How Can I Find A Girl Who Wont Cheat On Me, I'm Losing Hope?

[DakotaBaba]

So I was talking with my girlfriend last night who for awhile I thought was the perfect dream girl for me. We try to be pretty honest with each other , I found it really difficult to tell her the truth when she asked me if she looks better with or without makeup , but I did it anyway. When we first met she was a shy little Japanese virgin who had never even kissed or held a boys hand and basically had no interest in the opposite sex.

 But last night somehow we got to the topic of theoretical cheating in the future and she said she doesn't know for sure if she can be faithful in the future because every since I took her virginity and started giving her all these amazing sexual experiences she has been feeling freakier and much more sexual than she ever did in her life and she is starting to become curious about what sex with other boys is like. She said she likes variety and experience in all other areas of her life and is curious what other types of sexual experience there are out there to be had. I asked her if she was on her deathbed would she regret only having sex with one guy (me ) her entire life and she said: "yeah I would regret it". Then I asked her would she also regret if she had to marry ,start a family, and spend the rest of her life with some other guy because I left her for another girl since she couldn't stick to a monogamous relationship and she said: "yeah I would regret that too".

Anyway my point is that if I can't even get a shy Asian virgin to remain faithful then how can I find a girl who can easily remain faithful and doesn't have a lust for sexual variety and experiences? Or is that not possible and are all girls eventually going to want to satisfy their sexual appetite and binge at an all you can eat cock buffet. Maybe there is nothing wrong with that and I just need to stop trying to find a girl who I can control and confine to a sexual prison cell with just the two of us locked inside. Maybe women just have a natural adventurous urge to experience all that life has to offer, including all the different sexual experiences.

Maybe I just need to give up on pursuing monogamous relationships and just have multiple temporary sex partners ( fuck buddies) for the rest of my life. But I will admit I'm basing my assumptions on a small sample size , I have only been in 2 other serious relationships and they both cheated on me also. Maybe I just need to date 20 more Americans and 20 more foreign girls to find one that's not so...... adventurous.

Initially, I thought it was because I was dating extroverted, confident , sexual, almost masculine , American girls. So this time I went and found a girl who was the complete opposite of that in hopes she would remain faithful but it seems history is just going to repeat itself again. Only other girls who I think would be worth a shot is a devoted religious girl but I'm an agnostic and very open minded person so I can't seriously imagine myself with someone who has devoted themselves to any kind of dogmatic belief system, therefore, I don't really consider those girls an option. 

 

But back to my question, how can I find a girl who won't cheat on me , or should I just give up on that fantasy and commit to a life of polygamy and just avoid all the emotional pain and heartbreaks.

 Tone is lost through text so I hope my post doesn't come off as emotional , needy , hurt or anything like that , I'm trying to ask this from a place of pure honesty and logic . Any advice on the matter?

Edited April 26, 2016 by DirtbagDakota

[clytaemnestra]

Firstly, when a woman gets in her relationship what she wants, she doesn't cheat because she wants to keep a high quality man.

She doesn't want to cheat on you, but to experience sex with someone else. That's a huge difference. When I had my first bf I thought the same, and I think it's better to try it when you're young, than to start questioning your moves after 10 years of marriage and sex with the same person. It's just curiosity, and it doesn't have anything with her feelings towards you. 

If I were you, I would suggest her threesome, or let her sleep with another guy while you're watching and that kind of stuff, I personally would like my next boyfriend to be so open minded to let us both experiment, even if it involves another people, while we're both equal there. Or try an open relationship in a sexual way. If you try to forbid her something, become jealous or try to control her, she will leave you, just listen to her what she is telling you, show her patience and understanding and try to find a solution for that problem together. Don't force her do anything she doesn't want to, don't control her and don't repress that problem because as time goes and you have more and more sex, she'll think more and more about other guys because after sex with one person for a long period you get bored of it.

[The Moonking]

6 hours ago, clytaemnestra said:

Firstly, when a woman gets in her relationship what she wants, she doesn't cheat because she wants to keep a high quality man.

She doesn't want to cheat on you, but to experience sex with someone else. That's a huge difference. When I had my first bf I thought the same, and I think it's better to try it when you're young, than to start questioning your moves after 10 years of marriage and sex with the same person. It's just curiosity, and it doesn't have anything with her feelings towards you. 

If I were you, I would suggest her threesome, or let her sleep with another guy while you're watching and that kind of stuff, I personally would like my next boyfriend to be so open minded to let us both experiment, even if it involves another people, while we're both equal there. Or try an open relationship in a sexual way. If you try to forbid her something, become jealous or try to control her, she will leave you, just listen to her what she is telling you, show her patience and understanding and try to find a solution for that problem together. Don't force her do anything she doesn't want to, don't control her and don't repress that problem because as time goes and you have more and more sex, she'll think more and more about other guys because after sex with one person for a long period you get bored of it.

This is what people offer as advice? This is offensive. You shouldn't post on this forum imo ever again, thanks.

 

@DirtbagDakota It seems like you are out of luck, your girl is bored and wants to try new dicks. And it's time for you to find a girl too, or a lot of girls. Why don't you go out and get lots of pussy too? If you don't want to try a lot of girls then get at least a girl who is ready to settle down for you and is not in this typical whore phase in whch so many women get. Be honest with yourself, it's hard to find a decent women these days. So I suggest you better get more experience yourself. Anyway, your girlfriend is gone, leave the relationship. She wants to be a whore and you DON'T want to be her idiot cuck gay male girlfriend. Get new girls.

[clytaemnestra]

2 hours ago, The Moonking said:

She wants to be a whore

She is a whore because she wants to sleep with more than one men in her life? Wow. And you advice him to 'get lots of pussy' and it is okay just because he's a man? Wow. I'm astonished, honestly speaking.

I gave him my opinion and what I would like, what is applicable for open-minded and liberal people, and author of the topic presented himself in that way. If he is against that kind of experiments, it's totally okay, I just said that it is important to talk it out, not just to pretend that there is no problem while there is one. If you or she is not into that kind of stuff and you can't make a mutual solution, than break up. Just communicate it out so you prevent cheating, the main question was how to keep a girl loyal so I'm answering it. Communication. 

And this is not a topic about moral, so we shouldn't judge anyone if she/he is totally liberal or totally conservative, and using a word 'whore' is very, very rude. 

[FindingPeace]

On 26/04/2016 at 8:19 AM, DirtbagDakota said:

 I thought was the perfect dream girl for me

You need to stop thinking like this. Perfection doesn't exist, and there is no one ideal person for you. This is an expectation that will never be fulfilled. People are so much more complicated than you will ever learn, even if you spend decades with them.

On 26/04/2016 at 8:19 AM, DirtbagDakota said:

But back to my question, how can I find a girl who won't cheat on me , or should I just give up on that fantasy and commit to a life of polygamy and just avoid all the emotional pain and heartbreaks.

Stop over-thinking it. There are too many expectations put on to relationships and the people participating in them.

When you connect with someone, enjoy that connection. 'Be' with it. Enjoy what comes naturally from it. Don't try to force it to fit in with your expectations or self-agenda. That person isn't there to serve you or suit you, or to make you happy. They are an individual being, beautiful in themself just as you are.

You're making assumptions and demands and imposing expections that 'it should be like this or that'. Or 'what's in it for me?'. Different people are different. Not everyone will have the same ideas or motivations as you. Other's will. Noone will be a perfect fit. You don't need to generalise and ask "is this possible, are they all like this?". Yes it is. No, they're not. But you need patience and to take a step back, have less expectations and just enjoy the interractions more for what they are.

People seem to go around choosing partners like they're buying something from the store. Then, when they find it doesn't suit their needs exactly, they want to take it back, get another one.

Humans are too complex to compartmentalise. They don't come with a hard and fast specification. You'll never find the spec that you think you want. But they do come with a lot of natural rewards that don't need to be forced or demanded.

It always saddens me when I hear people complaining about how another human isn't giving them what they want or need. As if they exist for the benefit of others. They don't. Start seeing people as people and not as a means. So you have to accept the process of enjoying what comes along, being with it, and maybe moving on if it doesn't work out for you personally. That's the reality of reality.

Finally, have less needs and expectations. The less you have, they easier it will be. This is true for all areas in life and something we all need to do.

Edited April 27, 2016 by FindingPeace

[DakotaBaba]

On 4/26/2016 at 2:48 AM, clytaemnestra said:

Firstly, when a woman gets in her relationship what she wants, she doesn't cheat because she wants to keep a high quality man.

She doesn't want to cheat on you, but to experience sex with someone else. That's a huge difference. When I had my first bf I thought the same, and I think it's better to try it when you're young, than to start questioning your moves after 10 years of marriage and sex with the same person. It's just curiosity, and it doesn't have anything with her feelings towards you. 

If I were you, I would suggest her threesome, or let her sleep with another guy while you're watching and that kind of stuff, I personally would like my next boyfriend to be so open minded to let us both experiment, even if it involves another people, while we're both equal there. Or try an open relationship in a sexual way. If you try to forbid her something, become jealous or try to control her, she will leave you, just listen to her what she is telling you, show her patience and understanding and try to find a solution for that problem together. Don't force her do anything she doesn't want to, don't control her and don't repress that problem because as time goes and you have more and more sex, she'll think more and more about other guys because after sex with one person for a long period you get bored of it.

 

 

 

Yeah I get what you're saying and I know it's not my choice whether she decides to have sex with other people.  It's not about jealousy, or me trying to control her. I already told her If she decides to try sex with other guys that's her choice and she is free to do so  , she just has to promise to let me know or break up with me before she does it.  I am not that open-minded dream guy you speak of, only threesomes I would agree to is with an additional woman. Any girl I have a threesome (MMF) with or cheats on me automatically loses girlfriend eligibility. There are only two possible solutions . She can either use her prefrontal cortex and exercise the self-control necessary to stay committed in our relationship. Or we can break up and go our separate ways. Me and her already discussed all this stuff I just said, the only reason i posted this was because I am planning for the possible scenario of us breaking up and so Im just seeking advice on what I should do next if or when that happens. Specifically " How to find a girl who won't cheat on me" in this hypothetical but reasonably possible future scenario, hence the title name.

@themoonking 

I'm not so quick to give up on our relationship , she does indeed want to try new dicks . But she hasn't done that yet.  I will give up on the relationship as soon as she does (or decides to ) but I don't see any compelling reason to give up on our relationship prematurely .

 

@FindingPeace

 

Thanks. I guess there is no real bulletproof way to find a faithful girl and I should just be more in the moment and appreciate the limited time I have with someone rather than plan for the future possible scenarios of when I don't have them anymore and where I'm gonna go from there. I think i need to stop talking and fantasizing with her about how many kids were gonna have ,where were gonna travel and live etc. Doesn't seem healthy to set expectations and plan like that to me like that after reading your post.

Edited April 29, 2016 by DirtbagDakota

[clytaemnestra]

6 hours ago, DirtbagDakota said:

There are only two possible solutions . She can either use her prefrontal cortex and exercise the self-control necessary to stay committed in our relationship. Or we can break up and go our separate ways. Me and her already discussed all this stuff I just said, the only reason i posted this was because I am planning for the possible scenario of us breaking up and so Im just seeking advice on what I should do next if or when that happens.

Then you have it. Basically, all the things here you can do is to invest in yourself so you grow because when a woman meets high quality man she won't cheat on him because she knows she'll lose him and it's hard to find that kind of men. And if she lefts you, it'll be easier to find another woman, the more attractive (in general, not just physically) you are, easier you find a new one.

If she stays committed, I would advise you to talk with her about her feelings and desires from time to time so she sees that you care about her and about her desires. The worst thing is when a man is ignorant, many girls then don't feel ashamed by cheating on them. I've never cheated on someone, nor I would ever, but some of my friends are doing it constantly, and they told me they do it because they don't feel their bf is paying enough attention on them and their feelings. Put your effort to develop your relationship more you can, it the end if she doesn't appreciate it, she loses more and you'll more develop yourself and learn also in the field of relationships.

If she cheats, that's the worst case scenario, because as you said you've already told her is she wants to do it she can, only she has to inform you that she wants to do it and to break up with you. Btw I have many sexual fantasies but I don't have enough courage to do it, so keep it in mind that fantasies sometimes don't mean anything. If she does that, it's over with two of you, then just forget her and take your time to think about situation and to heel, and then start dating again. You don't have to rush anywhere, just seeing other people is good in my opinion because you change your perspective on the current situation and you meet more people, you get more experience about dating, you start thinking about other people instead only about her and that kind of things. 

Shit happens, at least it's better when it happens when you're young, than after 20 years of marriage. In the end, some people heal after 20 years of a relationship/marriage, so don't worry you'll also, just take your time, and stay positive  whatever happens, it's not the end of the world.

[FindingPeace]

7 hours ago, DirtbagDakota said:

oesn't seem healthy to set expectations and plan like that to me like that after reading your post.

I wasn't trying to be cynical or pessimistic. But the reality is that expectation leads us in to all sorts of trouble and suffering in all areas of life. And we all do it. But the problem is this: reality doesn't care what your expectations are, neither do most other people, especially if they don't know about them or don't agree with them. And even if they did, again, reality may have other ideas.

It's difficult, because we use expectations to drive us in particular directions andto give us hope. But it's always a gamble. Having ideas, and preferences, having objectives can be fine as long as you are open to the reality that they may not come to be, and that they don't have to be either.

You can have expectations, but always remember that they are your own, and have no basis in reality. If they come to be satisfied, that's great. If not, you need to be ok with that too.