Shadow work. (I felt shy posting this but I want to learn.)

[mathieu]

About me, I am 25 M from Philippines. I got interested to do Shadow work mainly because they said it's good and healthy and I've been hearing it from other people here. Recently, I am reading this book Shadow Dance by David Richo. There was a practice in the first chapter and it says that I should share the results with someone I trust. I find it a bit hard to find people who are at least open minded to talk about them but I think this forum is welcoming me.

 

Here's my output. I want to hear some opinions here. thank you for reading.

 

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PRACTICE: List 5 traits I strongly dislike about members of each group:

 

[MY FAMILY]

1. I hate it how my father is not so friendly w/ me & my other siblings. Very cold father, no deep connections.
2. I hate how my older brother is so arrogant.
3. I hate it how my family is not that close to each other enough to be more open and talk.
4. I hate how my older sister and my younger brother had fights and screamings a lot of times.
5. I hate it how they dislike gay people, maybe because of religion. That's why I am afraid to come out of my closet.

 

[MEMBERS OF MY PROFESSION] - my former profession is on Construction/Engineering

1. I hate it how they bully and make fun at gay men.
2. I hate it how a lot of them value money, status and physical appearance, more than spiritual things
3. I hate it how they brag so much on Facebook or in usual conversations. I find it hard to get along with them.
4. I hate it when people don't show respect others, like me, or mybe other people of lower status.
5. I hate it how they (not all) were so extroverted & how they like to go drinking and hang out a lot together. I envy them sometimes because I think they enjoy it.

 

[PEOPLE OF MY SAME SEX]

1. I hate it how some straight men don't respect homosexuals & what they think about them.
2. I hate it how some men are not friendly enough, or some men don't like me. (maybe it's just me, wanting to be liked)
3. I hate how older men ignores me or maybe how they think of me only as a "kid". (or maybe that's just my impression, because I really look a kid.)
4. I hate it how some men are arrogant, and full of pride.
5. I hate it how I sometimes can't get along with other men, or how they laught at me or make fun at me. (Maybe I just get easily angered by jokes)

 

[PEOPLE WHO HAVE MY NATIONAL BACKGROUND] - I've been living in the Philippines since birth.

1. I hated the Filipino language a lot of times. mainly because it is so limited. The grammar, how it's structured is not stable, and I don't like how it's uttered, unlike the English language.
2. I hate it how a lot of Filipinos were so driven by money.
3. I hate it how some Filipinos are so arrogant of their status in life, how they brag on FB.
4. I hate it how Filipinos took pride of their "blood" when somebody (pure Filipino or not) achieved some fame or "success" in an industry or competition globally, etc claiming that it's because of the Filipino blood.
5. I hate it how a lot of Filipinos aim for quick success (e.g lottery, investments). I also hate how they want an easier job that pays high.

 

[PEOPLE OF MY RELIGIOUS TRADITION] - I grew up as a Catholic, but I'm not a fan anymore of it.

1. I hate it how priests sermon like they know the "truth", like how they were so dogmatic of their beliefs. So sometimes I just close my ears or distract myself when somebody is preaching. But to show some respect, I do what they want to see, behaved people.
2. I hate it how other "Christians" claim that they were the "right" one and the good one, while demonizing other groups.
3. I hated it how Catholics were so dogmatic and not acknowledging all the scripts in the Bible, yet still claiming that they were the only authority because they were the true church that Jesus built.
4. I hated it how other Christians demonize people who have beliefs different from them but not all. Sometimes I feel pity for them.
5. I hate it how some Christian leaders are so biased in their interpretations of the scriptures, while using their power to manipulate the minds of weaker people.

 

[ps. I felt shy about posting this. It felt like I have lots of negative things I hide and I hid it for so long time. I think it caused me lots of depressions and personal problems]

[Omni]

It's good that you've allowed yourself to become vulnerable and have opened up, especially publicly despite your millions of objections.

 

A few questions that might help your journey:

• Why? For any of this, Why do you feel that way?
• In what ways do you do the same things you dislike?

 

for example:

Quote

I hate how my older brother is so arrogant.

Why do you hate that he is arrogant?
How are YOU arrogant in the same ways?

Quote

I hate it how they bully and make fun at gay men.

Why do you hate that they bully?
How do you bully others? 

 

Keep in mind your shadow is your blind-side. You will not just see these things as obvious, they will be hidden and very hard to catch unconsciously. Same with whoever you're judging in these situations - they are also NOT aware of what is going on and assume it is completely acceptable.

[kindayellow]

@Omni to build on what you said...

 

A good way to learn something out of people we dislike and judge, is to ask yourself how you act the same way, and to really have a think about it. I'm incredibly judgemental, I pigeon hole people all the time, but it'd humbled me slightly having the thought process of how I do the same things that annoy me in other people.

 

[JohnnyBravo]

@mathieu

Due to the courage you exercised to post this about yourself,

And following the logic of Shadow Work,

The reason all of those items bother you is for this reason:

You desire respect and inner pride and also self-assertiveness. Its unconscious desire.

You require healthy self protection of psychic and physical nature.

My advise would be this,

Go and build up a strong ego.

You wont turn into a bully. You wont be an evil human. You are scared if you become self assertive you will turn into an inauthentic fake cold bully like your dad.

You wont.

Go and attain a morality for now, and build up your ego.

Once you feel and behave with self respect, you will naturally discover these items wont bother you any more about other people. You will see them for who they are but there wont be an emotional sting.

For some reason the word "FIGHT" keeps coming to me.

Do you need to have a fight with someone? Go and do it.

Fuck any spiritual bypassing/rationale. Go and confront whoever you need to. I support you. I give you permission.

You dont deserve that sort of shit. You must learn to refuse to tolerate such crap from people.

My respects to yourself and let me know what happens. Dont worry about getting into tons of conflict: it will happen but its just a phase it will pass. But go through it.