Jordan's Meditation Journal Starting May 29 2019

[Jordan]

I meditated an hour every day from Jan 1, 2019 into April 2019 and then fell off track and stopped.

I am going to try to start up an hour per day again and update this journal every day with how it goes.

I will be starting out doing the mindfulness with labeling technique.

May 29, 2019

I sat 33 min before moving because I felt sleepy and tired. I stopped and took a nap.

I sat for a full hour without moving later on in the day. I started thinking and contemplating while forgetting to continue the labeling technique. I felt like I was beginning to understand the interaction between our interpretation of our perceptions and our emotions.

I also realized that there is an intelligence that is constantly judging and interpreting our perceptions and putting meaning behind them. It is done subconsciously. I know it is there because I can ask myself if i think something is true or not and feel the emotional reaction based on what that intelligence believes.

I guess this shows it is important to increase your awareness in order to get a better interpretation of your perceptions. It might be a good idea to go over what beliefs I have and see if they are true or need to be updated. I'll think of some beliefs I want to have and think of ways of convincing my subconscious that they are true.

Some Beliefs I want to be solid in my subconscious:

1. I can do anything I put my mind to.
- I will start by setting small goals to do with finishing my website every morning to complete and slowly increasing the difficulty

2. My girlfriend and her kids love me.
- I will be more present with them and study the reactions they have when we spend time together

3. People will be grateful for finding my website I am making.
- Put myself in the perspective of my customers and give them the truthful information and products that I think will help them. 

Feels good to finally sit for an hour again. It has been over a month!

[Jordan]

May 30, 2019

I sat for an hour from 9:30pm to 10:30pm. I labeled more than yesterday but still forgot to label for a lot of the time. I had a good amount of energy and didn't nod off. I felt into my emotions a lot of the time. I didn't have any strong emotional impulses to move like I sometimes get. It was pretty relaxed. 

I noticed today I was a lot more aware of the present moment when going about my day. Spending time in bed with my girlfriend was better than usual. I have found having a better time intimately with my girlfriend typically happens when I am meditating regularly and it seems to get worse if I stop meditating. I have started and stopped meditating many times and this is the most obvious change every time. 

Completed 2 days in a row meditating.  I hope last longer than last time. I did around 100 days in a row 1 hour per day before missing a day. I'll do by best just to not miss a day ever. I'll see how it goes. 

 

Edited May 31, 2019 by Jordan

[Jordan]

May 31, 2019

I did 40 min and then I got interrupted by my girlfriend texting me. I did the last 20 min later on. I played too many video games today.

 

[Jordan]

June 1, 2019

I set my alarm for 2 hours and i sat for 1 hr 30 min. I stopped because I heard my house creak and my eyes flickered open. I was just doing mindfulness with labeling focusing on my body, my emotions, hearing cars, my fridge, my thoughts. 90 min was a bit difficult for me. I don't think I have sat much longer than that before.

[Jordan]

June 2, 2019

I did 45 min in the morning then forgot to do the last 15 min  At least I have still averaged over an hour per day after doing 1.5 hours the day before.

[Jordan]

June 3, 2019

I did 35 min then too a break and did 25 min later. 

June 4, 2019

I sat for an hour but I kept moving and checking the time. I felt really uncomfortable emotionally. 

June 5, 2019

I sat only for 30 min

June 6, 2019

I say for only 15 min

June 7, 2019

I sat for 0 min

June 8, 2019

I sat for 3hr to catch up for the missed time. I should be 1 hr average since I started now.

My first sit was 1 min 15 min. I opened my eyes after thinking about losing in a video game I play on my phone. My other sits were shorter. I labeled a lot sometimes I tried just to sit still as long as I could.