Female topics

[Elham]

I haven't notice here is becoming a male dominant place until you mentioned. 

And now that you mention I still don't notice it ?

[Natasha]

4 hours ago, Elham said:

I haven't notice here is becoming a male dominant place until you mentioned. 

And now that you mention I still don't notice it ?

This forum has a good feminine-masculine energy balance. Part of self-actualizing is to bring out feminine in guys and masculine in girls. So the reason you don't notice dominance of either is because people here for the most part are well balanced in their polarities

[XYZ]

This seems like a good place to share my recent thoughts on why women have more emotional challenges, but why men kill themselves more often. These are speculative generalizations of course, but useful and open to feedback. Raw uncut and open to constructive criticism:

1. Woman are made to be mothers.

For most of human history, and all life on earth, reproduction was the primary goal of life, and our brains are still wired this way even if we don't want to have children at all ever in the current year. The more I learn about female psychology, it seems like every typical female personality traits serves the specific purpose of reproduction and child rearing, as well as procuring resources from men to endure her and her offsprings' survival. All the ways in which women can seem so irrational, impulsive, deluded, manipulative and just batshit crazy (from the male perspective) served evolutionary purposes that enabled them to bear and raise the next generations of humans through the harshest conditions they faced.

Every aspect of the female body is also specifically designed for giving birth, comfort and nourishment, and this becomes very evident when I watched videos of women having unassisted births at home or outdoors. That's apparent why women are so limber and flexible compared to men, because they have to be in order to grow a human being inside of them and then squeeze it out.

So since the female psychology and physiology is designed for attracting mates, giving birth and raising children, and this is a base desire most women have whether they realize it or not, women often suffer emotionally because they aren't in like with their true nature. Not saying all women secretly want to be baby making machines, I know there is lots of variation, being non-gender-typical myself. Nevertheless I'm assuming it is a common phenomenon, and even most fertile age women who consciously do not want kids subconsciously do and have cognitive dissonance between their lifestyle and deepest desires. 

Meanwhile the male desire is primarily for having sex regardless if it's for reproduction or recreation. Despite the tendency for preoccupation with sex though, male minds and bodies are designed more for direct personal survival, task completion and abstract reasoning. While the goal of it all was the same end of procreation, since men do not have an active role in the process other than that of inseminator, men have a much much easier time adapting to a world in which they can't or don't want to have children for practical reasons. I consider myself a compassionate antinatalist because almost everyone born after today will probably end up suffering greatly from climate change and resource scarcity. Men seem to agree with me that it makes sense not to have kids unless you're both wealthy and psychologically well suited to be a father. I don't think I could convince women not to want to have children though, because that instinct is such a deeply ingrained part of who they are, and environmental or economic conditions wouldn't dissuade them from wanting to fulfill that drive.

2. Double-feeling and emotional bubbles.

While women have the capacity for rational thinking, our evolutionary history as well as present conditions make it so that they never learn to develop this ability, because they never needed to. The nature of the feminine is to react emotionally to their environment, something most useful for caring for helpless infants and young children. But this mode of reacting emotionally can allow women to fall into psychological traps created by their own feelings. Furthermore when a women has a strong emotional reaction, she may perceive the way she reacted as an objective reality, and then ascribe additional feelings to what she believes happened. This is what I call double-feel, emotionally reacting to an emotional reaction, and is also why women don't cope well with trauma, because they are burdened by layers of emotional reaction which continue to build up long after physically healing and mentally coming to terms with past events.

Also, because a woman's psyche is constructed out of emotional meanings, it is more difficult for her to overcome emotional problems, because they are embedded in the fabric of her reality. Men can work through their emotional issues by thinking about them and deconstructing their value systems, shedding meanings and abstractions until they get down to the root causes. But since the layers of abstraction women see their world through are based on her feelings, she needs to be empathized with where she is at emotionally, and gradually become aware of herself and work through those layers in order to heal. This explains why men will talk about how to fix things, while women will generally talk about their feelings; men want to be helpful and understood, women want to feel emotionally validated and supported.

However, women empathizing with each other can also make them all worse off when they adopt a low-consciousness hivemind in an emotional bubble. Women who get off on sharing their negative feelings with one another, lamenting their shortcomings, complaining, self-deprecating, etc. can fall into a downward spiral of negativity. But it can work the same way with positive feelings, sharing self-praises to the point it forms a bubble of overconfident delusional narcissism.

3. Men have more drug problems and suicide rates because they receive little support.

Women may be a lot more vulnerbale to things like depression, eating disorders, low self-esteem, body dysmorphic disorder, PTSD, loneliness etc, but they are able to talk about their feelings with each other and men also. Both men and women, as well as the education, mental health system and culture at large place high value on womens' feelings and overall well-being. In contrast men receive little empathy from others, and their emotional suffering is not taken seriously. Men generally see each other as individuals and competition, not part of a collective as women tend to, so they don't concern themselves with each others' feelings, that is a type of intimate conversation reserved for female lovers, therapists, close friends and family. And if they don't have any such connections to people they can feel emotionally vulnerable with, men just repress their feeling and carry around lots of emotional baggage.

Except if they have a very close friends or other close relationships, men are generally alone in the world, both emotionally and physically. To illustrate, women often complain about how their peers will constantly criticize theirs and each others' appearances and behavior, which is seen as being mean or bullying. On the other hand, if a man is doing something weird, annoying or creepy, no one is going to tell him about it because they just avoid him, and he can be very unaware of himself in this regard. I remember once in high school I asked a friend why people don't like me, he pointed out many annoying and creepy things I was doing for years that I was unaware of, and then was able to finally recognize and change them.

Men having empathy for other men would help a lot with reducing everyday suffering of fellow man, but because male psychology works differently, the female approach to talking about feelings would not work well. This is true for me, when asked to talk about feelings, it feels like a contrived effort to slap labels onto things I had experienced more directly, and this just creates more abstractions and mental clutter that's counterproductive to "sorting myself out." While men talking about their feelings together or with a woman can offer temporary comfort, men need to experience genuine solitude to really figure themselves out, to work through mental and emotional baggage. The problem is that most men never have to face true alone-ness, or when they do, they can't surrender it, instead coloring it with the feeling of loneliness. By alone I mean physically and mentally by one's self, and lots of men don't even have the luxury of being away from people, despite lacking any meaningful relationships. And those who are completely by themselves often can't peel themselves away from media long enough to go deeply inward.

So because men have much less support in their lives from people and institutions, and are faced with the contradictory habit of desperately trying to avoid feeling alone while being alone holds the key to their emotional healing, they often turn to substance or behavior addictions to distract themselves, or resort to suicide because they don't see any other way to overcome their suffering. Another factor for suicide being higher for men is simply material or financial, because government agencies, family and friends tend to be more supportive of women who can't support themselves. While men are not given the same opportunities, told to simply man up and figure it out, and they feel guilty and ashamed of being a burden on others when they can't provide for themselves, so suicide seems like a logical choice for many.

These were just sorting out my thoughts, not intended as any advice. But now 2 points I could conclude with are that:

Men should stop being afraid to ask for help in life, and not pretend their needs are any less important because they have a dick and balls.

Men also need to take time regularly to be in solitude, completely by themselves, and learn to understand and master their own thoughts and feelings.

Women can take agency over their feelings, consciously choose to feel positively of themselves, and not blame other people for their own emotional states.

[Charlotte]

Crying after orgasm? Not just crying but like you can really feel this deep sadness in your being.

[Neorez]

23 hours ago, Charlotte said:

Crying after orgasm? Not just crying but like you can really feel this deep sadness in your being.

In David deida's book: enlightened sex. There's a piece were he talks about emotional release women can have when having an orgasm. I'm not a woman so I can't speak the validity of this. 

[Zigzag Idiot]

Reminds me of the phrase post coital depression.

[bejapuskas]

@Flatworld Crusades  Growth is something that is very nuanced and is not for everyone. You cannot just change a little bit about this forum and get so many women to start writing about their sex lives online. Hell, this is even hard in a much simpler situations. You cannot force someone into 2 things that are so crazy to get into at once. (development and talking about masturbation) Also Leo is a teacher who resonates mostly with men and there is nothing wrong with that. I think you are trying to do something unnecessary. But I am grateful for the girls who are already here  

Edited July 5, 2019 by bejapuskas

[Zigzag Idiot]

On 5/30/2019 at 5:29 PM, mandyjw said:

I would love it if there was another mom with kids who has gone deep with nonduality. Balancing both has been and is quite a feat. 

I'm wondering if I should check our Teal Swan's forum, are there more women there? One reason why I don't talk about the more feminine aspects of my life and spiritual practices here is just because I don't think most people will appreciate it... just because most people here are male. I really appreciate the male perspective, and I have a hard time committing to difficult practices so that's partly why I'm here I guess. I try to give my perspective when it seems appropriate but I also feel strange and uncomfortable about talking about feminine subjects on a forum of mostly men. 

 

On 5/30/2019 at 7:01 PM, zambize said:

Emerald is a mom with a kid, I'm sure you've seen her YT?

Cynthia Bourgeault fits the Category not to mention Bernadette Roberts who she has often referenced in the past as being one of the deepest contemporary nondual realized beings in regard to Christ Consciousness.

[Surfingthewave]

On 31/05/2019 at 5:32 AM, CreamCat said:

 

On 31/05/2019 at 5:32 AM, CreamCat said:

 

@XYZ Lots of food for thought and points I found triggering. You have hit on a very sad but crucial concern of our times, the epic rise in male suicide. I think your points about how men process emotion leading to social expectation and isolation are key. I lost a good friend to suicide last year, he was such a top bloke, one the best, little did we know he was suffering. Trying to understand and contemplate why he chose to do this is still difficult process.

I agree that some women struggle to feel positively about themselves and perhaps that is also to do with role models, cultural context and social conditioning. 

Question is, how to we address this imbalance? 

Edited July 5, 2019 by Surfingthewave

[DrewNows]

2 hours ago, Surfingthewave said:

Question is, how to we address this imbalance?

Shine the light, there needs to be awareness. People need to know they can take the responsibility for their suffering. Self understanding is self empowerment 

 @XYZ wow i really enjoyed reading that, how much thought you must have put into it. Thanks for sharing 

[CreamCat]

@Surfingthewave Why do you quote me without any real quote?

[Surfingthewave]

@CreamCat no idea, sorry! ? 

[SFRL]

More female topics is not a bad idea. But then it's peoples own responsibility to start more female topic threads and lead the conversation. Don't expect to do the men to do the work for you. Otherwise I am all for it.