Changing Mindset

[John West]

I'm confused about changing mindsets, because when I hear something Leo for example said, like "be less goaldriven, focus on the doing" (dont know wether he said that or not, just an example), then I cant make that shift and the next time I dont reach a certain result, I feel a little sad or regretful, even though I tried to make the shift in my mind. It is not easy to let it go, and usally when I let it go when I'm not ready, it is more of a supressing of emotions rather than peacful letting go. I dont know where I'm stuck, I think I am confusing something.

Thanks

[Forestluv]

@John West I’m not quite clear where you are at. Could you give us a real life example of this general place you are in? It could help to get a better sense of the bigger picture of what’s going on. 

[John West]

Ok, I see now that my problem isnt articulated clear in the first post.

At certain times, my mind is going crazy because I might for example judge a certain emotion as "bad", and than I think "wait, judging emotions makes me suffer" (something I heard in the Self-Help field), and than I'm actually judging my judgement ("it is bad to judge emotions"). And I go down a spiral of judging the judgement of the judgement...

I have this certain idea of having a peacful mind, being acceptant of everything, yet I am not able to actually implement or embody that idea. And than I judge that I'm incapable of implementing it.

Another example: When I hear "stop labeling everything", I judge or hate myself when I actually label something.

So basically I'm in a hamster wheel because whatever Self-Help advice I get to solve the problem, I judge myself, when I dont apply that very peace of advice because I'm not able in that moment.

And if someone in this thread might say: "Stop labeling this as a problem", I would guilt / hate / judge myself, whenever that label in my head appears.

And when you now might say: "Stop identifying with your thoughts, that is your problem", I would start judging myself for identifying with my thoughts.

 

That probably sounds worse than it actually is. There a certainly times when I just dont worry about that stuff, but on some days, I just do worry and get stuck in this hamster wheel. And it has a very crippling effect on me. I feel like I'm addicted to Self-Help. 

PS: I hadn't had a tough childhood, no major abuse happened, just the normal stuff, even though I was a little excluded or segregated when I was around 10-11 years old.

PS: If not already clear, I'm critisizing myself a lot when I make mistakes.