How To Stop Caring What People Think Of You.

[kuma]

I have been caring about what people think about me all my life and it haunts me. I have had severe social anxiety for many years, I can't even handle the smallest bit of criticism and I am a people pleaser.  This video has had a big impact on me, as I analyze my thoughts now I recognize how much of my life has been dedicated to people pleasing and it is actually quite overwhelming. Apart from writing my thoughts down or expressing my thoughts, there's not much I can think to do to try to change. I am actually very anxious because I just want this desperate want for validation to leave my mind. Are there some strategies apart from what Im doing that could be helpful? Any tips would be much appreciated.

[Charlotte]

Contemplation 100%. 

Asking yourself the relevant powerful questions. 

It sounds like you could do with getting to the root issue of this. 

I can also relate as I still see traits of this in myself. I see it and love it now though, do not judge it, creating more fragmentation and resistance. Accept it then Love it to death when it arises but also work on it. 

♥️

[Pedro M]

Well, Leo made this video and it changed my life. It takes some clear time, but in a few months you'll know how to handle it better. It has a lot to do with validating a version of you that you want to achieve.

[Pedro M]

I'm sleepy and I did not realize that you've seen the video, sorry. Well, just be patient. 

[Nahm]

@kuma What is your emotional understanding of why that does not feel good?

[Commodent]

Be who you want to be and not who you think you should be. I think that's what it boils down to. Following this mindset will naturally lead you to care less what other people think, as you have a reference point within yourself and don't need to get it externally. Do I want to talk about the weather, or do I want to talk about the awesome thing I just read yesterday?

To some people, knowing what you want can be a difficult thing. But it's there, and when you spend some time listening to it will become easier and easier until it becomes second nature.

In general, listening to your wishes and acting on them takes courage, as a lot of people might not agree with what you're doing. That is especially true among those close to you, so you might have to find different people to surround yourself with as well. But in the end you will have to push through a lot of fear in order to live authentically. Just remember to do so in manageable doses, so as not to overwhelm yourself.

Edited May 29, 2019 by Commodent

[Bill W]

@kuma Don Miguel Ruiz. The Fifth Agreement, chapter 4. The whole book is great. All his stuff is. Might suit you and some of your issues. It really helped me. 

[AnTe]

@kuma first eliminate the negative self talk that was learned from people judging and talking down to you and replace with positive self talk like congratulating and thanking yourself for jobs well done. it's not simply validation, you're actually basing your personal values and self worth on other people's opinions. this is all learned behavior that once recognized can start to be invalidated with questions to yourself such as... who's words are these? where did I learn/hear them? why do I use them now on myself?  also, remember people can't see into our heads and only see what we choose to act out. we've always been our biggest judge...

[Joker_Theory]

Another book: Byron Katie - I need your love, is that true.

All we want is love and approval from others and we go to huge lengths to get it(like we please people to get it and more) but she helps us understand that by doing that we loose the feeling of love. To get that feeling back we must realize we don't need no ones love cause we are love and to find it we should go inside.

She explains it better and there is more to it so hope you read that book, it's a game changer.

 

[universe]

There are two things I can recommend you.

Internal-fix

You get down to business with your emotions. Feel into that part of you, that needs validation. That part that is vulnerable and scared. Release the arising emotions when you feel into it. Imagine a scenario where you felt social anxiety and feel the feeling in your chest. Feel into it as much as you can. Then feel even more into it.

 

External-fix

Surround yourself with people who dont give a fuck. By seeing how they behave freely you start to copy their behaviour.