Crazy experience last night

[MisterMan]

 

 

 

 

This guy is my hero. in a twist of irony to what he says in this, I am so grateful for his teaching.

 

But i would like to get some understanding, context, and maybe guidance in how i can assimilate, or simply navigate this.

 

Ok so there is this story told by Tara Brach which summarised my psychological mindset now. And it's about a horse. 

There is a horse tamer and a horse. Who would of thought? And they were really good together. He was a race horse. But before he was a race horse he would be out of control. That is, until he met this horse tamer.

So one day as the horse is doing one of his routines, something happens that triggers one of his early childhood trauma that he was suffering from. And it sent him into a panic. And bucked the rider and fled in fear.

So the people go to the tamer to try and get it back for the race. So the tamer goes as and acted in accordance with the respect that their close connection deserved. He approaches, but maintains a lengthy distance. A healthy distance, he stood there in the far distance. Not close enough to see his face, but not far enough so that you can't distinguish him. He's quite far. And it showed that he was there for the horse in whatever capacity it needed him to be. 

 

This was obviously to do with my conditioning as a child growing up and not being given that space needed to come to terms with reality...on your own terms and not someone elses.

But then upon listening to my friend Roger he begins to say that we will compile all sorts of stories and explanations dependant on past experience and circumstance to create a version of reality. Even when we think that "all is one" and all of that. Conceptually thinking it and thinking that conceptual thought leads to experience. And that that is not the teaching. 

 

And that this place he was talking about was really transforming me while i was listening to it. Everything began to appear to me a dream. All the people i met today were dream characters and with that perception with it came this sense that i really was creating the stage for everything to happen.

When you're in a dream there is a feeling present within my experience that i do not share in reality. Maybe it's not when I'm in the dream but when awake i realise that the whole setup was created by conciousness. And that there is this emotional charge that runs through each happening. And that you get to in some part decide how you'd like to participate with each happening. Attitude wise.

He then speaks about "flip flopping" from enlightenment experience bringing forth great peace, to losing that and going back to the old ways of thinking.

And being hard done about it. And also realising that this whole procedure of transformation is part of the dream i am creating. I want to be changing.

And that conciousness doesn't have a body, but it localises it within the body as a means to partake in this life. But the whole experience can't be divided into inside and outside.

And that all of this is not true as these are thoughts and ideas are dependant on circumstance and experience.

And that through this flip flopping of insight, from peace to anxiety one gets upset with him/herself.

And personally these insights (which he directly adresses in this video) hav led me to recognise how dependant i am upon circumstance to be happy.

And he cleverly re frames it. To, now you know, this is direct proof that happiness is NOT to be found in circumstance. 

So you find yourself in a different place. Where your attitude counts more than you ever thought possible.

 

Rather than think our happiness is dependant on circumstance, a flow of opposites in intercourse with each other as you observe the happening.

So it's a deeper recognition that happiness comes from your attitude to circumstance and does not come from circumstance itself.

 

I also had this surreal sense that reality is silk. That we were all connected with silk, but that silk extends through to all forms. As this way of thinking implies the real untethered connection between all things. 

Edited May 18, 2019 by MisterMan

[MisterMan]

Leo if you could weigh in on this, I'd be grateful. 

To any one for that matter. Last night was a big opening up but the flip flop happens and it would be good to get some guidance as I'm sure my experiences aren't exclusive to myself. Any one who is in a position to help please do.

[Skanzi]

It's a very mind-boggling matter, as it's really difficult to understand what then you are searching for if it's not those peak experiences. Then you tend to imagine that perhaps through your attitude and inner work those peak experiences will become integrated and will last with you. To some degree that is true, yes, but they are not experienced in the same way.

This has been a very puzzling question to me, and through the past two years or so I've gotten a better understanding of what the "ultimate state", so to say, is like.

Shortly put: It's just a combination of relaxation and detachment. You drop the need to be happy, you drop the idea. You take life as it is, pretty or unpretty. The thing about it though, is that this state of... let-go, the let-go will permuate throughout both the pleasant and unpleasant events in your life. It's not really something you can catch. In fact, I experience it more like a sense of trust. It's simply that the resistance towards the negative experience, and the grasping for the positive experience is dropped. In that state, you just "chill with it", so to say.

It's hard to really convey. In fact, it has to deepen and permuate into my system more deeply, as this experience is still very young and not entirely integrated yet through every layer of my being. Therefore, expression about it also still has to develop. If you are addicted to these peak experiences, it will be something that is hard to understand through your own experience. You will come to this state once every objection is exhausted, and you see the point that there really is no use to resisting negativity, or to cling to positivity. If you see the point, you simply drop the whole game, and then you simply relax with whatever is. Simply because you have no energy, no breath for objection and resistance anymore. The fuel has ran out. And in that state, you naturally fall upon a sense of existential trust, of belonging, of gratitude, of peace and awe for the perfection and vastness of existence. There's no "why" or "how" to why you are experiencing these feelings. It's just what's the natural, unpolluted state is.

But opposed to the peak experiences, it's more that it's like a background melody. More diffused, and more constant throughout everyday life. It's like a deep knowing that everything is as it should be, which gives peace and trust. It's a certain feeling of softness and feeling like you're at home wherever you are.

It's hard to say what exactly I could express to you in order to help you get to this state. One important thing I'd say is that you must sincerely be wanting to know what is beyond the highs and the lows of life. If your peak experiences aren't what life is meant to be lived for, then what is it? Inquire into it. Try to witness and differentiate in your own experience. And keep on remembering yourself that you are a witness to your experiences, even in the midst of a great ecstatic moment. In fact, in particular in the midst of an ecstatic or "high" moment is it important to remind yourself that this is an experience and you are witnessing it. People tend to want to practice "being the witness" particulary in low moments, as then they are the most bothered by their troubles and they want a way out, but in the lower moments you are more caught by your negativity, and there's really not much space for the witness to come through. In fact, there's every possibility in such a moment that the ego-mind will take over and your 'witnessing' will simply become a guilt-ridden struggle. That's not the attitude. This paragraph is advice I have read from Osho, but now I can —at least to some degree— also verify it in my own experience. 

So be particulary watchful when there's a lot of happiness, because then there's more space and energy for witnessing. Remind yourself at that moment that such a peak experience cannot be the essence of what you are looking for.

Hope this adresses your concerns a little bit  

Edited May 18, 2019 by Skanzi

[MisterMan]

thank you so much for that. It is incredibly helpful.