Contemplation - Why are you taking psychedelics, meditating, yoga?

[andyjohnsonman]

I am trying to explore facets of my consciousness, experiment with myself to try to understand the world and reality at a deeper level. I have been told many things mainly by actualised that I want to verify and see if they are true. I want to know if there is such a thing as enlightenment, I want to become enlightened, I want to see if I can feel more in my body, more connected to reality, free of the monkey mind, can I master my emotions, can I understand more about myself, can I improve my levels of concentration, can I become more loving to myself and others, are there existential truths that I dont know about or something thats missing in my understanding, is all of this even a thing or is it just heresay? I need to investigate by doing these activities to know. 

 

I feel like there have been times in my meditation, yoga and psychedelic trips where I have felt a strong sense of love for everything, I want to investigate this further, is there more to life than just survival? I want to be able to let go of a lot of ego separations, there are times when I believe things about the world or about myself and others that are thoughts based on past experiences, how can I know they are correct for what is happening right now, I judge and criticise others and am still attached to a lot of things, I identify with things, and I really think if you want to have a good life you should try to be the best person you should be, a lot of spiritual texts talk about happiness coming from these activities I want to know if they are correct, I try to persuade others to do these practices without knowing if they are the answers or keys, i want to know more about being, I want to see if being and knowing merge.

 

I don’t want to have a run of the mill life where I just work, eat, sleep, and buy things. I believe there is more and I have seen it on drugs like MDMA, mushrooms, weed that happiness is internal. I am however worried about being alone in this world if finding out everyone else is illusory and its all me, I’m really attached to my family and I want them to be real. I also at times feel im at the point where I am more conscious of the thoughts that they are just thoughts and find it annoying that I have these thoughts and want to be more conscious. Its almost like if I was just identified with these thoughts and didn’t know any better I would be more satisfied as I would just accept this as reality. 

 

I want to keep doing these exercises to see where they take me. I have been told they can take you to a very deep place. I feel in the last couple of years I have been too on and off with the practices. I think kris yoga is more powerful and better suited to me that Vipassana. I want to keep doing this every night but can struggle to motivate myself to do it for 45 mins a day but know when I’m doing it it’s worth it. My psychedelic of choice at the moment is mushrooms. I feel it’s an absolutely amazing psychedelic. I want t explore it further and take heavier doses. My biggest dose so far has been 2 grams dried. It has been profound each of the 3 times I have done it. I have had nothing but positivity from this but am aware I must respect it as I can see the potential of it turning negative at any second. At the end of the day I am aware that if you feel more loving of yourself you feel more loving of others. I dont want to be only loving of my small tribe. I want to be loving of all. Sadghuru talks about how there is no need for morality if you already know everything is you. Why would you want to do anything bad to anything or anyone if it is you. Would you want to cut off your own fingers? I want to experience this and I feel based on research and experience that these practices are the way to go about this. 

 

[How to be wise]

@andyjohnsonman Less talking, more doing.