Journaling - for the first time in my life

[Truth Addict]

I don't know how this thing is supposed to be.

What should I write? What should I not?

Everything? Only the milestones? Freedom? What?

What I feel or what I think? Both or neither? Freedom? What?

I hate the fact that it should be in English. I have a lot of skills in my original language, and I have a lot of jokes.

I'm a really great guy in the real life. Language betrays me a lot here. That sucks. I need more time to translate, and I don't have enough skills to move around freely. Every mistake can be misunderstood, and can lead to a lot of confusion.

I'm very humble and loving, and very accepting of criticism. I'm very calm and peaceful. I like to teach people indirectly and I don't like to be a teacher. I don't know how to point out to people here that they don't know what they're talking about, and that I have more wisdom than most of them. That surely sounds arrogant, but it is what it is, and I know it. I look at most people here, and they're like toddlers to me, I have levels of understanding myself more than most people I interact with. They think they are teaching me, but that's just me being humble and letting them talk and fulfill their needs.

Language keeps failing me.

I always use subliminal messages in my original language, I always hint, play with words, and use eloquence. It's my art. I don't know why I'm stuck where I am with English. Probably because I don't interact with English people face to face.

I'll try to update this journal on a daily basis. I don't know.

Everyone is allowed to post here. Please enjoy.

Much love ❤️

Edited May 26, 2019 by Truth Addict

[DrewNows]

Excited for you man. This looks like a great way to practice your vulnerability. I may find myself doing this exact thing sometime soon. It will coincide with more time off the forum focusing on growth. 

(Sharing my thoughts)

 the mind has a way of expressing itself to seem all loving and accepting but don’t hesitate in here to express the sides of you you might normally go against or hold back simply to be seen as a friendly open person. I’m finding it’s necessary to express all sides of me to truly grow as a person 

[Truth Addict]

@DrewNows Thank you for the insights my friend ?❤️

I recently had reached a plateau in my growth. I feel like I'm stuck where I am. No more huge insights. My notes are hardly being updated, my latest update was yesterday, and the one before was on 19 May.

I have something to share here on the forum about enlightenment and authenticity, and the tragedy of humanity, but it's in the works and I'm lazy to write in English.

A really busy life is toxic. And a really free life is toxic as well. Balance is the way to go.

I stopped having a lot of insights since I engaged deeply in the practical mundane life. Before that was the exact opposite, where I was completely free. Between the two was the best life I had.

My latest note (insight) from yesterday: More mainstream, more delusion.

Edited May 25, 2019 by Truth Addict

[DrewNows]

3 minutes ago, Truth Addict said:

A really busy life is toxic. And a really free life is toxic as well. Balance is the way to go.

Glad you are sharing your insights. Admirable to see ya doing it in a second language. 

It’s interesting some people tend to find themselves operating the best in the extremes, either very busy or always chill. For me I am unsure but anxiety kicks up when I’m feeling overwhelmed so if it’s a busy schedule I gotta have it on my own terms ha 

[Truth Addict]

9 minutes ago, DrewNows said:

It’s interesting some people tend to find themselves operating the best in the extremes, either very busy or always chill.

It's never sustainable. They will burn out sooner or later.

10 minutes ago, DrewNows said:

For me I am unsure but anxiety kicks up when I’m feeling overwhelmed so if it’s a busy schedule I gotta have it on my own terms ha 

Feeling overwhelmed is awesome if you think of it as a challenge or a new experience, and trust that it's part of the plan. Make the enemy your friend, and enjoy its company ?

[DrewNows]

2 minutes ago, Truth Addict said:

It's never sustainable. They will burn out sooner or later.

Feeling overwhelmed is awesome if you think of it as a challenge or a new experience, and trust that it's part of the plan. Make the enemy your friend, and enjoy its company ?

 Very true! 

And for the top portion: let’s take two extremes, a monk and the professional athletes (Michael jordon) 

do you think either of them have a unsustainable or unsatisfactory life? I’d say no because they have paved their own path and each extreme is no longer their extreme but way of life 

[Truth Addict]

@DrewNows

Ahhh, I see what you mean.

These people are extraordinary people. They have reached their authentic self, they worked through their shadow, and they know what they want. You can say they're both enlightened in different ways.

I was referring to ordinary human beings who are still figuring themselves and life out (like myself). The examples you mentioned are super people who I look up to.

I told you about the post in my notes about enlightenment and authenticity. It's basically about that kind of people.

[DrewNows]

Cool man

You know what i want from us? Simply to recognize that any kind of limitation we have is self created. Ordinary? That sounds like a safe word. The super humans are so wonderful in showing the impossible is self determined. Thoughts can and will get in the way but we can be ready for them

ordinary, super, authentic - all illusions of the mind

[Truth Addict]

@DrewNows

What do I want from life? That's the question.

[DrewNows]

4 minutes ago, Truth Addict said:

@DrewNows

What do I want from life? That's the question.

Yes that’s a thought implying there’s actually an i that wants something. Trust in the process of life to bring clarity to that thought 

does this make sense? 

[Truth Addict]

@DrewNows

Why does it matter what we call those things? Truth is true no matter what, and it's irrelevant to thought. Why care so much about the concepts instead of living life?

To me, these kinds of inquiries are only means to surrendering and happiness. I've done them and found happiness.

No magical unicorns or anything like that.

[DrewNows]

@Truth Addict Indeed. That’s what I’m saying 

I think what we really want is not to have to want just one thing and commit ourselves to a single identity based off what we feel we should do.

I think this is fear and it creates the all or nothing mentality of sacrifice and commitment. It blocks creativity and opportunity to flourish in all directions, enjoying the ride of life 

[jbram2002]

I think Drew said a lot of it, but I've found that using the journal to say things about yourself that you don't actually want to say is a good idea. Be vulnerable. That doesn't mean saying things that area easy to say. Dig in deep and find what you're ashamed of, own it as part of you. Obviously, there are some things you might decide would be unwise to say, but make sure that you aren't hiding it based solely on shame or ego.

[Truth Addict]

@DrewNows ??✌️

What I truly want is nothing and everything. Nothing in particular, and everything that's presented to me. I don't want to want. I want what I want ?

@jbram2002

Interesting.

I actually don't have anything that I'm ashamed of. But I know some of the things I hide are so triggering to others, and virtually no one would accept them. But I accept myself as I am, and I'm not ashamed of myself. That's the most important thing.

However, the one mistake I keep doing these days is to neglect my exams, which are two weeks close. I will find a way to make it work. I am always distracting myself with work and the internet.

It really sucks that I'm not convinced of what I have to study.

[DrewNows]

12 minutes ago, jbram2002 said:

I think Drew said a lot of it, but I've found that using the journal to say things about yourself that you don't actually want to say is a good idea. Be vulnerable. That doesn't mean saying things that area easy to say. Dig in deep and find what you're ashamed of, own it as part of you. Obviously, there are some things you might decide would be unwise to say, but make sure that you aren't hiding it based solely on shame or ego.

your wife is HOT!

OOPS! 

[jbram2002]

@DrewNows Not appreciated from either her or me. Just being honest.

[DrewNows]

2 minutes ago, jbram2002 said:

@DrewNows Not appreciated from either her or me. Just being honest.

it was a joke to go with your post about shame/ego and expressing yourself

 apologize for offending yall. im surprised part of you doesn't find it appreciative to hear, or at least be agreeable. Would it change if i was your best friend irl? Anyways, again my apologies, you are good people 

[jbram2002]

@DrewNows Thanks for your apologies. If you've followed her videos, you know she's a bit sensitive about that sort of thing. I didn't take major offense from it, but I also feel like she has far more to offer than just her looks, and that statement was directed solely at looks. Don't you agree?

Edited May 25, 2019 by jbram2002

[mandyjw]

@DrewNows Please don't feel bad, I'm flattered but honestly struggle with feeling like I'm not being taken seriously, even just for being female here sometimes. I know most of you guys are more woke than that but I still feel it sometimes. I have conflicting feelings about about it all. 

@Truth Addict I'm thrilled that you started a journal. 

[Truth Addict]

@mandyjw

Thank you Mandy ❤️

I need some guidance. Obviously, I'm terrible at this