Communication Using Spirial Dynamics

[RichnNL]

If you have been following Leo's work for years, doing the hard grueling work, reflecting over the content here and actually integrating these principles practically in your in your life you are probably at stage yellow or above. This post will help you communicate more efficiently to others and get your point across to others so that they understand something ( a lesson you have learned or some concept, or why you are doing what you are doing) at an emotional level. 

Warning: I have simply taken many concepts from Leo, and dozens of books, and my personal life experiences, this is extremely subjective and should not be taken literal, it has taken me a long time to become a better communicator and this is just what personally works for me. So if your offended I don't care and if you have something positive to add please share. AND in this work, your main concern should not be preaching, here a 90-10 rule should be applied, worry about applying your ideas, and principles to your own life and don't worry about spreading it to others. Worry about picking up your own trash and doing what your can for the environment (as an example) and not going out on some vendetta to FIX others from polluting, it a waste of time, your energies are better spent on monitoring yourself and your own actions.

 

I'll stick to two examples, 1. Your explaining why your doing this work, 2. Your trying to encourage someone close to you to get into shape.

1. Firstly people don't care unless it relates to their ego or survival, and they pay attention to something that either supports them being Happy, Successful, having Freedom and they need to be reminded of this generally every 10mins.

2A. There is also a rule called the Golden Circle, do not start with the What start with the WHY. You will lose people with starting with the what because it may imply change (which takes effort)  and they will tune out, many people make this mistake. DO NOT start with the What (exercises they can do in the gym) , or what practices you are doing (yoga, meditation, self inquiry) they don't care. At best it's interesting but they will not understand.  Start with the Why, go to How, then lastly to the What. This is will vary vastly based on the type of person you are speaking to. Also do not share more than 3 things people cannot handle more than 3 things at a time.

2B. Before you go further, the most important thing you need to consider is, does this person have strong defensive mechanisms? Is this person even open to change or capable of giving a shit about the path your on or some idea you are going to share with them? If this person has a history of stagnation, you need to look at yourself and ask why you feel compelled to help this person or share some idea you have, is it ego? It is a pure waste of time and you know it. I wouldn't waste my energy, in many cases if someone is going through something your better off not offering a solution and just supporting them emotionally. This happens with many guys and their girlfriends, where the girlfriend just wants to express their emotions and is not interested in fixing anything or sharing ideas, if that is you just be there for them and that's it. Here is a general rule, the MORE resistant that person or persons are to change the more you will have to explain something so it hits them emotionally, you hit them emotionally by relating something to their ego or something that relates to their survival. I would also consider the emotional state that person is in, in that moment. Depending on if that person at their core aims for growth or aims for defending the status quo or stagnation (which can include simply forgetting any lessons learned) when someone is in a state of recovering from some pain this is when they may be the most open to change. Timing is everything, if someone just went on a eating binge for example, not when they are feeling bad about the aftermath but when they are recovering from the aftermath may be the best time to motivate them to get in shape, with some people if you miss that, lets call it their openness period they will not be open to change when everything is normal because they can't see why they would put in any effort (which may include simply considering your point of view and no physical action from their side). In summary consider if they are a grower or a defender, and the emotional state they are in at that moment, and their history.

3. Assess who you are talking to what stage they are at so you can meaningfully convey your message. If your talking to an large audience you need to incorporate a mix of both. And few people are hardly purely A or B but on some spectrum between A and B.

3A. The Masculine Versus Feminine

In this context everyone has both, and this is just a model, and in certain settings a person can switch from one to the other for example at work the person is masculine and home in a family setting feminine. If I missed something here it is probably addressed later and remember in this context masculine does not mean the person you are talking to is a man its 2019, if you've have been following Leo's material you will understand In this context masculine refers to what has typically helped men survive and the feminine to what has typically helped women survive from a biological perspective. The masculine values ideas, concepts, tangible achievement, moving up the hierarchy, and overcoming challenges. The feminine is going to NOT be interested in ideas, and concepts I wouldn't even bother presenting something as an idea to someone who is extremely feminine (again a woman in 2019 may in this context have some masculine qualities and for sure the other way round). The feminine is going to value anything that supports improving relationships, stability, comfort, avoidance of conflict, and of course positive feelings. These are some points I would hit when explaining the Why, How, and What in that order.

 

3B. What stage are they at in the Spiral?

This relates to their values,

Blue is going to value, tradition, things that positively support their beliefs, and the norm/status quo. This also changes depending on the setting, work/school is going to be more blue than you think, generally explaining things within the current framework to best conveys a message. Even though your co-worker/teacher may be Green at home and out of the office they can be very Blue at work/school. Explain things within their framework and then push it just a little but do not go overboard I would not push things outside the bubble. Unless you work at Google or something like that, then you can challenge the norms. Explaining this self-actualization work to a blue person you may want to point out the similarities of this work to the positive points of religion without challenging their beliefs, they are most likely not ready to be challenged in their beliefs or at best it will end up in some debate which is a waste of time.

Orange is going to value some external thing that can either make them Happy, Successful, or give them more Freedom. Good luck, getting a strong orange to look within, not going to happen. They will not understand things like consciousness or being, they may be interested but to motivate behavior change if that is what you are attempting; being in a state of happiness might be a cool idea but that is all it can be is an idea. For them to understand, you would have to present being in shape as something you externally obtain, and in combination with considering if they are masculine or feminine this is gold.

Green, I live in a very Green environment and I personally find Green to value like Blue, beliefs but those that relate to most likely global warming, veganism etc. They also are motivated by freedom, and not so much success. I would make success my weakest point for motivation. Green is tricky but I really find they value human connection, however only to those who support their beliefs, and they really value the easiest path and avoiding conflict, or adversity. I would not present going to the gym in such a way that if you go to the gym and eat right you will achieve some success in your life. But rather that you will not have to deal with some future pain/suffering. I find Green really is motivated and values Happiness in the lack of suffering or conflict basically you may have to present the hard route as the easy route.

Yellow I will not cover because they will value whatever you are saying as they love models, concepts and growth.

3C. Are they a linear, or a nonlinear thinker.

Most people I find are linear thinkers, so I will explain a nonlinear thinker. A nonlinear thinker thinks in webs. You present 1 idea it sparks a chain of other ideas. A nonlinear thinker can connect two things where a linear people CANNOT. A strong linear thinker is incapable of connecting two different seemingly unrelated ideas, also abstract ideas are just that, abstract ideas. For a linear thinker you will literally have make that connection for them they will not do it on their own. Examples that do not relate to them will not resonate with them don't say its like 'Baking a cake blah blah blah'. If you want to hit them emotionally, paint a picture of their future or what could be that relates to a human being in their situation for example how they could be an overweight person who gets tired walking up the stairs, or how they could be that guy with a six pack surrounded by several 9HB's (if their a masculine orange).

3D. If they are Thinkers or Feelers

Do not mistake this for being masculine or feminine. If you accidentally spill a glass of water on your pants on a hot day, a feelers first reaction is going to be emotionally, to some liquid dampening their pants, a thinker is first going to logically think around the repercussions of the  situation then react emotionally. Feelers value connection, and communicate primarily with feelings not what is being said. Therefore if you conveying a message to a feeler you better use mirroring. Mirroring is where you feel something and the other person feels what your feeling. Your words are not that important, how you say something is. In groups, people turn to feelers. In explaining why you do this self-actualization work you want to feel the happiness, peace, and self-acceptance and radiate those emotions that they can achieve if they do the What. Also painting an emotional picture of what can be, express the feelings you will feel when you are in shape. When there is a misunderstanding or some conflict, you want to express your feelings and relate to their feelings, come to common ground by relating to the feeling you may have triggered in them if you offended them or hurt their ego. If you want to build empathy with someone (a very close connection) express what feelings you had that led you to take that action.

For a strong thinker feelings are like empty words. They will value your credibility so make that a point. They also will value things numerically for example if your in shape you will be able to lift X kilos. When you are in conflict with a thinker, level with them by explaining what logically steps led you to that conclusion or intent. Build empathy also with numbers/facts, before I was in shape I couldn't run X kilometres and now I can run Z.

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I've never been good with conclusions so.... I hope this is helpful to you guys. Thanks.  

 

 

[tsuki]

I appreciate your post. Thank you.