Will spiritual practices heal my shyness/anxiety?

[billiesimon]

I'm going out to socialize and also approach women, but several nights I become paralized after only 2 approaches gone bad. 

I'm not willing to stop.

I want to change this and become social and fun with women/people. 

Will spiritual practices, kriya, meditation etc help me remove these blocks? I need to find a solution to my anxious thoughts about people judging me. 

Will spirituality free me? What do you recommend? 

[Shadowraix]

If you don't want dysfunction you need a careful balance between spirituality and personal development. But yes it can definitely help you with this. Ever since I started I am a much more confident person and what people think of me becomes more of a tool for me to improve than it does hurt me. 

[billiesimon]

35 minutes ago, Shadowraix said:

If you don't want dysfunction you need a careful balance between spirituality and personal development. But yes it can definitely help you with this. Ever since I started I am a much more confident person and what people think of me becomes more of a tool for me to improve than it does hurt me. 

Thanks! Self help for now didn't help much for my shyness. 

What do you mean by disfunction? Can spirituality become disfunctional? 

[Toby]

2 hours ago, billiesimon said:

I become paralized

Educate yourself on "trauma" and for example the "window of tolerance". Some good books are...
Trauma regarding spiritual practice: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0393709787/
Trauma in general: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1556439431/ or https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143127748/
"Developmental trauma" in particular (which is different from "shock trauma"): https://www.amazon.com/dp/1583944893/

[billiesimon]

2 minutes ago, Toby said:

Educate yourself on "trauma" and for example the "window of tolerance". Some good books are...
Trauma regarding spiritual practice: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0393709787/
Trauma in general: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1556439431/ or https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143127748/
"Developmental trauma" in particular (which is different from "shock trauma"): https://www.amazon.com/dp/1583944893/

I'm going to read this material, thanks. 

Do you think that this blockage happens because of trauma? 

[Toby]

1 minute ago, billiesimon said:

Do you think that this blockage happens because of trauma?

I don't know. All I know is what the symptoms are if you leave "the window of tolerance", meaning the state in which you are able to "integrate" your experience. One symptom is "freezing" or becoming "paralyzed".

[Shin]

If you do it right

Yes definitely

[Commodent]

Yes, as @Toby is saying, challenge your fears but don't do it to the point of overwhelm. And IMO excessive shyness is mostly always due to trauma, so if you want to pull it up by the roots I would suggest you to put your attention there.

[Shadowraix]

2 hours ago, billiesimon said:

Thanks! Self help for now didn't help much for my shyness. 

What do you mean by disfunction? Can spirituality become disfunctional? 

Dysfunction are usually behaviors that will have a negative impact. For example someone who drinks alcohol to run away from their problems can be considered dysfunctional. Trauma causing you to get triggered and outburst is dysfunctional. So is any neurotic behavior.

You can be enlightened and still be dysfunctional. Knowing and experiencing truth won't say too much as to what you will do with it.

Saying reality is pretty much a sandbox with no right or wrong can be harmful insights if not in the right hand. 

[billiesimon]

6 minutes ago, Shadowraix said:

Dysfunction are usually behaviors that will have a negative impact. For example someone who drinks alcohol to run away from their problems can be considered dysfunctional. Trauma causing you to get triggered and outburst is dysfunctional. So is any neurotic behavior.

You can be enlightened and still be dysfunctional. Knowing and experiencing truth won't say too much as to what you will do with it.

Saying reality is pretty much a sandbox with no right or wrong can be harmful insights if not in the right hand. 

I get it but... 

Why do I keep hearing pickup teachers and self help coaches (including Leo) that meditation and kriya heal your neurotic ego? 

Paranoia and social anxiety are monkey mind. Why can't spirituality silence them? 

[Shadowraix]

16 minutes ago, billiesimon said:

I get it but... 

Why do I keep hearing pickup teachers and self help coaches (including Leo) that meditation and kriya heal your neurotic ego? 

Paranoia and social anxiety are monkey mind. Why can't spirituality silence them? 

Yes spirituality can definitely imply personal development that just happens as a result of the pursuit.

I'm just saying its a good idea to actively pursue both. 

Its like one of those Venn diagrams. They are intertwined but not in their entirety. And the more you dig into either, the more subtle and sneaky the problems can get.

[Devi Shanti]

Meditation and others spiritual practices can help you heal many things such as anxiety and shyness, yes. But there is a great chance that you will feel out of place in some social events depending on how seriously you are committed with your spiritual path. Thoughts like "what the hell am I doing here?" might occur. And also you might get sick of the type of women and people in general that you want to interact with nowadays. 

Wrapping it up, going into a spiritualized life might change you so deeply that you might change many of your actual interests. And it can be the best thing you have ever did.

[Shin]

It will feel like you are being more and more miserable/lonely when you start your spiritual journey.
That's only because you are becoming aware of how much suffering you were unconsciously experiencing.
In the end, when all that has been taking care of to a decent degree, you will feel more free and joyful than you could ever dream of

Daily

Edited May 25, 2019 by Shin

[billiesimon]

7 minutes ago, Shin said:

It will feel like you are being more and more miserable/lonely when you start your spiritual journey.
That's only because you are becoming aware of how much suffering you were unconsciously experiencing.
In the end, when all that has been taking care of to a decent degree, you will feel more free and joyful than you could ever dream of

Daily

Well, that's exactly what I don't understand. 

I've done meditation for 2 months now, and in the first days I've had a slight benefit in terms of social courage and charisma. 

But now.. Seems like the opposite. That's why I've asked the question. 

I feel like A LOT of anxiety is rising inside of me and a lot of ego backlash (fear of socializing and a return of shyness). 

The problem is that I WANT to become social, it is my burning desire. I just don't understand why meditation seems to have canceled the benefits it was stating to give. 

[Shin]

9 minutes ago, billiesimon said:

Well, that's exactly what I don't understand. 

I've done meditation for 2 months now, and in the first days I've had a slight benefit in terms of social courage and charisma. 

But now.. Seems like the opposite. That's why I've asked the question. 

I feel like A LOT of anxiety is rising inside of me and a lot of ego backlash (fear of socializing and a return of shyness). 

The problem is that I WANT to become social, it is my burning desire. I just don't understand why meditation seems to have canceled the benefits it was stating to give. 

2 months is nothing, and you have to dig and feel the emotions that arise when you do it, without interfering, just observing.

[billiesimon]

So what do you guys think is my best bet to inquire into this anxiety and fears? 

Shadow work? 

[Shin]

46 minutes ago, billiesimon said:

So what do you guys think is my best bet to inquire into this anxiety and fears? 

Shadow work? 

Yes do that

[flowboy]

Primal therapy is a form of guided shadow work that has helped me a LOT.

How long have you been shy? Since you can remember?

Then probably you picked up some negativity from your environment when you were very young. Either something traumatic happened, or your parents gave you negative messages.

A child is not naturally shy, you see. It trusts life. Unless the parents have taught it that it can't.

[Toby]

1 hour ago, flowboy said:

Primal therapy

Could be very easily retraumatizing.

[billiesimon]

1 hour ago, flowboy said:

Primal therapy is a form of guided shadow work that has helped me a LOT.

How long have you been shy? Since you can remember?

Then probably you picked up some negativity from your environment when you were very young. Either something traumatic happened, or your parents gave you negative messages.

A child is not naturally shy, you see. It trusts life. Unless the parents have taught it that it can't.

I clearly remember that I was decently extroverted in the early years, like until 6 - 8 years old or so. 

Then I slowly became shy, and at middle school all the bullies and arrogant kids made me very very introverted and I grew up with low social self esteem. I am very damn sure about the decrease in extroversion during my teen years.