How do I escalate physical touch with a girl?

[Igor82]

I was at an outside party where there was alot of people. This party is traditionally held by a nearby high school which I attended. Usually on these parties I try to talk to as many people as possible, to be social and to push myself, to always be talking with someone. Otherwise I would just prefer to observe all the poeple from a corner and that makes me feel weak in my abilities. I sometimes drink a little because that enhances my desire to talk with people enthusiastically. Approaching girls in such conditions is not a problem, maintaining a conversation is not a problem.

Today I met a quality girl, 8.5, she was into mediation and visualization and we would quickly go on to have deeper conversations, although she was a little drunk. In the conversations I desired to go deeper than just talk but I felt limited in my unexperienced abilities of getting more physical with the girl, as I felt like that would be the next step towards sealing the deal (correct me if im wrong).

• What are some ways to get more physical with a girl, any practises? What’s that psychology behind it? Does it matter if she’s drunk or not?

Important topic. Thanks in advance.

[Aeris]

GHB or a lot of alcohol.

joking

seriously what old are you jean reno

to be physical you need to be a bit more spiritual, take a bit off the head, look for her eyes to tell you yes.

if you don't know, don't be worry, everyone started lvl 1, but sometimes you can upgrade very quickly.

failing is not a mark of "looser" it's a mark of learning.

Don't be afraid to fail, be afraid to do nothing.

[kag101]

Physical touch is overrated, imo. Touching should be something natural. Otherwise, it's very creepy. If you can manage stop seeing the girl as a "prey", and you just act normal with her, that's much more attractive.

But anyway, here's something that might be helpful: http://www.bestpuatraining.com/kino-escalation

[Igor82]

40 minutes ago, Aeris said:

seriously what old are you jean reno

Im legit the age you see on my profile although im a tall person with a deep voice so people generally think im older than what I am. 

44 minutes ago, Aeris said:

to be physical you need to be a bit more spiritual, take a bit off the head, look for her eyes to tell you yes.

if you don't know, don't be worry, everyone started lvl 1, but sometimes you can upgrade very quickly.

failing is not a mark of "looser" it's a mark of learning.

Don't be afraid to fail, be afraid to do nothing.

Okay! Show me lvl1. I have never gone physical with a girl before but I do enjoy being social on weekends which means I will most likely go physical with some girl soon enough.

In conversation I like to stay grounded in having at least something to talk about, Im confident in being able to talk. If the conversation goes well then there is no problem looking into her eyes.

But whats beyond just talking? Im trying to find a topic to talk about with my body language so to speak

[Igor82]

@kag101 Thanks for the gold, im reading what you sent! 

Please elaborate on what natural means

Thank you!!

[Aeris]

you don't need to be worry with girls, you're very young then. At your age I wasn't even aware that girl exist sort of. I m a game later with girls, but it happenn'd just about the right time

work on yourself and girls come for touch you without doing anything

yes just keep doing what you do, eventually it will happen without you thinking of "it", I mean, don't project sex into girls, project the envy to have a deep link and see if it connect

Edited May 25, 2019 by Aeris

[kag101]

14 hours ago, Aeris said:

you don't need to be worry with girls, you're very young then.

What a useless piece of advice. The guy is almost 17. He's not that young!

 

15 hours ago, Igor82 said:

Thanks for the gold, im reading what you sent! 

Please elaborate on what natural means

Thank you!!

In my case, I used to read a lot about PUA. But too much theory is a bad thing. 

I started to pick up hot girls after I let go of wanting to make them fall for me. Sexual arousal is something that either happens or does not happen. You can't force it. 

I was raised by mom and older sister. So when I started to treat other women like I do with my mom and sis, they naturally started to feel attracted to me. 

If you're in doubt on whether or not to touch a girl, don't do it. Let go of that thought. If you act on it, it will likely be very creepy... Focus on being in the present moment with the girl. 

 

[Aeris]

8 hours ago, kag101 said:

What a useless piece of advice. The guy is almost 17. He's not that young!

 

In my case, I used to read a lot about PUA. But too much theory is a bad thing. 

I started to pick up hot girls after I let go of wanting to make them fall for me. Sexual arousal is something that either happens or does not happen. You can't force it. 

I was raised by mom and older sister. So when I started to treat other women like I do with my mom and sis, they naturally started to feel attracted to me. 

If you're in doubt on whether or not to touch a girl, don't do it. Let go of that thought. If you act on it, it will likely be very creepy... Focus on being in the present moment with the girl. 

 

I started at 25 and didn't even try before 20 ( got numéric love on internet young but that's all )

Anyway I got the best relation now. All early relation are mostly shitty for people because they are viewing the World at tier 1 SD

Someone should aim for a LP before Girls. You Can get sex and all but that will be empty relation mostly. At this âge every bs trigger you. You don't own your own behavior. Could be that I m wrong in some very rare case

All girls I had told me : best sex. With a total lack of experience until this old age. I Beat all their ex without 'young experience' i read 2 Books and talk to 3 experts

Why I m good ? Because a mind fearless.

I still have work to do. But I don't feel any lack on this side no more. I even feel more advanced

 

[Leo Gura]

I consider smooth physical escalation a cornerstone of good dating technique. You can get ridiculously good at it and girls love it.

Entire manuals have been written on it. Search for "kino escalation". This is one part of the Mystery Method which was actually quite good and practical.

The rule of thumb is, you start to physically touch her within seconds of meeting her. During the day time physical escalation needs to be very mild. But during night time, like at bars and clubs, it can be very heavy.

It needs to be very natural, which means you need to feel that it's natural for her to feel that it's natural.

Start with non-erotic areas like hand, arm, shoulder. Then move to hug. Then holding hands. Then playing with and rubbing various parts of her body. Make it as casual and playful as possible.

So typically you shake her hand as soon as you meet her. Then you might pat her on the shoulder. Then you might take her hand in your hand and immediately throw it away. Then you might get real close to her body and immediately step back. Then you might take her hand and examine her bracelet, ring, or watch. Then you might tell her to give you a hug. Then you might hold her hand as she walks with you. Then you might put your hands around her waist as you square up to her. Then you might gently run your finger along her jaw line. Then a very short kiss, no tongue. Then you might rub her hips. Then you might pull her into your chest. Then you might squeeze or spank her butt in a playful way. Then you might fondle her tits over her clothes. Then you might breathe on her neck. Then you might gently bite her neck. Then you might run your hands through her hair, gently grabbing and pulling it. And by this point you need to isolate her to a private location for heavy makeout, foreplay, and sex.

The best way to get comfortable doing all this is to go out to rowdy nightclubs and open every girl with physical openers and practice escalating as quickly as possible until she pushes you way. You'll be amazing how far you can get how quickly. Try even going for an instant makeout. All of this builds your comfort level and confidence such that later you can escalate smoothly on any girl in any situation and it will feel natural to her.

She does not have to be drunk for any of this. But obviously if alcohol is involved you can get away with a lot more a lot faster. Mostly she doesn't even need to drink the alcohol. All that's required is that you're in a social space where such things are seen as normal. Whatever you do needs to fit the social situation you're in. At bars and clubs this kind of heavy physicality is totally normal. Obviously not at the mall during day time. There you play it more chill. Although I've met a guy who would hit on women at the mall and have sex with them in that very same mall! LOL! You'll be amazed at what you can get away with when you're smooth and confident.

Obviously for any of this to work she has to show some attraction to you. Although the initial few steps of physical escalation require no attraction. Touching any erotic areas requires a degree of attraction.

The best way to tell if a girl is attracted to you is by looking in her eyes. Does she look into your eyes and hold contact? Does she follow your lead and listen to your words? Then she's attracted. If she's looking away from you a lot, she's not attracted. You need to capture her attention with charm, humor, and confidence.

[lostmedstudent]

@Leo Gura hi leo

do you do pickups these days ?

[Igor82]

22 hours ago, kag101 said:

If you're in doubt on whether or not to touch a girl, don't do it. Let go of that thought. If you act on it, it will likely be very creepy... Focus on being in the present moment with the girl. 

I can imagine. Thanks! Will do. This has to do with the scarcity mindset, if I have the abundance mindset then my intuition tells me it will go all natural. Ill go to work on that.

14 hours ago, Aeris said:

Someone should aim for a LP before Girls. You Can get sex and all but that will be empty relation mostly. At this âge every bs trigger you. You don't own your own behavior. Could be that I m wrong in some very rare case

.

Why I m good ? Because a mind fearless.

I am currently working hard on finding the LP and I see how it can be attractive, I see how the path carries my persona to behave in a more attractive way. I was thinking alot about the girl mentioned, but I just know that I cant get her trough thinking and obsessing about her, that is me being needy. I have to let go of girls in order to attract them. Im aware that LP takes priority here. I have recently found out that one of my core strengths is to relate to people and encourage relationships. I want to make good use of that and be able to learn along the way, while satiating the need for socialization. 

@Leo Gura Very good and satisfying answer, I cant add anything to that.

Im going to work right away with the research, but I invest effort into balancing out the theory with the practice. I will ask the girl out this week as I noticed she was attracted to me and we will see how it goes from there. Pretty excited, will update soon.

[SFRL]

On 5/24/2019 at 10:00 PM, Igor82 said:

I was at an outside party where there was alot of people. This party is traditionally held by a nearby high school which I attended. Usually on these parties I try to talk to as many people as possible, to be social and to push myself, to always be talking with someone. Otherwise I would just prefer to observe all the poeple from a corner and that makes me feel weak in my abilities. I sometimes drink a little because that enhances my desire to talk with people enthusiastically. Approaching girls in such conditions is not a problem, maintaining a conversation is not a problem.

Today I met a quality girl, 8.5, she was into mediation and visualization and we would quickly go on to have deeper conversations, although she was a little drunk. In the conversations I desired to go deeper than just talk but I felt limited in my unexperienced abilities of getting more physical with the girl, as I felt like that would be the next step towards sealing the deal (correct me if im wrong).

• What are some ways to get more physical with a girl, any practises? What’s that psychology behind it? Does it matter if she’s drunk or not?

Important topic. Thanks in advance.

When you are on a date, let's say a Tinder date, and you have never met the girl before usually it's starts out with a hug right on meeting. That's just a formality. 

What I usually would do is touch/tab the girl on the side of the shoulder first with my fingers with the outside if my hand. The point is it's not intimidating. Because it's the outside of the hand you can't/won't grab her. You can do that with the knees as well. Those are non sexual areas. If she doesn't react dismissive you can build it up from there. 

Also you can scratch her on the knee with just your index finger affectionately (affectionately not a sexual vibe). While you tell her she got nice earrings or whatever. A nice well ment comment. If she still reacts positively you can build it up and escalate from there. 

It also helps when you are in a setting where you naturally are close to each other. Like movies or having drinks (always sit next to her not acros from her). If you do happen to sit acros of her it's your job to move it sitting next to her. 

Always start out slow. If you grab her right away it can easily be considered a grope. If you build it up slowly it's sexual escalation. 

[flowboy]

8 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

The best way to tell if a girl is attracted to you is by looking in her eyes. Does she look into your eyes and hold contact? Does she follow your lead and listen to your words? Then she's attracted. If she's looking away from you a lot, she's not attracted. You need to capture her attention with charm, humor, and confidence.

Preach. I am not that smooth, but I just use the eyes as a clue. Does she stare back into my eyes without saying anything? Then she's on board. You can just go in for the kiss for example, and she'll be grateful that you did.

 

I just want to make the side point that you can be super clumsy and still have a successful escalation, as long as you are able to quickly recover your emotional state after a mishap.

I've had dates with rejected kiss-moves, many awkward leg touches that didn't feel quite right, but each time I was able to laugh about it and just keep talking and interacting, conducting and accepting my emotional reactions, and leading her in that, and in the end still had sex and a beautiful connection.

What you feel, they feel.

Edited May 27, 2019 by flowboy

[flowboy]

7 hours ago, Igor82 said:

If you're in doubt on whether or not to touch a girl, don't do it. Let go of that thought. If you act on it, it will likely be very creepy... Focus on being in the present moment with the girl. 

@kag101 @Igor82 COMPLETELY DISAGREE

My version: If you're in doubt on whether or not to touch a girl, the fact that you're thinking about it means that your intuition is taking over. Then, ALWAYS DO IT. Because if you ever want these things to feel natural, they need to come naturally, so acting from gut feeling. If you want your intuition to be able to take the wheel, you have to trust it. And even if it's wrong, then you'll at least learn. Whereas you learn nothing from overthinking. Have that winner's mentality. Or growth mentality, if you will.

If you follow the "when in doubt, don't do it" strategy, you're only teaching yourself to be scared and in your head. More thinking is not the answer.

[Igor82]

@SFRL Great reply, thanks. Will keep all of this in mind

@flowboy Another great reply, thank you for the perspectives!

5 hours ago, flowboy said:

@kag101 @Igor82 COMPLETELY DISAGREE

My version: If you're in doubt on whether or not to touch a girl, the fact that you're thinking about it means that your intuition is taking over. Then, ALWAYS DO IT. Because if you ever want these things to feel natural, they need to come naturally, so acting from gut feeling. If you want your intuition to be able to take the wheel, you have to trust it. And even if it's wrong, then you'll at least learn. Whereas you learn nothing from overthinking. Have that winner's mentality. Or growth mentality, if you will.

If you follow the "when in doubt, don't do it" strategy, you're only teaching yourself to be scared and in your head. More thinking is not the answer.

Got it, thanks. But in a certain sense I will have to let go of constantly thinking about touching her for my intuition to come up. What if my head goes: hey, you see her coming towards you, dont just say hello and shake her hand or hug, go for the kiss right away. I wouldnt go for the kiss in that scenario because some emotion would come up and hinder me from doing that, dismissing the kiss thought as a mere joke, then overwhelming me with excuses. Now, how does the compelling force of intuition feel and play into this? Leo says:

13 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

It needs to be very natural, which means you need to feel that it's natural for her to feel that it's natural.

I will adopt the mindset to go do it as you say, but does that mean im pushing trough the flinch in combination with a sense of intuition -a sense of it being natural- or just acting upon my thoughts soley without that sense of it being natural? Or is it just as you say that no thoughts will come up unless intuition is already there, but then, what about that kissing thought I just mentioned?

[flowboy]

13 minutes ago, Igor82 said:

What if my head goes: hey, you see her coming towards you, dont just say hello and shake her hand or hug, go for the kiss right away.

Does it, though?

This question is just more evidence that you don't trust your own impulses in the moment. And more thinking of what-could-happen won't get you closer to that.

To answer the specific case: Yes, I would say, do it.

• She might take it well. In that case, you successfully broke a limiting belief of what you could get away with.
• Or, she might not. In that case, you need to laugh it off and go "whoops ha ha" and get some valuable practice in maintaining your emotional state when not everything goes perfectly. Tolerate awkwardness. Enjoy it, even.
  In that case, you successfully taught your gut that awkwardness is okay and can be survived and forgotten quickly in an interaction.
  From that moment on, you'll feel less scared to express yourself freely, also physically.

See?

 

The whole idea that it's important to escalate smoothly so that nothing goes wrong, is deeply misguided. There's supplication in that. It's still walking on eggshells, hoping not to scare the girl off, to keep her approval.

But that's not what turns her on. A masculine man escalates authentically. He acts through his own desires, puts his arm there if he feels like it, and then calibrates accordingly if she's not yet comfortable.

Authentic desire + empathy and calibration

Edited May 27, 2019 by flowboy

[Igor82]

@flowboy Oh yes!! Thanks for clearing that up, oh boy, thats gamechanging. Paradigm shift! For this to work I have to let go of the need for approval = life purpose = abundance mindset = masculinity = attraction. 

[Leo Gura]

16 hours ago, flowboy said:

I just want to make the side point that you can be super clumsy and still have a successful escalation, as long as you are able to quickly recover your emotional state after a mishap.

I've had dates with rejected kiss-moves, many awkward leg touches that didn't feel quite right, but each time I was able to laugh about it and just keep talking and interacting, conducting and accepting my emotional reactions, and leading her in that, and in the end still had sex and a beautiful connection.

What you feel, they feel.

Agreed

You don't gotta be perfect. Just par for the course will do. Even a few boogies can be recovered from.

If a girl is really into you she'll allow quite a bit of room for screw ups.

[kag101]

15 hours ago, Igor82 said:

Got it, thanks. But in a certain sense I will have to let go of constantly thinking about touching her for my intuition to come up. What if my head goes: hey, you see her coming towards you, dont just say hello and shake her hand or hug, go for the kiss right away. I wouldnt go for the kiss in that scenario because some emotion would come up and hinder me from doing that, dismissing the kiss thought as a mere joke, then overwhelming me with excuses. Now, how does the compelling force of intuition feel and play into this?

Exactly. That guy @flowboy knows nothing about attracting women, lol. I bet he hasn't got laid in the past year. If he did, I bet it was with unattractive girls.

Anyway, sometimes not touching the girl can be a good strategy for attracting her, because that is an unconscious signal that you're a high status man, because even though the moment is clearly asking for a physical touch or kiss, you're able to emotionally resist it. So I'd say, only touch the girl when it's obvious that she wants it.

Practice with > 6 girls first. Don't expect to pick up an HB9 right away, lol. It takes practice, but it should be a fun practice. 

 

This is a great rule of thumb:

Quote

 

"Girls Just Wanna Have Fun"

--- Cyndi Lauper 

 

 

A good additional resource is: https://www.theattractiveman.com/rules-to-raise-status/

But, please, don't get neurotic about following all these rules. Remembert that: ultimately, there are no rules. 

Edited May 28, 2019 by kag101
forgot to write some info

[flowboy]

2 hours ago, kag101 said:

That guy @flowboy knows nothing about attracting women, lol. I bet he hasn't got laid in the past year. If he did, I bet it was with 5

@kag101 Thank you for your assumptions, it shows your ignorance. I actually had sex with 5 different stunning women over only the past 7 days. A good week for me. How was yours?

You see why my sack is empty and my statements about women are pretty confident.