Why do i want to kill people who make fun of me?

[SQAAD]

Ok so today i was walking down the street with my family & while we were crossing the intersection a typical stage orange guy inside his car looked at me with an ironic smirk on his face.                                                                                   

 I got really pissed off and upset afterwards and it ruined my whole walk. I regret for not saying something ugly to him. Why do i get so upset over an idiot? I cant understand him bc i dont ever ridicule ppl . Why do some ppl enjoy making fun of others?

      

Edited May 26, 2019 by SQAAD

[Aeris]

 

anyway, are you bothered when someone without legs makes fun of you because you got legs ? 

me nop, so if I can, I tend to avoid those kinds of people.

 

Edited May 26, 2019 by Aeris

[Bill W]

Okay my response to this is based on where I am at with my experience and development, so here goes..... This is what I'd tell myself right now if the same happened and I reacted the same as you....

• You took it personally and that's the main problem here. You might say "well of course I took it personally", and I used to think this all the time. I used to think taking things personally was something automatic, something I was entitled to do, something that makes perfect sense. I am slowly learning it doesn't have to be this way. There is a better way. 

 

• I can't remember where I read this, perhaps from Don Miguel Ruiz who I have learned a lot from. I try to focus on...... that when someone behaves in a manner I don't like toward me, it could be that this person is giving me a demonstration of their sickness, their Hell, their problem mind. I'd rather they didn't give me this "update", but it happens. It could be family, strangers or anyone. Road rage is a good example. 

 

• Most likely this person's behaviour is not personal to me. This person probably has these outbursts or unhelpful behaviour towards other people as well. I reflect that I used to "act out" as well and still do, but I am getting better with this. I think that perhaps this other person is not as far into his development as me. This other person doesn't have a programme perhaps. This person might be in Hell and he is displaying that his world is not good. 

 

• You wanted to say something ugly to him? I know that feeling oh so well. For me, this means you/we feel wronged and that it's not fair what they did. How dare they!!!! Perhaps we think that if we retaliate then justice has been served. We have to question the need to administer justice. 

 

• This is the tough bit.... you can choose to engage with the person on their level or you can walk away.... You can leave them in the dust. Sometimes in surrendering, we can have victory. 

[Forestluv]

2 hours ago, SQAAD said:

it ruined my whole walk.

How can an appearance of a facial expression ruin a whole walk? Did the facial expression itself ruin the walk or was it your mind’s interpretation and response to the facial expression? 

[SQAAD]

@Serotoninluv

1 hour ago, Serotoninluv said:

How can an appearance of a facial expression ruin a whole walk? Did the facial expression itself ruin the walk or was it your mind’s interpretation and response to the facial expression? 

It was the latter.

I knew it conceptually BUT still i couldn't disidentify with my thoughts & emotions. Mind started getting anxious & thinking things like "what if there is something wrong w/ me etc.". Very annoying. 

I just wanted to get revenge on this guy so maybe i can get rid of the awful feelings. Very irrational i know.

I don't like getting doubtful about myself because of others.

 

Edited May 26, 2019 by SQAAD

[ajasatya]

@SQAAD It happens because deep inside you believe that you're ridicule at some degree. And feeling ridiculed by "others" triggers that deep belief of your own, which you're disgusted by.

Ask yourself "Why am I ridicule?", "Why do I find myself ridicule?". If it feels emotionally hard at some point, it means that you're doing it right.

[SQAAD]

@ajasatya

8 hours ago, ajasatya said:

@SQAAD It happens because deep inside you believe that you're ridicule at some degree. And feeling ridiculed by "others" triggers that deep belief of your own, which you're disgusted by.

Ask yourself "Why am I ridicule?", "Why do I find myself ridicule?". If it feels emotionally hard at some point, it means that you're doing it right.

Thanks ,i will have to contemplate that one.

Anyways most people are screwed mentally. If someone finds my physical appearance funny i can't change that. I just want to not care about idiots like that.

[Farnaby]

On 26/5/2019 at 2:23 PM, SQAAD said:

Ok so today i was walking down the street with my family & while we were crossing the intersection a typical stage orange guy inside his car looked at me with an ironic smirk on his face.                                                                                   

 I got really pissed off and upset afterwards and it ruined my whole walk. I regret for not saying something ugly to him. Why do i get so upset over an idiot? I cant understand him bc i dont ever ridicule ppl . Why do some ppl enjoy making fun of others?

      

@SQAAD It seems as if you feel ridiculed/attacked by this persons ironic smirk. Not saying that he isn't trying to make you feel bad, but I agree with those who told you you probably feel that some part of you is ridicule and it gets triggered. Maybe I'm wrong, but I've felt that before too and it's related to my own insecurities. Of course when you feel attacked you want to defend yourself, I think it goes back to a primal survival instinct. 

I would suggest working on your self esteem and giving the parts of yourself that feel vulnerable a lot of love, compassion and understanding. I'm willing to guess that this is something you've felt before and probably in different situations. Maybe someone made fun of you when you were younger and it hurt you a lot and that's why you get triggered. Just my guess based on what you said, you'll have to explore if it resonates with you. 

[Nahm]

@SQAAD Your habit of judging yourself resonated. Didn’t feel good because the identity you’re believing in is not accurate. You’re much more awesome than you believe. You’re awesomeness tells you this, but you’ve learned to trust your thinking, not your sensations. Orange guy transcended this, and that is why “he triggers you”. 

[Michael569]

I've spent enough time around sales people to be able to tell you that this is what many of them do. Most of them are arrogant cocks and walk around giving people looks thinking they are superior. That shouldn't really deter you, I feel kinda sorry for them because life will catch up one day when they realise that chasing money did not lead anywhere but it will be too late. So thank the universe that you don't have to be in his position of sucking your clients's D and move along with your life

Edited May 29, 2019 by Michael569

[Rilles]

Kick his ass next time. Then you will never do it again when youve let it out and seen how silly it was. 

[now is forever]

On 26.5.2019 at 2:23 PM, SQAAD said:

Ok so today i was walking down the street with my family & while we were crossing the intersection a typical stage orange guy inside his car looked at me with an ironic smirk on his face.                                                                                   

 I got really pissed off and upset afterwards and it ruined my whole walk. I regret for not saying something ugly to him. Why do i get so upset over an idiot? I cant understand him bc i dont ever ridicule ppl . Why do some ppl enjoy making fun of others?

      

because people like to maintain their ego by feeling better, smarter, more beautiful than you, they simulate status like that. they impose power over you by showing you how small you are through displaying their status. they think they are better than you. the problem is, it’s the power you give them by knowing that this behavior is an aggression and meant like it. it is also that you know you are not buying into the scheme but have dreams that seem to be threatened through their behavior. if you go deeper into it - what dream is it that got threatened and how deep is it running? is it only your peace that got threatened by a threat or is it something you try to skip to work on for yourself? or is it maybe because it’s a threat not only towards you but towards your family, too? contemplate what your status in your family would have been some thousand years ago, also think about how your family structure might prepare you for this position since you where born.

Edited June 5, 2019 by now is forever

[iTommy]

This reminds me of a guy in the documentary "The Work". Maybe this one would be interesting to look into.

[Aquarius]

I don't think it is your fault. I used to have the same problem. My family kept telling me that they are jealous, but of course I didn't listen and thought it was complete bs. Then years after graduation I realised they were right, they WERE jealous, because looking back at the pictures I was the prettiest, at least from that year, and what they said was the complete opposite. I never were that disappointed and in so much pain and suffering. I mean how could I be that dumb? I could've easily find my path and do that which resonated, but I left myself be tricked and kicked in the face. And now I have to start all over and lay the foundation again.

I say just believe in yourself and be yourself. It's never too late. 

[RichardY]

Too much GTA?

[Pallero]

On 27.5.2019 at 9:22 PM, SQAAD said:

I just want to not care about idiots like that.

I know you want to not care, but you do care. And what you resist, persists.

Your feelings are not irrational and you shouldn't try to disidentify from them. Look into them instead and discover and integrate your shadow. It's the only way. Your shadow being the one that ridicules people.

[tenta]

On 5/26/2019 at 4:20 PM, Bill W said:

Okay my response to this is based on where I am at with my experience and development, so here goes..... This is what I'd tell myself right now if the same happened and I reacted the same as you....

• You took it personally and that's the main problem here. You might say "well of course I took it personally", and I used to think this all the time. I used to think taking things personally was something automatic, something I was entitled to do, something that makes perfect sense. I am slowly learning it doesn't have to be this way. There is a better way. 

 

• I can't remember where I read this, perhaps from Don Miguel Ruiz who I have learned a lot from. I try to focus on...... that when someone behaves in a manner I don't like toward me, it could be that this person is giving me a demonstration of their sickness, their Hell, their problem mind. I'd rather they didn't give me this "update", but it happens. It could be family, strangers or anyone. Road rage is a good example. 

 

• Most likely this person's behaviour is not personal to me. This person probably has these outbursts or unhelpful behaviour towards other people as well. I reflect that I used to "act out" as well and still do, but I am getting better with this. I think that perhaps this other person is not as far into his development as me. This other person doesn't have a programme perhaps. This person might be in Hell and he is displaying that his world is not good. 

 

• You wanted to say something ugly to him? I know that feeling oh so well. For me, this means you/we feel wronged and that it's not fair what they did. How dare they!!!! Perhaps we think that if we retaliate then justice has been served. We have to question the need to administer justice. 

 

• This is the tough bit.... you can choose to engage with the person on their level or you can walk away.... You can leave them in the dust. Sometimes in surrendering, we can have victory. 

What if they aren't in the dust, and gaining immense sadistic pleasure at the fact that you're suffering because they hurt you?

[Moon]

You're following some irrational, animalistic desire to be violent or say something unpleasant, but this would only give you short term satisfaction.

Long term satisfaction or "happiness" would come from focusing internally and then thinking, saying and doing things that make YOU feel positive, regardless of the external situation. So be selfish by following your true joy and stop giving into that animalistic side of you!! It's easier said than done but can become a habit pretty quick. 

[pluto]

Maybe he reminded you of part of yourself you dislike or have yet to make complete peace with?

This spiral dynamics judging and categorizing people is getting out of hand though, i would drop this thing altogether, its becoming ridiculous.