OH. MY. GOD.   OK...uhm...I am going to start this by making it clear that there is absolutely no possible way for me to describe exactly what the hell happened last night. I can only dance around it like a lunatic. It's probably going to be sloppy and not very well articulated, as I have not integrated the experience fully... Or at all. Not even sure if I can call it "an experience"... I'm still kinda shocked from what went down. However; I want to get it out while it's still fresh and raw. Will let it marinate. The idea is to let go and see if anything valuable comes out of this post-documentation, on it's own. Be not mistaken; I am going to write about this from a rather limited perspective and level of understanding. Although there was no "me" involved, really. It all happened to awareness, by awareness, within awareness.  So here goes nothing...   Some background:   Had a strong intention of breaking the pattern and living intuitively these days. Acting on intuition strictly instead upon thoughts. Ignoring them. Turning the cheek on them. Emphasizing synchronized being and surrender. Have no job. No responsibilities. Live alone, far away from anyone I know. Parted ways with my gf. So basically have all the time in the world. Absolute freedom to experiment and do whatever the hell I feel like doing. Reached whole new levels of mindfulness and mindstillness. The breath deepened, blasted through. Senses sharpened. Linearity started fading. Perception was getting increasingly higher in definition. I was centered. Calm. Blissfully fulfilled. On the flip side; Went through a few ego backlashes, conceptual deaths, minor panic attacks and everything that comes with the package. Felt like I was dancing with physical death often. Insanity was right next door. Had difficulties with staying grounded. The body started adjusting itself in weird ways. Troubles with maintaining breathing pattern. Occasionally lost in thoughts and emotions. Overall; was embracing the process of transformation - looking forward to that next big shift. And boy was it big and intense. Completely caught me off guard. There is just no possible way to ever be "ready" for this. Impossible. It's always 100% real and in your face. Can turn no cheek on death when it comes for ya. It's horrifying. But... Turns out; death is not even the biggest fear, really. There is something else.   Hyper-awareness:   Cannot find a more suitable word. This one seems to sit well.  I can only describe it as becoming "way too aware" of every tiny little detail in reality. Of its totality. Simultaneously. Continuously. So much so it starts to freeze. Crystalize. Time starts slowing down; stopping. Literally. Actually. It's crazy! Every configuration of reality; every split second is like a snapshot. And you are not the experiencer of it. Nor the observer. You are freaking it! You are each and every one of those frozen, static snapshots. Nothing in-between. Think stroboscope! The five human senses completely dissolve. Collapse. No lag in perception whatsoever. Not a corner blured in visual field. Crystal clarity. Language starts sounding like garbage. Nonsense. All sounds merge into a giant sonic field. All undefined. Sensations turn alien. Otherworldly and super sterile. Oh man... I can already see how I'm chasing my own tail. There just is no way for me to give this any justice. It's just way beyond my comprehension. It's like swimming within myself. Moving within stillnes. Absolutely crazy.   Each thought is a reality on it's own! As perfect and complete as it can be. A static snapshot! Each thought is THE TRUTH!   That's the paradox! You're already in it. You are it. You're a thought experiencing itself. Right now, right here. "Reality" only seems solid and "real" because your mind can't catch up with it. It's happening waaay too fast; to put it that way. Yet it's static. You're only jumping from one complete configuration of reality to another. Shifting continuously. As if you were running from yourself. And you do this only because you fear crystalization. You don't fear death. You fear being frozen in time. In no time. And not as you now might think. Not as a human being. As pure, crystalized awareness. Holy macaroni! I really do hope any of this makes sense to you. I could not overblow it even if I wanted to. I'm just trying my best here. This is not just about transcending the mind/body complex. It's so much more. Your true work only starts after letting death pass through. It does not end it. Not even nearly. Death is still within the game. This... This is not a game anymore. I have no idea what it is but it's unlike anything. And somehow I am it. But also not. "GOD" is not a good enough word for it. Nothing can give it justice. It is unthinkable. Unimaginable. Incomprehensible.  Somehow I became aware of every possible configuration of reality "within my reach" last night. There was not a single move I could make without seeing it happen beforehand. It's hard to explain because there was no more experience of time. No before and no after. And I was not really seeing the configurations... More like sensing them. Being aware of them. It all happened within pure awareness. Was on extremely high alert. Shifted from taking everything for granted to taking nothing for granted, whatsoever. Paying attention close, unlike ever before. All naturally; through synchronicity and surrender.   The Hologram;   This is how reality is. I feel pretty confident to claim that the mind is responsible for it. Imagine standing still while simultaneously, rapidly spinning around yourself. That which is still, is nothing. It's the formless you. That which is spinning rapidly, is the infinite amount of configurations of reality. Of thoughts...Of you! Hah! It's all one; however you put it. But in order to reach an understanding of yourself, you must separate yourself from yourself. Create an illusion of duality. Which is exactly what's been going down all this time and now you know why. You cannot see the hologram, because you're immersed in it. You don't see the projector because you're too occupied with the projection. I cannot let you know how to step outside of it, but it can be done. Only you know the way. But you must face your biggest fears. They are the guardians of exits; to put it that way. Of course I'm only scratching the surface here. Will share more in depth insights once I integrate and do further investigations/explorations.   The sweet sleep;   Thank God there is a percentage of you that is unconscious of itself. Seriously. Be grateful for it. Being 100% aware of your totality is not a tea party. To a human being; it is beyond any imaginable horror. At least it scared the shit out of me. Managed to "lower" my frequency/level of awareness by masturbating for an hour and watching nonsense on my phone. The only two distractions I could (barely) come up with. It was just over the top. Back in the game. Feeling (mostly) human. Need a break.