Neediness. Dealing with girls desire for sex

[Miguel Oliveira]

Hello people.

I was presented by a friend to a girl and from the beginning we both serem very direct and firm about sexuality and getting together to haver sex.

Last weekend I went out to meet her and we had sex.

I didn't have sex for almost a year now and this for sure was a liberating experience. I stayed at her home for all the weekend and besides the sex I had the need to cuddle, to being intimate, to kiss her, to put her legs on top of mine, to get kisses.

I know that this need comes from as I said before, being almost a year without sex and also comes from the fact that I feel not enough, feel that I'm not like the other macho guys, feel that I didn't belong on this world.

Having this girl on bed with me make me feel on that weekend lovable again. Made me feel that someone likes me and that I'm not the person that my thoughts and emotions tell that I am.

I had OCD since 12 years old and now with 23 I live with all the insecurites and blockages that completely changed me to a person that is so much on his head and that has so many blockages and traumas around relationships.

Yesterday my friend talked with me and said that this girl bring a guy to her room (She live with college colleagues) and closed the door. She said for me to not get attached with this girl cause She didn't know of that was a friend or a guy that she fucked.

 

I follow the PUA community for a long time and the abundance frame, non needy frame os heavyly preached and its is something that I want to feel but right now I can' t feel that.

I don't know if she had sex with him but inside me feelings of sadness, rage against her came. We just had sex, nothing more but I got attached, not for love I think but with the fact that she gave something to me that I needed for so long and that all my internal blockages stop me from getting that.

 

How do you handle this? I want to accept that this is so normal with girls and guys but right now I feel sad and with some rage to her that turns the excitment that I had off.

Thanks guys.

[SFRL]

Best way is to start dating other girls, have sex with them if you like. Overtime you will get more clues about what's really going on. Also if she really wants it, she will bring up exclusivity when the time is there. You don't do that first. 

Edited May 23, 2019 by SFRL

[ajasatya]

@Miguel Oliveira First, I want to congratulate you for being able to reach and articulate such a deep level of openness. Well, I can share what I did.

1. I noticed that my sense of unsatisfactory was a cyclic phenomenon and that girls, money and power wouldn't make me ultimately happy
2. I started a long and wide research to see if I could find any exemplary human being who felt truly and stably happy
3. I studied their stories, their ways of thinking and, most importantly, what they did to finally feel visceral happiness towards Life
4. I mimicked their ways, which almost always involved a phase of discipline, dedication and commitment to meditative practices
5. I was able to have several genuine experiences of enlightenment, which were followed by deep insights about Life most of the times
6. My previous sources of happiness were replaced by the a deep feeling of presence and emotional stability
7. I went meta and I was able to understand what happened to me and what it was all about (I found actualized.org at this stage)

There have been a lot of events since then, but those 7 stages are enough to illustrate what I want. We need to develop a certain thirst for finding the root causes of our sufferings. If it requires a pivot in our lives, so be it!

[universe]

10 hours ago, Miguel Oliveira said:

I don't know if she had sex with him but inside me feelings of sadness, rage against her came. 

How do you handle this?

Feel the sadness and rage. Welcome it.

Its all good. You just try to suppress your feelings, that doesnt work out.

[Eric Tarpall]

Do you look at pictures of her often? That would explain your obsession. Look at other girls. And you don't have to touch girls to appreciate them. Seeing them is enough. 

[Miguel Oliveira]

Thanks guys.

The major traumas on my life were build due to relationships.

One girl mental manipulated me so much due to me being social and liking girls. She made me make vows that I can't talk to girls when I'm seeing one and all that blockages.

So many years repeating that to myself for she to forgive me and I changed who I was.

 

Now when I am with a girl that vows come to the surface and I have so many problems with girls. That leads me to runaway from relationships, long or short.

Can you guys advise on this?

[Miguel Oliveira]

@Eric Tarpall please see my above answer

[Miguel Oliveira]

@ajasatya thanks

[ExodiaGearCEO]

@Miguel Oliveira  

ask yourself. What do you want from this girl? Do you want to be fuck buddies, your girlfriend, etc. know what you want and pursue the shit out of it. I also recommend reading “how to be the 3% man” by Corey Wayne. This book should be able to explain all of your problem and some steps to deal with those problems 

[Aeris]

Work on yourself.

Change the scope and aim for what you really need / not what you want

then you'll attract a good possible relationship that will need some work aswell then.

I never had sex before my 25. Now I got everything and more.

I was too yellow minded mixed with red. This made me a bit too hateful against people with 'lower perspective' I lacked of acceptation for what 'is' for others and girls was Seen as a problem for LP until I change view

What I did was following total enlightenment. But eventually just a bit could help