✎ (Un)Creative Writing ✎ free-for-all

[oMarcos]

We'll be effortlessly writing, without any planned direction.  Feel free to participate and write your own free floating thoughts, even if they seem absurd or too personal. No topic in specific to be discussed, it can be a random story, a fantasy, a dream we had last night, anything!

I think the most valuable thing about this exercise is that, while we write, we should just let the write flow, without judgment, as if it was some sort of meditation and we are about to write down everything that comes us up from the perspective of the Observer.

This topic doesn't have an owner and It's not particularly about me.

 

Talking and Thinking

I am not making this journal to share my beliefs, or to reveal what my fears are, or that I am right/ wrong about my own life, sometimes will not even make any sense, what is Sense anyway. I've always like to talk with myself, It frees us from any judgment because makes no sense going on judging ourselfs while we talk all alone. And even though it may seem I'm writing all of this to you, I am really just "talking to myself", doesn't matter who watches. 

I just said that, doesn't matter who watches, and that makes no sense judging our solitary conversation, so why should I judge a thought, how is a thought any different from a serious conversation. The difference might be that, the talking is somehow controlled and directioned and thoughts just arise, neverthless, the talking and thinking just come and go, I can't own them, no matter if they are positive or negative.

 

 

 

Edited May 20, 2019 by oMarcos

[oMarcos]

The Limits of Authenticity and the power of Belief

The challenging I'm facing right now is about Exposure. I'm writing to myself but at the same time there is something behind me teeling me: "someone will watch this, try to write something that it will make you be in a good picture, balance the things you say,".  This  fear of exposure can be a very snicky devil, how come we try to act every single time in order to mantain the status quo of who we think we are? Is it the fear of dying, is the fear of losing the sense of Ego-Self? If I believe I have low self steem, I need to act in order to protect that belief. So maybe, no matter how Authentic we can be, that Authenticity will always be in favor of your current beliefs, we will protect them. Let's say that you've always wanted to post a naked picture on social media, but you don't do it because that goes against your morals and you would feel a narcisist. But wait, Desire and Moral in conflict? No, I think it means that, once the naked picture is posted, that is something you never did, you never had the belief of being a pornstar. 

Edited May 20, 2019 by oMarcos

[oMarcos]

Invisible Church

One last song, one last meal, one last relationship, one last thought, one last outfit, one last feeling, one last movie, one last photo, one last call, one last sight, one last judgment... all of there is, being. Never started, never ended. Pure manifestation is something that everyone knows as young, but there is no way to know.  How can a child know intuitively what is God better than the adults... I needed so much time to find proof of it, to convince myself that something special was being hidden from me, and the desire to find someone who can tell me what l am blindly chasing, It's hard to find something we can't see, I needed a name, an explanation, a Fucking word. I saw it plenty of times as a child... the lucidity, the essence. I know how much deluded I've become. The school, the teachers, the friends,  the family, all those that came across me, they could never tell me the essential feature of who I am. And even know, after the conceptual explanation, seems hard to surrender, to become an inocent child again, or even an unborn child, but now I know that It's all around, it exists, no need for more confirmation. Stop chasing confirmation.

Edited May 20, 2019 by oMarcos

[oMarcos]

Unexpected Guest

Today I opened the window and one mosquito got inside the room, I instantly said to myself that he shoudn't do it. Later I killed it with a stuffed animal from my brother after 3 trys of just throwing it to the wall where he was peaceful resting waiting to suck someone's blood. After the killing I felt that I did the wisest thing, because he would not serve my survival in anyway, and he shoudlnt't be inside the bedroom aswell. I would rather make him understand that he need's to leave and suck someome else, trough dialogue, but that would be impossible, the only commumication possible is just the Attack. Now this sounds silly, but this kind of behaviour repeats itself betweem humans. I could give many examples when people just attack each other out of the blue instead trying to negotiate. It's very easy to scary a human being, unless he really needs to fight for survival and fight even it is scary, but the mosquito doesn't understand the lesson.

Edited May 21, 2019 by oMarcos

[oMarcos]

Grown Kid

The best things I like to remember as a child I guess It's the freedom of being a child in general, the fresh sight of everything around me. Also is interesting to compare how I related to my to my family to nowdays, I was their beautiful puppet, now I am their friend. I remember to enjoy spending the weekends at my maternal grandparents, and I could cry if I wasn't allowed. The kindergarden had some bad moments, but other great moments, I have a special memory for the christmas time, it was always a special season for me. My parents raised me in the best way they could I must say, it was not always perfect, but they were not perfect either, no one to blame. I never toke myself to serious as a kid, I think I've always felt that something was missing, or something isn't quiet right with me and the others were somehow ahead of me, this wasn't constant, sometimes I could feel that I was in front of someone aswell, kinda narcisistic, I guess it was the atmosphere of school in general, where everyone is trying to be the coolest and you could fall into being the victim, this was by far the most toxic thing about my time in school as a child. But school is what it is, life is something else. Life is not even about the others, for me is about Health. What can be more cooler than that. 

Edited May 21, 2019 by oMarcos

[Igor82]

Unedited journaling

Today I tasted how irresponsible I am. I went for a bike ride into the city after having taken low doses of weed and modafinil. I had food with me and I was excited to ride to the nearest lake on my new bike. My mother and sister were going to drive to another city to retrieve a fridge for some buisness we are attending on the weekend. I got the fun idea to try to ride after them on my bike on the city streets while they were driving. I was fast, they were fast! It was fun and I felt confident. I had no helmet. I never have a helmet because I feel very confident in how im able to handle the bike and forsee danger, but I have my limits. I went to ride downhill with moms car already out of sight, and I was riding on a bike sidewalk when suddenly a car wanted to make a quick turn into the alley from the street, crossing the road where I was riding down in high speeds. I was in its dead angle.

I thought I could make a turn around the front of the car as it was driving slightly slowly into the alley - as there were no time to break. I crashed, flying uncontrollably while clinging to my bike at 25% of the initial speed. I landed on my elbow (with a slightly thick jacket on). The bike took some damage and I didnt initially feel too shooken up, nothing broken! I solved the situation with the driver and went to head home.

But what if I would just wear a t-shirt? What If I would have landed on my head? These thoughts were very uncomfortable, but I knew that a loving integration was nessecary so I tried loving the scary thought that came up, displaying me falling on that elbow -skin to asphalt- and scraping in all up into a bloody mess, or me cracking my skull open. I tried noticing that these thoughts were just fears, and I could actually just die any time! Then constant paranoia wouldnt be helpful. How fragile we are. I came in touch with the fear of the ego today.

I went into a hot shower to console myself and treat my wounds after that, I masturbated in the shower, and amazingly, all thoughts that needed consolation or that was emotionally challenging or displayed my current state - just disappeared! As soon as I touched my dick, my dick was all that mattered, all the wounds didnt count.

I guess thats how it is, if we have a rewarding fulfilling goal in mind, we can easily break through our fears!

I will invest in a helmet, but as long as I dont have one (and even when I get one) I will be much more carefull when on the bike, always knowing that something out of my power can come and kill me.

[Zigzag Idiot]

I can see how Divine protection could work through synchronicities.

Up into my early 30's I was a remarkably successful drunk driver. Although culturally it's not an appreciated trait. I was an excellent drunk driver.  

I had to have been an alcoholic in my previous lives. I thank the Universe that I no longer crave alcohol.

[DrewNows]

@Zigzag Idiot ???

I would think maybe it is an appreciated skill culturally ? (if one is to drive drunk they’d better drive well!) 

[Zigzag Idiot]

@DrewNows I guess maybe true but through a technicality. ??

[Rilles]

Worms are underappreciated. Without the help of worms there would be no soil. Without the soil there would be no food. Without food there would be no people. Without people there would be no civilization. All praise goes to the little one in the soil. 

[d0ornokey]

Sure I'll join 

I'll title this... Do You! 

Today I realized that really what  I wanted to do with my life is to just do whatever I wanted to. Not live by Leo's rule, not the most efficient route to success or fulfillment or results, not do

Just to live a happy, conscious , fulfilling life - whatever that may be 

There be no need to compare myself to others, to be a rebel to my parents because I should reject society, or follow a rule just because a personal development teacher said so

But rather... To live life as I please, as it resonates, at my own time, in my own way

Personal development must be pursued with wisdom and consciousness, rather than as laws

Sure yes they're laws sometimes. But to follow them so rigidly as "should" statements really prevents me* from being happy

Because the things that make me happy, the things my soul craves, the things that are right for me are not always what other people say is right for me

I come first, my thoughts come first, and my inner guidance comes first. If I'm wrong, so be it. I'll learn with time

I'd rather just do me and forge my own path 

heh

Edited May 26, 2019 by d0ornokey

[oMarcos]

Dream Journal (1) ●● 29 May

 

I'd like to title this dream Camera Rollins

First of all, I had to search the meaning of Rollins: it can be a slang (Rollin) or name.

the meaning as a Name:

Rollins. The name Rollins is a Male name. German meaning: The name Rollins is a German baby name The German meaning of Rollins is: Famous soldier.

the meaning as a Slang:

ROLLIN means "High on drugs" So now you know - ROLLIN means "High on drugs" - don't thank us. YW! What does ROLLIN mean? ROLLIN is an acronym, abbreviation or slang word that is explained above where the ROLLIN definition is given.

Before going into the dream, it's important to make a reflection about the origin of the dream itself. Yesterday night, before going into bed, I decided to make a contempation exercise with an improvised altar. I got naked upon a carpet, and there was candles on the edges of the carpet, and inside there was me and a big statue of a naked lady. So I stared at her for almost 1 hour, I got distracted several times, It's really hard to concentrate for that long. I just wanted to create an intense moment, but It's not that easy, intensity is hard to get, maybe if it was a real naked woman would be easier to contemplate full straight.

So the dream was me being the creator of an Instagram account called Camera Rollins, and there was posted very erotic pictures of a particular woman I've dated long ago, the pictures were very erotic and dreamy, one of the shoots, she was layed down naked on the bed, and a cat was upon her chest, and it was possible to see a bit of her nipple. Another one, she was with a sheet around his body, but I could see a full leg and her ass. In general, I was dreaming about imagimary erotic etherial photos, not the typical porn pictures you would find on xxx websites, this had other substance.

Also, the Camera Rollins could be an interesting reference to Petra Collins, which work is quiet similar to what I have dreamed. 

In conclusion, the naked statue I contemplated made this dream happened immersed with interesting mixtures and overall result. This makes me realize how the mind is just floating all around with no particular direction, and we just guide her through.

Edited May 29, 2019 by oMarcos

[oMarcos]

Authencity and Excuses about releasing Body Tensions (from the Body-Mind perspective). 

I've noticed how the tension on my body is almost taking his own path, and if the body ever stop having that sort of tension ,that would mean Death (from the ego's perspective). Even if my body is running in wrong way, the mind will try to keep homeostasis of that particular tension, as some sort of twisted survival mechanism. So let's that I want to get rid of that tension, the mind then will find excuses to avoid that change, it will distract the body with some sort of scratch, or even a random thought. though I want my body to behave in an authentic way (without tensions), to change that, the mind needs to overpass tone of excuses to mantain homeostasis, and then release tension from the body.

Edited May 31, 2019 by oMarcos

[Zigzag Idiot]

@oMarcos Ran across the following quote just now and recalled this last post of yours I read last night. Making these connections helps me to learn, remember, integrate,,,

When Peace is Absolute Because there is Absolutely Nothing there to Disturb It

When the body is relaxed and balanced and has no tension, there are no boundaries. Boundaries are tensions in the body. The experience of boundaries goes along with tensions in the body. The body armor is the boundary. When the body is balanced, relaxed, there is no need for
boundaries. So you could say that some self-realization can be done physically. In the end, self-realization is the completely relaxed body, nothing else. When the body is completely relaxed, it is a window to the universe. That window allows the possibility of perception, awareness and experience. When the body goes, the window is gone, which is a further development, a greater opening. It does not mean that the window is closed; it means that the whole universe becomes the window. Then there is nothing to see. And each transition brings a deeper peace. Each time there is a loss of self or self-identity there is a deeper peace. Peace and stillness. Until you get to the complete absence; then peace is absolute because there is absolutely nothing to disturb it. Absolutely nothing, not even the knowing that there is peace. The moment that you know there is peace, there is a little disturbance someplace because there is self-reflection. But absolute peace means that there is absolute peace without the awareness that there is peace. Complete unification, no reflection. And when the peace is absolute, the clarity is absolute. When there is absence, there is absolute clarity. Clarity is everywhere and everything.

Diamond Heart Book Four, pg. 132

[oMarcos]

@Zigzag Idiot ♡

[oMarcos]

Note ?

This is just a note to remind myself to do shadow work about the dream of this last night. "The girl cooking pasta". Hit on her.

[oMarcos]

I am not a pool, I am the entire ocean: moving, growing, sometimes storm, sometimes sun. The pool never changes and is needy, people need to go inside the pool so it can have a purpose.

The ocean doesn't need people to step inside to have purpose, the purpose of the ocean is being the ocean.

Edited June 14, 2019 by oMarcos

[oMarcos]

Love can't be passive, just active. Love must do it, it doesn't wait. 

Quote

Yeah, I'ma go fuck that bitch
I'ma go thrash that bitch
Shawty gon' suck this dick
Shawty gon' suck this dick
That's a pull-up bitch
Don't make me pull up, bitch
I'd smash that thot, then pull out bitch
Might push the Flacko shit
Watch me pull up, take your chain, lil' bitch
I'm on Deebo lit
I'm on Migo lit
I'm on kilo lit
I go psycho bitch
Watch me suck your bitch
Watch me thrash that bitch
Then I pass that bitch

Cop the Prada bitch, get one for the silt
Got that Prada bag, got one for my bitch
Lil' boy hit like blitz
Lil' boy this my bitch
Got me mad as shit, so I slapped that bitch
I ain't even hop in the coupe
the bitch gon' start with the clique
And I ain't even fucking this thot
But your bitch got the star on the clique
All of my diamonds they flawless
All of my diamonds legit
All of these diamonds they popping
Hold up, hold up, Slatt, move like a boss
Slatt, move like a boss
I get the dope, kilo
Yeah, come fuck with the boss
Smokin' that gas, diesel
Yeah, smell like a boss
She throwin' the bag like a freezer
Yeah, hit like a boss

I'ma go fuck that bitch
I'ma go thrash that bitch
Shawty gon' suck this dick
Shawty gon' suck this dick
That's a pull-up bitch
Don't make me pull up, bitch
I'd smash that thot, then pull out bitch
Might push the Flacko shit
Watch me pull up, take your chain, lil' bitch
I'm on Deebo lit
I'm on Migo lit
I'm on kilo lit
I go psycho bitch
Watch me suck your bitch
Watch me thrash that bitch
Then I pass that bitch

All my dogs, fight with my dog, yeah, shootin' with my dogs
Yeah, I want your thot, don't want your bride, yeah
She all on my lot
Countin' the nights, all in my ghosts, yeah
Head to the loft
I got a strap all on my dick, ain't hittin' it raw
I just let, ooh, Prada bag, ooh, holding the nine
I got a bitch, Rihanna bad, ooh
That bitch gotta box
Fuck that mumblin' shit
Fuck that mumblin' shit
Bought a crib for my mama off that mumblin' shit
Made a mil' off that, uh
Off that mumblin' shit
Made a mil' off that, uh
Off that mumblin' shit
Bought a crib for my mama
Off that mumblin' shit
Fuck that hoe, that one, big ass booty bih

I'ma go fuck that bitch
I'ma go thrash that bitch
Shawty gon' suck this dick
Shawty gon' suck this dick
That's a pull-up bitch
Don't make me pull up, bitch
I'd smash that thot, then pull out bitch
Might push the Flacko shit
Watch me pull up, take your chain, lil' bitch
I'm on Deebo lit
I'm on Migo lit
I'm on kilo lit
I go psycho bitch
Watch me suck your bitch
Watch me thrash that bitch
Then I pass that bitch

This might seem a very dirty scenario, but for me is very spiritual.

Working shadows is like fucking that little bitch. Love the shadow, make love with the shadow, the shadow becomes passive towards me, not ahead of me.

[oMarcos]

The Mind grasps infinity in a very paradoxical way.

The mind cannot grasp the idea of an non-existent universe, it can only grasp existence. The mind is actually proving to itself that Finite Universe is impossible.

The same way, Universal Mind could never stop Being and End, it doesn't have any place to go... can only exist.

 

"I'm the freedom man
I was doing time in the universal mind
I was feeling fine
I was turning keys, I was setting people free
I was doing all right"

 

Edited June 23, 2019 by oMarcos

[Zigzag Idiot]