LSD Trip Report - Coming Home to Myself + Reverence & Love For The Creation

[Nahm]

@kieranperez Not sure how I missed it, but fantastic trip report! Thank you for sharing. You’ve come a very long way. The details will fill in. Getting that solid vision was a detail that filled in. That’ll keep comin. Let go & enjoy it, the challenges to. They draw You out. 

To ‘connect your dots’ so to speak, is change your interpretation & perception of meditation. That ‘come down’, leaving the trip and going back into ego...I would dial the awareness into that. Understand how you recreate it each day. It is nuanced and takes time, but is also always readily available. A “nothing is hidden from you” suggestion.  Again, you’re doing great imo. I wish you’d be easier on yourself. Little bit heartbreaking. Meditation is the way. 

 

[kieranperez]

58 minutes ago, Nahm said:

That ‘come down’, leaving the trip and going back into ego...I would dial the awareness into that.

That truly is the bulk of the work for sure. 

58 minutes ago, Nahm said:

Again, you’re doing great imo. I wish you’d be easier on yourself. Little bit heartbreaking. Meditation is the way. 

Thanks man ❤️ I don’t mean to sound like a downer. I just feel like it’s worth being honest about what and how I actually feel and how I’m actually perceiving, however false and illusory it as a story actually is. I just don’t want to go about contracting what is really going on in my present experience. 

Lack of self-acceptance, trust, faith, and self-esteem truly are some of my deepest core issues. These are issues that are probably going to take awhile to truly correct and heal. I have a lot of trauma and I feel deeply hurt, ashamed, afraid, guilty, anxious, etc. Hell, it’s even what characterizes my Enneagram (I’m a Type 6 - The Loyalist). One of my biggest issues is indecisiveness and self doubt. 

Going down a long stretch of my life going nowhere, being stuck in a rut, giving up and quitting most endeavors, becoming stuck in deep apathy and laziness, self hatred, years of family trauma, years of my own trauma, not finishing junior college, not having my finances together, etc. to realizing what my highest vision is is terrifying yet also inspiring. This isn’t to give an excuse of being a victim. However, realizing that truly can feel demoralizing and utterly impossible.

 Which goes into why I post a lot. I look for validation and security in the opinions and advice of authority figures I trust. Honestly, I’m guilty of that with teachers I really trust and admire with people like Leo and so forth. I don’t trust myself because I’ve let myself down for pretty much  as long as I had any sort of say in my life and gained any sort of independence since I was like 13 or 14 years old.

In yet, that’s the thing I gotta cultivate because no one can figure this out for me in my life except for me. Which is why I tend to feel overwhelmed, because I don’t think I can. 

Edited May 30, 2019 by kieranperez

[Merch]

What exactly is this Bi-lateral symmetry technique?

[Nahm]

@kieranperez I hear all that and again, you’re doing great imo. The things you mentioned, would you consider labeling each of them with one word: as a thought, or a sensation? I think it might be helpful, especially with the ongoing overwhelming....

self acceptance

trust

faith

trauma

shame

fear

guilt

anxiety

type 6

indecisiveness

self doubt

stuck in a rut

quitting

 giving up

apathy

laziness

self hatred

terrified

demoralized 

seeking validation

seeking security

let myself down

overwhelmed

 

[SoonHei]

10 hours ago, Merch said:

What exactly is this Bi-lateral symmetry technique?

+1