I have this contradictory problem

[traveler]

In the last half year or so spirituality has filled almost all of my life. 

It is said that there is no desire when you are freed from your ego, and I can totally resonate with that. When I'm resting in myself there is no desire. 

The seeming problem I have is that I'm now "not able" to make any "positive" changes in my life, because MY EGO is now desiring not to desire. I want to change up my bad habits, but I now have almost no self discipline at all, because "who is it that wants to change up their situation" right?

I want to start training again, because I've been off it for quite a while now, and I'm getting a bit chubby. But when the thoughts come up about making a goal for myself I can see that it's probably just my ego that wants to look better and all that. I can see how my ego has so many different faces. One of the faces says "I have to start training, because I'll end up sick and fat with the situation I'm in now," the other face says "It's probably my ego who wants to grow through my desires to get better," another one says "What I'm doing on a daily basis now is also the ego, seeking pleasure in all of the vices I do, like vaping nicotine, eating unhealthy, playing games, and so on." 

My ego is clearly playing games with me, but there seems to be no definitive answer to this, other than just resting in awareness and let that take you where it wants to take you. It's all very contradictory. I would really appreciate someones thoughts on this. 

[purerogue]

And who is this no ego who thinks that it is just ego who want to do something? 

You let go of your body, but can you let go of your mind? 

 

 

[traveler]

5 minutes ago, purerogue said:

And who is this no ego who thinks that it is just ego who want to do something? 

You let go of your body, but can you let go of your mind? 

 

 

That's what I'm saying, it's my ego all of it. 
When I let go of my mind there is no problem at all. This post is just my ego ranting. But there is a desire to resolve this, "problem." So that I can get my ass off the couch and do something for myself. It seems to be a tricky trap you can fall into, when doing all of this enlightenment shit haha.

[purerogue]

8 minutes ago, traveler said:

That's what I'm saying, it's my ego all of it. 
When I let go of my mind there is no problem at all. This post is just my ego ranting. But there is a desire to resolve this, "problem." So that I can get my ass off the couch and do something for myself. It seems to be a tricky trap you can fall into, when doing all of this enlightenment shit haha.

Desire, no desire does not matter, you are just making ego construct, it is clearly not what you want here  I guess as you want something beyond, so to make it clear you transcend both , letting go of mind means it is irrelevant to you what your ego wants, or does not want. 

Now if you can let go of mind something will happen, come back when you at least had glimpse of it. 

[Inliytened1]

@traveler that's a trap.  Dismiss it and move on.  Dismiss it over and over and keep doing that until it passes.

You have to want Liberation so badly that you will die for it.  This burning desire will break thru the Ego's trap.  Do not let anything get in your way.

Edited May 15, 2019 by Inliytened1

[traveler]

Okay. So I'll refrase my question. How do you guys approach positive personal desires? Like eating healthier for example. It's interesting talking about consciousness and ego and all of that but I'm just looking for an answer from other human beings with a spiritual interest. Your still a human being in a relative sense.

[Truth Addict]

@traveler

Change as much as possible about your lifestyle, flip it upside down for no reason.

Thank me later.

[Inliytened1]

@traveler look at yourself holistically.

There is the finite you, the Ego, but your also God.  I know that sounds crazy but you REALLY are.

But both parts of you matter.  God looks through all eyes.   As your consciousness raises you'll see this and love both the finite and the Infinite.  You will love the Ego.  He's not all bad.

[purerogue]

41 minutes ago, traveler said:

Okay. So I'll refrase my question. How do you guys approach positive personal desires? Like eating healthier for example. It's interesting talking about consciousness and ego and all of that but I'm just looking for an answer from other human beings with a spiritual interest. Your still a human being in a relative sense.

K  I am confused, you want to be in control of your body/mind or what  

At beginning  you say you want to let go of ego , now you say you want to manage it, they are two different things.

To be in control of it you have to know how it operates and that will take you lifetime to learn, because you have to know each mechanics at play, what intentions to make, what will they do, basically cause and effect to put it very simply, I can't help you with that,  but looking at it as something that can be corrected to play as you want would be good way to start.  

[traveler]

1 hour ago, purerogue said:

K  I am confused, you want to be in control of your body/mind or what  

At beginning  you say you want to let go of ego , now you say you want to manage it, they are two different things.

To be in control of it you have to know how it operates and that will take you lifetime to learn, because you have to know each mechanics at play, what intentions to make, what will they do, basically cause and effect to put it very simply, I can't help you with that,  but looking at it as something that can be corrected to play as you want would be good way to start.  

This post was literally just my thoughts at the moment written down. I just wanted to hear if anyone else have had the same kind of problem, post awakening. And how they dealt with it. I'm just irritated by my lack of drive. The drive I had some years ago, is almost gone. Or maybe not irritated by the lack of drive but maybe just annoyed that I set these goals that I don't live up to

Edited May 15, 2019 by traveler

[Inliytened1]

@traveler the goals themselves were just thoughts.   Every minute is a chance to start over.   Be present.

[purerogue]

31 minutes ago, traveler said:

This post was literally just my thoughts at the moment written down. I just wanted to hear if anyone else have had the same kind of problem, post awakening. And how they dealt with it. I'm just irritated by my lack of drive. The drive I had some years ago, is almost gone. Or maybe not irritated by the lack of drive but maybe just annoyed that I set these goals that I don't live up to

Yes , there are plenty of people who get in such problems. 

[DrewNows]

@traveler I’ve experienced this problem and it’s a sort of bypassing where you create conflicting beliefs in which you are operating with, you’re resisting yourself, judging yourself and attempting to embody an idea 

As purerogue says, drop all your knowledge and ideas of ego and enlightenment and simply learn about the mechanics of the mind without interfering with criticism. 

True change (surrender) will happen on its own 

Edited May 15, 2019 by DrewNows

[Inliytened1]

@Drake140 perhaps but he also stated he is feeling guilty about not fulfilling goals.  Guilt will cause massive suffering.  Paradoxically if he becomes more conscious he can transfer that suffering into Awakening.

[traveler]

6 hours ago, Truth Addict said:

@traveler

Change as much as possible about your lifestyle, flip it upside down for no reason.

Thank me later.

What are your thoughts behind this? 

[traveler]

4 hours ago, Drake140 said:

He wants to manage the ego, not just let go, this is a different thing i think. 

I don't know if I would say that I want to manage the ego. That may be the reason for my confusion though. I think my confusion also comes from the overload of spiritual "knowledge" that I've recieved over the past years. I think my ego uses spiritual videos and books to remain unconscious, and then uses all of the concepts to create a maze inside my head. I'm well aware of what is happening, but the question still seems really interesting to me. 

How do you guys approach such things. You seem to be pretty into this spiritual stuff (excuse my language). Do you train? eat healthy? do good things for your mind and body? or has the spiritual path lead you to a state of laziness and lack of energy/motivation to do anything at all? 

[Truth Addict]

10 minutes ago, traveler said:

What are your thoughts behind this? 

I don't want to say, because I think it will be counter-productive for you.

But if I am right, and your life is in the same routine, then I have a point.

[traveler]

4 hours ago, DrewNows said:

@traveler I’ve experienced this problem and it’s a sort of bypassing where you create conflicting beliefs in which you are operating with, you’re resisting yourself, judging yourself and attempting to embody an idea 

As purerogue says, drop all your knowledge and ideas of ego and enlightenment and simply learn about the mechanics of the mind without interfering with criticism. 

True change (surrender) will happen on its own 

This is great advice. Dropping all of the concepts of these things are easier said than done though. But I notice that the concepts are definitely prevalent in my though patterns, and are the main cause of the suffering I experience. 

[traveler]

4 hours ago, Inliytened1 said:

@Drake140 perhaps but he also stated he is feeling guilty about not fulfilling goals.  Guilt will cause massive suffering.  Paradoxically if he becomes more conscious he can transfer that suffering into Awakening.

I'm not in a deep state of suffering. I was a while back, which lead me down the spiritual path where I discovered myself. It's more the balance between the dual and the nondual that is hard to achieve I believe. I don't feel guilty, more just annoyed by the strength of the thought "why change anything, when the one who wants to change is idea of me and not really me." Which is kinda contradictory, as the voice who says this is the idea of me. Haha, fucking thought loops, there's no end to the creativity of the ego mind. 

[traveler]

3 minutes ago, Drake140 said:

For a long time i was like that, to either drop all that knowledge or stay with only that knowledge and nothing else, like money, work ect Trying to keep both was a real tough thing without claiming the other is wrong, but exposing yourself to the pressure with the mindset to keep both will let you see the connection after that you can do control you body(at least for me) and emotions to do the most mundane thing.

Yeah, it gets pretty damn tiring to be in your head all day. When I'm home I can relax and be mindful and all of that, but when I'm working it literally strips me of all my energy because there's old patterns of thinking and then the concepts of letting go and being present just doesn't help in those moments, they only make it worse. I work in a kindergarten, which is a pretty good place to work for spiritual growth and practice. Sometimes I can rest in awareness while being there and it's just beautiful to interact with the pure souls of the children and feel their love. But other times (often) you get gripped by your thoughts, and with the constant demand of attention from the kids and the loud screams and noise they make, it is almost impossible to find your way back to peace. I work 6 hours without a single break, and I'm just worn out after that. 

As you said I should probably just let this run its course, I don't feel like I have any control over it anyway.. hah