• Constant overstimulation tv, sex, masturbation, video games, movies, food, soda
• Staying in contact with complacent people, hateful, spiteful, aggressive, ignorant etc.
• Not building financial independence
• Building a life where one needs to struggle to survive
• Not taking opportunity and chances
• Always avoiding risks
• Being unpolite
• Bein overly polite
• Sucking on drama/latching onto
• Feeding of your parents without trying to make/create smth. Carrer, vision, etc.
• Not becoming independent
• Overcoming dependencies
• Becoming interdependent
• Myopia
• Sticking to one's rigid identity
• Not realizing god
• Not realizing true self, no self
• Not accessing transcending needs (if they exist)
• Being passive-aggresive
• Limiting beliefs
• Neglecting performance
• Meditation
• Yoga
• Accessing state-stages
• Accessing subtle,causal,non-dual realams
• Cleaning chakras
• (Cultivating a mind-body relationship)
• Not informing oneself about post survival stuff
• Accepting reincarnation theories (nirvana/samsara)
• Accepting the content of dreams
• Considering sidhis
• Pursuing enlightenment
• Neglecting enlightenment
• Jhanas or states of high concentration/forms of absorptions IIRC
• Psychedelics
• Rituals
• self-destruction

self-sabotaging

What would be characteristics of modern day survival?
Who survive somethings and not others?

• Industriouness
• Cutting of distractions
• Autodidact
• Emotional Mastery
• Mindful
• Skillful
• Entrepreneurial (knows how to earn money)
• Skill-based
• Networking / Relationships
• Getting rid of toxic humans and relationships
• Planning
• Vision
• Cooking
• Book Smarts
• Psychology, Programming, Cooking, Spirituality, Biology/Nutrition, Management, Finance, Trading, Raising a family/child
• Social Skills
• Charisma knowing how to sell him or her self.
• Destroying negative habits
• Forming positive habits
• Meditation
• Reducing Stress
• Exercise
• Clothes (as superficial as this is)
• Speech
• Family (unfortunately true)
• Positive thinking
• Generating positivity
• Generosity
• Competence
• Language skills (at least English)
• Nurturing friendships
• Financial Independence
• (Cryptocurrencies)
• Offering a product or service (coaching, consulting, a book, an app, a website, offering skills)
• Abiding to principles
• Discipline
• Strategic intent
• Hobbies which fulfill Maslow pyramid getting recognition and self-esteem, potential partners, relationships, sex, emotional security, creative outlet,
• Awareness
• Uniqueness(Gifts, talents, predispositions)
• Basic survival needs
• Food (right kinds of foods)
• Water (right kind of water)
• Shelter (right kind of environment)
• Political Awareness
• Education
• Country
• (State)
• Religion
• Hormones (?)
• Breathing (considering pollution)
• Quality air
• Sunlight exposure
• Visiting doctors, dentists other rapists.
• Inner Game
• Positive self-talk
• Energy management
• Managing subtle addictions coffee, sugar, ravenousness,
• Attitude
• How to approaches
• Asking questions
• Finding competent people
• Dealing with toxic people
• Life experience ( travel, age, country, religion, family, state, language, culture, projects, talents, hobbies, gifts)
• Company
• Department
• Housing, Apartment, flat
• Predispositions, illnesses, trauma, mental illness,
• Friendships
• (Travelling for modern day survival)
• Sleep 7-8h
• Constant learning
• Virtues
• Group/friends/company with similar virtues
• (Enlightenment for trans-post-integral-post-survival or meta survival)
• Persistence
• Endurance
• Ability to deal with hardships

Knowing how to deal with depression


Things I did not finish from the notes I have taken.
 

Survival can be fun!


There is nothing just or fair about it is just survival

Model is wrong:

Survival at the micro level

-> planning of planning

-> adding of adding

-> sleeping of sleeping

-> routine before bed

-> planning the whole week and checking in or planning each day

-> keeping options open

-> throwing in my two cents

-> using the actualized.org forum

Check how it adds your survival:
Also, check that it is important to your survival.


What is unique to your self-image

What is that ghost

Drama is survival in action

If I want to relieve from that become a master of understanding survival

Survival is suffering

To stall out the clock

Unique demands of your ghost:

Who does it want?

What threatens it
Who does it want to be?
Observe your self-surviving

 

Macro survival strategies

-> weekly planning

Intellectual worldviews and ideas I am attached to

What is survival of survival ?

-> The process of survival ?

What is my life is not survival?


I can't really address every point otherwise I'd be spending an hour thinking about this minimum. Yet, I saw a guy yesterday in the cafeteria wearing a shirt with the nike logo upside down saying I can't do this. And it looked like a sarcastic smile or some sort of mustache that is sarcastic and it reminded me that humor definitely is fun! I truly miss extroverted people who can help me get out of my shell otherwise I am stuck with a constant conception of the concept of planning. 

I also looked into master programs today, and I was surprised that I still have a lot of options open. Also, I did not find much about the thing I want to dive deeper into. I am not sure if I want to dive into robotics without testing any of it. I took an A.I class on my voluntarily, the math behind how he explained it was not that difficult, yet it took some time to get back into it.

Tomorrow I will go there again, even if I said that I would not go last journal entry and I even wrote a mail to him because I asked him for an exercise sheet I did not receive. 

There was more, yet I would need the necessary time or good questions to come up with it again. Here my resume for today.

What I learned today and what I wanted to improve + changes. 

• Do another 30-day challenge with the whiteboard and stick with that 
• Currently, I want to do more deep work and thought conceptually about it and did some stuff, this is so important as programmer engineer etc. That I want different approaches, I definitely utilize the journalist approach mentioned in the book. 
• Workout tomorrow, this habit is so solid, I am surprised going to the gym or jogging 5 times a week.
• Vitamin C and Iron are live savers in the morning
• I still suck with being more extroverted. Now I am gone!
  
  The 30 day challenge will be either cold showers, visualizations, or cbt. Since, I can't stick with these currently. 
  
  There is more. So, another time another entry.

 

Edited June 6, 2019 by ValiantSalvatore

[ValiantSalvatore]

Reflections of the past two days.

I finished the audiobook deep work from Cal Newport on Friday and already started to re-listen to it again.

What did I learn and what principles do I take out of the book?

Definitely, the journalism method to take the time of spontaneously to do deep work for a day or two. Otherwise generally to take time off when I am processing difficult work or doing a project some people in the audiobook took two months of. Not everyone has that kind of luxury. 

Then, that deep work does not count as taking one day off and doing a lot of work. If it is not possible to do this 1h is fine a day to work deeply on a subject, yet it is important to reduce shallow distractions. 

What shallow distractions do I reduce?
-> actualized.org comments even if I am quite active here lately, I reduced it through a filter on my pc, so I mainly type things either... on the toilet for some great info or while I am taking breaks between studying for 5 to 15min. Which is fine and serves as sort of a reward.

-> Social Media, I deleted Instagram, I dislike using facebook anyway and have my phone on silent. 

-> E-mails I have more or less dedicated time and I don't receive as much.

-> Netflix etc. I don't use this a lot after I quitted TV for years already.

What shallow distractions am I still influenced by?

-> YouTube and watching videos online

-> Actualized.org

-> News sometimes 

That is about it I think I am doing pretty good with distractions, there are some minor ones which bother me more. I have more trouble sticking to a schedule, yet it is getting better slowly. I definitely want to do a 30-day challenge with visualization either after meditation or before going to bed and holding myself accountable with a calendar. I will re-listen to the audiobook again and do some speed reading after the exams are over for 30 days, that should fit as my next 30-day challenge. Otherwise, I'll stick to the advice from the other two cal Newport books I read, yet the students association here has it "backwards" if they still post pictures of racism and a guy booting a black guy and I even know the person who posted the picture. Shows me their "wokeness" the guy is not necessarily racist, yet would turn to one for survivals sake. Since, it is "practical" which is so orange/blue, yes I am simplifying, yet I can't turn to other concepts currently and I think spiral dynamics fits. 

 

I hope the European election results produce some change, on how they deal with people, people can't see how classist, racist, sexist, etc. They are and that we even have to talk about it bothers me. It's important yes, yet nobody talks about the nuance, I can do it with two people explaining others the nuance, is not worth it politicians should enforce these views or make it a bit more obvious. Yet, people don't care as much to build their own opinion. Which would even be more stage orange or orange/green! Since one trust only his or her own experience. 

I do notice these tendencies sometimes in myself, yet I can't get feedback very well since nobody apparently seems to think or notice it and others go through life and diminish it. Tbh this is why I like the cs nerds more, their practicality thinking is above the "engineering" type people whom I meet, so they are more aware of the "software" social constructions of things and the abstract reality of things etc. Yet, their arrogance is higher. Also, they are more polite and compassionate in my experience. This is why I like cs so much also, besides coding and the moral questions that are being asked for instance in a.i classes. 

Now, I did a good amount of work on Friday and studied early in the morning attend my classes and went back home, since a friend of mine gave me an opportunity to potentially earn some money. His father has a couple of companies and he had a heart attack, now he is the business executive of all of this stuff. They will sell an old apartment and all of the items and products inside, most of it is semi-trash some of it is sellable. Yet, they have for instance a different company which produces army trucks in the past, no idea how his father managed to do all of this mostly alone. He told me some crazy stories this is the guy who is going to become a doctor in the a.i / cs field. It's sad that he jumped off the spiritual path somehow because it was forced upon him because of his culture. He showed me his paper that he is writing about convoluted algorithms, obviously, I have no clue, yet I was interested and told him reading the abstract is fine, he explained his model to me and reduced the parameters used be using some sort of recursion? To 1.3 million and it is getting peer-reviewed now, I could find the paper online, I never thought I'd befriend a person who is a scientist or wants to become one. 

Still, it makes sense after my LSD trips and my upbringing + materialistic cultures and how to progress generally happens or is happening right now.

I watched this documentary today, only the first part. 
 

Anyway, he showed me the store and I took one thing that I could potentially sell online, afterward we hung-out. This is one of the friends where I feel he is very yellow and I can talk about knowledge all-day, yet I noticed the number of books and knowledge he consumes, let alone solely through friends is very different from my media-driven peers and friends is different + he is just getting into more PD with nootropics and food, so I can't really talk much besides politics which is just standard somehow, with bi-racial compatriots or green + people. They don't understand how monoracial people project so much based on culture, language, etc. But, fine some do some don't. 

In the end, it is behavioral driven unfortunately social constructs exist. Like I read today in the students association, just gives me more incentives to leave these stupid people behind. Taking an objective standpoint and distancing myself is the best I can hope for, for deluded people.

This region is not "woke" enough to enjoy it's nature even, the performance group does. The egalitarian people are acting as moralistic bourgeoisie and are more orange/green. 

Otherwise, I am shooting for a 2h session of meditation today, I usually do an hour and on Wednesday 1h and 45min. 

I'll visit some friends of my family today and we will be grilling, I will take my laptop with me and go there by bike for some exercise and enjoyment of nature. So, I can work on the two coding projects and make some progress and I don't have to cook  

This is what I partially mean with the journalism method. As long as there are internet and a place where I am not distracted I can work. I want to benefit more from that when I move into a larger city. I'll like working outside and indoors. Which is a bit difficult to find besides libraries. 

Besides that the friend showed me some courses that are doable in a.i about convolution networks and invited me to do some coding sessions, since he also dislikes to code alone the whole time, if you have a friend who can sit around and code for some time that is just nice, for some small talks breaks, getting through stuff and talking about problems here and there. For him he said it is motivating, he also gets very hyped explaining scientific stuff and general is ok with explaining and very very very good with details. So, I'll gladly take the invitation to do some coding sessions over the weekend. Yet, this will be either possible in October or in July as I told him because of my schedule. 

So, enough writing in a journal. I definitely want to think about the difference of having an online journal and a physical one. I thought about posting my physical journals. Not sure why gives me a feeling of accomplishment. As do video games etc. I read a book about this stuff etc.

Now on to the journey towards no-self...

 

[ValiantSalvatore]

10 min journal entry: I will set myself a timer and write.

I am back at uni, we had holidays or a prolonged weekend from Friday to Tuesday. Now, over the weekend nothing spectacular happened, some stuff. Yet, I was lazy and somehow I noticed that the feeling of complacency is somehow gone. I kept thinking about my Enneagram type which apparently changed from 6/5 to 4/5 over a 4 year period but! I took the official test from the site so, I stick with 4/5 I remember vaguely, that working is one of the things that make 4/5 the happiest because of some reason to go towards, yes growth went towards 1 and 1 was the achiever or so. I think I have the pdf on my phone. 

So, I thought about that... and noticed how much I slack off when there are environmental incentives to do so. I mean fuck tv, and video games to a degree. Not that they are bla bla, yet I am not so much inclined to play video games or watch tv as I was inclined to in the past. Quitting TV was one of the easiest things, I was just so determined to stop watching TV. That I just turned it off and that's it. I watch the occasional series on my TV with my Laptop, yet this is like every two months for 1h and 30min on average.

Otherwise, journaling now would take me an hour.  To write down all of my impressions. 

I definitely notice that digital journaling especially online makes me more prone to think constructively about my life in terms of what can I do? With a physical journal,I feel more sentimental and nostalgic and want to write about my feelings and express myself. Potentially, because people could watch and in general I work on my laptop, that I tend to think more constructively. 

Ah. Btw. I called the police yesterday because the hysterical asshole was upstairs yesterday. This time they came and I am going to sue, them if they keep being so loud. They are depriving me of sleep and my health and are being heavily inconsiderate. 

Time is up, I almost finished the spiral dynamics book and wanted to write about Blue/orange. Long story short what I can recall is that they steadily refer back to what is! This is how things are! My "theology" needs to be argued and their needs to be a winner and a loser! It's a fine distinction and I could not tell what it makes more orange than blue, potentially the need to convince and to not demonize and kill. Most likely this is the color code of how missionaries and colonialism started.

Video to watch:
 

 

[ValiantSalvatore]

Another 10 min entry:

I watched the video above this morning from Sadghuru. It was kinda boring I am not sure how "practical", spiritual advice can get. Now, I am in my favorite learning spot on the campus. It's even quieter than the library and just above the library. 

Now Peter Ralston and Eckhart Tolle have two new videos. I did not watch them, yet will watch them when I do my 5 and 15-minute breaks in between learning. 

Otherwise, I meet with my prof yesterday and asked for some clarifications and he explained to me a couple of things, which I did not know with the command line. I am not sure what to think of this Prof. he is quite nice but, often the ratings on my.prof.de or so, represent the quality of the professor. For instance, I asked one Prof after the class today to show me how to built the servlet in eclipse. In this class, we mandatorily have to learn java,javascript,php and html. To build for instance WebApps or to go into WebDevelopment I dislike the topic, yet I like the coding. Anyway, the Prof has a rating even when he is strict of 90%+ and he was very kind and even said Ta-da at the end with reminded me of Leo since he is the only one who does this who I "know". So, I had to laugh really loud and this definitely made my day.

Otherwise, the holiday season is apparently kicking in. I tend to forget this since it really does not apply to me. My parents are divorced and therefore financial means are limited to a greater extent. Especially, since my mom tends to be more traditionally girly, therefore she never cared about having a career even if she had options but declined since it was to much stress. Now it is coming back. I dislike her a lot of this. Even if get along very well. 

Now, I am off to study till 22:00 today is a "hard" day, so I will study the rest of the time. I started my 30-day challenge with my whiteboard two days ago. To tackle two limiting beliefs and do a 10-minute visualization before going to bed. In October I wanted to test the Sedona-Method.

Ideally, I send a couple of applications for employment for a summer job, yet I wanted to do my mandatory internship. I could have already done that, I theoretically did, yet I wanted more practical experience. Because the internship I got was a small detour, where I stayed in London for two months over the summer. Technically I have some stuff, I already sent out applications, yet only 4. Which 1 decline and 3 not responding. 

Now, 10 minutes are over. It would again take me an hour to dig up more topics that I have thought about and this environment here rather forces me in a very positive way to work on my tasks.  

Oh, yes I wanted to write about my workout routine and ideally make a plan how much calories I lose, I bought a Mi-Band to test that constantly. 

[ValiantSalvatore]

Wanted to write two posts today:

I finished most of what I could finish today. The last two hours (1min overtime currently will set a timer of 12 minutes this time) I cleaned up my room a bit and picked up laundry from the drying rack (or horse how they apparently call it in the UK) and folded all of these.

I can't bear how amazing this post already is! So, what I wanted to write about is some random and coincidental things and ponder.. again.

As I finished studying I went for a walk around the tartan track and there was a guy with his dog right behind me. I felt as if I should not talk to the guy or play with the dog, I was sort of in a nonchalant tired of discursive thinking mode (weitschweifig mal wieder ein neues Wort gelernt). 

So, I was sitting there outside on the stand and suddenly the dog was chasing a rabbit. I was neither amazed nor anything else. It just happend and the freaky curly-wurly dog was chasing the rabbit across the whole tartan track and the soccer field. The owner was a bit perplexed not knowing what to do he kept whistling, yet the dog was so excited chasing the rabbit.

The both vanished from my view then came back and suddenly the rabbit was down for it, he started to sprint along the 100-meter track and past me on the stand, I had my phone in the hand, yet I did not immediately think about recording the dog catching the rabbit The rabbit was way faster than the dog lol and lost the dog afterward. 

The owner caught up with the dog and the rabbit was gone, he was very cool about it and just kept whistling. Hysterical dog owners are annoying sometimes. But he was just calm and collected.

Anyway, I came back and cleaned my apartment a bit it took me two hours to clean all of the dirty dishes, fold my clothes and to take out the trash. I was listening to an audiobook during that time. Integral Spirituality from Ken Wilber.

He mentioned coming back to the coincidence that there is a Japanese saying - chase two rabbits and catch none. In terms of choosing a spiritual practice and changing master and master, practice and practice over and over again. 

Which he mentioned is definitely a hindrance. He talked more about stuff, Leo also talks about. Yet, this viewpoint would be a bit more conflicting. Also, Ken mentioned that it is difficult to not have a teacher, who can explain the spiritual map. And all the structure etc. talk.

Now on to business?

I want to do a 90-minute sit in the morning since I am getting up at 06:00 and I keep falling back into bed. I want something to work towards or look forward too, especially since uni or other goals did not work.

What worked was definitely visualizations before going to bed that is why I am doing that again and igniting my vision. Therefore, to be subconsciously programmed to be hyped. Then by "nature" I am a night owl and go to bed by 02:00 - 04:00 which is just horribad. 

Now I am past the twelve-minute mark. 

Ideally, I'll write down my work out routine tomorrow and count my calorie intake and do some quick research on how much calories I approximately need to lose weight. Worst mistake I am currently doing with my workouts is to not eat afterward sometimes. I already feel the gains when eating protein-rich foods. I don't buy  "weigh" currently. 

So, 90 minutes meditation session in the morning 20 min bath 10 minutes eating. Then head-off to studying that is my current plan. + ! 5 minute planning in the morning. In my bullet journal. Now 23min past bed time. 




 

[ValiantSalvatore]

Here I go again:

Today I finished my 90 min meditation session. I was able to do 60 min sitting and 30 min lying down. I got distracted because of my scar and had some very angry thoughts because I can't feel my body properly because of this, also my body feels slightly twisted. To the degree that I sometimes when I meditate naturally turn my head to the right without noticing it. Anyway, if anyone thinks this is funny. I almost died because of it during birth. So, I gladly kill you. Any day anytime. 

I downloaded the app creamcat recommended to induce a more natural way of influencing melatonin called f.lux I already had the app once, yet was unsure if it works. I am getting back into my natural rhythm when going back to my parent's house. I often slack with my routine. Today I will also workout I scheduled my day in advance in timeblocks as Cal Newport recommends. 

Now, I checked the pdf to do the internship and also the recommendations to do my bachelors and I meet all the requirements. I was a bit worried. 
Also, I strategically did what they recommend, not sure if everyone does this, yet I assume most. To do a "bachelors" and to do the internship with the intent to build more theory and foundations around the subject of the "bachelors" or simply to do some groundwork. My Prof. already approved this and technically I am a semester ahead because I did the voluntary project. Practically, I was stuck with some simple things the employee at the company solved in an instant because it was my phone aka a hardware problem. 

Now, I still hope I can learn a lot of this Prof. I took a time table and wrote down the recommended times to study for the exams. I am still not very productive if I had to intuit I score in the 7 percentile of industriousness and listened to the lecture on how to increase it.  From JP. Which basically says stick to a plan and have a vision IIRC, yet stick to a plan and execute it. Which I do with daily planning. I figure I am getting more into the 20-30 percentile range. Especially, with working out for 5 months now 5 times a week. I feel like a madman I sweat like a madman the day before yesterday my accountability structure aka my phone since no one wants to work out. Works surprisingly well. I receive my clap claps and the app cheers for me. No.1 reasons why robots will be great, humans just suck sometimes. 

Now, I have an app installed or an extension that will block this site in 60 seconds. So, I'll spend a maximum of 15 minutes a day on this site. Via my pc. My phone does not have a blocker. 

I wanted to write my workout routine to feel good about myself and I read a bit about testosteron. 10-15minute journaling is apparently only good for mental health reasons ?

 

[ValiantSalvatore]

So, I have nothing planned for the weekend besides studying. I took care of some administrative tasks today in the morning which took me about 1h and 30min. The walk down the hill takes some time, yet it is okay.

What I want to do today is I still want to work on my project for 1h and 30min and then read and go to bed. I still waste a lot of time with random distractions and therefore don't stick as much to my schedule as I want to. Some things are necessary. 

When reading about the jobs etc. of other people I definitely regret my choice of major, yet this is what interested me and combined both aspects of what I wanted to do. Now, I keep checking in my study breaks what I can do afterward and I am happy that I can develop some health and exercise oriented apps and learn a bit more about concurrency and programming mobile games. 

I never thought I like mathematics that much and in general just theories, I worked against this conditioning with the LP course and before with CBT exercises. Now, life feels more like a numbers game. Rinse and repeat and reap the results. Studying is fine etc. Still, I notice when browsing here that my comparison mind kicks in, so I treat it with mindfulness over and over again. 

Now my workout today was a bit easier than yesterday.  I am following a program hybrid strength via the freeletics app. 

For instance, my workout on Monday will be without the warmup which is difficult because of diving pushups.

50x Jumping Jacks

20x Crunches

20x Lunges
20x Burpees

5 rounds of that. So, in total 100 burpees. 

+ some smaller stuff.  

Doing them in a row would be easier, yet the jumping jacks and the other stuff definitely takes a toll on the body. 
The exercises are apparently very good and utilize explosive strength and are good for neuromuscular efficiency and increase the speed my nervous system communicates with my muscles. I looked into how all of this works cursory (pun intended) and this is also supposed to be good for the joints and increases the dynamic joint stability by sending a signal. The muscle sends unconsciously a signal to stabilize the joint which is good training for knee injuries since the mechanical joint stability is "sometimes" not able to stabilize itself anymore. There is more to the subject.
https://www.freeletics.com/en/blog/posts/confused-about-contrast-training/
https://www.physio-pedia.com/Neuromuscular_Exercise_Program

This definitely is an easy explanation. I started to look into how joints look and now know what a subluxation (partially) is.
http://www.sportsclinicnq.com.au/blog/neuromuscular-training

This could be interesting for robotics. I mean I still think too much about what I want to do for a living. I could do a lot of things apparently! With this weirdo degree. I could go into game design and VR, I could do standard cs degree aka masters. I looked into data science and some unis I can't apply for that, but after following the TechLead and Joma on YouTube I started to see ok, data science is not going to earn me the money that I want to. Apparently, since I want to move to the U.S badly. I have American citizenship and I still have contact with my Dad, so he can help me even with friends, etc. to get started, in case that is potentially needed. Otherwise, there is a uni the offers robotics and some others which have more to do with the stuff, where we only scratched the surface. App/Mobile development seems to be good for a side-hustle and in general a good skill to have. Otherwise, I am learning java stuff and internet programming, databases my c++ course I was not able not take it. ANNNNNDD I had bureaucracy sometimes. 

Most people don't understand how a divorce etc. impacts life quality and upbringing, just by meeting people who have parents that are divorced. I am doing well and I am actively working against such things having an impact. Yet, even having to thing about changing your biological mechanisms, like described above is way out of the ordinary. I also want to move badly, I dislike this town it's fine it's okay. Yet, to much Orange/green at uni, the greens are great. The few yellows are their own caliber. I am happy I choose a Prof. which is very yellow. I hope I can learn a lot from him as a person and technical skills also. 

What else. I checked how much calories I am supposed to intake. 

For a mid-weight loose I would need 2300 calories a day, to lose 0.5 kilograms a week.
Apparently, high-intensity workouts that I do would burn up to 402 calories. When I do the math. 8-14 calories a minute. Approx 40 min high-intensity exercises and 1h+ / - strength exercises. (5 times a week)

When I check my Mi-Band3 I loose about 230-300 calories a workout. Yet, I don't see as many gains as I'd like to have. I had to stop my workout coach two times since I 'd the subscription when I was in week seven and in week 4 or so. Now, I am back to week 3. With a one year subscription.

Note: count calories as a challenge either 7 days and record it here, not sure if I need a scale.

Now, when I went back and we had a couple of holidays I always went to a 5k run, yet endurance is my biggest weakness. So, I did it. Yet, two or three times I just walked because I was somehow trapped in negative thinking otherwise. It's okay. I can run the 5k, yet not without stops. Which makes me feel weak etc. I want to train this after I am done with my coach for 12 weeks. 

What could be a solution, what I did when I excelled in college for one fking semester was when even when going back I jogged to the park and did some exercises. Now, I can do that easily again to have a buffer for not having a gym subscription back home. Otherwise, I go for bike rides, yet not above 28km, I checked the last time which is not very far. So, I went and did a 5k workout afterward.

I want to excel more, yet I struggle a bit with socializing here. I like nerdy people, yet there are not enough. I joined the Unix Ag and will most likely go to the froscon in two weeks. So, this is also what calnewport recommends. Starting a club or being the president of a club, I could have the choice to go for sports, yet I decided not to because the uni is very small and therefore it would be some random thing I do. I thought about offering meditation, yet then I stopped considering my own temper sometimes and thoughts I have. 

Now I will study for 1h and 30 min ideally or do only one study session of 45min. Then read and go to bed wake up at 06:00 and meditate again for 90 minutes. 

I will do this near my bed with my zafu and zabuton tomorrow morning in my apartment for 90 minutes at 06:30 am. 




 

[ValiantSalvatore]

Alright, I have to be quick I planned my day. I only had 4h of sleep and then slept for another 4h. Yesterday I was able to wake up at 06:00 and today it was around 10:30 because I went back to bed. I meditated for 1h and 30 min

Obstacles I want to overcome this is the habit I implemented:
-> Going to bed early

-> Reducing noises

-> Take a cold shower or hop into the shower

-> Turn on some YouTube video directly in the morning 

-> COLD FKING SHOWER



Meal: I wanted to count calories and in general have an overview so, I don't need to think and calculate that much.

Coconut milk approx: 112 kcal per 100ml = 442kcal for one can of coconut milk

Natural rice approx: 360 kcal per 100g = 3590 kcal for one kg.

Curry paste: 108 kcal per 100g = one small glass has 125gram (Alnatura brand)

Vegetables: 91kcal per 100g = one pack has 400g so 364 kcal. (Iglo)

This would be my meal for today: 

My calorie intake would be round about: ~1000 kcal.

This is when I eat healthily: I eat in the cantine Monday - Friday to save time. I am not very resourceful currently.

1 minute left to go before the blocker, blocks the site on the pc for the whole day.

[ValiantSalvatore]

Another 15 min entry the timer is set:

What do I want to write about?

• Workout
• Schedule 
• Time spent
• Apps
• Habits

Now for my workout, I watched a video ate something and approx. had a 20gram + - protein intake.

Rewatch this video:

Reread this link: https://www.netdoktor.at/laborwerte/hormone-8457

I am following the hybrid strength coach from freeletics and I am doing pretty good, today I noticed I can lift more weights when I isolate my biceps. Even when the workout is more focused around bodyweight training and lifting weights. I still have some with my form difficulties the gym is quite small. Yet, I enjoy it somehow more now.

Schedule:
I did my 90 min meditation, yet I struggle a lot with my early waking up-habit. I often think oh I can listen to my body and just keep sleeping and when I feel rested I have more energy for the day. Which is usually the case then. Yet, in England and China, I had to wake up at 06:00 that is the difference. Even when visualizing and doing things in the morning that I want to do I struggle with following through. I find it easier to wake up when I have classes, internships a job, etc. Because there is an impetus to do it. 

I wrote down my obstacles also in my digital journal sometime and broke down the reasons why this is occurring. 
I listened to the atomic habit audiobook and another habit audiobook. Note: Make an audiobook plan. 

I want to do cold showers again to be fit in the morning.

Time spent: 

• Approx: 30 min on actualized.org with my pc.
• Approx: 20+min on actualized.org with my phone.
• Studying: 3h without counting breaks etc. Raw 3h intense focus studying for 45min so 4 study session.
• Workout: With walking changing cloth etc. 2h today was a long workout because of weightlifting and pauses. 
• Meditation: 1h30
• Oversleeping: 4h
• Cooking: 30min made a quick meal since I had no breakfast.

Distraction: Nr.1 YouTube and phone. I notice my 5 minute breaks after studying tend to be 7min or 8min and the 15min break kills basically my scheduled 4th study session which is dedicated to one subject. 

All in all, technically my breaks should be 45minutes for 6 study session. I effectively can do 5 study session when I execute it perfectly, yet I do more 4 most of the time. Averaging about 3h of effective studying during the afternoon. I want to reduce my pauses by 5 min every second study session. 

Tomorrow I most likely can't study outside. So, I will make tea and study indoors and go for walks + audiobooks and review them with my entries here. 


I killed my morning with 4h oversleeping. 

Time is up.
Editing approx: 2min






 

Edited June 15, 2019 by ValiantSalvatore

[ValiantSalvatore]

Today the morning routine worked out. I am still very tired and going to make myself some green tea. I stayed up in bed which I rarely do and read some article about the solar plexus and because I was interested in it because of meditation. I will schedule my day and start at 10 am to study approx. I kept thinking about hormones and how they transmit information and unlock the cells to transform glucose into energy or other sugars. 

Otherwise, hormones are peptides there are also fats that build up hormones, the difference between peptides and proteins in their size and peptides are larger by 100 amino acids.
Not sure if there is more to know besides this small fact, that could be relevant. 

• Serotonin is a hormone.
• Dopamine is a hormone.
• Testosterone is a hormone. 
• Estrogen is a hormone.
• Insulin is a hormone. 
• Oxytocin is a hormone.
• Cortisol is a hormone.
• Adrenaline is a hormone. 
• Growth hormones are hormones. 

What are they good for? 
They transmit information and are endogenous (rly ? lol), there are produced in gland cells (Drüsenzellen)  in certain "organ systems" and afterward are transported into the blood. Then they connect to the cells where they transmit the information. For e.g insulin opens cells in order for the cells to "eat" glucose. Hormones are quite slow, they need a couple of minutes or hours to transport information, nerve cells on the contrary need only a couple of seconds. 

Now, why do I do this, for of all because it connects back to the books I read or listened to. Sex at dawn etc.
In general, I find it interesting how the body functions. Yesterday, as I stayed awake. I could not not think about solar plexus. Plexus is Latin for "Nervengeflecht" which is just plexus is eng apparently. 

Now, I did not know but I am not surprised that the vagus nerve is connected to it the article that I found was quite long. I kept wondering about chakras after reading the article since I really wanted to know what the solar plexus looked like. I could not imagine how nerves look like in the body. 
I still only know it from a digital graphic. Now, as far as I recall correctly, the vagus nerve is connected to the brain stem and also transports serotonin, dopamine?, oxytocin, etc. So all of these hormones. The brain and the solar plexus which is also called the small brain, not to be confused with the cerebellum and the other part I mentioned in the Samskara post. The solar plexus and the brain communicate with each other yet about 90% is from the plexus towards the brain, which is what I often felt. Now, this part of the body is quite complex, it controls the spleen etc. Tbh, I don't know what these parts of the body do - briefly, they protected with lymphocytes the body from illness. 

Afterward, I thought how naive and how also partially correct most likely all of this character talk is, yet looking at the actual physiology it does seem to make somehow sense. 

I mean we don't walk around with a solar plexus chakra spinning near the sternum, the plexus is way larger than that. 
Now, I don't know how well this connects with other chakras, yet I was interested in body functions and found out more than I wanted. As usual.




Nr.6 is the vagus nerve which connects to the brain and almost every number is part of the solar plexus.


Reread this link:
https://www.dr-gumpert.de/html/solarplexus.html


About yesterday: I still studied for one 45min session and made myself a Q and A for an easier class which gives a lot of cp though. 

Was hyped for Leo's episode this morning. But, he or youtube declined that people want to become woke. I bet.
 

Edited June 16, 2019 by ValiantSalvatore

[ValiantSalvatore]

I want to make a plan before I want to trip again possibly the end of July or beginning of August. I am not sure which substance I will get my hands on. Yet, before all of that.

There is still the great filter 

Now, I was set up to come to all of these "conclusions" more or less and keep wondering about coincidences. I am definitely so tired of stage orange international students. I want to blow my freaking brain out.

Rewatch this video when before the trip

Reread this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four-dimensional_space
(Euclidean space - thank you Shinzen + my intuition.....) 

Remember watch one link which has been sent to me from a course.

Ideally, buy one book from Leo's list concerning psychedelics, etc. 
+ Shoot for one experience via Psychonaut wiki.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rKm-WXRH2IQ

Plan:

• Set up day.
• Watch the video above:
• Re-read the article about the 4th dimension.
• Journal and set intentions.
• Eat beforehand
• Meditate beforehand
• Review Shinzens techniques and stuff learned while practicing the last time no technique was applicable and I just licked the tail of the ox
• Watch the Tail of The Ox Episode (Link)  (Day before)
• Read about samadhis and jhanas and take some notes!  (Day before)
• Compare it with the ultimate Wilber Map (Day while tripping)

During the trip: 

• This is a bit more difficult. I am still unsure what to do exactly, it will depend on my intention.
• I definitely want to go for a minimum of 2h meditation session. While peaking and see if it is worth it.
• Otherwise, I think I am let off to feel good and gather insights.
• Don't do it in the student's dorm.
• Create a music playlist (shamanic Viking music, pop music, more progressive rock, djent, tool especially,)
• Test different binaural beats or nature background noises while meditating, last time I went really deep with bird sounds and nature. 

At best:

• The weeks before work out.
• Have a lot of positive experiences or generate them. 
• For instance, go for a biking tour again with my bf near a river.
• Do a weekend retreat from shinzen. 

(Side Note: I once took LSD and went into the last day or session of the online retreat from shinzen, I did not experience anything weird but felt quite spacious)




Otherwise, not sure I am procrastinating by writing this post, and I postponed my scheduled walk. I finished about 5 study sessions and I figured I have to ask the prof. since I am stuck on one problem, where I am not sure if this a problem. So, I will continue with the script.

I still want to live my dream life and I definitely need to move from this area and place. I finished reading the sprial dynamics book and this is even when a lot of people are greenish~ a "slug festival" of Blue/orange. What is mentality. Which is just bad annoying and I should be able to sue them for letting me produce an unnecessary stress response. 

I am so happy. That I meet some stage yellow friends or at least green/yellow, yet more yellow. 

The one girl who wanted to test psychedelics and tested it explained to me the 4th dimension of her trip, I cant still fathom what she experienced and she definitely did not want to share as much of it. I can understand parts of it, but I feel like this is cheating somehow.

Still, this is a yellow +/- person.

I sent both of them the spiral dynamics page and both ranked themselves as turquoise and yellow and they are not the type to not assess themselves somehow accurately. I don't think they are turquoise but by their level of activity, they are both yellow and stable yellow. 

It's funny how difficult it is to find a topic to talk about when others know so much and you so little. Especially also academically. Yet, it is possible and fun. 


Now, what else did I do?

I studied for 6 study session approx. today, I hope the other guys will be quiet today. I am not sure.
This is about 4h of intense focus, similar to a SDS sit... I am not the best at studying yet.

I also will go to bed today sooner and wake up tomorrow. I made a challenge on my whiteboard to study for 10h a day for 7 days. I will segment this into 4h blocks and one two hour block. I will not be able to do that on Wednesday, because of too many classes. 

Otherwise, I will do my 30-day visualization and challenging believe challenge and listen to an Allan watts audiobook, potentially, to deal with potential nihilism. 

I missed 2h of scheduled studying because of procrastination. YouTube, This Forum, etc. Tomorrow it will again be blocked from Monday to Saturday to access the forum for more than 15min. 

Hopefully, everything works out as visualized and scheduled. 










 

Edited June 16, 2019 by ValiantSalvatore

[ValiantSalvatore]

Very happy!

My Professor ( pls read about personality types) had an accident and he still makes things happen in the hospital. I can do everything as planned fking happy!

My 90 min meditation session today was good too, a class was canceled and I already have enough points to not visit the class for the exercises for that particular class to take part in the exam. Also, it is not relevant for the exam. So, 4h30 of lectures are voided.

Now, I definitely want to watch the personality type series lmao posted again with Si/TI axis and general axis. I watched parts of it, yet somehow it did not hook. The social factor for feeling a drive and getting things done is quite big for me. Not as much as an ENFJ for example but big, especially with a smaller group, that meets up!

Now 

I do most things but as a potential rewatch I'll post it here I skimmed the video solely. 

Otherwise, I will watch Leos video a bit then plan and start studying for the day. To finish my 7-day challenge.

[ValiantSalvatore]

Now, I wanted to make another post here and thought I'd be finished faster but I got distracted by the forum... The blocker works great for that during the day and today was a good day definitely. 

Timer 10min:

Short recap:
I changed my approach to studying even if it is a small adjustment I tended to do 45min and 5 minute breaks and every second 45min break I took a 15-minute break. Resulting in 1h30 study 20 min break. 

Now, I will do 1h and 40 min with a 20 min break. So, doing two 50 minute sessions with a 10min break. Is better, I can also learn to read articles etc. during that time, but for now, I will do w/e I want.
 

There was a weird incident while working out, I acted and was not sure if it was toxic or not but it felt appropriate in an assertive and athlete kinda way, not sure if I am pushing the perspective too much. 

I noticed some unconscious thoughts I have everyone here has and are based on the unconscious field......... of the region which has a thick Blue/orange layer, this is where I also did shadow work in dealing often with "what is". I also think that this is a layer to overcome to stopping populist agenda and "rabble-rousing".

Ideally, I watch the MBTI series in my break and write tomorrow here in my journal what I learned. I will meet with a person and study together for an exam, he often sees the perspective that I am missing and I open Pandora's box, so it works out as long as it does not get to complex lol. Then I have to go back. 

Another student also gave me the advice today to change the university for my masters, since this here is to a degree a travesty because of the "Einstellung" of the people. You can smack them more opportunities in the face, they still won't work. 

Now, I definitely want to read upon MBTI, the axis is similar to what I already noticed while solely... listening to the sound of peoples voice and thinking about my meditation techniques and trips. Also, I feel that I am up for some shadow work again, these people are amazing. Also, very inconsiderate. I will do some shadow work around that, potentially it is me. But, the projection of others is just a given nowadays, also I am reading the book a bit while going to bed.. 48 laws of power. I watched many reviews, but I wanted to learn more about stage red. I think this will be good for asserting myself. (There is still the great filter )

Time is up. Also, I will receive my key to the "laboratory". Maybe I post a picture... or not, it's a room full of nvida devices and health devices for android programming and health apps, etc. This is what I will be working on. Let's see what this will turn out to be. I am going with my intuition for the long haul here. 

 

[ValiantSalvatore]

Set a 10minute timer and will go to bed afterward and do my 30-day visualization and cbt challenge. 

I hurt my ankle a bit while working out and almost could not continue working out. I took to many weights and wanted to back squat 90kg in total, without counting the pole. I was able to do it with 6 repetitions and could have done more, but I have to stretch my Achilles tendons in advance to prevent injuries I found a good exercise for that while working out. Yet, all of this procrastination costs me the last study session where I wanted to study for the easy course in advance and take some notes from the script and set up a Q and A review of it, with already broken down concepts. But, it takes some time to do that. I took that "idea" from the Cornell note-taking method and accidentally, misunderstood and now I use my own version of it where I don't have to buy the small cards for learning vocabulary to do q and a or use Anki or some other app. It takes some time, but is very effective for more conceptual classes, since I am using both repeating it verbally, using my hand for writing and explaining the concept as simple as possible using questions to further evoke other questions with further "potentially" evoke other questions which help to build coherency IMO. The self-explaining helps with being creative since I don't always know what I am saying and therefore "come up with some shit" and find creative examples. 

Now I made some progress today in one course and I struggle with one for some time now. I found a good page and other tutorials, yet I am not sure what the Professor wants and I am still in the understanding and dabbling around the phase of the project. Tomorrow I have more classes and can't be as intense as today for studying. I also need to clean my room on the weekend and wash clothes, I also need a new system for clothes this is just annoying. 

Shinzen will be leading a retreat so there is no life practice program which is unfortunate, also the uni cat visited me today and I gave him some food he always cheers me up and is very trusting, but I left my door open and he slid out, I was not able to trap him in my room . 
 Time is up for approx 2 min now.
 

[ValiantSalvatore]

Today I wanted to do a review of the idea from the in general design also from gamification and the audiobook atomic habits with environmental design. THEREFORE I WILL CLEAN MY ROOM!

The important thing here is I want to clean my room because I have difficulties waking up at 06:00 am in the morning my environment is not very clean if I imagine or recall living in a hotel room most often the only thing that kept me from waking up early was either the other person wanting to also sleep longer or at one point the chaos and not caring. Otherwise, when the environment is clean I feel it could be easier to wake up, but why?

First of all, you want to maintain it till it is not possible anymore because of the effort made if you cleaned your room, that is what I notice when I make my bed in the morning! Ta-da! 

No, but seriously I want to find some new ways to be and become more organized to prepare for my masters and for life, relationships, family, etc. Even if people are nice and such behavior and action is what people rate you on and... integrity and character for the more advanced people or seemingly advanced wanting to maintain their position for survival. Like the person who I had to work in a group with, just an insensitive dick at one point but fine and he did not do his work. 

Today, was very unproductive I overslept again and went to my class I was very tired and somehow need a new strategy, I feel I am becoming more and more disciplined, yet I definitely want to plan and become hyper-effective also for my LP. 

Some ideas I have for being more organized for me:

• -> Have a file cabinet
• -> Have a small box for electric devices
• ->  Arrange posters, pictures, etc. not in some "random" cool way, yet have some structure and take your time, also NO RANDOM POST IT Notes anymore
• -> Accept chaos !!!!! Nr.1 principle lol
• -> When moving out definitely buy a very good desktop pc and a curved screen

Otherwise, I have a small box for my table where I can place the office "utensils" in. Which is fine but I definitely want to have a small "drawer" no idea how to describe below my desk and put some folders inside them or even buy a complete file cabinet, I bought one small folder where I can place notes inside, yet it is a tiny bit tedious since it has small stickers which I have to put into foil to have a headline for the section...

Otherwise, what I know about "environmental design" or ergonomics is that high-ceilings are good for creative and open-minded thinking, my favorite study location has this so this is good. Otherwise, I will come up with some ideas of my own, since I will clean my whole room afterward and ideally wash my clothes if there is some space on the drying horse... Tomorrow is a holiday here, so I am also taking it a bit to easy I only studied for one hour today. I also failed my 7-day challenge from day one, so I will forget that and my 30-day challenge with cbt and visualization is now in week 2 with every day being a success. 

Otherwise, when I wake up I see my vision board with a clean room it potentially will look better and give me an incentive to wake up.

Also, I want to have a set routine when I wake up. I struggle with this, yet even small things matter such as opening the shutters for sunlight to stream in. 

Sleep

My current morning routine: (if successful)

1. Wake up 
2. Turn of alarm
3. Open Shutters 
4. Go the bathroom
5. Play a youtube video
6. Shower
7. Brush teeth
8. Take nootropics
9. Meditate
10. Eat breakfast.

I got distracted while doing this online journal, I will definitely set timers for shorter entries, yet today will be planning and rescheduling + cleaning my room.
 

Mini-summary: This video had some good tips on how to deal with the circadian rhythm most things I already knew from reading online articles. 
Now for the idea of environment design, I definitely want to get some red light bulbs. 
And go for morning walks, this will come in handy when working out also in the morning which I am not currently aiming at. 

This video series is awesome!

Mini-summary: 
Grounding is great for reducing EMF
There are grounding mats
Turn of wifi
Turn phone to flight mode
Deactivate all Bluetooth devices 

Rewatch 

Mini-Summary:
Lymphatic system is responsible to get rid of toxins inside the body (apparently via white blood cells etc),
Growth hormones are activated at night.
There is daily DNA damage. 


Definitely, watch this. (Note I have so many YouTube playlist it's better when I list it here).

Also, I will keep my posts long, therefore, I actively have to recall what I want to be looking for and search via the search function. No idea yet what could be done better but anyway.

New waking up routine

1. Wake up
2. Turn of Alarm
3. Turn off flight mode
4. Make bed 
5. Bathroom
6. youtube video
7. Shower (ideally cold)
8. Go for an outside walk 5-10min MAX!!!!
9. Nootropics
10. Meditation
11. Breakfast

New going to bed routine

1. (Visualization)
2. Turn on flight mode
3. (Turn on Audiobook)
4. Sleep
5. (Use meditation techniques to fall asleep while in bed)
   
   Now I will clean my room I definitely want to think more about "environmental design" I want to buy a flower again mine died...
    

[ValiantSalvatore]

The timer will block actualized.org in about 8 minutes.

I wanted to check my routine again and it worked today. I did not put on flight mode and the Dr. from the web series has a couple of videos more that I watched one where he talks about the benefits of cold showers and that gave me an impetus to do it again which I did this morning. I am still used to it, yet I have to adjust slowly, I never went for deep cold exposure for more than a minute, it was often a 20-30 second exposure to cold, I could aim for one minute but 20-30 seconds is fine. It's like my body tells me ok this is the threshold and I feel great now I can continue with my day or I feel rejuvenated and refreshed.

Also from the video series of the Dr. he explained that vitamin c is a precursor to Serotonin which is the feel happy, well-being chemical IIRC which is also produced by the sun. That is why most likely I found it so helpful to take iron and vitamin c supplements in the morning. I bought the strongest dose of iron supplements, yet this will mess up digestion I pooped very metal like and often diarrhea like, because of the strong iron supplement. 50mg IIRC what I have now! Works way better than 100mg or whatever thing mg/mcg/nanogram etc. 

Melatonin secretion stops at 7:30 am, so this is where I often also stop feeling sleepy if I have woken up about an hour or so earlier. 

Also, I want to get more into biohacking and foods, especially smoothies, yet my fridge is so small it is not worth it for "survival" because of the veggies I store in it. .... 

Note I want to write about the inner engineering course from sadguru that I am taking

[ValiantSalvatore]

Doing a deep break for 10 min the website blocker stops at 8pm. 

Now I am getting more used to deep work I did this more frantically when I studied for exams. This time it's a little bit better I started two weeks in advance before I usually start and attended most lectures. Since I am not troubled any more by worries about my family and my future. Well, still a bit, yet meditation and especially exercises helped tremendously also the new situation "back" home.  

Otherwise short productivity report, potentially some time to write down what I read in the deep break pauses and overall the process.

I studied approx for 5h and 50 min without counting in breaks today with the next study session for two exams then. 

Which is definitely a very good time, especially because it is structured. 

I did 3, 50-minute sessions in the morning and two the in the afternoon amounting to 4h and 10 min and now another 2 study session for another class amounting to 1h and 40 min. So, I had and will have had 1h and 10 for breaks. That is a lot of time that I can use more effectively. 

I did the Inner Engineering course this morning they have an Upa Yoga Class which are preparatory exercises for Yoga, I don't have access for to long, unfortunately, but fortunately, there are exercises for this for free and I thought about downloading an app, since the freeletics exercises coach with the app works great. 

I checked up on the exercises, yet time is up. The going to bed early habit was newly scheduled to my whiteboard today day one was a success. 

 

[ValiantSalvatore]

Short entry the page will close in 8 minutes:

I wanted to wake up at 06:00 and not at 06:05 or 06:10. I really am into sleep optimization this year I tracked my sleep with an app, even if the app is sort of good, I want to buy the ring the youtuber has to track deep sleep quality, since I don't want to sleep next to my phone. 

I accidentally somehow changed the alarm to 05:00 and I woke up and set an alarm to 06:00, also ... my compassion went a bit to far and I opend the door for the uni cat while I was already sleeping, so I tried to sleep because with him in the room which was okay even, but man this apartment is so small, Beijing and London even with a smaller room were better solely because of "king" sized beds... If I use this here correctly. 

Now, ... the cat has some wounds so I felt bad to not let him stay, but he left after 2 or 3 h then I woke up at 04:00 fully woke and thinking I was already sleeping for 6h and then at 5 the alarm rang. 

I then slept till 9:40 or so, today the Prof. canceled his class because he is being operated. Otherwise, I don't have many classes because one class is a project and various other reasons which I am getting out of now.. 

I want to buy some new nootropics the ones that I bought this and I can't find a good review.
https://store.mindnutrition.com/formulas/neurodrive

https://nootropicsdepot.com/
https://nootropicsexpert.com/best-nootropics/

(Check out links above (for me))

I liked the site a lot because they explain things in detail, yet I feel you need to be an expert to understand most of it, yet shows you your own groundwork and foundation you gathered about nootropics, since some reviews of the site are not that good, yet overall has a good reputation with 4 starts on Trustpilot and some reddit entries saying the site is good or they are ranting about delivery.

Now, as a tiny review. It gives me a boost and I move my body more.

[ValiantSalvatore]

I set a 15-minutes timer for now. 


Now, today I only studied for 2h 20 approx. which is not very good yet, otherwise I will do two study session adding to 4h.

I went to the gym today and had an easy exercise routine. 

Otherwise, I am understanding discipline also, how important it is for me to read and that I feel so above other people, they can't grasp my understanding or insights anymore. Sure we talk, but it's a different level, I can't really find a person to talk to currently, besides the stable yellow people. I talked to someone who today in the gym who did Yoga since he was 13, I asked him which Yoga he told me ashtanga yoga or so, also that he has a book about it from his sister and it's his favorite book about Ayurveda or so, and told me about kundalini yoga. We are together in the Linux course and I never thought that he would practice yoga. He reminded me of an old Russian friend and they even have the same name. Yet, he was so non-caring it was sort of obvious that he is green. I really opened the box and told him a lot of what I think is a lot and named different buzzwords etc. 

Also, the guy who I called a white privileged asshole  was in the gym, I really really hate the guy, I am up for some shadow work and will do a session today, he does not really trigger me but I get angry, he did not do what he was supposed to do for the group work and received a pretty good mark, because of our work. Also, he has to say the n*word for freedom of expression. Which is even fine in the correct context, but he does not hit the context. I disliked the guy from the beginning my intuition told me he is an asshole who abuses others unconsciously and does not notice it, through helping. He thinks he is open, but he is just a bad form of neutral. True neutrality goes way deeper, how about some choiceless awareness my friend? 

Anyway, I am not interested to get into victim mentality not sure if it is, it makes me angry that he does not see his own privilege and is being a wannabe condescending elite. Why do I say this? We went together to a concert, even if he is nice and such. I can't give him respect even if it is a stage red concept, it's part of the spiral, I can't respect some privileged fk kid who gets everything up to their ass and lets his team fail and bitches, but with people, he likes more he works more. Or they, just do more work than him.

I really hope that I learn a lot during my internship and my bachelors in programming, I can't stand that he now starts to like it to and copied the living bitch out of my mentality, behavior, and hobbies. Even if this is partially a projection since his roommate also had an influence on him. Still, he is not racist, he is also not conscious enough to see his subtle classism, he also hangs out with the guy who posted the neo-nazi picture stomping a black person. I want to get rid of this hitlery and stop thinking about wannabe social justice heroes who are Green/orange people with a Blue/orange shadow. If our political system would not be so broad with so many parties building a pluralism in a federal state, people like him would vote for Trump if he grew up in the U.S, but the rise in green or orange/green is just too strong. It does not matter if you have the yellow cognitive capability, yellow morals or clean green morals, are also very important.

Enough for today, up for some shadow work. I hope all of this will pay out at the end. I'll say it will!