Travelling vs. Settling Down (Lone Wolf Vs. Community)

[flume]

Curious if maybe some of you are in a similar situation and this resonates. 

 

I’ve been living abroad all of my adult life. I moved 5 times, new people every time, new languages. Everything I own fits into one backpack. Always ready to move. Meeting lots of people but never really making lasting connections. I barely have friends at all. No real responsibilities, no one responsible for me.

I feel like that’s the dream that is portrayed to/by my generation. If you can afford to see lots of the world, you’ll somehow be happier, know more, be more mature than the rest.

And yes, travelling taught me great lessons: Taking responsibility for my life, being alone with myself, taking in lots of different ways of living, being open minded. It always felt very ‘me’ to have all my options open. Move on impulse, take risks.

 

Somehow though, over the years, I felt more and more like I was fooling myself. Having nothing and nowhere to hold onto left me feeling alienated. Lost. Like having no roots. Like floating through space. Naturally I was thinking about ending this adventure and going back home. I pushed that thought away for years. I somehow have this image of myself travelling the world. Tons of options, hundreds of voices in my head.

“It’s just not the right country. You haven’t done it long enough. You’re just scared of really being alone. Don’t risk getting comfortable. If you go back, you’re missing out on great lessons.”

So I found myself standing in front of my next decision: I am moving again. What country is next? Or am I going home? 

What to do when there’s hundreds of voices in your head? 

 

Here’s what got me out of it: Intuition. Leo has a video on it where he talks about how the right choice (or your intuition) doesn’t defend itself. It’s an idea, standing surrounded by stillness. No strings attached. Look and see how all the other options have lots of “because” surrounding them.

 

Believe me, I’ve made tons of pro and con lists in my head, about all sorts of things. For me, it never led me to the right decisions. This simple trick really works if you’re somewhat in touch with yourself.

When I finally decided to go back home I broke down in tears. I’m so happy I’ll be close to my family again. Do you ever feel pulled back to where you came from?
Enough individualism for me at the moment. I’m excited to be part of a community again, ready to serve. Finding fulfilment in living for others.

I couldn’t admit for so long how dishonest I’ve been to myself for many years. My ego is huge when it comes to this whole travelling thing. Like really huge. I can see much clearer now how it’s just hurting myself. Of course it also pains me to admit to that and finally putting it down. The dream I thought I had. But what I’ve recently felt more and more is that there’s nothing’s really “out there” anyway. “I’ll be happy when…” literally never works.

[ivory]

I went through a phase where I'd work jobs for a short period of time and then move to a new city. I did that for 8 years or so. Now I find myself wanting to settle down and establish some roots. Learning a new city and making new friends can be really exhausting. Like you, I also crave lasting relationships. I love my alone time, but I don't find myself truly happy without a strong network of close friends.

[Wyze]

I started travelling because I didn't feel a sense of community with the people I grew up with. I've always been "different" and thats looked down on. I felt travelling freed me, and I learnt alot too. Since coming back; I don't particularly feel like I can "slot" back into society. I feel even more different than before.

I think travelling can change people and have different effects on people.

[montecristo]

ground yourself in nothingness. If reality is infinite each point in space is of equal distance to the edge of reality. i.e there is no difference between any location, i.e no matter where you go youre always in the same place, a place called nowhere

[Shadowraix]

You'll often find that with each vs you come across, you'll need a balance of both. Community is great but not so much that you become trapped in that location. 

You went far to the one end of the duality so your intuition is leading you to the other end to hopefully see how you can balance it. 

Edited May 19, 2019 by Shadowraix

[kindayellow]

My "issue" per say with people who travel all the time, country to country is,

What are you running away from? I find a lot of people who have the urge to go travel the world just want an escape. I can totally see the benefit of just being more open minded, but, did you really need to travel for that? 

[mandyjw]

People travel to get a sense of adventure. It's a great way to find it but the real adventure is within. Wherever you go there you are. It's a wonderful gift to experience community and grow roots and also see the world. I think we can do both. 

[ajasatya]

@flume i suggest travelling first, then settling down. experience both (because why not).