Mirror, Mirror

[tsuki]

10 hours ago, DrewNows said:

@tsukiwhat do you think? Is it possible to bypass shadow work and looking at past memories by understanding thought-self? 

And understanding psychological time? 

For me, personally, understanding of the psychological self came first and shadow work second.
The former is the set of observation skills that let you notice the workings of the psychological self while they are occurring.
The latter is about solving the core problems that make the psychological self do things in the first place.

These two interlock because without observation you are trying to solve problems you cannot see and you have no material to work with.
Without shadow work, you are perpetually struck in correcting yourself from meta-perspective and basically developing a new psychological self on a higher level. 

11 hours ago, DrewNows said:

I’ve been cultivating a lot of anger recalling old memories. I was spoiled by my mother and my parents separated. I had a childhood living in my own world of distractions from their fighting. I grew up to have 0 respect for my mother. I still remember the one time my mom slapped me I was probably around 14-15 and she may have saw my father in me. I became reliant on her in life. Eventually hate turned onto my dad when I was finally able to see him for who he is. Controlling narcissistic ignorant alcoholic stubborn military man unable to form deep friendships 

11 hours ago, DrewNows said:

For most of my adult life I’ve used distractions/escapes to cope with my pain. My relationships have been the biggest source of pain. One memory I recall after my mother left my dad, we my bro and I were visiting him as young teenagers on one of his weekends. My mom came to get us and she’d already been living with another guy for years and my dad and her just went into his bedroom and shut the door assuming we were distracted. I couldn’t even call them out on her cheating and I didn’t even know how to see it. 

It is said that your relationship with your mother and with your father form the basis for your relationships with women and men respectively. They are something of a template, archetype, through which you perceive other people. You bring this to the table when you interact with them, so to speak. These archetypes are called Anima (feminine) and Animus (masculine) and I think that you could benefit from learning about them.

Apart from that, looking into the overall narrative of your intimate relationships could cast some light on what could be done to minimize the pain. As cruel as this may sound, unless you own the responsibility to develop your psychology - you may be attracted to partners that will hurt you. This mechanism should not be viewed as self-loathing or sabotage of any sort, but your intuition being desperate to communicate the need to heal and providing you with means to self-reflect.

Edited May 18, 2019 by tsuki

[tsuki]

 

[DrewNows]

@tsuki thanks man ?

it seems as though I’ve done the shadow work up until a certain point. May be best I rattle my cage productively in the future (in action) as this video suggests 

however I know it is going to be hell (seems this could be a useful acceptance approach). My triggered subconscious absolutely destroys situations I fear to be uncertain 

I don’t see any other option than to expect pain or at least anticipate it and see how possible it is to work through it. That last part you wrote holds a lot of value 

thanks again, surely I’ll be back with more projections 

 

[DrewNows]

Something else I’ve realised is these things will never be as bad as they sound but not as easy as described ?it’s so nice to get the fear out at least 

[mandyjw]

12 hours ago, DrewNows said:

When it becomes detrimental to oneself and loved ones then it is the issue. Suppressed emotions and not delegating responsibilities is the issue 

I have the same feelings about my mom, actually.  I feel like she thinks I'm a bad mother to my own kids because I'm more focused on myself than she was, but at the same time I feel like I'm at battle with myself, I'm not happy in my self sacrificing and I'm feeling guilty when I'm not.

I found this video to be really helpful to me right now. 

 

 

[mandyjw]

@tsuki This book, sitting on his bookshelf in that video really got my attention and sent me on an Easter egg hunt. It's on a subject I've been really trying to figure out lately.  

https://www.amazon.com/God-Red-Native-Religion-Anniversary/dp/1555914985/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=God+is+red&qid=1558177477&s=gateway&sr=8-1

 

[DrewNows]

@mandyjw I bet it’s difficult as a mom to even remember half the time to make the extra effort for yourself when you automatically have your kids needs on the plate. Much respect to you for doing it. I think moms often take one extreme or the other out of fear of failing themselves or their kids. The mistake is in action from fear 

 ? change not possible w/out self love 

[Wisebaxter]

Thanks for posting this on here @Zigzag Idiot Matt Kahn's version of shadow work is simply to recognise and love our inner child and to not ignore it while we focus on these lofty spiritual sentiments while it gets left behind and ignored. So I wouldn't say he argues against shadow work as such. He stresses the point that it has to be a loving approach where we compliment ourselves, no matter what we do, realising that even a seemingly heinous act is a cry for help from a part of ourselves that hasn't been acknowledged. Actually, in another video he goes even further and says it's a cry from the collective consciousness which needs healing. The act or judgement etc didn't even come from us as there is no 'us' in an individualistic sense, which all of us know here. This also helps us not to feel ashamed. Here's the video where he mentions it:

A lot of spiritual teachings advocate a form of ego shaming where the ego is seen as being evil etc. He says this isn't helpful as it's actual denying what needs to be recognised and healed. I can say that from having carried out the practice of 'loving whatever arises' he teaches (check out his book of the same title, it's awesome) it really does work. He says the universe won't deliver the deepest spiritual awakenings until be can become purely heart-centred and heal all of our pain through acknowledgement and love. Some of his other practices are: Going out and blessing everyone that passes you with 'may you be blessed' which heals their hearts and our own and saying 'I love you' to ourselves over and over whenever pain arises - place your hand on the area that feels uncomfortable, or on your heart, which is the centre of the universe

I've cut down on my spiritual checklist now massively and I'm only really using Matt's teachings for the time being (at least until my shadow is integrated) which are simple, direct and practical. I've neglected loving myself for years due to feeling that the people who should have loved me, didn't. I had no idea that I was perpetuating my own suffering by denying myself this love. Everything is changing for me now. My anxiety levels have gone down, I'm more at peace, and I no longer hide from any pain that arises.

He says that a lot of people collect spiritual knowledge and find it hard to progress on the path. I was one of those people. We really need to unite the mind and the heart.

Matt is amazing. A very interesting character too. Says he was visited by angels when he was 8. Even if it's hard to take on board some of the more 'woo woo' claims sometimes, I can't deny his teachings just..work. Here's an interesting image I downloaded from his Facebook, which really resonates with me somehow. He says he was in a church or something looking at an image of Jesus and he suddenly received what he referred to as a 'Christ consciousness upgrade.' Notice the little orbs behind him. He says they're the angelic enlightened masters that have followed him around since he was 8. The best thing about it for me is, he's still clutching a shopping bag, containing what he says is a very expensive olive oil one of the comments read 'wow Matt, I think it was the Olive oil that triggered this upgrade, as its such a pure substance 

 

Edited May 18, 2019 by Wisebaxter

[Zigzag Idiot]

1 hour ago, Wisebaxter said:

Matt is amazing. A very interesting character too. Says he was visited by angels when he was 8. Even if it's hard to take on board some of the more 'out there' claims of his, I can't deny his teachings just..work.

Just finished watching. Woo Woo doesn't spook me off. It just goes into the 'what if' category. Especially when it comes from someone who has some degree of credibility like Him. I found his mention of 5d Reality very interesting along with the idea of ascension being a metaphor for activation of a higher body and disappearance of the ego.  I forget the term he used for higher body.

[Wisebaxter]

@Zigzag Idiot yeah man, well put. To be honest since experiencing some crazy stuff myself (synchronicity, infinite love) I'm far more open to anything now. Sometimes the voice of the old me pipes up out of the blue and says 'really?' I come from a materialistic background so it's just old wiring, but my heart tells a different story. Glad your digging his videos. I can't stop watching them. He's doing a 2 day event just up the road from me in London right now. So wish I was there. My ex decided to buy a ticket so she's going. I'm having to love this feeling of jealousy that's arising in me now lol 

[DrewNows]

what is with the minds need to know why it is the way it is. to justify its situation and actions, and perspective. Silly i was using this journal to reflect and judge instead of only mirror

 

@tsukiIve been doing some more contemplation on the subject of shadow work and self reflection in relation to the observation of thought-self. 

With the observation of thought/self shifting to the attention of the whole, keeping alertness, this seems to be a constant learning and creating outside of the programming as the solution in of itself. Doing the self reflection and shadow work can easily drag me back into identification with thought-self  divided leading to its perpetuation and inevitable pain. 

Edited May 19, 2019 by DrewNows

[Zigzag Idiot]

4 hours ago, DrewNows said:

With the observation of thought/self shifting to the attention of the whole, keeping alertness, this seems to be a constant learning and creating outside of the programming as the solution in of itself. Doing the self reflection and shadow work can easily drag me back into identification with thought-self  divided leading to its perpetuation and inevitable pain. 

What you said reminded me of one my favorite quotes from Cynthia Bourgealts book

“The repetitive motion of finding oneself through Identification (even true and worthy descriptions) keeps the being energy just below the critical velocity needed to escape the gravitational field of narrative selfhood.”

 

 

[DrewNows]

@Zigzag Idiot that’s a beautiful quote  

[tsuki]

7 hours ago, DrewNows said:

@tsukiIve been doing some more contemplation on the subject of shadow work and self reflection in relation to the observation of thought-self. 

With the observation of thought/self shifting to the attention of the whole, keeping alertness, this seems to be a constant learning and creating outside of the programming as the solution in of itself. Doing the self reflection and shadow work can easily drag me back into identification with thought-self divided leading to its perpetuation and inevitable pain. 

I don't think that it is possible to 'fix' the psychological self through understanding its mechanics, seeing the parts that interact with each other. There is nothing that can be introduced to make this thing work 'as intended', in a self-loving way. The only way is to break this mechanism altogether and see what happens then.

I think that the mind works the way it does because it constantly tries to stitch the heart back together, not realizing that it cannot be done this way. The heart will mend itself through conscious suffering, if we're only going to let it bleed and weep for a while. If the heart ever demands something to heal itself, it is always just a few inches away. and we're naturally attracted to it.

It is not meant to say that the mind is somehow a villain, on the contrary. It can do extraordinary things if we just let it stop trying to fix the heart. It can even take the control over if we're not willing to face the suffering and trick itself into believing impossible things, just to give us momentary relief we're asking for.

Edited May 20, 2019 by tsuki

[DrewNows]

@tsuki that makes more sense. Shadow work and healing trauma is clearly not just an intellectual process done with the mind if I understand correctly. 

I still have a little trouble understanding the distinction between heart and mind, sounds like heart is of feeling and awareness aspect though. 

Why’s there more left to do once the mechanism is broken? Is it because there is stored trauma with shadows and what not that will come out? Or really that the mind will continue to have the cunning ability to take the ranes? 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[tsuki]

1 hour ago, DrewNows said:

@tsuki that makes more sense. Shadow work and healing trauma is clearly not just an intellectual process done with the mind if I understand correctly. 

It is definitely not just an intellectual process.

1 hour ago, DrewNows said:

I still have a little trouble understanding the distinction between heart and mind, sounds like heart is of feeling and awareness aspect though. 

My view is that the heart and the mind are two separate 'circuits' of understanding. Thoughts/mind relate the objects of perception to knowledge and culture, while feelings/heart is something more original, spontaneous. It does not look for the acceptance of others, but it is not acting against them. The heart does not communicate discursively like thoughts, it is felt in the whole body. It has something to do with authenticity and honesty. If it speaks, it speaks in metaphors and riddles that you only understand retrospectively. It's like a capricious little kid sometimes.

1 hour ago, DrewNows said:

Why’s there more left to do once the mechanism is broken? Is it because there is stored trauma with shadows and what not that will come out? Or really that the mind will continue to have the cunning ability to take the ranes? 

Well, if you stop trying to stitch the heart together, it is still broken and clouded by shadows. You cannot trust your feelings with a heart like that, you have to purify it. It is not the mind's fault that you're acting like a devil - you're hurt and you're trying to react to it in all the wrong ways.

The point is, I think, to supply your mind with correct knowledge and purify your heart from shadows so that you have two separate circuits of understanding/judgement. If you have a mind that is right and a heart that is pure, then you can recognize what your intuition is and start being guided by the two wisely.

I don't think that there is ever an end to shadow work, just as there is never an end to learning. One perfects the heart and the other perfects the mind. It's not just about your personal shadows, there are also collective ones. I'm not sure if you can get rid of those on your own, but you're still subject to them.

Edited May 20, 2019 by tsuki

[DrewNows]

9 minutes ago, tsuki said:

Well, if you stop trying to stitch the heart together, it is still broken and clouded by shadows. You cannot trust your feelings with a heart like that, you have to purify it. It is not the mind's fault that you're acting like a devil - you're hurt and you're trying to react to it in all the wrong ways.

The point is, I think, to supply your mind with correct knowledge and purify your heart from shadows so that you have two separate circuits of understanding/judgement. If you have a mind that is right and a heart that is pure, then you can recognize what your intuition is and start being guided by the two wisely.

I don't think that there is ever an end to shadow work, just as there is never an end to learning. One perfects the mind and the other perfects the heart. It's not just about your personal shadows, there are also collective ones too. I'm not sure if you can get rid of those on your own.

So basically you speak of healing pieces of the self by allowing and not trying to change. I don’t think there needs to be a perfect form other than the authenticity and vulnerability/honesty in being 

 

explaining the heart or intuition as that capricious little kid requiring retrospection really speaks to me haha 

appreciate the clarity and wisdom 

 

 

[mandyjw]

@DrewNows Daddy is so smart and capable isn't he? 

[DrewNows]

5 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

@DrewNows Daddy is so smart and capable isn't he? 

Haha haha not sure I follow

 

[mandyjw]

You think Tsuki can help you with this but I can't. I'm your Mommy and he is your Daddy. 

Who started this journal? Who gave you life?