To All Struggling Males: Stop Playing Victim!

[vindicated erudite]

On 5/17/2019 at 7:47 AM, Leo Gura said:

I see a chronic problem on this sub-forum, which is young males who complain about lack of success with women and failing to take responsibility for their situation.

The #1 rule of all growth and personal development is taking 100% responsibility for your situation. I know how hard that can be when you're struggling with women/sex. It feels very much like life is treating you unfairly and that it's the women's fault. Let me tell you right now: this is a total ILLUSION! It's not the women. It's not society. It's not post-modernists. It's not the Marxists. It's not the feminists. It's YOU!

This is not me blaming you. This is simply how all personal development works. Whatever problem you have in life you must begin by getting honest with yourself how you created it. Sometimes this is difficult to accept. It's much easier to blame someone else, or even blame yourself (for being too ugly or too short or too introverted). I am not suggesting you blame yourself. Rather, take ownership of the fact that you are the creator of your life. Whatever is missing in your life, you can correct, but only if you stop blaming yourself and others.

Be very mindful of how your ego-mind creates narratives which justify your sense of lack, brokenness, or inability to attract women. All of these narratives, justification, rationalizations, logic, "facts", scientific studies, proofs, etc are sneakily fabricated by your own mind! Your own mind is the enemy! Watch it like a hawk. Your mind will try to come up with reasons and excuses for why your life is unfair and how success with women is impossible. This is all horseshit! Do not believe your own mind here. Your mind is clouded by fear, insecurity, and neediness. That is totally normal and understandable, but you cannot resolve your problems from such a place. From such a place your problems will get worse as you start to blame the world and solidify your victim worldview with cherry-picked evidence, "science", and "logic". Be extra suspicious of "logic" and "science" here. There is nothing logical or scientific about your victim attitude or lack of success with women. It's purely about meeting the survival needs of your ego. Sex is a very powerful survival need which will drive your mind towards all manner of mental gymnastics to ensure that you get it, or at least feel better for not getting it.

There's good news and bad news. The good news is: Your looks are NOT the problem! The bad news is: your personality, attitude, and mindset are terrible! The good news is, it's possible to change that. The bad news is, it won't be easy and you will resist it like the devil that you are.

So what's the solution? Take ownership of your problem and commit to resolving it. For this you need faith and confidence in your ability to self-actualize. You must have enough hope and vision to see yourself get much better with attracting women. This is NOT a pipe dream or fuzzy thinking. The reality is that any man can become 100x better at attracting women if he really takes ownership of the matter. Yes, it takes serious work. But it's also highly worth it. Imagine that within 3 years you're able to attract pretty women and feel confident about yourself when it comes to dating. Isn't that worth the effort? It sure is. This is not a fantasy. I've done it, many men have done it, and so can you! Your looks are NOT the bottleneck, your mindset is.

So what do you do after you've established this vision? You must do lots of research to educate yourself about how dating actually work (not how you think it works). Find videos, find books, buy online courses, hire a coach, take a bootcamp, take a workshop, etc. There are literally hundreds of excellent resources available online these days. Most of them are legit, not scams. Study them hard and then get into the field. Start talking to women. Start approaching women. Start flirting with women. Start being much more social.

If you struggle attracting women I can tell you right now what your top problems are. It's not lack of money, looks, muscles, car, height, or dick size. Remember, attraction and dating is EXTREMELY counter-intuitive. It's works exactly the opposite of how you initially think.

Your top problems are:

• You live in your mancave and never go out! You must go out into social spaces where real women hang out.
• You spend WAY too much time online, indoors
• You spend WAY too much time on Youtube, Netflix, and playing video games
• You work too much
• You are never around cute single women
• You never start conversations with strangers
• You have terrible body language due to lack of experience
• You are not comfortable doing small-talk and being emotional and random in conversations
• You are far too logical
• You approach zero women on a regular basis
• You are terrified of approaching a women who you find attractive, talking yourself out of every approach
• You have terrible eye contact, you don't smile, and you don't project your voice properly
• You are crippled by fear and tongue-tied
• You are unable to start and sustain an interesting conversation with a human being
• You are disconnected from your body, your heart, your feelings, your emotions
• You have terrible self-image issues. You hate yourself, you hate how you look, you judge yourself way too harshly. You judge yourself just as harshly as you judge women.
• You have a bad sense of dress style and you don't groom yourself well
• You have no experience with physically touching women in a non-creepy way. You don't know how to rapidly physically escalate on a women without creeping her out.
• You don't know how women think or what they truly value in a man
• You don't know how to flirt and be authentic
• You are trying to be masculine in all the wrong ways -- fake masculinity
• You are needy, needy, needy
• You are terribly inexperienced
• You have no sense of passion or purpose in life, which robs you of confidence and masculine vitality
• Your attitude sucks: you whine, complain, bitch, moan, blame, and are so negative
• You think you understand life, reality, and how attraction works -- you don't!

So work on fixing all of that before you go blaming women. All of the above can be deliberately worked on and fixed.

You need to learn how to be a real man. Being a real man has nothing to do with big muscles, big dick, or a fast car. A real man is grounded on the INSIDE. It's ALL about inner game! You need to cultivate that confidence. It doesn't come naturally. You must build it!

80% of getting good with women is just actually being much more social. You need to deliberately re-structure your life so that you're automatically being more social. So that you're going out every weekend. So that you're bumping into new people constantly. So that you're making new friends all the time. This kind of re-structuring is very doable. You just have to be willing to change your lifestyle.

And stop watching or listening to any of the following:

• Jordan Peterson, MGTOW, RedPill, Incel material/forums/reddit

All of that is cancer of the mind. It's reinforcing your victim mindset and robbing you of your ability to change yourself.

I've been where you are. I know it's tough. But hang in there, hold your vision, have hope, get to work, and things will dramatically improve for you. You will become a new person by the end of this journey and you will be so proud of yourself. You will become a real man, not some whiny JP fanboy.

The #1 thing a real man does is take 100% responsibility for all his problems. A real man NEVER blames anyone, and certainly not women or feminism. A real man is a feminist. A real man fearlessly works on himself.

So start right there! Start by fixing that.

To any incels or loveless men read this post I recommend that you try looking for partners abroad. Pick a country that is close to wear you live, book a holiday for half a week, and go on some tinder dates or if you are more into PUA try that instead. The country you try this in will determine how successful you are so use the tinder passport before hand to see what places work best for you.

[kamill]

@vindicated wtf is this advice bro

stop it

[Cocolove]

9 hours ago, kamill said:

@vindicated wtf is this advice bro

stop it

for real haha be careful just getting enthralled in ideas.

[mmKay]

Pin this? And close it @Leo Gura

Edited February 19, 2024 by mmKay

[mmKay]

On 19/2/2024 at 7:54 AM, mmKay said:

Pin this? And close it @Leo Gura

pin this mofo

[Lucasxp64]

On 03/01/2024 at 9:38 PM, vindicated erudite said:

tinder

Tinder is fucking garbage. I had literally more success on cold DM on Instagram and Facebook than Tinder. Anyone recommending those garbage dating apps haven't dug deep enough.

Here is the workflow for  you guys:

Use Nano Banana free AI model on Google AI Studio, upload photos of yourself/body that shows enough of yourself for the AI to understand you, then generate good photos with it that don't look like AI images by prompting lower quality, candid images, with harsh light, motion blur, noise grain, "bad smartphone quality", etc.

Generate until you find images that don't look AI slop with your skin like plastic and that actually looks like you, and on top of that, it will enhance you a bit (Don't fucking over do it, that's cat-fishing.) and give you style on the photos. You can even ask it to put you in social situations, it has almost-perfect human anatomy understanding currently, then set a good Instagram profile with those photos, and Cold DM women in your area by looking for them in local places and see the "followers" of those pages.

GOLD TIP: Go to DUDES profiles that are local dudes (see followers list of a local page), THEN see WHO HE IS FOLLOWING. You can steal this guy's curation work like candy, a lot of times you can see dudes that are following chicks all of a specific type all within that city and that are probably single, because he did the work to filter them out.

Seeing a chick's profile also work, because you can see the other local women she follows. You can access the entire network of local people by following the breadcrumbs like this, even judge how online they have been and not waste your allowed max daily messages on inactive profiles.

The bitch here is that you need to filter them out because Instagram isn't Tinder, all women are there, and 60% of women is taken. Many are obvious they got kids in photos or tagged a guy in their bio.

Profiles with less followers are more likely to answer. Leave a thoughtful comment or two on their public images if possible or answering to their stories something engaging or even basic ("😹 Wow, what a cute kitty, how old is she!?"), specially if they are not just their pretty face on it and they give something to be talked about.

Also add photos with  your own pets, or generate a fake cute pet with you with it and say it's not yours (because it doesn't exist duh).

Edited September 10 by Lucasxp64

[Spiral]

For me women was the first real struggle I faced in life. I figured out the basics, well enough to have abundance, got lucky in some ways.

I can however certainly empathize with it. It hard and it can feel hopeless sometimes. It does feel like magic sometimes, some days I’m super popular, some days no one is interested.

[theleelajoker]

3 hours ago, Lucasxp64 said:

Tinder is fucking garbage. I had literally more success on cold DM on Instagram and Facebook than Tinder. Anyone recommending those garbage dating apps haven't dug deep enough.

Here is the workflow for  you guys:

Use Nano Banana free AI model on Google AI Studio, upload photos of yourself/body that shows enough of yourself for the AI to understand you, then generate good photos with it that don't look like AI images by prompting lower quality, candid images, with harsh light, motion blur, noise grain, "bad smartphone quality", etc.

Generate until you find images that don't look AI slop with your skin like plastic and that actually looks like you, and on top of that, it will enhance you a bit (Don't fucking over do it, that's cat-fishing.) and give you style on the photos. You can even ask it to put you in social situations, it has almost-perfect human anatomy understanding currently, then set a good Instagram profile with those photos, and Cold DM women in your area by looking for them in local places and see the "followers" of those pages.

GOLD TIP: Go to DUDES profiles that are local dudes (see followers list of a local page), THEN see WHO HE IS FOLLOWING. You can steal this guy's curation work like candy, a lot of times you can see dudes that are following chicks all of a specific type all within that city and that are probably single, because he did the work to filter them out.

Seeing a chick's profile also work, because you can see the other local women she follows. You can access the entire network of local people by following the breadcrumbs like this, even judge how online they have been and not waste your allowed max daily messages on inactive profiles.

The bitch here is that you need to filter them out because Instagram isn't Tinder, all women are there, and 60% of women is taken. Many are obvious they got kids in photos or tagged a guy in their bio.

Profiles with less followers are more likely to answer. Leave a thoughtful comment or two on their public images if possible or answering to their stories something engaging or even basic ("😹 Wow, what a cute kitty, how old is she!?"), specially if they are not just their pretty face on it and they give something to be talked about.

Also add photos with  your own pets, or generate a fake cute pet with you with it and say it's not yours (because it doesn't exist duh).

Lol.

I go to bars or talk to women on the street.

But I put on my makeup to look nice for them 💄 Is that similar to editing images with AI?

I don't comment on their pets but IRL I like to comment on details like their clothes, jewelry or actions. Could be close to giving a like in online world right?

[something_else]

22 hours ago, Lucasxp64 said:

Tinder is fucking garbage. I had literally more success on cold DM on Instagram and Facebook than Tinder. Anyone recommending those garbage dating apps haven't dug deep enough.

Here is the workflow for  you guys:

Use Nano Banana free AI model on Google AI Studio, upload photos of yourself/body that shows enough of yourself for the AI to understand you, then generate good photos with it that don't look like AI images by prompting lower quality, candid images, with harsh light, motion blur, noise grain, "bad smartphone quality", etc.

Generate until you find images that don't look AI slop with your skin like plastic and that actually looks like you, and on top of that, it will enhance you a bit (Don't fucking over do it, that's cat-fishing.) and give you style on the photos. You can even ask it to put you in social situations, it has almost-perfect human anatomy understanding currently, then set a good Instagram profile with those photos, and Cold DM women in your area by looking for them in local places and see the "followers" of those pages.

GOLD TIP: Go to DUDES profiles that are local dudes (see followers list of a local page), THEN see WHO HE IS FOLLOWING. You can steal this guy's curation work like candy, a lot of times you can see dudes that are following chicks all of a specific type all within that city and that are probably single, because he did the work to filter them out.

Seeing a chick's profile also work, because you can see the other local women she follows. You can access the entire network of local people by following the breadcrumbs like this, even judge how online they have been and not waste your allowed max daily messages on inactive profiles.

The bitch here is that you need to filter them out because Instagram isn't Tinder, all women are there, and 60% of women is taken. Many are obvious they got kids in photos or tagged a guy in their bio.

Profiles with less followers are more likely to answer. Leave a thoughtful comment or two on their public images if possible or answering to their stories something engaging or even basic ("😹 Wow, what a cute kitty, how old is she!?"), specially if they are not just their pretty face on it and they give something to be talked about.

Also add photos with  your own pets, or generate a fake cute pet with you with it and say it's not yours (because it doesn't exist duh).

God damn any woman reading this is thinking "I would not touch this guy with a 10ft pole"

This is such a weaselly and scummy approach to dating. It's better to just start building a life a girl would actually want to be a part of instead of trying to fake it with all of these schemes.

Do cool stuff and you'll get authentic high quality photos of yourself that way which you can use on dating apps, then you'll have far more success. I bet you that you had little success on apps because your photos are terrible or they look fake. 

Build a social circle, do cool stuff, get cool photos, and go out to busy mixed gender places and talk to girls in person.

I cannot imagine how bad my emotional state would be if every night I was scouring men's profiles on instagram to hit on the women they follow, with my completely AI generated profile, telling them about my AI generated pet.

[Kid A]

1 hour ago, something_else said:

God damn any woman reading this is thinking "I would not touch this guy with a 10ft pole"

This is such a weaselly and scummy approach to dating. It's better to just start building a life a girl would actually want to be a part of instead of trying to fake it with all of these schemes.

Do cool stuff and you'll get authentic high quality photos of yourself that way which you can use on dating apps, then you'll have far more success. I bet you that you had little success on apps because your photos are terrible or they look fake. 

Build a social circle, do cool stuff, get cool photos, and go out to busy mixed gender places and talk to girls in person.

I cannot imagine how bad my emotional state would be if every night I was scouring men's profiles on instagram to hit on the women they follow, with my completely AI generated profile, telling them about my AI generated pet.

I second this. 

Having photos of you doing cool stuff and being with friends is a must for online dating.

I can actually also highly recommend having a shirtless photo if you have a nice body. My results skyrocketed after I stopped following perhaps the most well-known advice of all about not having one. The photo just needs to be of you in a natural setting and not something like a selfie in the mirror. For example, if you're at the beach with friends.

[Lucasxp64]

2 hours ago, something_else said:

God damn any woman reading this is thinking "I would not touch this guy with a 10ft pole"

This is such a weaselly and scummy approach to dating. It's better to just start building a life a girl would actually want to be a part of instead of trying to fake it with all of these schemes.

A lot of women use a lot of filters on their faces, and sometimes people go to places just to get good Instagram photos, what is the difference?

I didn't say this is a good idea, but this is EXACTLY the kind of fakery that people are doing regardless. What is the difference between this and actual real photos if they look the same, but with AI one can optimize and retouch them.

People have been using photoshop and editing, camera correction, light tricks, going to places for specifically tailoring a high-status version of their profiles, etc.

People spend a thousand dollar on a phone, just to get a good camera. For what? For an Instagram profile. I might as well cut that off, and actually live life and not obsess with photos.

This is answering the need for images with images, and one can just as well have a fulfilling real-life activities as well, they are not excluded.

I'm not a hot guy, and I getting great pictures of myself is difficult, there are certain light conditions and angles and optics that are hard to get in the real world, and would require at least a great camera on a tripod and remote trigger.

I tried it, it sucks. I can't get the optics properly, and the places I go are not instagrammable enough. 

And about pets: My dog won't stand still, and I couldn't get some good aesthetic photos with it at the same time I get my best angles, with the AI I can upload my dog photos and get it to stand still. 

Edited September 11 by Lucasxp64

[theleelajoker]

1 hour ago, Lucasxp64 said:

A lot of women use a lot of filters on their faces, and sometimes people go to places just to get good Instagram photos, what is the difference?

I didn't say this is a good idea, but this is EXACTLY the kind of fakery that people are doing regardless. What is the difference between this and actual real photos if they look the same, but with AI one can optimize and retouch them.

People have been using photoshop and editing, camera correction, light tricks, going to places for specifically tailoring a high-status version of their profiles, etc.

People spend a thousand dollar on a phone, just to get a good camera. For what? For an Instagram profile. I might as well cut that off, and actually live life and not obsess with photos.

This is answering the need for images with images, and one can just as well have a fulfilling real-life activities as well, they are not excluded.

I'm not a hot guy, and I getting great pictures of myself is difficult, there are certain light conditions and angles and optics that are hard to get in the real world, and would require at least a great camera on a tripod and remote trigger.

I tried it, it sucks. I can't get the optics properly, and the places I go are not instagrammable enough. 

And about pets: My dog won't stand still, and I couldn't get some good aesthetic photos with it at the same time I get my best angles, with the AI I can upload my dog photos and get it to stand still. 

Yeah, it's not black and white and you also have a point. Online dating is just very superficial and lots of people spent a lot of time presenting themselves in a certain light. 

I admit I use a dating app too, but I don't put too much effort into it. It's nice and sometimes I get a nice date out of it. But that's bonus to meeting women IRL and my pics are definitely Sub-Standard. Women ("u look better IRL than in your pics") and my friends told me this

The problem with the "nice pics great presentation" stuff is that you eventually meet in real life. Yeah I miss out re matches with my bad pics, but I accept this.

And if the woman I meet is significantly less attractive than the impression she gave in the pics, then she already has big minus points. If on the other hands she looks approx the same, she collects bonus points for authenticity