How Should Housework be shared in the family?

[kindayellow]

Okay so here's the run down

The issue is that my older brother doesn't pull his weight whatsoever around the house and he works part time with a short commute.

Me, my mum and my dad all work full time with much longer commutes (mum has 30, I have 45 and my dad 1 hour 30)

 

My older brother wants us to clean up our own mess, even though he just uses that as a way of escaping helping out because he "hardly makes any mess". And let's mum do his laundry, and she for the most part does tea for everyone, meaning she would have to clean it all herself which is obviously unfair.

 

My dad proposed that he designs a rota for housework, and we're waiting on that. But to be honest there's a lot of underlying frustration with my brother. It really annoys me how he pretends to be much busier than he really is. He sits in his room 99% of the time he isn't working at his computer just watching YouTube. He proclaims that planning travelling and stuff for his band is considered work meaning that he should therefore do less because he's doing more "work". Even though he's creating it for himself and knows that and uses it as an excuse for not contributing to the house.

 

I'd appreciate anyone's advice with this. It's really frustrating.

[wens16]

I've struggled with a similar situation and to be honest, I had to drop my belief that the other person has to help out. I can't force someone to do anything, it really makes me mad but I had to accept it. And I'm a neat freak, perfectionist. Two things that helped me deal with this was The Work by Byron Katie ( to help with the mental stuff) and flylady.net. fly lady breaks down cleaning in small chunks. She is kinda quirky but the routines have changed my house. If you don't like her style, you can check out other websites that break cleaning down into small manageable habits daily. Its best to try to do only 15 mins or so of cleaning. Set a timer and only focus on one thing. Its helpful to combine tasks, like while showering, clean the shower walls.

Also, in doing cleaning routines, my family has started to help without me forcing anything. Best wishes. 

Edited June 9, 2019 by wens16