Fear of worrying

[chudders]

Today I opened an emotional wound that I thought was fixed but turned out to lead me to feeling incredibly exposed and scared, same as when I first got this feeling of trauma several years ago. Its important to feel every emotion related to it and not suppress it however at the same time it feels really really scary because worrying is dangerous and its easy to get caught doing. And that makes my brain feel more inclined to worry because of the fact that it could control danger and unwanted circumstances if I'm not careful. I've never really felt more scared in my life, heart has been racing, nauseous, feeling partially faint, uncertain, self blame, etc and that makes me even more worried about worrying. I'm just not sure what to do because I thought that thoughts are harmless projections but if its dangerous to worry about them then are they all actually dangerous to even exist?  I feel trapped. 1. Is this normal to feel when opening an old wound? 2. Why am I so scared of my thoughts all of a sudden? 3. How can I live not worrying about worry filled thoughts if its dangerous?

[livg7046]

"The only thing we have to Fear is Fear itself" -Franklin D. Roosevelt

I would sit and contemplate that quote...like really sit and think about it.

 

Also, try to live in the present moment for the only thing that you can change.  The past is gone and the future isn't written. 

 

 

[Forestluv]

@chudders You are not these worrisome thoughts and feelings. These worrisome thoughts and feelings are arising in your mind and body due to conditioning. There is identification with the worrisome thoughts and feelings as being “me”. I would recommend putting in effort to dis-identify with the worrisome thoughts and feelings. This can be very difficult when the mind and body is deeply immersed in thought stories and feeling anxiety. The mind and body may desperately want relief and try to repress or escape, which can perpetuate the recurring pattern. It takes time and effort to deconstruct and dissolve this conditioning.

I would try to relax the mind and body as much as possible - via yoga, running, a bath, meditation etc. and observe. If the worrisome thoughts and feelings arise, observe from a neutral viewpoint. There will be desire to identify and engage with the thoughts and feelings, yet you are not the thoughts and feelings. Having detached awareness of the “storm” appearing and disappearing gives a very different perspective. One can then start the process of uncover, discover and discard - allowing letting go and reconditioning the mind and body.

[AnTe]

@chudders chances are that the worry is coming from a limited perception of the past situations resulting in the inability to process the thoughts. this also means fear and insecurity as well as knowing you can possibly recreate these experiences again. the idea is to examine and learn to see the full picture which means not only your limited perspective but also the opposite and then finally the neutral perspective which will reveal the lesson and reason you had to experience it.

[chudders]

@AnTe Thanks, that makes sense. After calming down a bit I realized how I messed up, when the trauma began I was so scared of what I was worrying about that I would like tell myself the only way to prevent it was to worry more otherwise it would suggest that if im happy and unbothered by the thought it would indicate that I wanted what I was worrying about to happen, which now I realize is very very toxic way of thinking. I've been learning to rewire my brain with statements like 'being scared is not protecting' (as I thought fear was somehow protecting me previously) and 'being happy is not dangerous'. Its just a bit challenging to remember this when the thought occurs randomly. Everyone says to just stop thinking about something but in order to do that I need to not be scared of it so I think this is the right method, would you suggest?

[AnTe]

@chudders ask yourself more questions and start processing and filtering thoughts that aren't valid. the way to verify things is through experience and without it you're only left with opinion which is just speculation and not reality. 

[chudders]

@Serotoninluv Thank you that's good advice, I've been able to have experiences of viewing the thought in a neutral perspective and it feels very freeing and it lasts for a bit but then the thought occurs again so I guess like you said it can take time. I've discovered that ever since I was younger like 8 years old I always told myself to purposefully be scared of this thought because that would protect me from it happening which of course now I can see is a very wrong and distorting way of looking at the thought. Its hard to break that conditioning since its been like almost a decade of making myself feel scared, but I think that's the ego. Been repeating phrases to overcome it like 'being scared is not protecting from anything' 'being happy is not dangerous', along with some meditation here and there. Where I struggle most is randomly in the day when I'm doing something and the thought will occur and I start to panic a bit, sometimes its hard to tame that. Would you suggest any other techniques or do you think this is the right route for dissolving that toxic mindset?

[Nahm]

@chudders In silence is the wonderful experience of it coming and going, and the Understanding, the recognition “it” is just you. In the thinking, context, and the sharing of the perspective is the perpetuation of the thought story. Sit & See. The unwelcome guest always wants access, wants to be wanted. The welcomed guest matures, grows, and move on. 

[Forestluv]

@chudders This is just what comes up for me: my mind loves to create problems and drama. It may create an irrational scary recurring thought pattern that seems like a monster. What I find helpful is to first stop feeding the beast. If I have an irrational fear of having a stroke, I shouldn’t be online reading stuff that will enforce that irrational pattern - such as reading about the Law of Attraction and stories about how thoughts of having a stroke may attract a stroke. Not helpful. Next, during meditation, I would observe and label thoughts and practice detachment and identification. I would not beat myself up about it. I would treat myself with care and love, just as I would a child that has an irrational fear that a monster is under their bed. I would also try scrambling the recurring thought into nonsense. I have found that rational thinking is not always a cure to irrational thinking. Sometimes it’s helpful to match cra-cra with cra-cra. For example, if the recurring thought arose and I couldn’t seem to let go of it, I might make silliness of it. For example, imagine pulling back the curtain to the source of these disturbing thoughts. And behind the curtain is. . . The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man from Ghostbusters. It’s really hard to take The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man seriously. If he keeps it up, tickle him and make him giggle - and laugh at the absurdity of it all. 

[Nahm]

@Serotoninluv Roughly 9 hrs ago, on a two lane bridge (hard to miss) I passed a guy driving a replica Ghost Busters Car.  So we have that. 

[Forestluv]

@Nahm I imagine the phrase “I aint ‘fraid of no thought. ThoughtBusters!!”, with a picture of a cowbell in a circle and line though it.  

[Nahm]

@Serotoninluv wow. You win the internet. 

[chudders]

@Serotoninluv very well put thank you