How to be more self aware in general?

[EvilAngel]

I'm not really talking from a spiritual perspective, I'm talking more from a social perspective. I am excruciatingly aware that I am not very self-aware. I make social faux pa's all the time. I imagine that people talk about me and laugh at me behind my back. I've never seemed to get social conventions and although people tell me they think I'm highly intelligent, they also often say I'm "slow" and "simple". How can one be both highly intelligent and also "slow and simple"? 

My problem lies in the fact that I can't look at myself objectively. It's hard for me to tell how others are perceiving me without them explicitly telling me what they think. 

But being told I am "slow" has been a theme throughout my life. I was teased incessantly at school for it. I got good grades, yet every day I would be given the same message, that I am slow and simple. It always upset me because I never accepted what they were saying. 

I am aware that I miss quite a lot and I don't understand some things first time. People sometimes have to speak slowly to me for me to understand. 

But strangely enough, when Leo talks quickly about personal development or spiritual matters I can understand perfectly when others might find it difficult to follow. On the other hand, when someone is trying to arrange to meet me for lunch, I get confused! 

I value authenticity above anything else, and that's why I love Leo's videos. Perhaps that is why I find normal people so confusing, because they are so deceptive (not authentic). 

In that regard, I guess I am simple. I respond to Truth and am averse to deception. 

People have told me before that I am so different to other human beings that they literally think I am an alien. ?

I've never fitted in, in any group since primary school. I have always been different. My brain must be wired differently. 

[Dan502]

Have you ever taken an autism spectrum test? You can find them online for free.

I'm not saying you might be autistic, I'm just wondering what you'd score.

I could be way off with this comment, it was just my initial reaction.

Or maybe try a personality test. I'll assume your IQ is fine since, for one thing, you write well.

Also are you tired a lot or anything like that? Any lethargy, apathy, trauma, stress?

I'd be interested to hear what other people think about this.

Edited May 27, 2019 by Dan502

[EvilAngel]

@Dan502 apathy yes, and I've experienced a lot of trauma. 

I've experienced the worst kinds of trauma. 

I just did an autism test and scored 43%... 52% was needed to suggest ASD. 

[AnTe]

@EvilAngel it sounds to me like you live too much in your own head and you're expecting people in the present to treat you like the people from the past. it seems it's coming from self doubt which is also preventing you from trusting anyone else. your brain is trying to see behind people's words to their true intentions which you can't know until you've realized and accepted your own. also refrain from placing too much value on other people's feedback because it's never going to be 100% accurate unless you diversify and piece it all together yourself based on your personal experience of course. 

[EvilAngel]

@Shiva yes I think you might be right. People skills may be the issue. Thanks. 

[EvilAngel]

@Shiva thank you very much, I used to watch that a couple years ago, but it wouldn't do any harm to go back to it. ?