Relationship is getting boring

[Farnaby]

3 hours ago, flowboy said:

I already answered that. Responsibility is a masculine thing. If you put it on her, you force her to be in her masculine and you lose polarity, the spark.

You're trying to blame your girlfriend for making you upset. Men don't do that. That's what little boys do. And she will come to resent you for that eventually.

Listen to the audiobook.

There are great workshops and courses to learn to work with these principles in practice, if you're interested.

@flowboy I think you misunderstood me. I don't blame her, I clearly said "I let her push me out of balance", but I do believe each one of us is responsible for what we communicate and how we communicate it.

That's what I mean by a shared responsibility if repetitive dynamics lead to disconnection. From what you say it would seem as if we as men are 100% responsible for everything that happens in a relationship. I am responsible for how I react and depending on how I react there are more chances of things escalating or not, but I'm not the only one contributing to that kind of dynamic. 

Maybe I'm wrong, but that's how I understand a relationship between two adults.

Edited May 24, 2019 by Farnaby

[flowboy]

@Farnaby I'm not misunderstanding you at all, you are failing to accept what I'm telling you.

This shared responsibility mindset is second stage stuff. I thought like that for a long time. My point is, in the 2nd stage that Deida describes, both partners are each responsible for their contribution to a conversation/whatever, and when one is going a bit overboard, he/she is expected to calm down on her own and come back later when she has cooled off.

You know another characteristic of the 2nd stage? Relationships that are getting boring. Hey, that sounds familiar!

The answer is right in your face. The beliefs you're fighting me so hard for, about how you think relationships are supposed to work, are exactly what is wrong!

31 minutes ago, Farnaby said:

but I'm not the only one contributing to that kind of dynamic. 

You are confusing contribution and responsibility. You can always take full responsibility for what happens in a situation, regardless of "who did what".

 

Anyways, I'm getting fed up with your stubbornness. Hope my advice did something and wasn't a complete waste of my time. I really hope so, cause I'm trying to help.

But letting go of beliefs is not easy. One needs to suffer, in order to have the emotional leverage to do it. It's possible that, like me, you need 3 or 4 more serious breakups before you'll take this stuff seriously. Belief systems are precious.

Edited May 24, 2019 by flowboy