3 months fwb probably done, got me fucked up

[Gili Trawangan]

1 minute ago, SageModeAustin said:

@Shin i wouldn’t care if I had abundance? That’s such pickup garjin. I actually cared for this chick and had something and the rest was just hook-ups. Are you saying abundance in the sense of developing the same emotional connection level with all of them..then I wouldn’t care?? 

You're starting to get it. It really sounds like what you want is to establish a genuine connection with someone. What you need is an abundance of self-esteem, not abundance with women. You need to look within, take some time with it. You can start by reading this: http://therawness.com/reader_letters.pdf

It will take time to heal, but the solution is not out there in the world of pickup artistry, it's in facing your own demons.

[SageModeAustin]

@Shin I’ve hooked up with a girl with a bigger butt and it just made me miss Brooke more. I seriously doubt the abundance thing, when you say abundant are you talking like 15-30 girls? 

[Shin]

Yeah I also wanted to say something like that.

Dating and fucking a lot of girls isn't a real solution to this, because it doesn't fix the problem to the core.

I wouldn't say to ignore completely woman, but you need to focus way more on being secure by yourself in the inside.

That's what makes possible real maturity, true joy, confidence and strenght.

All those pick up artists are deeply wounded, you wouldn't care that much about having so much sex if you were fulfilled internally, they are NOT the guys you should admire.

Admire spiritual masters that have transcended sex and the need for it alongside relationship, because guess what, they still for the most part have beautiful wife ?

 

Edited May 30, 2019 by Shin

[Shin]

8 minutes ago, SageModeAustin said:

@Shin I’ve hooked up with a girl with a bigger butt and it just made me miss Brooke more. I seriously doubt the abundance thing, when you say abundant are you talking like 15-30 girls? 

You could have 200 of them that it wouldn't matter.

The problem isn't about having anything in the external world.

When I talked abundance earlier, I was talking more of the mindset.

I you know you are a catch, that you have all the qualities that a woman want, you don't care even if you don't have any other girl at that moment.

You know it's just a matter of time, and even then it gives you all the time to do what really matters to you, and as a man it's not women.

[sgn]

11 hours ago, SageModeAustin said:

In conclusion, is there anyway I can talk to you over something more convenient like Facebook messenger? There’s just so much context to this. Maybe I can even pay you or something there’s lots I want to discuss like how to get over this and accept the situation

Noooooo this is interesting to follow, keep it on the forum  lol

[Emerald]

1 hour ago, Gili Trawangan said:

Absolutely. That's putting it mildly.

I used to think like that too, just date more girls, have "abundance", that's what the pick-up jargon says. And it's true that it works to get you more sexual options. There's no arguing with that, pick-up will get a man laid if done correctly. But as you do that more and more it leads you further and further away from the possibility of developing a healthy relationship. I know because that happened to me. If what the OP wants is to get laid with many girls, by all means he can go ahead and take that advice, keep going to RSD and game girls. But if what the OP wants is a healthy relationship, he should start looking within into why he is always second guessing himself. What are the underlying issues that make him need "pick-up" skills? See, men who don't have psychological issues such as trauma or low self-esteem don't need to learn pick-up. The entire concept makes no sense to a well-rounded guy. "Why would I have to learn to attract women? I'm just the way I am and I naturally attract some women." Insecure guys go for pick-up because they don't have the inner confidence to attract women in the first place. It's this inner insecurity that needs to be addressed. OP needs to work on his self-esteem. Once that is sorted, he will stop agonizing about what he said wrong or what he didn't say to a particular girl.

Well said. That's exactly what I mean. From my POV, I'm not going to be attracted to a guy who's really into game because I crave authenticity, intimacy, and depth. And most guys who are in that phase of dating are just not compatible and aren't capable of that depth of feeling, and I feel it on them. 

But there is no doubt that with the RSD techniques, they'll have success in sleeping with women. They could get tons of women to sleep with them. But they'll be finding mostly the type of women who are at a similar level of development and trauma as them intimacy-wise. 

But they'll take their success as being a truism about all women (or even most women). When it's really not true, probably about 30%-40% of women are susceptible and are in their potential pool of hook-ups. But a woman who is looking for a deep relationship will register a guy who's doing that kind of thing as an indicator that he can't meet her where she needs to be met. And no attraction will blossom from it. 

And if a guy is (unbeknownst to himself) really looking for a deep connection, advertising that he's into pick-up and doing the pick-up strategies will be seen as disingenuous for a woman who is tuned into that brand of inauthenticity... which women encounter all the time. And so, she'll naturally sort him into the "nay" category. 

 

Edited May 30, 2019 by Emerald

[Emerald]

52 minutes ago, SageModeAustin said:

How can I let go of this

I keep imagining what I could’ve done if I didn’t take her to the rsd tour and how she was so into me before that

 

Also I had other options, abundance advice is overrated 

I agree. It's really showing you that you want a deep connection with a particular woman. In which case, you'd need to work on your sense of self worth a bit to have confidence... not trying to be "the confident guy" but just enough for you to feel comfortable being who you are... which is already enough. And just be authentic and have a great time while staying inside the lines socially. You can also learn a thing or two about what women generally respond to if things seem to be escalating. That's no problem.

But ditch cold approach and FWB situations and gaming techniques. As they won't be fulfilling for you or her. And you'll be finding women who are responsive to that, who are notoriously not very in touch with their feelings or intuition and don't have that "one person in particular" thing that you are capable of and have preference toward.

The problem is that you're a 'level 3' guy with mostly 'level 1' experience, using 'level 2' techniques which attract 'level 2' women. But level 2 women will hurt a level 3 guy who has level 1 experience because he is much more in touch with his emotions and is more mature than they are but also doesn't have experience to contrast with healthier relationships.

So, the levels represent development in regard to relationships. With level 1 being no experience and victim's mentality. Level 2 being about relatively shallow but exciting connections, mostly done to compensate for low self-worth. Level 3 being about sharing deeper levels of intimacy with another person.

You're oriented toward a more mature relationship naturally. But you don't have much experience and don't yet know how to make that happen. But the techniques that you're employing are not well-suited to finding the thing that you want because that advice is much more oriented toward abundance with level 2 women instead of depth with one particular level woman who is capable of meeting you where you're at. 

Instead try to build platonic relationships with women (through warm approach), and see where they go. And if you begin having feelings for a woman, then you can start some of the techniques. Not in a manipulative way, but moreso like curating the situation in a way.

And the thing is that women like warm approach a lot better. So, a woman who has feelings for you will like you in particular for being who you are. And you don't have to get granular about how you are or how you're expressing yourself.

[SageModeAustin]

So yeah it’s whatever, I really digged her but she’s got a lot of issues. Like a lot. She’s been drug raped before and her dad left her so I tried doing some communication and it helped for a bit but she’s just not ready with the place she’s in and I just need to move on

[Gili Trawangan]

7 minutes ago, SageModeAustin said:

So yeah it’s whatever, I really digged her but she’s got a lot of issues. Like a lot. She’s been drug raped before and her dad left her so I tried doing some communication and it helped for a bit but she’s just not ready with the place she’s in and I just need to move on

This is the last thing I'll tell you, ignore it at your own peril. If she has a lot of issues and you were so terribly attracted to her, that means YOU have a lot of issues. We are attracted to people at our own emotional level of development. I've been where you are now, not so long ago. You have inner work to do, man.

[SageModeAustin]

1 hour ago, Emerald said:

I agree. It's really showing you that you want a deep connection with a particular woman. In which case, you'd need to work on your sense of self worth a bit to have confidence... not trying to be "the confident guy" but just enough for you to feel comfortable being who you are... which is already enough. And just be authentic and have a great time while staying inside the lines socially. You can also learn a thing or two about what women generally respond to if things seem to be escalating. That's no problem.

But ditch cold approach and FWB situations and gaming techniques. As they won't be fulfilling for you or her. And you'll be finding women who are responsive to that, who are notoriously not very in touch with their feelings or intuition and don't have that "one person in particular" thing that you are capable of and have preference toward.

The problem is that you're a 'level 3' guy with mostly 'level 1' experience, using 'level 2' techniques which attract 'level 2' women. But level 2 women will hurt a level 3 guy who has level 1 experience because he is much more in touch with his emotions and is more mature than they are but also doesn't have experience to contrast with healthier relationships.

So, the levels represent development in regard to relationships. With level 1 being no experience and victim's mentality. Level 2 being about relatively shallow but exciting connections, mostly done to compensate for low self-worth. Level 3 being about sharing deeper levels of intimacy with another person.

You're oriented toward a more mature relationship naturally. But you don't have much experience and don't yet know how to make that happen. But the techniques that you're employing are not well-suited to finding the thing that you want because that advice is much more oriented toward abundance with level 2 women instead of depth with one particular level woman who is capable of meeting you where you're at. 

Instead try to build platonic relationships with women (through warm approach), and see where they go. And if you begin having feelings for a woman, then you can start some of the techniques. Not in a manipulative way, but moreso like curating the situation in a way.

And the thing is that women like warm approach a lot better. So, a woman who has feelings for you will like you in particular for being who you are. And you don't have to get granular about how you are or how you're expressing yourself.

@Emerald again very interesting insight because you are right. I’ve never been in a relationship before. Nothing real. It’s alwaysbbeen hookups so your basically saying I’m “level 3” in terms of getting laid but “level 1” in terms of cultivating a real meaningful deep relationship right? So all I have to do is inner work and learning the dynamics of a real relationship? 

 

Edited May 30, 2019 by SageModeAustin

[SageModeAustin]

@Gili Trawangan what do you mean ignore it at my own peril? Also in terms of inner work. I DO do that. Transformation mastery, meditation, therapy 1x a week, journaling, deepest fear exercises. I definitely doninner work, but it doesn’t do shiit. It’s like I know why I’m fucked up but nothing changes. It’s like ok I know I’m a bird, but I’m still a bird 

Edited May 30, 2019 by SageModeAustin

[Gili Trawangan]

1 hour ago, Emerald said:

Well said. That's exactly what I mean. From my POV, I'm not going to be attracted to a guy who's really into game because I crave authenticity, intimacy, and depth. And most guys who are in that phase of dating are just not compatible and aren't capable of that depth of feeling, and I feel it on them. 

But there is no doubt that with the RSD techniques, they'll have success in sleeping with women. They could get tons of women to sleep with them. But they'll be finding mostly the type of women who are at a similar level of development and trauma as them intimacy-wise. 

But they'll take their success as being a truism about all women (or even most women). When it's really not true, probably about 30%-40% of women are susceptible and are in their potential pool of hook-ups. But a woman who is looking for a deep relationship will register a guy who's doing that kind of thing as an indicator that he can't meet her where she needs to be met. And no attraction will blossom from it. 

And if a guy is (unbeknownst to himself) really looking for a deep connection, advertising that he's into pick-up and doing the pick-up strategies will be seen as disingenuous for a woman who is tuned into that brand of inauthenticity... which women encounter all the time. And so, she'll naturally sort him into the "nay" category. 

 

Agreed. I used to make assumptions about all women based on the women I had dated. I thought, because there were many of them, that I had a sufficient sample size to be able to draw conclusions. I was obviously wrong, precisely because of what you say here.

[Emerald]

4 minutes ago, SageModeAustin said:

@Emerald again very interesting insight because you are right. I’ve never been in a relationship before. Nothing real. It’s alwaysbbeen hookups so your basically saying I’m “level 3” in terms of getting laid but “level 1” in terms of cultivating a real meaningful deep relationship right? 

 

No, you're level 3 in your orientation toward more mature relationships, but coming up from level 1 in terms of your experiences. But perhaps you're more level 2 in the way of experiences if you've had hookups and all that. So, that was maybe a bit of a mistake on my part. 

So, the emotional maturity is there because your heart is more open, but it seems you have doubts and probably would have a hard time imagining a woman that meets you where you are because you've experienced only hookups. Hookups really only work for those at level 2 who aren't very open or those who are just experimenting. If you're level 3 experiencing the level 2 world, eventually you'll desire something deeper. Too much uncertainty and drama and blah-ness at level 2. Men and women at 2, really tend to despise eachother at that level.

 

[SageModeAustin]

1 hour ago, Shin said:

 

I you know you are a catch, that you have all the qualities that a woman want, you don't care even if you don't have any other girl at that moment.

 

you're saying this is the correct mindset to have? This is what you mean by abundance? 

[SageModeAustin]

3 minutes ago, Emerald said:

No, you're level 3 in your orientation toward more mature relationships, but coming up from level 1 in terms of your experiences. But perhaps you're more level 2 in the way of experiences if you've had hookups and all that. So, that was maybe a bit of a mistake on my part. 

So, the emotional maturity is there because your heart is more open, but it seems you have doubts and probably would have a hard time imagining a woman that meets you where you are because you've experienced only hookups. Hookups really only work for those at level 2 who aren't very open or those who are just experimenting. If you're level 3 experiencing the level 2 world, eventually you'll desire something deeper. Too much uncertainty and drama and blah-ness at level 2. Men and women at 2, really tend to despise eachother at that level.

 

Men and women at 2, really tend to despise eachother at that level. Is this because insecurities are projected onto each other the deeper the relationship develops?

Also you say that my emotional maturity is there because my heart is more open? Doesn't this just make me needy? Emotional maturity is a big word and personally, I certainly do not think I'm there..my emotions are all over the place 

[Emerald]

35 minutes ago, SageModeAustin said:

Men and women at 2, really tend to despise eachother at that level. Is this because insecurities are projected onto each other the deeper the relationship develops?

Also you say that my emotional maturity is there because my heart is more open? Doesn't this just make me needy? Emotional maturity is a big word and personally, I certainly do not think I'm there..my emotions are all over the place 

The 'neediness' seems to come from emotional investment that isn't returned. So, you're in the deep end hoping that she'll meet you there. This comes up naturally as a byproduct of being emotionally invested and wanting the other to be just as invested. Everyone feels this way, and that's normal. The problem with it comes more from interacting with partners who are unable to meet you in that depth, and the incongruence can be quite nerve-wrecking.

Now, there should perhaps be some skills developed for how to express that degree fo emotional investment openly and honestly in a way that doesn't burden another person or go over their boundaries. And getting practice with being able to give space and detach. So, in this way there is not a maturity.

But the desire for emotional connection and depth and intimacy that you have takes some maturity to develop. Many people end up desiring sex and excitement, which is quite easy. But it's harder to remain open and vulnerable and in touch with the emotions.

So, it comes down to being oriented in a more mature way but expressing that which comes from that orientation in a way that's not tactful. Also, not being able to read the cues intuitively as to who is and isn't capable of meeting you where you are. And this is where the lack of experience comes in.

So, the depth is very mature. The other things are not so much.

But it seems you're trying to fix the mature and authentic part to fit more in with the schema that you've learned and others operating under that schema.

Instead, you should focus toward women who are capable of going to the same depths as you are and who desire depth and intimacy. It takes a bit longer to simmer, but it's infinitely more fulfilling to be with such a partner.

 

Edited May 30, 2019 by Emerald

[SageModeAustin]

@EmeraldSo you think that I shouldn’t have said what I said to her? I said all of those things in that last text because I knew it was done and I didn’t want to close the chapter with any misinterpreted doors so to speak for her own good and mine. Yes I crossed her boundaries which is why she was so disgusted by my response, but does that mean I’m wrong with what I said? Did I do the right thing in the end? 

 

And again you surprise me with every response you give back. It’s actually insane how insightful you are. I’d go as far as to say your like the Sherlock Holmes of this

Edited May 30, 2019 by SageModeAustin

[whoareyou]

@SageModeAustin You did absolutely nothing wrong by bringing up RSD or bringing her on the tour. That is not a deal breaker in any way.

The deal breakers are:

Neediness, insecurities, not being confident, and not fucking her well.

If you were:

A confident, grounded, congruent, dominant, and sexy man - she would not go anywhere, even if you brought up RSD 100 times.

Work on becoming that man and don't try to hide who you are.

[SageModeAustin]

@whoareyou lol. I fucked her well. Yes I know how to make a girl orgasm, most guys think they know how blah blah blah, but trust me we’ve had plenty of hot orgasmic sex. Alright I got needy towards the end, insecurities is on both ends not just me. Trust me on that. I was confident, just not with the rsd shit. I could’ve been more grounded and owned up to it but yeah

Edited May 30, 2019 by SageModeAustin

[Emerald]

1 hour ago, SageModeAustin said:

@EmeraldSo you think that I shouldn’t have said what I said to her? I said all of those things in that last text because I knew it was done and I didn’t want to close the chapter with any misinterpreted doors so to speak for her own good and mine. Yes I crossed her boundaries which is why she was so disgusted by my response, but does that mean I’m wrong with what I said? Did I do the right thing in the end? 

And again you surprise me with every response you give back. It’s actually insane how insightful you are. I’d go as far as to say your like the Sherlock Holmes of this

I don't think you should hold anything back. But you should have been more up front and had the interaction in person. Now, I know she wouldn't have wanted it at that point. But women appreciate it when a guy is up front about these things. Now, if there is an incongruence in feeling... or even capability to feel, there will be issues. She will probably feel uncomfortable. So, be mindful of that. But just be more open with communication in general and own how you feel without worrying about neediness. Because it is only you being needy that makes you care about expressing emotion and potentially showing neediness in the first place. 

Basically, be real and be confident that you will attract some women just by being how you are. And avoid the dealbreakers. That's all you really need to do to attract the right woman. But if you want abundance and excitement, then do the stuff.

Also, don't listen to the guy who just posted. For most women, bringing them to an RSD event would at least be a red flag and for many a deal breaker.

Now, I'm not saying you couldn't find anyone who's okay with it. But by and large, most women at least have a bad taste in their mouths about it.