i was with a trans woman and cant forget it.

[outlandish]

@Etherial Cat your avatar is great! I spent so much time listening to "Daydream Nation" in my (sonic) youth, and ended up seeing the painting in person in an art museum somewhere.

Sorry to derail the thread, just got really happy to see that image again. 

 

@Western Buddha yeah don't let it bug you, try to let it go, it doesn't matter. Now you have a funny story to tell.

It would be a really bad idea to hit her, not fair at all, so I hope you can abandon that violent fantasy.

[outlandish]

Yes, that's where I saw it, SFMOMA. It moved me to tears too! I think for me it was because of the association with this album that touched me so deeply in my youth. But also the serene beauty of that painting, it carries a lot of emotion.

It was kind of a shock too, like running into a long lost best friend on the other side of the planet. I hadn't ever expected to see the painting IRL.

The album is a pretty acquired taste/spicy kind of album. Noise rock, lots of clanging and overdriven guitars, beautiful noise stuff. It's widely regarded as one of the greatest rock albums of all time. Not really into that kind of music these days, but still the album still sounds amazing to my ears, it's stood the test of time. Funny, I was listening to it on repeat for the first time in years a couple of weeks ago, and it still sounds fantastic.

[tenta]

On 6/1/2019 at 4:41 PM, Serotoninluv said:

These are internal issues arising. You are creating a thought story in your head about how you were hurt. And you believe the thought story is true. Seeking an external remedy for relief is a self fulfilling prophecy that will fuel the thought story and keep the mind immersed in the story. . . It boils down to a story of “who I am” and trying to maintain and protect that identity. 

To grow and expand, I would look inward. Deconstruct the thought story. What feelings are associated with it? From where does it arise?  What are my attachments to it? How is my identity grasping at this story?

In terms of self development and actualization. It’s not about the other person, it’s about what is being revealed about your personality structure. The identity of gender and sexuality is one of the deepest for the psyche and can be challenging to observe and deconstruct.

I would first observe how the mind has assumed this is a “problem” and that “I have been hurt”. If the mind holds onto those two assumptions, it won’t be able to observe the underlying dynamic.

 

You're creating a fake image of the story from which you're projecting bad qualities onto him which you think he needs to deal with, while tacitly bringing the other person's actions to a divine status where they cannot be questioned or don't matter and are just there

I'd say what happened to him sucks but he definitely should get over it, but it isn't weird at all that he is bothered by it

Your sexuality isn't something you can control, so if you have a dick not wanting to have sex with others who have one too isn't really a personality structure

Edited June 13, 2019 by tenta

[studentofthegame]

You can rationalise it all day long, be told you are over-thinking it and should laugh it off, meditate on it, etc. Maybe you will get to that place eventually, maybe that is the course of action for you.

Or, maybe, the feelings of deceit and having your boundaries invaded are legitimate enough to warrant treating it as a serious trauma, if that's how you feel, in which case you might feel you need to sit and talk it through with a professional or some such course of action. 

That is for you to decide. I can understand how one person would almost immediately see the humour in the situation and draw a line under it, whereas someone else may be more affected by it. Everyone's different.

[Shadowraix]

On 6/13/2019 at 1:56 PM, tenta said:

Your sexuality isn't something you can control, so if you have a dick not wanting to have sex with others who have one too isn't really a personality structure

You are right, but how you respond to such an occurrence happening from ignorance is definitely something that can be rewired. Instead of leaving attraction to direct experience, we create mental constructs about it and have break-downs if our identity and actions don't align.

Edited June 15, 2019 by Shadowraix

[Surfingthewave]

@Western Buddha Deeply consider your reaction to what happened. Perhaps you need to explore your thoughts on your own sexuality, gender and sexual identity. Also you mentioned in your thread you are 100 per cent "straight". Forgive me for saying but in 2019 this is quite a statement. Maybe contemplate why you feel the need to express yourself this way and keep doing the inner work. 

Edited June 15, 2019 by Surfingthewave

[CreamCat]

On 6/1/2019 at 9:40 PM, Western Buddha said:

I'm 100% straight and that's why it bothers me so much. 

 

On 6/1/2019 at 9:40 PM, Western Buddha said:

I traveled abroad and met a girl from the tinder, looking like a female to all intents and purposes

If he looked and behaved and felt like a woman, for all intents and purposes, he was her, and you were not gay or bisexual. You are still 100% straight. If you are calling him "her", he created a successful illusion of her.

Edited June 15, 2019 by CreamCat

[Neorez]

It is hard for trans people to feel accepted. Especially because everyone keeps on using the pronounce from their at birth dessignated sex. This is soo denigrating to them because you are actually denying them for who they are. "He" is not a he but a she. The fact that she didn't tell you is perhaps because she actually feels like a woman and hates the facts that to the outside world she has to keep anouncing the fact that she used to be a man. Feeling like the opposite sex is a constant battle they have to fight, give them some slack. Be openminded the world needs it now more than ever!

[Shaun]

On 03/06/2019 at 7:06 PM, Inliytened1 said:

@Western Buddha Have an awakening experience and you will become conscious that he was you.  Non-duality will melt away all guilt because everything and everyone is you.  You are alone.  You had sex with yourself.  And all of this is illusion.  If that doesn't fix you i don't know what will.

Take some 5-meo to get there if you need to.  Do whatever it takes.

Let's replace a small problem with an even bigger one. The nondual realisation is what utterly fucked my life over from joy, meaning and love into utter meaninglessness and emotional emptiness with spells of great fear.

Edited June 18, 2019 by Shaun

[Shadowraix]

8 minutes ago, Shaun said:

Let's replace a small problem with an even bigger one. The nondual realisation is what utterly fucked my life over from joy, meaning and love into utter meaninglessness and emotional emptiness with spells of great fear.

You went from one end of the paradox to the other. Resist what is and itll be a bad time. Give it time and you'll come to accept and embrace it. It's what you make of it. 

[M3t4]

I was with a transgender girl recently too. That is all...

Edited June 20, 2019 by M3t4

[Nahm]

On 6/18/2019 at 11:41 AM, Shaun said:

Let's replace a small problem with an even bigger one. The nondual realisation is what utterly fucked my life over from joy, meaning and love into utter meaninglessness and emotional emptiness with spells of great fear.

Recreating it, over and over and over and over and over. 

As useful as a post about what one wants to forget, and otherwise already would have.

LOA. 

[MillerOliver]

Prostitutes are sperm collectors. On the one hand, we need them, too - where to go if you have a craving? On the other hand, it's a hell of a job. I've noticed that some women say: no money if you want to go to a whorehouse. Not to the factory but the dock. So it's in their subconscious. It's their tendency. I go to prostitutes, sorry, to get laid. And if you want to pour out your soul to a sexually understanding person, there are forums for that. It's cheaper and more accessible. Gradually I began to discover myself in sex. With "fairies" escorts2.com, you try what you want and some things you like. There is always fear and risk, but I am a doctor, so hygiene and safety are paramount.

Edited September 4, 2021 by MillerOliver

[SLuxy]

@Western Buddha If its really affecting you badly, EMDR.

People laugh at it, but its a form of sexual assault imo.

Look into PSTEC. Run the basic click tracks on the events, and you'll be a-okay

[PlayOnWords]

How was the sex?

You've probably got a lot of internalised homophobia and so this situation has become very serious because of that. I know that game all too well, my friend.

You need to realise that your reaction to this is mostly coming from the shit sandwich society and probably your parents has fed you regarding sexuality. Start trying to deconstruct these beliefs you've been indoctrinated with. Realise that all that actually happened was you had sex with someone. That's it. You're not a bad person. And you don't have to start going to Gay Pride in a tank top with sparkly pom-poms. It's cool.

Proud of you, brother.